Why can't I say no???? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

ranae1221 · 04-18-2006, 09:58 PM

AGHHH Why can't I say no to people???!!!

I am working extra hours right now to get ready for my vacation (4/30 to 5/14), working late nights, plus trying to get my home ready to sell and having a yard sale this Saturday. My aunt is out of town this week and I am helping out with her 4 kids in the mornings, getting them off to school when their dad leaves for work.

Today my aunt calls and wants me to bring her kids up on Thursday. Of course I said I would do it. Forget my crazy work schedule, that I only have till next Friday to finish things. The whole time she was talking my head kept saying "NO NO NO, you don't have time for this".

Granted, it is only a 3 hour drive (6 hours round trip), so I am only missing 1 afternoon. Now I am beating myself up that I said yes when I didn't want to. What the h*ll is wrong with me???!!!! AGGHHHGGGHHHGGHHGGHHGHH
this sucks

thanks for letting me scream

2stop · 04-19-2006, 06:21 AM

Been there, Done that.........shed the blood!

Ypu poor dear.........It's hard at first....but what I did was.
1.) Visualize the next request........get that picture in your head.

2.) Practice saying NO......you don't have to list a reason, you CAN...but you do NOT have to!

3.) KNow and accept that they may be angry, 'disappointed'. etc etc........just practice hearing them get upset with you in your mind........

4.) Visualize again saying ....NO!..and go about your business.

You have the right to SANITY and to schedule thinsgd YOU choose........no one has to right to take advantage of you.if you REALLY want to do something..by all means say YES! But when we feel resentful and angry that we got 'duped' again...it's time to take a stand!! For US!!!

YOu can do it............{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

Grasshopper · 04-19-2006, 07:29 AM

Can relate....smile.It really was when i got tired of myself saying yes,to everyone for everything that they wanted from me,that i changed.My life was a mess,going all over the place.I didnt know if i was coming or going.I handed my life over to others,and had very little time for myself,and what i needed to do,for myself..And of course,as fate would have it,my first no,was to folks who dont accept the words no.lol.I was surprised by their reactions,for i had expected that they would accept my saying no,as i have accepted the times that they had said no to me.But this wasnt the case at all.They were offened,mad,calling me names,,etc..Oh boy.So,at first saying no,i would go on,and on,and on,with my explainations of why im saying no,to the deaf ears.My explainations were not good enough in anothers eyes.Then i came to realize that some folks,not all folks of course,but some like to control others.For me to go on,and on,and they keep saying to me,i dont understand can you explain some more.My tounge was wore out,and i ended up doing what they wanted in the first place.In doing this i was resentful at them and myself.Why be resentful of them,it worked out for them,lol..So i bombed out the first time i said no.Now to learn to say no,and mean it.Progress not perfection,,,smile.Through practice,i can today say no.I will explain myself if i really feel that i want to,or i think that another is open to listening.As soon as i find out,im talking to walls,i say no more.My actions speak for me.To be kind,as i can,and say no to others.My belief years ago was that it was not healthy for me to say no to others.To always be there for them.And hey they might not like me,if i say no.I was in fear,about saying no.But living that way wore me down.There is a time.A time to help others,and a time that i need help.Today saying no,to folks who dont want to accept this,i keep reminding myself,that no matter how another reacts,is none of my business,and that,i will have peace inside of me.This i pray inside.Most folks from my own experience accept my saying no,and there is no problem.Its the rare ones who dont.Most folks respect,that i and they can be honest,and say no to each other when the need arises.The pressure is off,and we are open with each other.Really accepting each other.
May God,s Peace be with you always,
Thanks for letting me share,my es&h.

splendra · 04-19-2006, 07:50 AM

No. Is a complete sentence...

2stop · 04-19-2006, 08:52 AM

LOL! I like that splenda!!.that's good!!

NicoBico · 04-19-2006, 04:31 PM

I have a problem with this too. Something I've noticed is that when I give in to requests I don't want to - out of a feeling of "it's the nice thing to do," or whatever - I often end up being resentful and taking it out on the person I'm doing the favor for. That's much worse than a simple "No." if you ask me.

ranae1221 · 04-19-2006, 05:53 PM

Thank you everyone....I am just so overwhelmed right now, and now is the time I should be saying NO! I am going to really work on this the next few weeks, or I will be going off the deep end. Something has to give!

thanks for letting me vent

2stop · 04-19-2006, 06:05 PM

{{{{ranae}}}}

GeorgiaPeach · 04-20-2006, 09:29 AM

Splendra you are exactly right! I have been in this same boat too! My whole family relied on me for everything. I got so overwhelmed that I started forgetting all of the things that I was supposed to be doing for myself and everyone else. My husband on the other hand is a very strong minded person (most of the time) and he either rubbed off or something because for the last several years I have been able to say no to certain things. I would even listen to telemarketers do their entire spill because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. It just takes time and even if someone gets mad at you at that time, they won't stay mad. At first they will because they are so use to you just doing these things for them but after a while, they may even stop asking all together and just take care of their own business.

