Anxiety, Depression, Personality disorder? Please help.

[tryingtolive]

I have felt "not right" for about 5 years. Started my Senior year in high school and I am not 22 and a senior in College. I have been on a few ssri's but I didn't notice any change in the way I was feeling. Possibly because I was getting completly shitfaced 3 out of the 7 nights of the week. Anyway here are my symptoms and thoughts.



I have brain fog, this prevents me from thinking clear and I can't concentrate. Reading is next to impossible, unless it is something about addiction or mental health of course. Then I read it twice. LOL

Along with brain fog I have these aches and pains in my head. It feels like my brain is being poked with a needle.

I also see the world different (I only seem to notice it at night when I look at street lights, the seem very blurry) it is like I see the world through the eyes of someone who is high but I don't have any good effects.

I am not comfortable in most social situations. I am always nervous about what I am going to say or how I will be received by people. I still force myself to go and try because I don't like to sit at home I used to be very popular in highschool. Teachers would complain to my mom that I was always talking in class. Why do I feel so strange in social situaltions now? This bothers me the most. My social life is pretty ****** when it used to be great.

I have pretty low self esteem but I try to convince myslef and others that I don't.

I am a sensitive person. I think that I over react sometimes. I don't like being critized. I probably wouldn't mind being critisized or being made fun of I felt better cuz I would feel good inside and wouldn't care about what others thoght..to an extent.

I want everyone to like me. Well I guess a better way to say that would be that I don't want anyone to not like me.

I joined a fraternity and lived in the frat house but I would do things to try to avoid people. I would stay in my room a lot. I would just feel uncomfotable.

If I feel like I am being attacked I will snap and get extremly upset. I am irritable and on edge a lot.

I am also very critical of the way I look. I feel that dispite my best efforts I still don't look good. Deep down though I do feel as though I am attractive.

I feel like other people think that I am strange or stupid. I feel that I am smart. I am pretty good at trivia, chess, and puzzles.



I guess that is all I can think of right now. I just hate feeling uncomfortable. It is not just around people it is most all the time.

I would love to hear people thoughts on what I am going through. Please, I am desperate. I am begging to think that I won't feel better and I am starting to lose hope. My doc started me on Pexeva today (generic paxil i think) but I don't really have much hope that it will work. I also bought St. JOHN'S WORT. Anyone know about St. Johns wort? I have heard some people say that it work wonders for them. Can I take St. Johns wort with paxil?

Thank you for reading.

[StayinAlive]

Are you still Drinking?????????

[tryingtolive]

NO! i have been sober for 45 days no alcohol and no cigs....

[bikewench]

Hey Trying...

Sounds like you are having some issues.. ;o)

I can relate to a lot of what you described...

It got so bad that I was driven into recovery...

Over time.. I started understanding how the human conscious works... and how the things we do cause us extreme grief and anguish.

I began to rearrange my thoughts.. my beliefs... baby steps...
And slowly I started feeling better and began interacting with life more.

The journey to wellness.

some of us have to take it.

I love this site...
http://www.coping.org

And it helped me immensly to go to meetings and talk myself out on here and other recovery boards.

Self love and acceptance is what I had to shoot for.

Praying for those things for you.

[StayinAlive]

Good for you , one thing at a time. I am at 23 days so your up on me man. I feel like i should sit back a listen to posts becouse these threads are peoples lives and that i am not quaified to speak.........but I have felt like that too, allthough for me its taken a real mental health Dr......one that deals in Dual Recovery to shed light on what i have been going through and why. And this forum has been great too for finding links that help me to research my particular problems.

[BSPGirl]

Hmm seems you need to share all these complaints with your dr, a good dr performs a physical (for example for the stuff like 'seeing things blurry') to outrule any physical problems then dr's can also refer you to a therapist or whatever if needed. Anyway, some things don't really sound too unusual to me, some ppl get angry more often, some ppl prefer being alone more than being with others, it's society which labels this as 'abnormal' perhaps, but hey normal is a setting on the dryer, sooo...but I'd say, go talk to a dr you really trust and share all your concerns. Oh hey and congrats on your sober time.

