New and scared shitless

[somedaysoon]

I AM A MOTHER OF 2 COLLEGE GRADUATED AND A POTHEAD. I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE PROBABLY LAUGHING AT ME RIGHT NOW SAYING POT ISN'T A DRUG BUT IT HAS STOPPED ME FROM BEING A PARENT IT COSTED ME A VERY HIGH PAYING JOB ON PK AVE. AND IS GETTING READY TO COST ME MY HUSBAND WHO DOESNT EVEN DRINK. AT 1ST IT WAS A FUN BUT IT IS NO LONGER FUN I HAVE TRIED TO STOP MANY TIMES OVER THE YRS WITH NO LUCK ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY USES AND SELLS WHICH MAKES IT HARD THEN WHEN I STAY AWAY FROM THEM I AM A BAD PERSON IN THERE EYES I ONLY TIME I MANAGED TO STAY CLEAN IS WHEN IM PREGGOS AND HELL WHO WANTS TO KEEP GETTING KNOCKED UP IN ORDER TO STAY CLEAN.
I WANT MY LIFE BACK I HAVE LOST ALMOST EVERYTHING I WORK IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE THEY GET HIGH OR DRUNK ATY WORK EVEN THOU I NEVER LET ON TO MY COWORKERS THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM I WANT TO QUIT EVERYONE LAUGHS AT ME AND SAYS THERE NO REHAB FOR THAT U JUST HAVE TO DO IT I HAVE TRIED BUT CAN ISTARTED OUT WITH 1 $10 HABIT FOR 2 DAYS WORTH OF POT I HAVE DONE THE MATH I SPEND APPROX. $7000 - 8000 A YEAR ON THIS HABIT I KNOW I HAVE ISSUSE WITH DEPRESSION AND I AM SACRED TO TALK TO ANYONE I NO BC OF GOSSIP AND JUDGEMENT. MY HUSBAND TALKS CRAP ABOUT ME AND MY ADDICATION TO EVERYONE HE KNOWS AND I HARDLY LEAVE THE HOUSE NOW OUT OF EMBRASSMENT I FEEL LOST HOPELESS AND LIKE A LIAR PRETENDING EVERYTHING IS OK AND I AM SCREAMING INSIDE SOMEONE PLEASE HELP I HAVE STARTED TAKING OXY'S AND I CAN SEE THE PATH IS GOING TO GET WORSE BEFORE BETTER IF I DONT GET SOME HELP
SO CAN ANYONE PLEASE OFFER ME SOME HELP

[Paulie]

First no on is going to laugh at you and pot IS a drug. Second, yes you can go to rehab for a pot addiction. And that is what I suggest, rehab or hit an NA meeting today!!!!!

You are alive, there is hope as long as we are alive. Give yourself credit for reaching out here, call your local NA hotline, I am sure there are several meetings in NY for you to choose from, go to a meeting today!!!!!!!!!

[AngelLuv]

Your not cazy that's what happens these drugs they take over our minds to the point that we no longer know who we are. This will be a battle but you can overcome this- go to a meeting or look around in your local paper for a support group- overcoming powerlessness or addictions- most support groups have the same idea rolling around. I'm a mommy too and I know the chaios of an addiction and being a mom- Find a sponsor-in the meetings- to help you. You can get through this without going to rehab but you have to dedicate yourself more than you ever have before and you have to be willing to change people, places, and things- there going to think your mean oh well it's part of recovery it's a selfish program and it's to get you clean. It sounds like your husband mocks you- that's not support I would hook him and your kids up with some alnon literature- this is life or death!

[Cherybaby66]

No one is going to laugh at you. People say that pot isn't addictive...and that might be true from a physical point of view. However, you are addicted to the high. That's hard to put down. Very hard.

You need a better support system. You aren't going to get well if your husband continues to mock and humiliate you. Stay on these boards...you will get a lot of good advice.

What I want to tell you is PLEASE don't start taking Oxy's. You are setting yourself up for disaster. Don't substitue one high for another. And if you think that pot cost you a lot financially and emotionally, I don't even want to tell you what getting addicted to a substance like Oxycontin/codone is going to do to you. I am three weeks off of that crap after a year long habit. It ruined my life. I was the worst mother. My grandaughter was born during that time and I barely noticed. I lost my nursing license. It was a disaster. You are already suffering enough. Don't punish yourself any longer. You deserve to be treated well and humanely as you go through this process.

I'm not laughing. You have an addiction. It's serious.

Your in NYC. You are fortunate. There are tons of meetings for NA in Manhattan...one to fit every schedule. Please pick up the phone and call. Your addiction is no less than someone elses just because its "only pot". You will get a lot of support there...and it sounds like you could desperately use some.

[Javier12]

Someday soon can be today, if you want it to be. I can really feel your pain and desparation in your post. Recognizaing your pot addiction doesn't make less worthy addict, or less worthy of asking for and getting help.

Addiction in NA doesn't have to do with the type of drug you use or how much you use of it. Any substance that changes the way you feel, is considered a drug in NA and if you want to stop being a slave to your drug and stop using you can be a memeber. That's all.

