Please help!

[newbeginnings87]

SO, I've done steps 1,2,3 like a hundred times (okay, I am exaggerating) and I have faith that I can be restored to sanity. I came to believe and I don't want to use anymore. That feeling is gone. I know where that takes me and I just don't want to go there. But, the insanity is so apperant in so many other areas of my life. & I just want it to stop! GOD doesn't seem to be filling my void as much as 'they' say it should. Like, today for example. I feeeeel like I relapsed! I went shopping! Which is not something I can afford to do. I know the result, yet I did it anyway. Complete insanity. & the parallels between that and using were just unbelievable. The whole time I was at the mall, I felt like I was using drugs; I was telling myself I wouldn't buy anything, yet couldn't seem to stop myself. & same with sex. and other various things. I just can't seem to figure it out! Somebody please help me out!

[pinkgurl87]

hugs hun, I know it's hard. Keep trying. It's easy to substitute stuff for using.

[Nas]

God can't do it all. It's up to you to make the choices. We beat up ourselves the best, so all I will advise is to put the bat down. Pray, and try to do better. I can offer a suggesstion <-- always looks weird when i spell this word iunno =/ . Look at what makes you want to do these things. I know before I called my dealer when I would relapse, there was a process of events and choices I made before this came, and sometimes it was days prior. Try to identify your patterns and where they lead. Try to establish a better connection with your Sponsor and network? Which pretty much means pick up that phone when you know you are in trouble. Cell phones saved my life. =] And continue to do so everyday.
God Bless.

[dazfaith]

I have used so many things to replace the dope and fix! My faves are sex, food, and shopping! Does not matter if I can afford it, I will spend the money and then struggle through till the next payday. I AM NOT PERFECT!! I have been told by other addicts that have been through the same thing that any day clean is a success. NO MATTER WHAT, don't pick up the dope!! When I struggle through the days of overspending I don't allow or excuse it with, 'well, at least I didn't get high' because I can take that and really cause some damage if you know what I mean. I am restored to sanity by many things....the utility bill, the gas gauge, another addict sharing in a mtg, and the 'high' i get when I am spending money. The thoughts come before the action and therefore we have a fighting chance. Just like urges to use dope, I share my urges to shop, eat, use others for sex, (excessively) etc., with another addict and have not met one that can't relate!!!! PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!!!