Building resilience - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

historyteach · 08-02-2006, 06:57 AM

Resilience -- the ability to adapt well to stress, adversity, trauma or tragedy. It means that, overall, you remain stable and maintain healthy levels of psychological and physical functioning in the face of disruption or chaos. (webmd.com)

Building resilience is an issue I"ve been working on with my counselor.
She says I am much better at coping than I *think* I am. However, I had to take a stress leave as a result of my principal's behaviors last year. You may remember, that for the first time in my career, I had to file a grievance for non support. And I filed THREE of them.

My counselor did some digging for me. She found the issue of building resilience to be a mine field of politics! Here's a brief look at the politics of mental health.

The neo conservatives say that intellect alone will determine resilience factor, and that with intellect, one will suvive and thrive. Therefore, there's nothing can be done. Resilience is an inate ability - nature not nurture - and we live with the cards we are dealt with.

The liberals say that resilience can be nourished. That a person may have little to start with, but, with training, can learn tools with which to cope. This is a matter of nurture, not nature, and all people can improve their ability to withstand stressors and and function in a healthy manner.

So, I was happily surprised to find this on another site I frequent -- webmd.com. It's true for sure, we get what we need when we need it.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/resilience/MH00078
Hope this helps you as much as I've gained from it.

Shalom!

meli2005 · 08-03-2006, 03:04 PM

Hey, thanks for posting that. I printed that out and sent it to my Father in law, hoping it will help him. He doesn't seem to hae coping mechanisms for disappointments in life. Of course, most alcoholics have poor coping mechanisms in general. But it's a good article overall for ALL of us!! thanks for sharing, I passed it on to a few people.

historyteach · 08-03-2006, 05:32 PM

Thanks for sharing that, meli!

I agree alcoholics do tend to have poor coping skills. Cause or effect? Don't know. It doesn't really matter, I guess.
But, I'm a liberal when it comes to this issue. I believe we can ALL learn coping mechanisms. I may start out behind the 8 ball as a result of nature, but, I can make my life better by learning skills and tools to put to use when stressors hit. Nurture does play a part. I'm living proof!

Shalom!

liveweyerd · 08-03-2006, 11:35 PM

thank you for posting this.
I think I will make resilience my meditation for the next few days or more because I sure am needing it.
hugs,
live

historyteach · 08-04-2006, 02:54 AM

Hope it helps, Live...

Shalom!

liveweyerd · 08-04-2006, 02:47 PM

I got to wondering......is resilience being able to bounce back...or something you have at the time of the crisis?

I was really wondering and marvelling at you for awhile and never got around to saying it. No matter how crazy, tired or stressed you are...you are able to log in to SR daily.
I got overwhelmed a couple of weeks ago and even logging on here was just one more thing and I went MIA and took a break. I didn't have the energy.

live

liveweyerd · 08-04-2006, 02:48 PM

oops did I say crazy....I mean crazy situations you were in!

historyteach · 08-04-2006, 05:05 PM

Live, SR is one of my places where I receive strength to carry on. I build resilience here.
There are times I honestly wish I could give more to others than I do. I've almost stopped posting on my main board -- naranon. But, Trevor is in jail; I'm divorced from the gambling addict in my life, so, I am not in a place to give too much there right now. I still consider it my SR home base, though, LOL!
And crazy is ok to say. :andy:

As far as resilience goes, well, I look at it this way....
We are able to bounce back BECAUSE it's something we have.
And if we are in short supply -- as I've been on more than one occassion -- well, we learn better skills and get new tools to add to our arsenol in order to bounce back better!

I like the idea of meditating on the concept of resilience. I'm going to a retreat on Sunday. I'll be gone for a week. But, one of the classes I'm signed up for is meditation for stress reduction. I think I'll bring this idea along with me. I don't know what's planned yet, but, if there's an option or a suggestion, well, I think I'll bring it up. Thanks for the idea!

