Addiction and psychological disorders

[VioletAntigone]

Over the past three years I have stopped using heroin, stopped drinking, and am finally not involved in a relationship for the first time in over fifteen years.

Removing these outlets of obsession has brought on one major panic attack where I felt completely out of touch with anything taking place around me for the entire day, and for the past two years I have suffered from 24/7 social anxiety that makes it difficult to even go to the grocery store, etc.

I have dutifully refrained from even asking my doctor for anything related to benzodiazepines, in spite of the fact that it would probably help. Instead, I have started taking buspirone and prozac, which don't really do that much for the anxiety.

Recently, I relapsed after more than a year clean and sober by taking some Ativan that was given to me by a friend. It took me a couple of weeks to come to terms with the fact that it was a relapse, and tell my sponsor, etc.

My sponsor, who I have been extremely grateful for over the last year partly due to her tolerance and flexibility, has recently become very involved in organized religion, which I am not (although I do feel a connection with a Higher Power).

Although I feel that I have an open respect for all beliefs, I don't know if that respect is really flowing both ways between my sponsor and I, and I am feeling less of the tolerance and flexibility from her that I need within the relationship.

Some issues have come up around my anxiety disorder, and I feel that my voice isn't being heard on the matter. Essentially, one of her "suggestions" for me is in direct conflict with my ability (or inability) to go out and be around people I don't know and not feel like I am going to completely freak out. And, sadly, although I have honestly agreed to do my best to follow this suggestion, I also have to say that I may only be able to meet it halfway. Her response has been to say basically that if I am "not willing" to take her "suggestion" that she can't sponsor me anymore.

I am feeling a strong mixture of sadness, anger, resentment and abandonment on top of the feelings that I wasn't dealing with prior to the relapse.

I know this is a lot to unload at once, but whatever feedback, etc. I can get is really appreciated! I also have to say that I feel very, very alone right now.

[BSPGirl]

Get rid of your sponsor and have a look at this site: http://www.threeminutetherapy.com/

Marte

[Five]

I would seriously check out cognitive behaviour therapy. It is scientifically proven to work for many pschological problems you describe, it can also be self taught - meaning you dont have to go through the rigmarole of getting a therapist.

Smart recovery has CBT basics and a lot more.

[equus]

Perhaps some of the friction with your sponsor just reflects her own lack of understanding or knowledge - sometimes that can be the real benefit of qualifications rather then only good intentions and strong beliefs.

I think Five's suggestion is very good, I just wanted to add a little bit. Are you able to talk about this with your doctor? I know there are medications you want to avoid but have you had chance to talk about why with somebody qualified to both understand and work with you to find alternatives?

What your talking about is very treatable and not uncommon, try to keep looking for qualified help that is supportive of you and functional.

I'm glad you haven't gone to far in 'making yourself' follow the help suggesteed to you. What your feeling is real and you should be the biggest part of coming up with solutions - you need to find somebody to work WITH you rather than just dictate.

Good intentions and strong beliefs can make people do odd things with far too much confidence. I think maybe your sponsor is grasping at straws feeling she 'should' be able to make you better - if she can just make you comply. Go easy on her but be assertive in deciding what's right for you. In the short run she might blame you, but that's from her own feelings - to protect herself from knowing there are answers she doesn't have.

Take care you!!

[Five]

Your not alone in your thoughts and fears. Promise! All that anyone has gone through has pretty much been gone through before.

Take care of yourself.

[carolm]

I developed panic disorder when I stopped using. My first attack was when I was on the highway going 60 miles an hour. I came to a screeching halt in the breakdown land and jumped out. Thank God I wasn't killed, although at the time it seemed preferable.

I've never had such a severe attack again. I take buspar and klonopin. I know there is controversy over klonopin, but it doesn't make me high. The only time I miss it is when I've forgotten to take it and I get edgy. But it can be risky.

Everyone responds differently to anti-depressants. Prozac made me suicidal so I was switched to zoloft which has until recently seemed to do a good job.

Get a new sponser. Her heart may be in the right place, but she doesn't understand your fears. When I was getting clean and sober, AA meetings were the only places I went.

I still have difficulty going out, especially to new places with new faces. SO...sometimes I just don't go. You have to take care of yourself.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Carol

P.S. This will sound crazy, but I have read in two books on panic disorder that if you have a loose elastic around your wrist and snap it gently when you feel an attack coming on, it helps.
I always wear an elastic, and I do believe it helps.

[VioletAntigone]

Thank you all for your responses! I think it just feels better when I reach out to others in a safe environment where I don't feel like I will be judged and found lacking.

I will talk to my doctor about lexapro, and do some more research on CBT. Until then, I will probably make an appointment with the therapist I keep cancelling with.

Out of curiosity, has anyone experienced benefits from yoga and/or meditation? It's a somewhat random question, but it's something I'm considering.

[Lilya]

"Although I feel that I have an open respect for all beliefs, I don't know if that respect is really flowing both ways between my sponsor and I, and I am feeling less of the tolerance and flexibility from her that I need within the relationship."

Dear VioletAntigone,

I see a definite danger signal. I can relate to the bond between you and your sponsor, but I would find some one else to replace her. You should be able to speak freely of your fears and get the full support you deserve.

