sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

[c'est la vie]

I think i know now that my sadness and miserable existance wasn't caused by alcohol. I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do.

[51anna]

I know how you feel. My sadness wasn't caused by alcohol either. I used alcohol to cope with the dark feelings. Is it possible you are depressed, and if so maybe you could talk to a dr? It's possible that the feelings of depression may lift after being sober for awhile. That happens for some people. But, for me, I need an antidepressant.

[Aristo]

We love you C'est !

[BSPGirl]

Hmm is alcohol the cause of depression or do you self medicate depression with booze....vicious circle/chicken or egg discussion comes to mind. I hope you feel better tho. Everybody feels like this from time to time tho, it's not allowed anymore in this society it seems to feel like crap, lol, but I tend to think it's quite normal. And who said sober life would be easy anyway? But feel better!

[igfan]

Originally Posted by c'est la vie

I think i know now that my sadness and miserable existance wasn't caused by alcohol. I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do.

there's no shame in being on an anti-depressant.........i agree with Anna, see your doctor.....tell her/him everything (including being alcoholic).

Hang in there Ang! We're here for you!

[miss communicat]

ooohhhhh sweetie,

I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. You are being really good to yourself by reaching out for help and support here. I also encourage you to check out the medical help. For my depression, though, getting sober licked it after 90 days. I still have sadness from time to time, but its because I am alive.

Don't give up!!! Stay away from the alcohol. That will help tremendously!

Let us know how you are doing,

(((hugs))))

[c'est la vie]

I think I'm all dried up from crying I just can't even get another tear out. I just feel numb. I was hoping that quitting alcohol would lead me to happiness that I haven't known in a while, but I seem to be just as sad. I didn't want to go on anti-depressants and I can't even begin to think about finding a doctor here. I have to see my friends and family in 3 days and I just don't feel ready.

I don't even think a doctor would give me the time of day since I don't have clinical depression (I shower, eat, take walks, etc) I just have massive mood swings in a day.

[BSPGirl]

Hmmm it's also not uncommon to experience moodswings/depression early in sobriety, so to say.

[c'est la vie]

Unfortunately I do feel shame in needing anit-deps, in being an alcoholic, in needing help to quit drinking and get my life in order...

I feel so bad for my husband in all this. I don't think he signed up for this ride.

I called the mental health hotline through my insurance and after being transferred to about 5 different people, I finally talked to a doctor who listened for a few minutes and is going to help me find a doctor here in France. I just don't trust doctors to truly understand what I'm feeling. They're either going to go overboard thinking I'm nuts and prescribe meds without really understanding if I need them or not, or they're going to discount everything and tell me it's normal.

Maybe it is normal in early sobriety, but it feels like shlt and I want it to stop.

[Hope]

I wish I had some magic words to help you feel better but I just wanted to tell you that I know what you are going through. I am really sorry that you are going through a rough time! Crying can be very healing and there is a huge emotional rollercoaster in early sobriety. Those tears were probably waiting to come out for a long time and that is why it seems to be never-ending. Just let the tears flow and know that your soul is healing. Being sober for a while may clear up the depression. Talking to a Dr. about it won't hurt...don't feel ashamed of that. Just know that you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. That is something to be proud of, not ashamed of...Take good care of yourself, sweetie!

[best]

Not knowing your age but knowing that at certain ages both men and women do go through mood swings. I tried telling my wife that her ho flashes are God's way of helping us save on the heating bill. Ummm not a good idea to do that if any guys are reading *LOL*

Understand why would be a relief but there are times I can't figure out the why.
A solution that works for me is listening to my favorite kind of music. Happens to be Christian music and as I listen and sing along, my mood changes.

[gypsyrose]

In "Beyond the Influence" they write about the changes alcohol creates in neurotransmitters. I think what they were saying is that the brain adapts it's chemistry to accomodate the drinking and when the drinking stops, the brains chemistry is all out of whack... in the same way brain chemistry can be out of whack in some people and cause depression for no explainable reason sometimes. If medication can help balance things out, does it matter whether the chicken or egg came first.

[Don W]

I can identify with your feelings. I've had and still have them at times. However, I've found that we are not always the best judge of our worth. Reminds me of my wife a few months back when in the hospital after a suicide attempt. They asked her to list all her good qualities and accomplishments. She couldn't think of any, while the rest of us went on and on listing them. The problem was that most of us identified with her and would have the same trouble if situation was reversed. I think that is one of the best parts about SR. We find out how important we are to others. You are very important to me and others here. If, someone were to remove all your post on SR, there would be an empty space in our lives. If only loving ourselves were as easy as getting others to love us.

[c'est la vie]

If only loving ourselves were as easy as getting others to love us.

So true.

It's a new day for me so I'm hoping to try to have a better day. One of my sons will be gone at a friends house all day so that should keep the stress level down a notch. I even feel guilty saying that 2 kids is easier and calmer than 3, but it's true.

Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. Best, I'll share your wisdom with my mom lol. I'm still a few years from that joy (I'm 37), thank goodness.