04-18-2006, 09:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
ranae1221 Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 271	Why can't I say no???? AGHHH Why can't I say no to people???!!! I am working extra hours right now to get ready for my vacation (4/30 to 5/14), working late nights, plus trying to get my home ready to sell and having a yard sale this Saturday. My aunt is out of town this week and I am helping out with her 4 kids in the mornings, getting them off to school when their dad leaves for work. Today my aunt calls and wants me to bring her kids up on Thursday. Of course I said I would do it. Forget my crazy work schedule, that I only have till next Friday to finish things. The whole time she was talking my head kept saying "NO NO NO, you don't have time for this". Granted, it is only a 3 hour drive (6 hours round trip), so I am only missing 1 afternoon. Now I am beating myself up that I said yes when I didn't want to. What the hll is wrong with me???!!!! AGGHHHGGGHHHGGHHGGHHGHH this sucks thanks for letting me scream __________________ Jessica* "You can have a perfectly normal life..... if you accept the fact that your life will never be perfectly normal" You laugh because I am different...I laugh because you are all the same

04-19-2006, 06:21 AM	#2 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,650	Been there, Done that.........shed the blood! Ypu poor dear.........It's hard at first....but what I did was. 1.) Visualize the next request........get that picture in your head. 2.) Practice saying NO......you don't have to list a reason, you CAN...but you do NOT have to! 3.) KNow and accept that they may be angry, 'disappointed'. etc etc........just practice hearing them get upset with you in your mind........ 4.) Visualize again saying ....NO!..and go about your business. You have the right to SANITY and to schedule thinsgd YOU choose........no one has to right to take advantage of you.if you REALLY want to do something..by all means say YES! But when we feel resentful and angry that we got 'duped' again...it's time to take a stand!! For US!!! YOu can do it............{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-19-2006, 07:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 5,367 Blog Entries: 3	No. Is a complete sentence... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

04-19-2006, 08:52 AM	#5 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,650	LOL! I like that splenda!!.that's good!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-19-2006, 05:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
ranae1221 Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Arizona Posts: 271	Thank you everyone....I am just so overwhelmed right now, and now is the time I should be saying NO! I am going to really work on this the next few weeks, or I will be going off the deep end. Something has to give! thanks for letting me vent __________________ Jessica "You can have a perfectly normal life..... if you accept the fact that your life will never be perfectly normal" You laugh because I am different...I laugh because you are all the same

04-19-2006, 07:29 AM	#3 (permalink)
Grasshopper Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Green,green grass of home Posts: 601	Can relate....smile.It really was when i got tired of myself saying yes,to everyone for everything that they wanted from me,that i changed.My life was a mess,going all over the place.I didnt know if i was coming or going.I handed my life over to others,and had very little time for myself,and what i needed to do,for myself..And of course,as fate would have it,my first no,was to folks who dont accept the words no.lol.I was surprised by their reactions,for i had expected that they would accept my saying no,as i have accepted the times that they had said no to me.But this wasnt the case at all.They were offened,mad,calling me names,,etc..Oh boy.So,at first saying no,i would go on,and on,and on,with my explainations of why im saying no,to the deaf ears.My explainations were not good enough in anothers eyes.Then i came to realize that some folks,not all folks of course,but some like to control others.For me to go on,and on,and they keep saying to me,i dont understand can you explain some more.My tounge was wore out,and i ended up doing what they wanted in the first place.In doing this i was resentful at them and myself.Why be resentful of them,it worked out for them,lol..So i bombed out the first time i said no.Now to learn to say no,and mean it.Progress not perfection,,,smile.Through practice,i can today say no.I will explain myself if i really feel that i want to,or i think that another is open to listening.As soon as i find out,im talking to walls,i say no more.My actions speak for me.To be kind,as i can,and say no to others.My belief years ago was that it was not healthy for me to say no to others.To always be there for them.And hey they might not like me,if i say no.I was in fear,about saying no.But living that way wore me down.There is a time.A time to help others,and a time that i need help.Today saying no,to folks who dont want to accept this,i keep reminding myself,that no matter how another reacts,is none of my business,and that,i will have peace inside of me.This i pray inside.Most folks from my own experience accept my saying no,and there is no problem.Its the rare ones who dont.Most folks respect,that i and they can be honest,and say no to each other when the need arises.The pressure is off,and we are open with each other.Really accepting each other. May God,s Peace be with you always, Thanks for letting me share,my es&h.

04-19-2006, 04:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
NicoBico Existential Ninja Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Minneapolis,MN Posts: 3	I have a problem with this too. Something I've noticed is that when I give in to requests I don't want to - out of a feeling of "it's the nice thing to do," or whatever - I often end up being resentful and taking it out on the person I'm doing the favor for. That's much worse than a simple "No." if you ask me.

04-19-2006, 06:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,650	{{{{ranae}}}} __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

04-20-2006, 09:29 AM	#9 (permalink)
GeorgiaPeach Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 491	Splendra you are exactly right! I have been in this same boat too! My whole family relied on me for everything. I got so overwhelmed that I started forgetting all of the things that I was supposed to be doing for myself and everyone else. My husband on the other hand is a very strong minded person (most of the time) and he either rubbed off or something because for the last several years I have been able to say no to certain things. I would even listen to telemarketers do their entire spill because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. It just takes time and even if someone gets mad at you at that time, they won't stay mad. At first they will because they are so use to you just doing these things for them but after a while, they may even stop asking all together and just take care of their own business.

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