I got to a point where I needed to stop thinking of what others would say and think about me (weak, useless) and I needed to think about myself. The shame I felt was a big obstacle in me getting help. But I didn't want to be dead or dead while alive anymore. So I got myself some help, not tomorrow but today.

I wish you the best.

[spirallou]

It really does not matter what drug you are doing. If it has made your life unmanegable and you are powerless over it, then ya you have a problem. Surrender. Keep it simple. I know with out NA I am completly powerless over my addiction. I went through a treatment centre with other addicts who were there for pot. Evil stuff. However there is a solution, it you "want" it.

[Blooded1]

Family is important. I have no family support either.

[lifeline24]

let them laugh. if it is causing you pain, then it is a problem for you. yes, for many people weed is not a big deal. but that doesn't mean it isn't for you. for example, i like to have a cigarette every once in a while just to relax and i dont feel the need to keep smoking. but some people are hopelessley addicted and cannot quit. i have issues with pills and for the longest time i thought i'm not a "real" addict - i'm not all strung out and non-functional so maybe i dont need help. so i totally get what you're saying about feeling silly. but that's not true. you are clearly suffering, and you deserve help and support. please continue talking through your feelings on here. no matter how silly you feel, you are not alone. you have come to the right place. dont give up.

[serenitylpch]

Pot is a drug i to have a teenage daughter that im powerless over and the choices she makes i just know i have to look after ME at the moment and by doing that i can show her a clean life and when she learns that the life ive showen her in the past does not work!!! She is learning today a CLEAN LIFE IS PEACE AND HAPPYNESS and one day she will change however im powerless be there for our babys thay need us how ever if it brings you down step away and pray some times us addicts have to relly hit rock button to change and CHANGE is scaryHold on to HOPE FAITH & BELEIVE

[JADEN]

I have smoked pot for 15 years. I use to make fun of my friends who couldn't even go to a movie unless they were stoned. It didn't take long before I didn't want to do anything unless I was high. Of course once I got high I usually didn't want to do anything either. Switching to oxy will only make your life more hellish. I started with pot and now I shoot drugs.
Don't give up find the help you need. Your addiction isn't going to go away by its self.
Jaden

[Grateful Bill]

Laugh at you, I think not, any thing in our lives that are causing negative consequences, shame or pain, not funny! I would whole heartedly suggest finding a meeting asap, or if no NA hte sister group AA will work in a pinch, I do both, for me a meeting is a meeting is a meeting and like minded souls, recovery is recovery and the first step for me was to find someone who was not as unfamiliar with programs and I asked them to pick me up and let me hang wioth them til I could manage to get out of my selfdestructive rut and venture out into the world, extend the hand, someone will grab it... Hope that helps a little, you are NOT ALONE!!! We are all in this together....

[Grateful Bill]

Go to a meeting, many meetings, family is waiting there, they'll love ya till you can do it yourself!!!

[IPT]

go to a meeting, get some assistance. I had to leave my exagf because she smoked with her family and it left little time for me or our relationhsip. She used to be an active women but overtime became less and less motivated. She also told me it was just weed. We watched "intervention" and she cried because she said "my family is too messed up up and into their own problems to ever help me". Sounds maybe like what you have? I would have supported my ex if she just took a step to actually get help and follow thru with it. You owe it too yourself, and your kids will benifit too. My ex used to say that all the time that she was misserable on the inside. The only one that can change it is you. Please do that for yourself...life can be good.

[RocketsintheSky]

No one here would ever laugh at you! Never, ever. *huge hugs* I am 21 and although I know that a lot of people can managa pot without becoming addicted, I know people who are definitely addicted and to the point where it does effect their lives. My dad is addicted to pot, luckily it doesn't effect his jobo r anything. As a kid though, pot was part of the reason my parents drifted apart and are now divorced, pot was the reason my dad didn't usually want to go out on family outings, etc I HATED that my dad used pot, it made me feel unsafe and insecure as a child because I did not understand, all I knew was it was a drug, and that school told me drugs were bad (and my brother was causing my family grief and lost his kids over drugs) and so I didn't understand anything except that my dad was using a drug. I HATED and resented my dad for smoking pot. I would never laugh at you, I know pot can be a such a serious problem. I definitely think you should take the others advice. I have a problem with ritalin and sometimes I feel dumb too, or like my addiction doesn't compare because I'm not out on the streets but addiction is addiction, the drug, no matter what your DOC is, is just the symptom of the disease. Everything will be okay, the fact that you know and admit and fully take responsibility for this shows that you really are ready to get things in order, so just stay strong and keep doing what you are doing, going to NA and etc. Get some supportive friends to help you through this and we will always be here on this forum too. You can send me a PM ANYTIME!! Much love! Stay strong!

[EDWARD19751217]

Hi, every drug count. There is so many friends of mine that is addicted to pot. I think the most important thing is that you admitted to this addiction and you know what you lost and if you continue to do this you are going to loose even more. Try and get to a meeting and see if it is working for you. Talk to someone you can trust or even your priest. I invited my ffriendws to my meetings and surprisingly they enjoyed it. And today we have our own discussins about our addiction. The people at work try and stay away from those who are still doing it and try making new friends. I have lost everything once. And when I finally decided I had enough I stopped. Everyone is not the same but we all need that support from Na meetings friends and family. I hope everything works out for you and I will pray for you!