[Morning Glory]

I have these aches and pains in my head. It feels like my brain is being poked with a needle.

Did you tell your doctor about this? Did you get a cat scan or MRI? You might want to ask for one just to ease your mind.

All the other symptoms you described can be symptoms of anxiety. I've experienced all of them. The paxil should help. You might not notice a change for 4 to 6 weeks though.

Don't take the St John's Wort with the paxil unless you ask your doctor first. I don't think you can use both. Another symptom of anxiety is the fear of having a terminal disease or the fear of losing your mind. I'm pretty sure you are just fine and it's just anxiety.

[tryingtolive]

thanks morning glory. Yes I have had an MRI done and everything was normal. But I can tell you that this is not normal. LOL.

After some unprotected sex I got a fever and a sore throat and I was going crazy because I had convinced myself that the fever and sore throat were the ARS signs of HIV infection. A test showed that I had strep throat, but I continued to firmly believe that I had contracted HIV. I finally took a bunch of klonopin (the only way I would have been able to go get a test) and went to a clinic. Of course I tested negative. I often think I am going crazy or will snap and do something crazy. I just hope I don't have a personality disorder. I don't think I do but when I read about the symptoms I think they sound like me whether it is borderline personality, dependant personality, or avoidant personality....ect.

[StayinAlive]

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ere-85556.html

Very good thread on Klonopin type drugs. Are you seeing a good psyciatrist?? Helped me emensly,you can get refured if you are honest about how you are feeling or what you are thinking? It took me an e r visit and 2 days in the hospital to find one.
Seeing a gp is like taking your care to Minute Lube for an ECU rebuild.

[BSPGirl]

After some unprotected sex I got a fever and a sore throat and I was going crazy because I had convinced myself that the fever and sore throat were the ARS signs of HIV infection. A test showed that I had strep throat, but I continued to firmly believe that I had contracted HIV. I finally took a bunch of klonopin (the only way I would have been able to go get a test) and went to a clinic. Of course I tested negative. I often think I am going crazy or will snap and do something crazy. I just hope I don't have a personality disorder. I don't think I do but when I read about the symptoms I think they sound like me whether it is borderline personality, dependant personality, or avoidant personality....ect.

Ya know, I dun wanna be harsh but I think you got a case of hypochondria, not any personality disorder. You're way too anxious about your health, perhaps it's an idea to simply stop reading up on all those symptoms, I did, helped bunches cuz when I read DSM IV I think I got it all too.

I hasten to add I'm not a medical professional, I'm just observing and commenting. I think it's important to stay in touch with a dr you trust.

[begunartist]

Im new around these parts, but the symptoms you described aren't really 'symptoms' at all. It sounds like you've got some issues to work through, of course, but being an alcoholic, you're sort of predisposed to some low self esteem issues anyways, right? It could be a slight case of depression or anxiety, sure. Don't rush into drugs though, because its possible that now in your alcohol-free and cigarette free mindest, you're maybe thinking a little more clearly and so your mind is racing...something it couldn't do before when you were drinking. I'd suggest talking to a therapist, perhaps he or she could help you deal with some of these issues, and also rest your mind about some of your worries. The self esteem issue is something that takes time though, and work. If your counselor/therapist believes theres something else there, she'll reccomend a psychiatrist who can help you out medicinally, but don't jump any guns and certainly don't try to diagnose yourself with anything. Borderline Personality Disorder is an extremley vague description of a set of symptoms, and I think that just about anyone could read into it too much and "diagnose themselves" as having BPD, or any other personality/anxiety disorder. You'd be surprised what a little depression and anxiety could do to your mind,

Also, regarding "seeing the world through different eyes"...maybe you simply need to get your eyes checked. Since your MRI (assuming it was recent) came back normal, it may just be a tough time seeing at night. I have a hard time seeing at night, my eyes dont adjust as quickly as they do during the day, and any bright lights or headlights seem to throw off any adjustment I do make.

