Conflicted..

[LizE]

I'm feeling very conflicted over this step 1 business.
I guess I'm questioning the "powerless part".
Sure I may be powerless, but rather than having had power taken from me I feel like I'm freely giving it up.

Is it the same thing, if it might be the case that i'm choosing to be powerless?
I feel like my life is more unmanageable without drugs. That's why I do them, too much power, too much responsibility, so I'm happy to give it away for a break...

Idk on the other hand part of me says it's something I need to admit, but Idk how much I trust that part.

I just don't want to lose Ben (bf), or my job.

[Gmoney]

Hi LizE,

Welcome to SR and the NA Forum.

One of the many different problems I've noticed that addicts have with the 1st Step is the concept of power. IMO, it's important to employ some open-mindedness in order to fully grasp what being powerless means and what addiction is.

For most addicts, it's not too hard to admit that they have a drug problem. I mean, why else would they visit a site like SR or attend an NA meeting? If we could stop using drugs and/or control our use of them, we wouldn't have a problem or seek help...now would we? If we had "power" in that area we most likely wouldn't refer to ourselves as addicts. So admitting powerlessness over drugs is usually the easy admission. It's a no-brainer.

The more difficult admission is the one concerning addiction...and that's generally due to a a lack of understanding about what addiction entails. I won't go into a lengthy definition, but I suggest that you speak with your sponsor (if you have one) or read the 1st step in the basic text.

Sure I may be powerless, but rather than having had power taken from me I feel like I'm freely giving it up.

When we get truly honest, we often find that the power we think we have (or had) was only an illusion. We can't have something taken from us that we never really had in the first place. More than likely, the only power we had was the power of choice (not outcomes), and even some of our choices were predetermined by factors that were beyond our ability to control.

oh yeah...admitting powerlessness is only the start...accepting it is a different matter.

Just food for thought.

G

[AliceLavanya]

I hear you on the confusion about powerlessness. Thanks for bringing that topic up.

When I did not feel emotions, life was easier to handle. It is terrifying to feel so raw and vulnerable. It was not what I expected when I came into NA but I will keep coming back.