just random thoughts in my head

[ranae1221]

well i saw my doc a few days ago. it had only been 2 weeks since i saw her last, but i have not been doing well (depression wise) and called her because i couldn't deal anymore. she started me on Lamictal, it is supposed to help the mood swings and depression. i am already on the max dosage of Effexor- 450 mg- and it is the only antidepressant that ever helped. i also take seroquel 50mg at night to help with sleep.


does anyone ever feel like they are just a lost cause? like nothing is going to help or make you feel better? i feel like that every day. i have tried so many meds in the last 12 years. did the whole therapy thing for almost 3 years. it helped, but i still feel like life just isn't meant for me. i keep trudging along, all the while feeling like....i don't know.....like i am wrong or life is wrong. am i just crazy??? if someone has felt like they were never meant to live or shouldn't be in this world for more than half their lives, can you still say "oh you're just depressed"?

this has been on my mind so much lately. i have tried explaining it to my doctor, but i don't think she understands or gets what i am trying to say. or maybe she agrees with me and doesn't want to make me feel bad. i don't know. i just wish i could turn my brain off sometimes.

[Live]

I have felt that way many times and sometimes for long periods of time. I have gotten so sick and tired of being sick and tired and it feels relentless.
I also have been on and off so many different meds.
Have you read Shutterbug's journal of discovery and recovery? It is such an inspiration.
And, yes, there are also many here who struggle everyday...wondering the things you do. You are not alone.
hugs,
live

[BSPGirl]

I know how you feel, there's no easy way out tho, I don't think.

[TheGirlInside]

Originally Posted by ranae1221

she started me on Lamictal, it is supposed to help the mood swings and depression. i am already on the max dosage of Effexor- 450 mg- and it is the only antidepressant that ever helped. i also take seroquel 50mg at night to help with sleep.


does anyone ever feel like they are just a lost cause? like nothing is going to help or make you feel better? i feel like that every day. i have tried so many meds in the last 12 years. did the whole therapy thing for almost 3 years. it helped, but i still feel like life just isn't meant for me. i keep trudging along, all the while feeling like....i don't know.....like i am wrong or life is wrong. am i just crazy??? if someone has felt like they were never meant to live or shouldn't be in this world for more than half their lives, can you still say "oh you're just depressed"?

this has been on my mind so much lately. i have tried explaining it to my doctor, but i don't think she understands or gets what i am trying to say. or maybe she agrees with me and doesn't want to make me feel bad. i don't know. i just wish i could turn my brain off sometimes.

This jumped out at me for a few reasons:
1. Do you believe that your therapist is helping you to deal with life differently so as to avoid your depressive tendencies, or just changing drugs? I have a real aversion to psychotropic drugs...I have a history of depression, but it's my opinion (and definitely not a judgment of someone who's opinion differs) that I'd rather be taught new ways to live, and that drugs--unless there is a very strong organic element--are meant to be temporary, not a permanent solution. I say this knowing that I don't know your history at all.

2. [/QUOTE]does anyone ever feel like they are just a lost cause? like nothing is going to help or make you feel better?.[/QUOTE]
Um...yea-ah...I feel that way a lot. I'm beginning to question my groups, like AA and ACOA, and wondering what is the point? My life doesn't seem to be any better. So what am I doing here? I try to stay positive, and keep plugging away, and be honest, persistant, journal, hang on to faith, but I have some very hopeless days, also.
I watched the movie "Butterfly Effect," and OMG, it was so-o-o sad!! I won't tell you the details, but it sort of suggested that maybe there are people who aren't meant to "be here." Man, could I relate to that! And what an awful movie for someone who wonders that themselves...I wish I'd never been born! Augh!

3. [/QUOTE]have tried explaining it to my doctor, but i don't think she understands or gets what i am trying to say. [/QUOTE]
Do you feel as though you might be interested in changing therapists? If she doesn't seem to understand you, and seems to only be placating you, I'd say address those feelings to her, watch her reaction, and figure out if you are still comfortable with her. Perhaps she can only take you so far in your journey.

Not that I'm an expert, but those are my thoughts. Best of luck to you.

[ranae1221]

well I am not seeing a therapist right now, it is just the doctor i see for 15 minutes every few weeks. i was in therapy for almost 3 years, however i stopped 6 months ago when someone very close to me passed away. plus the therapist and i kinda "grew" apart and i don't think she could help me anymore. my doctor has wanted me to start therapy again with someone new, but i don't feel it's going to help. i don't feel there is anything they can tell me that i don't already know.


yeah, i have seen that movie. and yeah, that is something i think about every day, that i was never meant to be born, to live here. people say 'oh god put you here' or something like that. but i believe that god gave people free will, and because of that free will my mom and dad had sex one time and guess what! there i was, not by some miracle but because of their choice to be together. i never had a say about being here, so why should i have to stay?

ugh...in case you can't tell, it's not a good day. my head is too full tonight.

[dollydo]

Finding the right therapist is very important. I have gone thru several. I finally feel I have found the "Right One", she is about my age and doesn't pull any punches, which I like. There are new methods being used to help depression, and anxiety, more of a physical nature, this has helped me.

Dolly