I'm having a bit of a problem with step 2

[AfricanDaisy]

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

18 years ago I got sober thru AA and I didn't do narcotics then. I stayed sober for 9 years, sticking close to the programs principles. Then some things occurred in my life and I felt that I was suddenly abandoned by my higher power and so began my nine year decline into the depts of opiate addiction. How in the world can I believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity when I feel that I've been completely abandoned by my higher power?

[Missybuns]

I had to let go of my intellectual understanding and let it come from my heart.

I had to change what I believed. If I ignored, resisted or blamed a power greater than me I was too busy in my head to really feel what was in my heart.

If I believed the higher power of my understanding abandoned me, it would be up to me to come to believe in a power greater than me that is willing to grant me courage, strength and guidance no matter what.

If I can arrive at the conclusion I was abandoned then it is just as possible to arrive at an new conclusion, one with hope.

Peace,
Missy

[Missybuns]

P.S. I notice you said

when I feel that I've been completely abandoned

Feelings aren't facts and can and do change.

I found out the core issues to my own addiction were fear of rejection and abandonment.
I learned my feelings are valid but they are not facts and I do not have to react to them and live on a path lead by them.

Coming to believe is a process not an event.

Peace,
Missy

[Gmoney]

Belief is simple - we believe what we want to believe.

When it comes to step 2, it helped me to understand that "coming to believe" is a process and not an event. In order for me to believe most stuff, I usually need proof. The proof that a power is at work was the countless addicts in NA that have been working this program for years and found recovery. What the heck? If it worked for them, there's no reason I can think of that it shouldn't work for me.

Secondly, a power greater than myself can be anything. The 12 steps are a power greater than me. I certainly don't have the power to provide recovery for countless addicts. The fellowship is a power greater than me. That old saying, "two heads are better than one," applies. And if I venture into the religious...I have to always remember that a God or deity doesn't take away self-will or my ability to rationalize or justify the mess I can make of my life.

For me, it's too easy to blame God. God never put a crackpipe in my hands. The day I made a conscious decision to get high was the day I abandoned living my life according to my HP's will. The road didn't change and neither did the map...I just went wandering and thought I knew which way I was going until I realized I was lost.

Then some things occurred in my life and I felt that I was suddenly abandoned by my higher power and so began my nine year decline into the depts of opiate addiction.

In NA, recovery is about living life on it's own terms without the use of drugs. Just because we get clean doesn't mean $hit won't happen. In order to recover we must rid ourselves of all reservations. We don't use NO MATTER WHAT.

[AfricanDaisy]

Originally Posted by Missybuns

P.S. I notice you said

Feelings aren't facts and can and do change.

I found out the core issues to my own addiction were fear of rejection and abandonment.
I learned my feelings are valid but they are not facts and I do not have to react to them and live on a path lead by them.

Coming to believe is a process not an event.

Peace,
Missy

Am thinking about what you've said here and I am feeling.....am believing, am knowing, that my feelings are indeed my facts. I've struggled with this for a long time. My feelings are indeed my facts, my truth, my core.

[AfricanDaisy]

Originally Posted by Gmoney

Secondly, a power greater than myself can be anything.

There was a time when I KNEW what and who my higher power was. Not so now. I have been on a long journey of trying to figure out just what higher power is to me and in my life.

[Gmoney]

Originally Posted by AfricanDaisy

There was a time when I KNEW what and who my higher power was. Not so now. I have been on a long journey of trying to figure out just what higher power is to me and in my life.

I don't know whether you're attending NA meetings, have a sponsor or doing step work or not. But it has always helped me to refer to our literature.

"The process of coming to believe is similar for most addicts. Most of us lacked a working relationship with a Higher Power. We begin to develop this relationship by simply admitting to the possibility of a Power greater than ourselves. Most of us have no trouble admitting that addiction had become a destructive force in our lives...Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves." - Basic Text, page 23-24

An SR member named Joe H. recently shared this:

Step two is explained to me this way.

Anything can be a power greater than me. Anything that can show me something about myself that I can not see is for that moment a power greater than mysellf. By sorrounding myself with people that know me and my disease. People who love and care for my life of recovery I stand a strong chance of being around those momentary powers greater than myself.

IMO, the struggle of coming to believe is only as hard as we make it. The evidence of a Power greater than myself is everywhere and overwhelming. It really doesn't matter what I call it or if I call it anything.

"We can use this Power long before we understand it." - Basic Text, page 24

[Sugah]

I spent the first thirty-four years of my life feeling mostly abandoned by my Higher Power. I say mostly, because there were some rapturous moments in there, but they never lasted.

