My Boyfriends depressed.

[Arura]

Well were to start hes got an injury to his neck, which he takes Tramadol for it.Hes had steroid injections for it, the lot.Also as it has dominated his life hes now going bankrupt, possiable fraud.?

He never goes outside and when he does hes a mess.! he shakes, is paranoid.All he likes is to spend time with me indoors.And im an outside type of a gall.!He sleeps alot but trys hard in his daily hygine n clenlieness.

Im just worried for him any help and advice is welcome.

This means alot to me to be there for him.Hope you understand.

[Arura]

Please if anyone has any advice it would help us so much.
This means aloy to me and him.

Im not strong enough to do this alone.

PLEASE HELP.

[ranae1221]

you say that he has a neck injury requiring treatment, and now close to going bankrupt? is that because of the medical costs? is he abusing the pain medication and/or steroids?

his behavior definetly is of concern- his paranoia, self-isolation, refusal to leave the home, excessive sleeping. why does he shake when leaving the home? is it from anxiety? from the medication?

have you talked to him about getting help- weather it is treatment for abusing medications or for psych care or both? is he receptive to it? has he ever needed any treatment for psych issues before? (such as depression, anxiety, etc.)

[shutterbug]

Arura...have there been any major (or semi-major events or stress) happen in his life recently?

Did he recently go off the steriods or have the dose reduced?

From the tiny bit you've told me it sound very familiar and he's likely going through a major depressive episode. Get him to see a pychiatrist AND a general doc as soon as possible and have him start learning about depression.

Most true depressives arn't unipolar (meaning that depression is the only thing they have to deal with...and no other mental illness issues). But rather the depression is usually what makes people seek medical attention so they assume that the depression is the sole problem. There could be a variety of things that may need ruled out...and many physical.

It's usually easiest to rule out the physical possiblilites first...so a full work-up at the general doc is recommended. This will rule out thyroid problems and other. Also...if he snores...he could have sleep apnea also...diabeties can cause depression and fatigue kinds of problems.

I'm too tired myself to think of anything more for now, but I will try to check back in tomorrow evening if I can.

No matter what...don't put it all on your shoulders...he is an adult and can still do some things for himself to get better. And any excersize (even doing the dishes or taking out the trash) will be much better for his current situation than doing nothing at all. However....there were many days that I couldn't push myself any more than just going to the bathroom and back to bed.

Hugs and God Bless,
Remember to "Let Go and Let God" ...

[shutterbug]

ranea...during my major depressive episode...I shook for about a year. Some days it was hard to write with a pen or pencil and I often dropped things. It was basically that my nerves were shot and I believe my body was on a stress overload ...so the more stressed I got, the less my body was able to handle it and therefore I shook. (I liken it to being out in cold weather...your body can naturally regulate your internal temp for a while and to certain limits, but if it gets colder or you are exposed to the low temps for a continued length of time....the body's natural response is to shake/shiver. Two different reasons for the body to shake, but does the example make more sense?)

Anyway...that's me. Could be different for him? Dunno. But I slept 25 hours straight on more than one occasion (with only brief potty breaks and sometimes a gulp of water or a mouthful of food...and then my body would take over and I wasn't capable of maintaining wakefulness). On average, I would guess I slept about 14 hours a day (or more) for over a year. And months, literally, that I didn't go outside unless I had no other choice and had to when I ran out of cigerettes or toilet paper).

Anyway....what he is dealing with is serious and needs the help of a medical team (psychiatrist, general doc, therapist...and possible others). The sooner he gets started the better...

[michski]

Arura.. aren't you just two weeks sober? Girlfriend, I am sorry your boyfriend is depressed but you gotta focus on YOUR own sobriety FIRST or all of it just may become too much for you.

Remember you can't fix anyone if they don't wanna be fixed.

[ranae1221]

...during my major depressive episode...I shook for about a year. Some days it was hard to write with a pen or pencil and I often dropped things. It was basically that my nerves were shot and I believe my body was on a stress overload ...so the more stressed I got, the less my body was able to handle it and therefore I shook.

wow....i know that depression and stress could do messy things to your body, but i had never heard of the shaking before. good to know that.

i know that when i went through one of my major depression/breakdown i also slept all the time. for the first 2 weeks i was in the hospital all i did was get up to eat and go back to bed. most of those 2 weeks i don't even remember.

i do agree with you though that he needs help ASAP, and hope that he is able to get some soon.

[Arura]

Thank You All so much. No he, does'nt over use his meds at all.!The steroid injection was 5 in his neck {not the body building} , as something is wrong with the veretabra...?
Spurs on them c3 c4 c5 are damaged.The docs have talked about surgury to cut the nerves.!
As im a Brit NHS is free...!
but you have to wait,sometimes along time.!