[cinderellawkids]

I had the brain fog and blurry night issues about 4 years ago. It lead to extreme dixzziness and heart papiltations as well as headaches and blackouts. ST Johns Wort only made it worse. After a series of tests I was daignosed with migraine syndrome and put on Topomax for the headaches (an antiseizure med) When I got pregnant I ahd to go off it they started me on anxiety meds (Zoloft first.) I ahted it. STopped it cold turkey and then was miserable jsut as all the symptoms started I started taking feverfew for the migraines watching my hydration and wearing sunglasses outside the headaches seemed less but my anxiety became more apparent. Turned out all onlng my issue was severe anxiety. It triggered the rest. I am on Lexapro for anxiety now and the fog brain blurry eyes dizziness heart palpits as well as depression and major moodswings are gone.

[tryingtolive]

Thanks for all your thoughts and input. I really do enjoy reading your responses. People seem to think I am normal, maybe a little weird at times, but nothing strange. I don't feel that way though. I feel as though I am different and there is something wrong with me and no matter how much I read and try and figure out what is wrong with me I get nowhere. I am taking paxil and have been for two weeks now. I think it maybe helping me a bit but it may be placebo effect. I know paxil can take a while to work but I just want to get to the point where I feel normal! More than anything I just want to feel normal. Why don't I? Mabye cuz of all the drugs I smoked in high school? maybe not? I feel like I know who I am but I don't at times. I know what music I like, what games I like, what TV shows I like, what kind of people I am attracted to sexually and non sexual, I think I am a nice person who is understanding or at least I try to be, I know that I don't like math and I like politics, I am pretty good at sports especially snow and water sports. I love watching basketball and football. Sometimes I think I am not comfortable in my own skin.
I took a semester off from school and now I am back for a summer class. I just hope I can make it through with a good grade. Well im off to the gym.

I look forward to continued responses. Thanks.

[tryingtolive]

I know that my drinking was just self medicating. I was trying to escape the uncomfortable feeling that I carry with me. I kinda believe that using drugs is the reason I have so much anxiety. Before I used I was very outgoing, well liked, fun to be around, ect. Now I don't think that is true. When I was drinking I would want to numb the pain of my life and it when I was intoxicated I would always to things I would regret the next day. I would spend a lot of money and would sleep with random strangers I met at the bar. (although I think that many here have probably done this. Maybe not) The next day I just think to myself "what the **** am I doing!!" I would be upset that I was impulsive like that and just seeking pleasure of any kind. "When I am not drinking I do not have those problems I just feel uncomfortable. The way I feel is crippling sometimes.

I think I will go to my first AA meeting tomorrow. I need to get a grip on my life and myself. I do need some support because I am so lonely now.

[Nina Kay]

I do hope that you find a good meeting and go to it. I do believe that it will help you. I hope that you can eventually get a sponsor that you will feel comfortable talking to with honesty. I also hope that you will seriously work the 12-steps of AA. It seems like you are suffering from a whole lot of guilt to me. You have a guilt complex and it's affecting you mentally, physically and emotionally. It also takes a while after you get clean & sober before your mind and body get through the withdrawals and gets readjusted, so I think that you need to give yourself some time and in the meantime, go to as many meetings as you possible can and work with a sponsor to deal with your feelings of guilt.

Are you still taking any other meds besides Paxil? Any of these meds can give you alot of those things you've described as side effects, so you may need to have your meds adjusted too. All of this is just my 2 cents from all that I've experienced and learned from others and from reading. Take what you like and leave the rest. Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing.

[tryingtolive]

So I guess most of you think this is anxiety and depression? I have seen psychiatrist about this and they have all diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. The paxil helps a little bit. I've been on it for about 4 weeks now. I hope things get better than this though. I fear having a personality disorder of some sort. Anyone know if fearing having another disorder is a symptom of anxiety? If someone has a personality disorder (like schophriena or borderline) would they know it or would someone have to tell them? I gotta stop reading about all of these disorders i think. No one has ever said anything to me about having a disorder.

[Morning Glory]

Yes that is a symptom of anxiety. Foggy brain is too. Depression can also cause anxiety. It's also a symptom of anxiety to think there is something very wrong with us. Searching for answers on the internet will probably just confuse you and cause more anxiety. All of us can feel like we have symptoms of every disease or disorder.

It's going to take time for you to feel better. If the Paxil doesn't help make sure you talk to the psychiatrist again.