Shalom!

meli2005 · 08-05-2006, 04:45 AM

I too find a lot of strength here at SR. It's good to talk with others and finding out others feel the same way as you helps so much. THat is why I think AA is so good for Alcoholics, where else can they go where everyone understands and has the same disease as they do.

Life is not always a cakewalk or pleasant. But by geting thru the rough time I think we do become stronger people. I think it also makes us more understanding toward others, etc too.

Bozo · 08-05-2006, 03:43 PM

Im doomed!!!

historyteach · 08-05-2006, 04:21 PM

Not doomed, Bozo...just in need of better tools.

Double check the part of the article that gives us tips to improve our resilience. Remember, it's not what the score is, it's what you are going to do about it. Becoming resilient means remaining hopeful and proactive.

I'm going to bring this to my counselor when I see her. With 11 tips provided, I should be able to strengthen my own resilience to be able to withstand stressors better.

I especially like this line from the article... "...resilient individuals have cultivated a sense of forgiveness and regardless of the setback or slight, they're able to box it up, put it in a package and let go of it." It reminds me of a book I just finished re-reading, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner. And another book by the same author about making meaning out of our lives, entitled, When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough.

With resilience, we can endure loss, stress, trama and lives challenges. And we may even thrive in spite of them. But, we CAN learn to do better than we are. Please lets work on this together. None of us are "doomed." There IS hope -- with hard work and determination. And I KNOW you have the ability to put forth those attributes. I've seen you do it.

Shalom!

liveweyerd · 08-06-2006, 01:35 PM

I tried to enter my score in each category on the computer instead of pen and paper! Okay, so I do have a good sense of humor and can laugh at myself. In fact, it seems to me that the people who laugh most easily and heartily are the ones who have faced great sorrows.

I think my score would differ greatly depending on which day I take it!

My lowest area is the ability to keep perspective in the face of things. Not at the time.

I was relieved beyond belief when it referred to things affecting one for a couple of weeks. So....I have been expecting myself to bounce back like almost immediately and been too hard on myself.

The hardest thing for me on the tips list is taking proper care of myself, nutrition, excercise etc.

Right now I am having a hard time getting myself to work and giving a damn about it.
Once I get there I actually find great comfort in tediously scanning those big courthouse books with nothing to think about except finding that missing piece of the "jigsaw Puzzle"

live

historyteach · 08-21-2006, 07:18 PM

Well, I saw my therapist today and spoke about the article on building resilence.
I also told her about needing surgery on my back and knee. And awaiting more news from the latest MRI.

Anyway, she said that I have far more resilience than I thought I did. She pointed out that while I was dealing with the principal that made me CRAZY last year with his sick enabling of poor student behavior, I was also dealing with my ex who had a heart attack; my addict son; my tenent who's not paying the rent and not doing the work on the house; surgery for my hernia; my sick mom; family nonsense as a result of my sick mom; and non-ending pain that I never mentioned to her that is the cause of the upcoming surgeries.

She also pointed out how I was doing good things for myself, building resilence by going to the gym and joining chorus. I was going to the gym until the trainer caused my knee to be pulled out of the socket, resulting in PT!

So, the bottom line she pointed out was that I am FAR more resilent than I give myself credit for! Yes, I DID reach the point of crazy. But, geezzzz! Look at that list again! OMG!

I think that I've learned an important lesson here. I belittle my own efforts that I give to myself. I minimize my own strength. And because I perceive myself as not strong, I act upon that perception, rather than what what strength I actually have based on what I am actually acomplishing!

Do any of you see a truth in this statement for yourselves too?

Shalom!

liveweyerd · 08-21-2006, 08:43 PM

A resounding yes!

I fear stress and think I do not handle it well and create a self-fulfilling prophecy and cause myself a great deal of anxiety...... and in the end, procrastinate due to having a hard time getting out of the mindset and fear.

I do not want to make a list of stressors! Rather not focus on them.
However, if I did I feel sure I would have to conclude that I do indeed have resilience....a great deal of it.

