Step 3

[Doug]

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

[Gmoney]

The 3rd Step requires us to practice willingness, open-mindedness, and surrender. We need to use the same open-mindedness we developed in the previous step (Step Two), and build upon our newfound faith that the same Power that can restore us to sanity, can also care for our lives. Our willingness is expressed through the decision we make, and surrender is practiced when we allow our Higher Power to guide us (instead of trying to dictate outcomes). It is through the practice of these principles that we work the Third Step. Very often, we will summarize the Third Step by simply saying, “Let go and let God.”

That slogan is easy to say, but harder to live by. The problem of will (self-will or God’s will) is going to constantly be a difficult matter for many of us because it usually isn’t until we have experienced enough confusion and emotional pain, exhausting all attempts to fix ourselves (and others), that we become willing to surrender to whatever God’s will is for our lives.

When we make the personal decision to allow a loving Higher Power to direct us (especially if we are thorough and sincere), that direction generally reveals itself in the inner wisdom we call our conscience. Our values and standards begin to change when we follow our Higher Power’s guidance. The results of decisions based on pride, ego and self-will are often pain, confusion, fear, guilt or anger. The results of following our inner wisdom are peace, joy, serenity and contentment. The more we practice “letting go” and “turning it over,” the better we’re able to feel what God’s will is for us. We learn to trust our gut.

We can always “turn it over” again and again, if we struggle. The proof of this step is shown in the way we live.

[chancho9965]

In the fellowship of NA we emphasize "simplicity is key", so, why all this psycho-babble, super spiritual jargon? this step is the most spoken of yet the least understood, certainly the most difficult to live.
Im a literalist, which means that after taking a 3rd Step my life is no longer my buisness. Period. I love AA's Big Book (mother fellowship btw) pages on the this step. If I find myself in conflict with someone or somebody I need to know that Im living my life on self-will. My whole program is glued together on this step of allowing God to be God and me just be His child.............

[Gmoney]

so, why all this psycho-babble, super spiritual jargon?

What is simple for some, may be very difficult for others. I fail to see where anything I shared was "psycho-babble" or "super spiritual." And yes...in NA we often say that simplicity is the key, yet nothing I shared conflicts with NA literature. In fact, my share is a result of it. And since I, too, am very literal, I find that NA's teachings are far more realistic than "after taking a 3rd Step my life is no longer my buisness." If anything, that's the real "super spiritual" garbage. I don't know about you, but my HP isn't going to live my life for me just because I took a 3rd step. Step 3 talks about making a decision - I make the decision and I have to follow it up.

I love AA's Big Book (mother fellowship btw) pages on the this step.

Well...good for you! But what I wonder is why anyone would come to the NA forum to say that? Africa is the "mother" of mankind, but this isn't Africa. If your insinuation is that AA's literature is somehow "better" and that we NA people need to remember where the 12 steps come from...you're picking a fight that puts a foot in your own mouth:

If I find myself in conflict with someone or somebody I need to know that Im living my life on self-will. My whole program is glued together on this step of allowing God to be God and me just be His child.............

I suppose God told you to do it? LOL!!!

[Missybuns]

(mother fellowship btw)

interesting...I'm familiar with both AA and NA and have not once in my 5 years of membership heard that.

I have heard "brother fellowship"

I have also heard "big brother" and even "uncle" in reference to relationships between AA and NA.....but never "mother" until today in the above quote.


For me the third step is centered in making a decision.

cide= to kill
de= between two

This means that when I choose one way (to work the rest of the steps as they are written), the other way (my way) dies off.

When I decide to turn over my will, a power greater than me that I began believing in with the previous step 2, gives me the courage strength and guidance I need to apply honesty, open-mindedness and willingness along my journey through the rest of the steps.

Peace,
Missybuns

[Gmoney]

From Step 3 in IWH&W:

"If we want something - a job, an education, recovery - we have to make the effort to get it. Our Higher Power will take care of our spiritual needs, but we have to participate in our own lives; we can't simply sit back and expect God to do everything. We are responsible for our recovery...We try to align our actions with what we believe our Higher Power would want for us, and then deal with life as it happens."

As the NA Basic Text tells us, the word decision implies action. The decision is based on faith.

I think it is mentioned in a NAWS bulletin that AA is our "parent" fellowship, but that really is irrelevent because our programs aren't identical - nor do they have to be. I just find it funny that some like to throw AA in NA members faces for, IMO, silly reasons.

[NoelleR]

For me, this step is one of the simplest, and I could even say easiest, steps to work. I believe someone earlier compared themselves to a literalist, but this is exactly what I am, especially when it comes to my recovery, and it's how my sponsor showed me the steps.....literally.

