"Learned Helplessness"

[Bozo]

Well I found out my Tae Kwon Do(TKD) master is also a counselor.

Here is what happened. Friday was a very rainy day. As I was driving around doing my repair work, I noticed there was a TKD class being taught at the dojang(training hall). I've only been once in the last 4 months and I have really been isolating again.

So I decided I would pop in for 10 minutes and say hi. I couldnt do it. I had all these fears and anxieties, ie. what will people say, will they make fun of me? What if I am not welcomed? What if I am ignored? An on and on.

I talked myself out of visiting people that care about me. I know intellectually that this is crazy thinking on my part, but my emotionally charged side dictated to me how I was going to handle the moment, and I could not bring myself to stop for a visit.

This upset me to the point that I emailed the Master and told him what happened. He emailed me back and said I have something called Learned Helplessness. He said it is very common with people that suffer from clinical depression. As I do.

I am totally blown away. All the years I have talked to counselors, therapists, psychologists about how I feel and deal with situations not one of them ever mentioned Learned Helplessness.

Well I Googled Learned Helplessness and now I finally feel I have a specific item and goal I can go to therapy for.

What is this? When the student is ready, the teacher will appear?

[historyteach]

Bozo,
I am aware of learned helplessness.
And I've also done exactly what you have done. I lived in my home for 20 years. There was a community club directly against the street. I was a member for the 20 years I lved there.
Yet, after Trevor became an addict, and I went into a major depression, things changed. I spent many years looking out the window; just looking. I did not attending events held at the club. I didn't go to the book club discussions, even though I was repeatedly invited. And I even stopped going to the beach down the street! I lived in paradise, and was afraid of living it. Terribly sad...
Anyway, I'm glad your TKD teacher is a counselor, and is able to help you. Keep up the good work you are doing for you. You deserve it!
PS, How did the meeting go with the doc?

Shalom!

[1Marty]

Hey Bozo, that sound just like me too. Its still one huge problem in my life. I so much get those fears of not being accepted, for some reason. I also tend to isolate too much from family and friends. It seems like the longer I stay away, the more stressfull it is when I do see them again. I live fairly close to a store I used to work at about 6 years ago. I left there on good terms and had a lot of friends. But to this day I am afraid of going into that place due to the chance I may see someone I knew, and might have to interact. So I will always drive out of my way to a further place! Crazy. I also have a wedding I have to attend this coming Saturday, and I am already getting anxious about having to see family and some friends that I have isolated from for a good while.

[Live]

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time, Bozo. I have problems with this too. In fact, I was SURPRISED to hear my hubby say to me today that he liked to think of me as helpless. He was fussing about me driving 2 hrs to the Dr and driving after dark and I started laughing and told him that I am 47 years old and have driven myself all over the place many times and he said that he guessed he liked to think of me as helpless, that it was his job to drive. True, I prefer driving miss daisy, I like being the passenger but he is in FL and I am in Indiana and I think this is really about something else. But....oops I got off on a bit of a tangent. But...it did get me thinking about helplessness and how I manifest it. I don't think I would have thought of it in terms of the isolation and social anxiety tho'. It has always been a part of depression and a problem of mine. I will sit in this hotel room all day and never step outside when it is glorious out. I won't know whether it is raining or shining. Did he have any tips?

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by historyteach

PS, How did the meeting go with the doc?

May 31st is the appointment, I will definetely let you know.

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by 1Marty

It seems like the longer I stay away, the more stressfull it is when I do see them again.

Marty I was comforted by your post. Not because you are suffering but because I know I am not alone.

For me, I think it boils down to not knowing who I am. Or should I say it has been a long, long time since I have felt like myself.

I do not think I will ever feel like a whole person until I conquer some of these fears and phobias that are depression related.

And yet if we constantly work on emotional selves, do we not somehow miss out on life passing by?

It is very discouraging at times.

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by liveweyerd

Did he have any tips

He says he will consult with me about OTC medicine that might help relieve the depression. However, if he means things like St. Johns Wort, it wont happen because I cannot take that while I am on Zoloft.

[InvisibleNobody]

Wow. I can't believe of how much of me I see in this post. Thanks for giving me a direction to start looking so I can help myself (and possible anyone else) out of this.