One day I realized that many of the perceived "bad" things that had happened to me--whether I was to blame or was blameless--were really gifts. I mentioned something in a lead about being harmed through no fault of my own and that I refused to allow my abuser to continue having power in my life. I forgave the harm to set myself free. I was approached by a woman after the meeting, and she thanked me for sharing my experience. She said it really helped her and some of the struggles she was going through.

After that, I realized--even though I had forgiven the harm, I still saw it as "bad" -- but it had been useful to this woman, therefore, whether I labeled it "good" or "bad," it served a purpose. So because she'd needed to hear what I had to say, it was a gift that I had to share with her. Now, I don't think God made me to suffer that harm to help this woman, but I don't think at any time that God abandoned me. If that were the case, I think I'd still be out there trying to kill pain, if I had breath in my body to do it.

AV, I don't know what happened to you nine years sober that's led you to feel this way, and I do hope you find what you need to get past it. If you'd like to talk privately, I'd welcome you to pm me.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[gtinney1]

If your higher Power is God then most likely it was you who abandoned Him. He never abandons us. Any "higher Power" that would abandon you is no Higher Power. Abandon yourself to God without aprehension, reservation, or presupposition and watch your sober life soar like an eagle. God is real. God is good. And the only One we can truly trust our lives with, since He is the source of it.
I know how you feel though. Some 4th step work would probably bring some good things to light for you.
Don't mean to sound "preachy", just sharing from my own experience, as I have had to work through abandonment issues myself.
Stay well. Gerry

[Taking5]

As others have said this is a process not a singular event. You do not need to know what your HP is to proceed, just acknowledge that there is a HP and that this HP can restore you to sanity as he/she/it has restored those you meet in NA that have achieved sobriety.

As you continue to work the 12 steps your ideas and knowledge of your HP, and of yourself, will change radically. This is a part of the process others have mentioned.

[gtinney1]

Originally Posted by Missybuns

I had to let go of my intellectual understanding and let it come from my heart.

I had to change what I believed. If I ignored, resisted or blamed a power greater than me I was too busy in my head to really feel what was in my heart.

If I believed the higher power of my understanding abandoned me, it would be up to me to come to believe in a power greater than me that is willing to grant me courage, strength and guidance no matter what.

If I can arrive at the conclusion I was abandoned then it is just as possible to arrive at an new conclusion, one with hope.

Peace,
Missy

"It would be up to Me"...
"...I can arrive at the conclusion".
Sounds like too much reliance on self, i.e. "It's within My power to create a power thats greater than myself that I can understand that will do for me what I cannot do for myself". Is it just me, or does this not make sense?

[Grooovylicious]

I had a hard time believing there was a Higher Power; until I got clean almost 9 months ago. I truly believe, for myself, that I'd not be clean if it wasn't for my Higher Power. Having a Higher Power doesn't have to be God or whatever, it could be as simple as the fellowship of NA. They too are my Higher Power. Hope I helped.

[Believe808]

If your higher Power is God then most likely it was you who abandoned Him. He never abandons us.

I definitely agree with this. When I first came into AA 21 years ago for alcohol, I was sober and started my spiritual journey with my HP, I relapsed after 15 years and stayed out there for 5 years this time on pills and alcohol. I realize today that my HP never abandoned me, it was me who abandoned him. He was always with me and if not for my HP I would not be here writing this today. I can honestly say that today I am so much more spiritual and so much closer to my HP.

[ashleek]

I feel like I did abandon God and now I don't know how to get him back. How will he accept me back after all the drugs and nasty things I have done. I need God but I don't know how to get him back. I am so lost in these nine days of being sober. Please anyone help me.

[Nas]

Gotta reinterate what missy said. Feelings aren't fact. lol just what I was thinking when I read this post then saw you had put it right away. We DO have more similarities than differences! =P

To Gmoney, Literature never lies! =P

[Nas]

Originally Posted by ashleek

I feel like I did abandon God and now I don't know how to get him back. How will he accept me back after all the drugs and nasty things I have done. I need God but I don't know how to get him back. I am so lost in these nine days of being sober. Please anyone help me.

You may have left Him, but He didn't leave you. He's always there. When you choose, just invite him back into your life.

And remember, your higher power is loving and caring, not punishing. That is what is so great about NA. Ahhhhh the joy we receive on a daily. ty NA

[johndelko408]

Did you stay connected with your program, sponsor and higher power? Any of us can easily slip back into the dark days or abyss when we quit doing the work. In my opinion I'll never be cured I'll always be an alcoholic and an addict, but if I stay active in my program keep doing the work that is suggested to me, I don't ever have to use or drink again. I'm always going to have rough patches in my life, but I've learned to face them as opposed to run away from them.