For me, it doesn't matter how anybody else has worked the steps, only that I work them.........for me.

......and I work them as they are written (quite literlly). I love what the NA Basic Text says about the 3rd Step...........: "...The Third Step does not say, 'We turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.' It says, 'We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.' We made the decision, it was not made for us..."

Yes, I know that most folks, in working this step, incorporate a prayer and actually do turn their will and their lives over.....BUT, not me. I do believe that this decision needs to be followed by action, but for me that action is jumping right into the 4th Step. I sometimes wonder if some folks maybe make this step so difficult and/or complicated simply because they may be trying to put off working on their 4th Step........??.....eh.....?

I am now going to paraphrase an old AA speaker (so, since this is the NA Step Study Forum, I am asking forgiveness in advance.....). I've always loved this Priest's simple way of looking at the first three steps.....He always said.....they're simple....1) There's a problem; 2) There's a solution; and 3) I get to decide which I want. .....and this is always what I've wanted for my recovery................SIMPLE (o:


NoelleR

[2ala2]

I prefer not to get into such arguments. I do, however, question your motive chancho9965 in posting your AA 'babble' in an NA forum.
I love AA, and I have AA issues, but I believe this is not the place for them.

[Gmoney]

No forgiveness required, IMO, NoelleR. I think there's a huge difference between referring to an experience (whatever it is) and comparing fellowships/programs in a negative way.

On a calmer note: I once heard an oldtimer ask - "If three members sat on a fence and two make a decision to jump off...how many members will be left sitting on the fence?"

Ans: 3 - the 2 only decided...not jumped.

[Jazzed_N_AZ]

Originally Posted by chancho9965

In the fellowship of NA we emphasize "simplicity is key", so, why all this psycho-babble, super spiritual jargon? this step is the most spoken of yet the least understood, certainly the most difficult to live.
Im a literalist, which means that after taking a 3rd Step my life is no longer my buisness. Period. I love AA's Big Book (mother fellowship btw) pages on the this step. If I find myself in conflict with someone or somebody I need to know that Im living my life on self-will. My whole program is glued together on this step of allowing God to be God and me just be His child.............

Nuff Said ! ! !

[Wolfchild]

This step was a bit scary for me because of my many issues with God. i had been taught many things about God, but had not bothered to ever get an understanding of God for myself. Fear kept me stuck for a few minutes until a few people reminded me that if i made a decision, it would allow me to find out who/what God is. It would open the door for a cooperative relationship to begin that would give me the freedom to ask for help when needed.

Somewhere in the middle of this step i began to see that this decision had nothing to do with my past being turned over to God. It was asking me if i would be willing to make that decision about my life today. Acting on my self will had produced so many conflicts with others and myself that it was no problem at all to see that this was the best choice possible. These two are both necessary to make a decision about so that my whole life can be committed to this spiritual way of living. Nothing held back and always moving forward.

As i continue to make this decision, i find that today is all i have to give to God. i do what i know is right, take a few safe risks, and leave the results in God's hands. The evidence i use to strengthen this surrender is that i have never stayed clean this long by myself. It's a trusting relationship that continues to develope. It produces hope within me that God will take care of me no matter what and that He will continue to help me to learn how to live.

[Gmoney]

My 1st sponsor would say:

"How we work a 3rd step is easy...we do it by working steps 4 thru 12."

[Missybuns]

take a few safe risks

ok wolfchild...safe risk? how is it a risk if it's safe?

LOL hmmmm?

[Gmoney]

Lol!!

[Wolfchild]

Perhaps a poor choice of wording?

Let's try, "Doing something new despite the feeling of fear", "Having faith in someone i've never met before", "Taking a new committment that will require additional effort", "Relying on God instead of relying on my self will", etc..., etc..., etc...

What can i say...i still like a good challenge now and then!

[ashleek]

I have a really hard time with this. I am clean nine days now. I am still going through some withdraws from opiates and have no energy and so working the steps have been kinda far from my mind lately. I just wanted to say that I feel so guilty sometimes like I don't deserve God to take care of me, look at how much I have screwed up how could he love me again. I want a relationship with God I just don't know how to get it!

[Missybuns]

Welcome Ashleek!

At nine days into detox I suggest you do just two things.

1 don't use
2 pay attention

Starting at step one with a sponsor will give you some relief. A thorough step one that includes reading the literature and writing about how it applies to you personally will put you right into step 2....each step, when taken without a minimum of concern leads right up to and prepares us for the next.

I remember when I looked at various steps before I got to them, I got discouraged and projected all kinds of stuff that distracted me.