I was into heroin myself, although cocain was my drug of choice. I know how horribly difficult it is to stop. Maybe social paranoia for a long period of time is part of the withdrawal symptoms. I know I couldn´t meet people for a very long time. I stopped on my own, and the whole process took about 8 months, then a new process started where I started to deal with my feelings. I had physical symptoms for more than three years. It takes a while to heal. With the right care you will too.

I took up yoga five years into my sobriety and I haven´t looked back. With patience, you will build up a new and healthy life. My favorite exercise is dance, but I always do some yoga as well. Very soon, you will feel the relaxation and ease that comes with the postures in your mind.

Good luck!

Love and light,

[DesertEyes]

Hey there Violet,

I'm sorry to hear you are going thru so many difficulties. Over the years I've had several sponsors and all of them were very helpful at the time. To me a sponsor is only for the purpose of helping me navigate my program of recovery. I have never had a sponsor who also my therapist or doctor. If any sponsor every tried to act in the capacity of my therapist or doctor I would quickly find me a new sponsor.

Due to my poor health I have need of ocassional surgeries. I am given various sedatives, narcotics and other meds during the surgery, and for recovery afterwards. Those medications, taked under medical supervision and for the explicit purpose of treating a physical condition, are not the business of my sponsor. I happen to tell him what I'm going thru, but he has no say in my prescriptions. By the way, my sponsor has manic-depresive disorder, and takes his own meds for that.

My thought is that your anxiety disorder should be under the care of counselor or therapist who is also experienced with addiction. I also think that your sponsor should have some experience with anxiety disorders, at least enough experience to know better than try to become your therapist.

Whatever you decide to do, we are here to support you in any way we can. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Mike

[CarolD]

Glad to see you here!

I am a long time AA member and I can tell you...

I take what is prescribed as prescribed by my
doctors
and it has no bearing on my AA program

I don't ask the doctors how to work the Steps...
and I don't ask AA members what to do medically!..

Keep in focus..Blessings

[Cynay]

Welcome VioletAntigone

Sounds like you are having too many stuggles, but you have reached out and for me that was the hardest part.

I dont have alot of experience in what your going through, but I wanted to add my 2 cents about working with your sponsor. I have to agree with Mike that she is not your therapist.... You said that she is newly involved in organized realigon??? I assume you mean a church? Maybe she is going through some insecurity as well. Have you told her how the advise she is giving makes you feel? Personally I really struggle with anyone that suggest that they will discontinue a relationship if I dont do/see it their way. Maybe she just does not know the extent of how she is making you feel.

Maybe you are at a point that you need a different kind of sponsor, as you grow Im sure your needs will change too. My sponsor change her line of sponsorship because of her growth... they are still friends and close but her new sponsor is more in line with where she is today.

Im glad your here and reaching out.

[equus]

Out of curiosity, has anyone experienced benefits from yoga and/or meditation? It's a somewhat random question, but it's something I'm considering.

I can't claim personal experience but I've heard OODLES of positive stuff about yoga/meditation.

I remember something from years back about yoga helping a persons ability to change or maintain mental states. There's the sympathetic autonomic nervous system (SANS) and the Para-symapathetic nervous system (PANS), switching between the two reflects our arousal/calmness balance. I'll go on a google 'cos that lot is from very old memory!!

[equus]

From the Ohio State University Medical Center:

The Science
The exact mechanism of Yoga actions in therapeutic contexts is not known, but it is thought that the balance of the autonomic nervous system is improved with yoga. This results in a relatively hypo metabolic state that lessons the energy demands on the body. Also, efficiency of the cardiovascular and respiratory systems is enhanced (Mishra, Singh and Dagenais, 2001).

Studies have found that Yoga has a wide range of beneficial physiological and psychological effects on numerous body systems. After Yoga training, the cardiovascular system appears to function more efficiently, showing increased endurance and aerobic power, improved blood flow, lowered systolic and diastolic blood pressure, and decreased heart rate (Pandya, 1999). In a landmark study, Ornish (1983) showed that Yoga training plus dietary changes was associated with a drop of 14 points in cholesterol levels in three weeks and with increased work efficiency of the heart. Another study found reductions in blood pressure, heart and respiratory rate, and body weight among healthy physical education teachers who had already exercised an average of nine years before receiving three months of Yoga training (Telles, 1993).

Additional documented physiological changes that occur after practicing Yoga include: better ability to cope with stress (Schell, 1994; Baldwin, 1999); decreasing levels of serum cortisol; increasing levels of alpha wave activity in the brain (Kamei, 2000); changes in brain activities, including improvements in cortical activities and inhibition of limbic activities (Pandya, 1999); enhanced metabolic function (e.g. increased oxidation of fats and improved anabolic functions (Pandya, 1999); increased levels of mental and physical energy (Wood, 1993); increased spinal and hamstring flexibility (Baldwin, 1999); and significantly decreased hyperglycemia in non-insulin dependent diabetics (Jain, 1993). At least some of these physiological changes, such as diminishment of overt sympathetic tone, are assumed to occur via improved regulatory function of the autonomic nervous system (Pandya, 1999). Research studies have documented the effectiveness of yoga in reducing sympathetic activation and cognitive and somatic arousal and in the treatment of specific medical disorders. For further information, go to: http://nccam.nih.gov/clinicaltrials/yoga.htm.

Reference:
http://medicalcenter.osu.edu/patient...?ID=1503&CID=0