He does shake with nervuosness...! He refuses to see a Dr. He refuses to belive that he's actually 'depressed', he knows things arnt right for him.But is in denile about were he's at.

Hes going bankrupt due to not being able to sustain his life, with his injury.!Hes an artist,mechanic,mac wiz,handsome, n just wasting away.

Your very right when you say I have to think of me at this time aswell,but im all hes got.! ,so im there for him.Hes never had a drug problem.So i freak him out abit.

Hes extermly insecure, holding my hand, hugging me, then i get abit freaked.Clingey...... ummmm...?

Just at a loss at what to do as im not in the best shape,to deal with this.!

Thank You ALL so very much as this is a really hard one, i struggle with constantly.Your advice is priceless.

Just need to speak to others who understand me.

All i need to do is get him to the Dr,s. but i know he wont.

Thanks folks...

many hugs

[BSPGirl]

Sounds like he's going thru a lot right now, it's not illogical he'll get depressed. Prolly you would too if you were standing in his shoes. All you can try is 'hey I love you very much and I worry about you, you seem so down and all as of late and anxious, how about looking for some help? No pressure, I'll love you just as much whatever you decide'. Good luck, to you and him.

[Arura]

Thanks BSP, thats so true, if it was me in his position i would be depressed.!, I dont blame him for not wanting to go to the Dr's as he dose'nt want to be on any drugs at all...!

I do tell him Im here for him, its just really tough as im a recovering addict.He does'nt totally understand that...!

Thanks I will just keep on trying to help him to get off the floor.

Love is Love.

Thanks ALL...x

[shutterbug]

I have pondered more than once a slight connection btwn depression and steriods. I was on a steroidal inhalor (for my asthma before my episode hit)...and well into it I had to take a week's worth of steroids b/c of a near deadly asthma attack. During the week of having the steroids in my system...I felt great. My body stopped hurting so much, I had about 1/2 my energy back and didn't sleep quite so much or have as hard of time getting out of bed.

Just thinking....hummmm....

[meli2005]

chronic pain can be a cause for depression. Is he getting adequate pain relief? You said he was not abusing the drugs. Sounds like he is really depressed, esp if he just stays in all the time and sleeps a lot. He needs to let his doctor know and get some help.

[meli2005]

I found this link. Please read it. He needs some help.

http://www.spine-health.com/topics/c...roncope01.html

[Arura]

Thanks i'll show him but hes stubben, so all i can do is try.

I just want to sort me out first, Please not others anymore...!

Its making me deppressed aswell,Just what i need...?

Thanks folks, as my heart is breaking.With the strain.

[meli2005]

Yes, being with a depressed person can make you depressed as well. It does rub off on others. THat is why he needs to seek help, so he doesn't take so much out of you. Let others who are trained to deal with this stuff deal with it, etc. Good luck.

[Mrs.]

Let me explain to you 1st you have to do what is in your your heart and soul and no everyone will not understand, but that's life. My husband is bi- polar and trust and believe it is not easy. Everyday is different one day or moment he is happy the next he might be suicidal, I love him but sometimes it is very frustrating for me. We are only human, in the process of the madness do not make his situation your illness, live your life with respect and love to daily and that means doing what you need to do to be joyful. Stay busy constructively. My husband ranted:cursing, hitting items and threatened suicide by grabbing a knife. I originally was preparing for school and Itold him that this is a peaceful home and that he was being selfish and that if he could not think past himself and not about how it would affect everyone around him then to leave and live elsewhere. He calmed all the way down and apologized, the medication helps but basically it is up to the person to help themselves. I work from the home and go to college inner-city, because you still have to live and breathe. My husband is studying to get his ged, that is somethng that is a requirement to me , I show him other ways also to stay busy constructively, chores, etc. You have to pray a lot............ It truly changes things.

[Arura]

Thanks Mrs., I do Love him very much and we help each other.He held my hands while I got off my knees... into real life...and its slowly coming to us.

Im lucky really as hes a great guy, n loves me very much too.

Thanks Mrs., hope to see you around on the board.

Welcome to SR Mrs. its a great place to learn.

[carolm]

Dear Arura,

First, take care of yourself. You will be no good for your boyfriend if you get emotionally sick over this. (Easy to say.)

Second, I know you say he doesn't want to see a doctor or go on any other med, but I think seeing a doctor is really necessary. His primary care doc would probably do for starts, but I recommend a psychiatrist who really knows the in's and out's of depression and panic disorder. I have both and can empathize with your boyfriend. Without med, I don't think I could leave my house. Right now I'm looking for a med change because I am getting worse, but that is another story.

When my meds were working, I was able to work, go out, and live a fairly normal life. He may not have any of this, but it's important to find out.

My thoughts are with you.

Carol