For now just don't use and start educating yourself about your addiction.
Since you are in this forum I am going to assume you are willing to go to 12 step meetings, get a sponsor and take the steps....so...

make some meetings

and remember,

1. don't use
2. pay attention

Peace,
Missy

[ashleek]

I do want to go to meetings and get a sponsor. I am scared to do that because this is such a small town and the meetings here I just don't know. I do want to work the steps and thankfully I fell upon this site. I needed this because I was starting to feel alone and a little scared. That little devil has been on my shoulder a couple of times but I just flicked him right off. Just be patient with me everyone and help me through these hard times. I appreciate any feedback, I need it!!

[blujason]

Originally Posted by NoelleR

For me, this step is one of the simplest, and I could even say easiest, steps to work. I believe someone earlier compared themselves to a literalist, but this is exactly what I am, especially when it comes to my recovery, and it's how my sponsor showed me the steps.....literally.

......and I work them as they are written (quite literlly). I love what the NA Basic Text says about the 3rd Step...........: "...The Third Step does not say, 'We turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.' It says, 'We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.' We made the decision, it was not made for us..."

I am now going to paraphrase an old AA speaker (so, since this is the NA Step Study Forum, I am asking forgiveness in advance.....). I've always loved this Priest's simple way of looking at the first three steps.....He always said.....they're simple....1) There's a problem; 2) There's a solution; and 3) I get to decide which I want. .....and this is always what I've wanted for my recovery................SIMPLE (o:


NoelleR

I love the way you put the steps into perspective - I have heard it - 1. I can't, 2. He Can 3. So let him. Although - I might have to utilize yours now as it makes more sense in the chaos in my head. I am a problem, I am a solution, and I get to decide which one I want/need to be!

Thanks Noelle!

[dazfaith]

Step 3 is not easy for me! I like to think of myself as wise and therefore above the ideas and blessings God has for me. I have always chosen and given myself the blessings I want....I was doing this CLEAN!! I had to get honest about some of my choices while clean that were based in self-will and the fact that the food and the sex I was using to fix (filling the void) weren't working anymore. This left me with a decision to make! Start trusting the process and God or stay in the pain of my will and struggle to create the life that I think is best for me while pushing other addicts that care about my recovery away from me. I do not and cannot lay down and expect God to carry me around, but I do and must trust the guidance and love my HP has for me. My old pattern is to stay in my little bubble and eventually pick up, but today I am trying to hang on to the hope and faith I found when I first came to NA. I saw other addicts like me living!! LIVING! I do not want to use again...just for today!! Each morning I simply say..."show me how to live" and jft, I am living too. It is not always comfortable, actually it is rarely comfortable, and more often than not I have to stop several times a day to check myself..."Is this my will?" most of the time it is. I am making the effort though and I believe that is what we all do. We fall, we seek, we try, we struggle, we change... we accept, and finally we trust. At least that is how it is for this addict and no matter what I don't have to pick up!!!

[conster]

I am currently working step 3. I am finding how much smoother things go if i keep my hands out of things. For me, the type of addict i am...i cant even have a phone convo with someone with out wanting to control that sometimes. i mean good grief..i want people to say what i want to hear. I find my self wanting and trying to make people see me for what i WANT them to see, and god forbid if they dont....i get "upset". I know all I have to do is make a choice to turn my will over. i find myself making this choice all day long. usually when the pain gets great enuff for me to "let go" or do something different. I have just started to even be aware of my self will seeping out in everything i do or say. Now that i am aware, i have been given tools to use to keep my will at least under way enuff to allow god to work. he does do it sooo much better than me anyway, so u'd think we'd see that and surrender completely all the time. however this i know is unrealistic...not anyone does this perfect. and i get the support of my fellows..in NA as i might add(small resentment from the aa mother comment earlier). newayz thank god for the support i get from addicts just like me. it says in the literature of narcotics anonymous that we addicts could not fully relate to the alcoholic..emotionally and so forth..i cant quote it and wont..no need too..just read the basic text. (ex. of my will being excersised in the last couple of sentences..i will decided to turn it over now, and get back to work)..love step 3

[Timebuster]

Welcome conster, to NA 12 step forum of SR.

The inward aspect of the Third Step is visible in the way that we can become humble. We begin to relax many of the defensive mechanisms and efforts that we used to control others that left us tired and without the energy to take care of ourselves. After we realize that our way doesn’t work, we decide to choose another way. Our addiction had smothered our senses so much that we could not care for ourselves in a healthy way. The decision we make here releases the tension that we hoarded in our futile efforts to maintain control.

TB