I think I'm losing myself

[sarahbrown1981]

Hi there this is the first time I am trying things this way(being any sort of help or support). I was hopelessly addicted to vicoden, lortabs and darvon for about three years in high school. I got sober when my mom realized I was filling her perscriptions for her and she never got them and she threathned to put me into treatment. I stopped cold turkey. NOT A GOOD IDEA but whatever it is what it is. I have been clean for almost ten years. I gave birth to my son and refused any pain medication except for tylenol because I was affraid of the recourse it might take on me. However I find myself at a crossroads because I found someone who simply asked if I knew anyone that wanted to buy some vicoden for 5 dollars a pill. So i thought hmm what will it hurt so I bought 10 of them, I have not taken them...but they are there and I am beside myself as to why. If someone has been in a similar situation any help would be great.
:praying

[2ala2]

Hello Sarah and welcome to SR
It's no rocket science. You keep the pills and sooner or later you will use them.
You are an addict. The facts are there. Using drugs is just a symptom of your addiction.
My suggestions to you are the following:
-Don't contemplate. Don't fool yourself. Don't lie to yourself.Get rid of them this momment.
-Go to an NA meeting today. NA is about a whole lot more than quitting drugs.
The choice is yours, be a slave again or be free...

[sct]

Addiction is sneaky... compulsive actions are the result of our powerlessness over addiction. Which is why it's so important to have a program in place, for when situations like this come up, to have a better answer already up our sleeves.

[witchkins2009]

you should pat yourself on the back for not taking them yet. I get offers like that all the time so I know the temptation! But flush them now before you make a bad choice!! Keeping them could be the first step to going down that dead end road again! This is the second post i have ever written on any board but flush them pills now!!!!!

[TheCuriousGent]

Woah... I know exactly what you mean. True Story: The only reason I had the strength to go through opiate withdrawls is because noone could get any, then not 30 minutes after I register on here, I get a call that Norcos are back in town. But I said 'no' and it made me sick to my stomach to turn it down.

Every time I've ever turned back to addiction after a few weeks of sobriety is because I forgot how absolutely horrid an addicts life is. Opiate painkillers, in an addicts eyes, is the most beautiful thing on Earth that will ever been cursed and hated. It's a slippery slope that's honestly never worth traveling down...

I wish you strength, Miss Sarah *nods*

[kinix]

I celebrate 6 weeks clean today in a place where there are no meetings. I have not done codeine or sleeping pills for 6 weeks. Do not want anyone to'be a 30 day wonder. I just wrote down the first step and thought about what the word "surrender meant to me". Just asked God to guide me. It did more for me that all the intellectual rationalising. What the hell happened. From highly paid IT pro to half crazy drug addct. I think I will give thanks that today I did not hurt. Hope it is the same with you

[kinix]

Every time I have done that, scoring is afterall half the trip, I have lost and lost badly. Carrying or keeping pills is a deathwish I can do without. Like carving my own headstone.

[pinpoint]

Five bucks a hit is f*cking way too much, eatin them is a deathwish for your soul. You can say you slipped but by flushing them you can smile and say that you chose not to fall. You need to get your butt to meetings or call someone with some quality clean time.