Looking For Answers!!!

[LOSTANDCONFUSD8]

I am 33 and have been with my girlfreind for over 4 years now. It hasnt been easy but there have been many good times along with the bad. Everytime we have had our differences or we have had a problem in the end I always knew we would be together. Tonight that is not the case anymore and I dont know what to do.

Two weeks ago I woke up and my life was changed. I didnt see it coming and I still dont know why.

my girlfriend lives with me in our home. she has two girls ages 12 and 11 that live with us and our son who is 1 and a half. Also her mother lives or lived in the house out back that is seperated from the house. She ran out of money so I agreed to let her live there in exchange for helping us out with our son.
two weeks ago on friday my girlfriend never came home that night. she didnt come home all weekend. that afternoon her crazy mom went out for a walk with my son and never came back either. it took several days for me to figure out what was going on. I am still shaking from everything. I dont understand any of it and it totally baffles me. the day before she left she told me as she has many times before that she loved me and that she wouldnt know how to go on without me if I was to ever leave or die. now she doesnt know me any more, or so it seems. She acts totally indifferent towards me and hasnt been home since. My sons clothes are all still here, her moms clothes are all still here, her daughters clothes are all still here.. besides a small packed bag. I have tried to talk to my g/f but i only get that we werent happy anyways and that she is doing this for the best of everybody.

my g/f is and has been on xanax for some time now that is prescribed by a quack doctor that she knows. he has been prescribing it for the entire time i have known her. she has gone into these modes before where I dont know who she is and she acts totally different but ussually she snaps out of it by now and doesnt go to this extreme. I am used to her starting arguements over simple stupid things that escalate to major arguements only to be forgotten about later on. She likes to take hydrocodone but I have finnaly made her realize that when she does her mood and personality totally change and she acts as if she doesnt even know me. of course if you try and tell her this is the problem while she is on it that never works.
i know she has some mental problems that have been diagnosed in the past. she is also on her siezure medicine because she has seizures but I dont know if she is taking that at all lately. the xanax seems to do the same...

what do I do here? I woke up one day two weeks ago and my entire life has been thrown down the drain? she is on a path for destruction and I dont know how to stop her. she wont listen to reason and is not the same when i try and talk to her. I need and want her back! one of her daughters..not my daughter but might as well be came to my door tonight in tears begging me to stay the night. her and her sister were to spend the night down the street with a frieind. she is sleeping here tongiht despite her sister telling her to come along. through tears she tells me she doesnt want to go through this again. she crys and tells me that her mom has done this before and she doesnt want her to do it again. she doesnt want to leave.

i havent seen my son in a week and a half as she has her mom and my son in a hotel somewhere in town. I have driven from hotel to hotel looking for them. I cant find them. i am totally lost and confused and hurt. i keep thinking of my poor son and how he has nothing to do with any of this.

yes we had some problems that we needed to work out. but we always have talked out our problems. nothing that warranted this and nothing that warranted the treatment that she is donig to me. I just dont understand any of it. she is like a totally different person.

i have always known she mgiht very well be bi polar or even have major personality disorders but i have also always been able to deal with it and help her. i cant help her if she isnt here, i cant help her if she doesnt listen. i cant help her at all right now. what is going on that she would just up and leave like this?
she says its because we have problems and that she wasnt happy and so on. but that just cant be the whole reason cause we have been through worse and like i said just the day before she was in my arms and told me how she loved me and couldnt go on if i wasnt there for her. I have done so much for her and have sacrificed my entire life for this women...
what can I do here? and am i way off track in thinking that she is bi-polar etc. etc. and that this maybe the reason behind her actions?... questions are welcome... .

[Morning Glory]

I think the first thing I would do if I were you would be to contact a lawyer and get custody rights established. This way she can't leave the state and take your son. I would also be very careful about having her daughter at your house at this point so that you can't be falsely accused of any wrong doing.

Make sure your son is being well taken care of. If not call child protective services.

As far as dealing with the relationship it might help if you begin by reading several of the posts on the nar-anon or family and friends forums above that might shed some light on how to handle it. There are power posts and sticky posts on the top of both of those forums that are very good.

Others will also be here to offer suggestions and experience.

Welcome to the forums.

Hugs,
MG

[LOSTANDCONFUSD8]

thank you for you reply, I am honestly not willing to go to that point yet. I am not willing to except that she is gone for good. I am waiting for her to wake up and realize what she is doing. I am actually looking for answers more related to her bi polar and so on. I know she has a strong history of mental problems and so I know there is something there. I have also seen this for myself first hand. I just need some more answers, I have exhausted everything I know with out having more knowledge. What can I read on the subject, where can I look for more answers.
I know that she loves me and that she still loves me. I have no doubt about that, you dont go from love to this over night without some thing happening. You dont leave all your kids possesions where they sit for weeks and not worry about them without having somehing wrong with your mental thinking.

[justangie]

Do you know what her diagnosis is? If so do you educate yourself on it to try to help you understand any of this? I also agree with what morningglory said about the custody issue. Good luck.

[bikewench]

Hey there...

Tough situation...
And MG gave you good advice... ;o)
Nothing like trying to shut the barn door after the horse is gone.

This link is to a bipolar site that lists all the symptoms and behaviors of the condition.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/Publicat/bipolar.cfm

If she is self medicating... then that just adds to the craziness.


As well..
you saying she has never been this bad ....
Conditions such as this are cyclic... and they can and do escalate...
We can get sicker as time goes on.. and the crap just builds on crap.
Yes.. one day we can love.. and the next day we would love to rip your head up and put it you know where... and smile while we do it.

I strongly suggest you take steps to protect yourself and your son.. in spite of the love and hope you hold for her.
Cause.. right now... her disease is running the show...


Praying for intervention for you.

[jcade]

Does her telephone come up on your caller ID? Does she work or her Mom? I ask this so we may look at this logically. And pay attention to details. If she doesnt work I would eliminate some of the higher priced motels and hotels. And concentrate on the cheaper ones.

One way to get your son back is to tell her the next time she calls that you have 300 tabs of hydrocodone and you want her to have them. Sounds dirty but hey she left and took your son! I think that is beyond dirty!

Good Luck and I hope you get your son back soon!