I guess the fear is that, yes, even being resilient, that there is a setback and it takes time to restabilize. I fear that in-between time.

live

08-02-2006, 06:57 AM	#1 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	Building resilience Resilience -- the ability to adapt well to stress, adversity, trauma or tragedy. It means that, overall, you remain stable and maintain healthy levels of psychological and physical functioning in the face of disruption or chaos. (webmd.com) Building resilience is an issue I"ve been working on with my counselor. She says I am much better at coping than I think I am. However, I had to take a stress leave as a result of my principal's behaviors last year. You may remember, that for the first time in my career, I had to file a grievance for non support. And I filed THREE of them. My counselor did some digging for me. She found the issue of building resilience to be a mine field of politics! Here's a brief look at the politics of mental health. The neo conservatives say that intellect alone will determine resilience factor, and that with intellect, one will suvive and thrive. Therefore, there's nothing can be done. Resilience is an inate ability - nature not nurture - and we live with the cards we are dealt with. The liberals say that resilience can be nourished. That a person may have little to start with, but, with training, can learn tools with which to cope. This is a matter of nurture, not nature, and all people can improve their ability to withstand stressors and and function in a healthy manner. So, I was happily surprised to find this on another site I frequent -- webmd.com. It's true for sure, we get what we need when we need it. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/resilience/MH00078 Hope this helps you as much as I've gained from it. Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-03-2006, 05:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	Thanks for sharing that, meli! I agree alcoholics do tend to have poor coping skills. Cause or effect? Don't know. It doesn't really matter, I guess. But, I'm a liberal when it comes to this issue. I believe we can ALL learn coping mechanisms. I may start out behind the 8 ball as a result of nature, but, I can make my life better by learning skills and tools to put to use when stressors hit. Nurture does play a part. I'm living proof! Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-03-2006, 11:35 PM	#4 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	thank you for posting this. I think I will make resilience my meditation for the next few days or more because I sure am needing it. hugs, live __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

08-04-2006, 02:54 AM	#5 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	Hope it helps, Live... Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-04-2006, 02:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	I got to wondering......is resilience being able to bounce back...or something you have at the time of the crisis? I was really wondering and marvelling at you for awhile and never got around to saying it. No matter how crazy, tired or stressed you are...you are able to log in to SR daily. I got overwhelmed a couple of weeks ago and even logging on here was just one more thing and I went MIA and took a break. I didn't have the energy. live __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

08-03-2006, 03:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
meli2005 Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Parker, CO Posts: 502	Hey, thanks for posting that. I printed that out and sent it to my Father in law, hoping it will help him. He doesn't seem to hae coping mechanisms for disappointments in life. Of course, most alcoholics have poor coping mechanisms in general. But it's a good article overall for ALL of us!! thanks for sharing, I passed it on to a few people.

08-04-2006, 02:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	oops did I say crazy....I mean crazy situations you were in! __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

08-04-2006, 05:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	Live, SR is one of my places where I receive strength to carry on. I build resilience here. There are times I honestly wish I could give more to others than I do. I've almost stopped posting on my main board -- naranon. But, Trevor is in jail; I'm divorced from the gambling addict in my life, so, I am not in a place to give too much there right now. I still consider it my SR home base, though, LOL! And crazy is ok to say. :andy: As far as resilience goes, well, I look at it this way.... We are able to bounce back BECAUSE it's something we have. And if we are in short supply -- as I've been on more than one occassion -- well, we learn better skills and get new tools to add to our arsenol in order to bounce back better! I like the idea of meditating on the concept of resilience. I'm going to a retreat on Sunday. I'll be gone for a week. But, one of the classes I'm signed up for is meditation for stress reduction. I think I'll bring this idea along with me. I don't know what's planned yet, but, if there's an option or a suggestion, well, I think I'll bring it up. Thanks for the idea! Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-05-2006, 04:45 AM	#9 (permalink)
meli2005 Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Parker, CO Posts: 502	I too find a lot of strength here at SR. It's good to talk with others and finding out others feel the same way as you helps so much. THat is why I think AA is so good for Alcoholics, where else can they go where everyone understands and has the same disease as they do. Life is not always a cakewalk or pleasant. But by geting thru the rough time I think we do become stronger people. I think it also makes us more understanding toward others, etc too.

