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|03-07-2012, 05:29 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southern California
Yeap, you are an addict, girl-friend
Hi, I'm Shockozulu, and I'm an addict.
The first time I tried NA-s 1st step I laughed at it. "Me, powerless, sorry but no hospitalizations, institutions or death for me." I hadn't realized the unspoken word was "YET"
Fast forward time. I discovered our NA fellowship was less than ideal. Most likely it was that combined with my attitude. For example, I asked around where to find a step guide. I was told to try the AA store. Problem was at the store they nicely explained that they only sold official AA literature.
So I stopped going to NA, drank and drugged for years, attended another fellowship before finding AA which was for me an NA that worked. it never occurred to me until tonight i could possibly do both. Much less need both.
Tonight i spoke with a man with computer security issues. including private posts to his industries private AA/NA posts being public. To troubleshoot I would attempt to reset my page to his settings until he could see my private+ plus page as clear as day. Finally, as he mentioned some of my affiliations he noticed I was a stepper. Yes, I explained to him, I was. So was he. So we started talking and (between page refreshes LOL) eventually got around to the fact he attends both fellowships himself as in his home country its hard as hell to find NA. Now he is so glad that his Higher Power put that roadblock in his way as he finds help in both groups. When I told him it was because of his experience, that he'd never say that being where i live, he asked, i told him and he laughed so hard. He said three years after I left NA, he had joined and comes here several times a year when his wife and him visit their best friends. In fact, he says now he find himself looking for reasons to visit his friend just to get to our meetings!
Talk about a Higher Power moment! Oh, he's also an agnostic (not atheist) like I am. Since I had offered to help him for free (I went to high school with his wife which is how I noticed the computer bug) he asked me if he could send me a Basic Text and Step Guide & Study as payment.
At that moment i realized i was ready for my 1st step. yes i am powerless over drugs. That's the obvious part. But God also put this man in front of me "randomly" after I found good aspects in AA. It was then that I realized I am truly, not half-a$$ed, ready to start my 1st step.
End it? No, for me I always need to be alert to other possible addictions.
1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
I am powerless over my addiction, and that means not only my addiction to drugs but to everything from Facebook to Twitter to Computer Games to the current book I'm reading. Just like the man tonight that had four drug induced heart attacks by the age 33, and another friend of mine who died of an OD, so too am I powerless over all the things I listed above. Once I pick up my Kindle or go over ten minutes on FB, I know I am in big trouble. I CAN'T stop.
"Its Mr Higher Power unless I'm angry, then just like everyone else in my life it simply becomes Mr. Power."
Copyright © 2005 - 2013 Shockozulu
Last edited by shockozulu; 03-07-2012 at 06:42 AM.
|10-02-2012, 08:37 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Blog Entries: 2
It took me 2 years and 3 relapses to realise that I needed to take the first step. I attended powerlessness graduate school. Congratulations on knowing you need to commit to your first step.
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