chicklit

I'm really against any drugs. I've known my boyfriend for 16 years (friendship before). We currently just started dating 4 months ago. Out of the 16 yrs, I haven't talked to him for 6 yrs because we were busy with school and working. Finally got in touch and I found out he does marijuana. I thought "oh no big deal he probably doesn't do it as often." He is 21 yrs old and has been doing it since 14 or 15. When he is sober, he's totally sweet. When he's high, well it depends on how much he takes. If he smokes a few tokes, he's not to bad but has his little moments where he gets mad at stupid things or he smokes a lot and gets pissed off at everything and takes things out on me. I started to realize how often he does it which is pretty much everyday. I've tried convincing him to help him to quit which he wants to but I think he rather smoke it. I don't want our relationship and friendship to end over this out of 16 years. I prefer if he stops. Can someone please help me convince him to quit? It makes me upset everyday and I just can't find a way of how to talk to him about it.

suki44883

Welcome to SR. Keep reading and you will find out that he's not going to quit until he wants to quit. If you've talked to him about it, then he knows how you feel about it but chooses to continue. Since you cannot change him, you have to decide what you will and will not put up with in a relationship.

chicklit

I've talked to him various of times. I should of mentioned that he has said that he will try to quit or I want to quit but I don't want to. He says I'm more important than the marijuana. I'm sick of his excuses.

suki44883

Words mean nothing, actions do. He can say he wants to quit until the cows come home, but unless he takes steps to actually do it, then he's just quacking.

chicklit

He was starting to quit gradually by doing it certain days or once a week but I think now he's back to the way he is. Should I give him suggestions and tips?

suki44883

Do you honestly think he needs suggestions and tips? If he wants to quit, he knows what to do. He doesn't want to quit.

kiki5711

that's weird? I personally haven't seen anyone who "just" smokes pot to become violent other than violently hungry. Maybe I'm wrong. Are you sure he's not "doing" some other drugs or alcohol as well??

Onewithwings

I agree with kiki-- weed usually relaxes most people or makes them lackadaisical and easygoing-- sounds like something more than marijuana is involved if he's getting pissy.

chicklit

He drinks the odd time here and there. I'm always in his car and I have never seen any other drugs in his car but weed.

Solutions1

We are all special and no one deserves to be treated unfair regardless of partner using or not using mind altering drugs, mind altering. What is the motive in continuing in this relationship
If a person is in denial, I too should take precautions, because I am or could be just as bad
as the person abusing, without my using, need to take care of #1 . If the person is not willing to be open minded about solutions, believe me it will get worst before it gets better.

Missybuns

you may get more ideas in the friends and family forum. Welcome to SR

LillieB

its weed relax

MalibunM

Chicklit: I understand your frusteration. My friend of 11 years and boyfriend of 2 has a weed problem. Yes I know it relaxes people and people think it is odd to hear about it making some one angry. I feel first hand the effects of his ussage. The mood swings are for me terrible. Vitamin B helps him but he develops a fear that I am trying to control him by giving him Vitamins so he stops taking them. It is hard at times to reconcile the man I know and the man he is when he is smoking weed.

I have no answers on how you can help him. I am here looking for them as well.

sailorjohn

Uh, not sure how to break the news to you, but this is the NA Step 1 forum.

You do know NA's take on this particular question, right?

Gmoney

Maybe the moderators might want to consider getting rid of this forum altogether. It seems like all the new members post in the Step Study Forum things that have NOTHING to do with the steps anyway...and very few others post about the steps here.

Oncorhynchus

Sounds like a girl trying to get her boyfreind to find step one. Unfortunately, it doesnt work that way. Its something he will need to figure out. You kids are likely young. If you care about him, maybe a separartion from him will get him closer to understanding the unmanagability with the loss of a girlfriend that cares enough to go on a dicussion board to plead for help. I feel bad for the addict (and yes, weed is a drug), but it sonds like the kid's girlfriend my want to break out the ultimatim...

It will be good for him...

Missybuns

oncorhynchus, what about you? you ready for step one? Welcome!