08-05-2006, 03:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
Bozo On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt. Posts: 477	I Think I Scored An 8 On The Test Im doomed!!! __________________ Signature made by my son Alex.

08-05-2006, 04:21 PM	#11 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	Not doomed, Bozo...just in need of better tools. Double check the part of the article that gives us tips to improve our resilience. Remember, it's not what the score is, it's what you are going to do about it. Becoming resilient means remaining hopeful and proactive. I'm going to bring this to my counselor when I see her. With 11 tips provided, I should be able to strengthen my own resilience to be able to withstand stressors better. I especially like this line from the article... "...resilient individuals have cultivated a sense of forgiveness and regardless of the setback or slight, they're able to box it up, put it in a package and let go of it." It reminds me of a book I just finished re-reading, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner. And another book by the same author about making meaning out of our lives, entitled, When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough. With resilience, we can endure loss, stress, trama and lives challenges. And we may even thrive in spite of them. But, we CAN learn to do better than we are. Please lets work on this together. None of us are "doomed." There IS hope -- with hard work and determination. And I KNOW you have the ability to put forth those attributes. I've seen you do it. Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-06-2006, 01:35 PM	#12 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	I tried to enter my score in each category on the computer instead of pen and paper! Okay, so I do have a good sense of humor and can laugh at myself. In fact, it seems to me that the people who laugh most easily and heartily are the ones who have faced great sorrows. I think my score would differ greatly depending on which day I take it! My lowest area is the ability to keep perspective in the face of things. Not at the time. I was relieved beyond belief when it referred to things affecting one for a couple of weeks. So....I have been expecting myself to bounce back like almost immediately and been too hard on myself. The hardest thing for me on the tips list is taking proper care of myself, nutrition, excercise etc. Right now I am having a hard time getting myself to work and giving a damn about it. Once I get there I actually find great comfort in tediously scanning those big courthouse books with nothing to think about except finding that missing piece of the "jigsaw Puzzle" live __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

08-21-2006, 07:18 PM	#13 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,882	Well, I saw my therapist today and spoke about the article on building resilence. I also told her about needing surgery on my back and knee. And awaiting more news from the latest MRI. Anyway, she said that I have far more resilience than I thought I did. She pointed out that while I was dealing with the principal that made me CRAZY last year with his sick enabling of poor student behavior, I was also dealing with my ex who had a heart attack; my addict son; my tenent who's not paying the rent and not doing the work on the house; surgery for my hernia; my sick mom; family nonsense as a result of my sick mom; and non-ending pain that I never mentioned to her that is the cause of the upcoming surgeries. She also pointed out how I was doing good things for myself, building resilence by going to the gym and joining chorus. I was going to the gym until the trainer caused my knee to be pulled out of the socket, resulting in PT! So, the bottom line she pointed out was that I am FAR more resilent than I give myself credit for! Yes, I DID reach the point of crazy. But, geezzzz! Look at that list again! OMG! I think that I've learned an important lesson here. I belittle my own efforts that I give to myself. I minimize my own strength. And because I perceive myself as not strong, I act upon that perception, rather than what what strength I actually have based on what I am actually acomplishing! Do any of you see a truth in this statement for yourselves too? Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

08-21-2006, 08:43 PM	#14 (permalink)
liveweyerd Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 8,275 Blog Entries: 5	A resounding yes! I fear stress and think I do not handle it well and create a self-fulfilling prophecy and cause myself a great deal of anxiety...... and in the end, procrastinate due to having a hard time getting out of the mindset and fear. I do not want to make a list of stressors! Rather not focus on them. However, if I did I feel sure I would have to conclude that I do indeed have resilience....a great deal of it. I guess the fear is that, yes, even being resilient, that there is a setback and it takes time to restabilize. I fear that in-between time. live __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

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