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|06-21-2011, 08:00 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Grateful but still smarting
Join Date: May 2009
Blog Entries: 24
Step 3 is making me sick!
As I answer the Step Three questions in my journal, look up definitions and think about "God", I am experiencing panic, racing heartbeat, and a sick stomach. Wow! I am shocked at how deeply I am reacting to simply facing the idea of "God" or a Higher Power. I didn't realize I had such deep issues of fear and resentment around this concept.
I've always considered myself a spiritual person, so this is knocking me for a loop that simply thinking about the concept is so very stressful to me. When I first got into recovery, my first sponsor led me the way she'd been led, and boom boom boom, I was through the first three steps. This time, I am delving deeper, I've been clean longer, and am capable of a deeper level of honesty. I am shocked at what I am discovering about myself and my feelings and ideas. I am shocked at the depth of self will and how terrified I am of letting go of my perceived control of things, even though intellectually, I know I am NOT in control.
I am willing to be willing...but I am not yet willing. sigh
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|08-15-2011, 01:53 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2011
Step 3 was a rough one for me. I believe strongly in G-D in a Religious sense. Turning my will over to the care of, leads me right into Religion. I had 2 months clean when I worked that step and had/still have reservations about leading a strictly Religious lifestyle. I hemmed and hawed for a while with step 3, until my sponsor said that it could be interpreted as "a willingness to move foward with the steps." Kind of seemed like a cop out to me, but I'm certainly no expert.
|09-09-2011, 09:18 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Jackson MS
Aside from the insanity of the addictive mind, i actually am finding out that i have a very logical mind and that just cuz i desperately believe something doesnt mean im going to honestly believe it from the bottom of my heart. Has anyone else had this problem?
|09-09-2011, 11:10 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Initially, I was so desperate to recover, I threw myself into "following the leader" when it came to the "God" thing. I tried prayer and did what I thought everyone else was doing (those who stayed clean and was recovering). I understood that as long as I stayed open-minded to the concept of a Power greater than myself, everything would become clearer. And it did.
As I got a deeper sense of honesty and humility, I concluded that my HP (or God) was far greater than any organized belief system (religion) I'd been taught of and that there were many (loving & caring) powers greater than myself that could restore me to sanity...so why not allow them to?
The spiritual principles contained in the 12 Steps are a power greater than me and in step 3 all I have to do is make a decision to turn my will and my life over to them. How I begin to work the 3rd Step is by following up that decision with the action of working the remaining steps.
"We are never forced into relapse. We are given a choice. Relapse is never an accident." - Basic Text, 5th Ed.
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