Bringing it all together...

[historyteach]

Well, I did take the 1/4 mg seroquel for the last two nights. I slept like a baby! But, I'm a bit foggy during the day. Trevor, (my son), said no matter the dose, it lasts for 24 hours.

I went to the gym for the first time I've been on it. I was not able to exercise the way I normally do, and it wasn't because of my knee. I was doing the eliptical and the bike for my cardio workout. With both of them, my head began to get woozie as soon as I started to get into it -- like get my heart rate up, as you're supposed to. So, I don't know what to think about that...it doesn't seem right. Also, I'm foggy.

During services, and the Torah Study afterwards, I was "in and out." However, there was a conflict following the service. I was able to follow it, participate in coming up with a preliminary plan to address the issue, without getting dragged into the drama. That was positive, even as I hate the politics of worship.

So, anyone out there with seroquel experience? Looking to hear from you, and your experience.

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Well, it's been a while.
I've decided to stop taking the zyban/welbutrin. I think that's what's aggrivating me; creating the panic attacks. It's been two days since I've had any. I am having slight withdrawal, but honestly, nothing like the withdrawal from cigarettes!

I figured that I wouldn't need the seroquel if the zyban is causing the problem. I don't like the "mother's little helper" behavior - one in the daytime to get "up" and another in the evening to get "down." So, I stopped taking it and I'm monitoring how it's going.

And I'm feeling a bit better, too. Though, right now, I'm still taking the seroquel. I need the sleep. I will look at that too, in time.

Yestereday, the SAME stuff happened at school. A girl was given permission to cut my class by the dean. She's failing, as she hasn't been in class for so long. She wants to join the golden girls, and it's not going to happen. But, the dean wrote a FALSE report, excusing her absense!
SSDD!

So, I contacted the union delegate in the buildning and today, we went to see the principal. I showed him the discipline slip with the lie written on it. I told him, in NO uncertain terms, that I do NOT accept this excuse, and that I will no longer accept excuses from the dean at all. I said the girl must be in class every day or she fails. Period. I reminded the principal that this was EXACTLY the behavior that got us into the problem to begin with, and that I would NOT go through it again.
He agreed. No arguement; no excuses.
I think the nightmare may be over.

I'm amazed at the dean still going for one last shot. If this doesn't open the principal's eyes, nothing will....Ya know, it's about 8 weeks before the end of school... What a freakin way to make a living...

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Well, it's been one week since I've taken the welbutrin/zyban. Every afternoon, I still get a bit of a headache, but it goes away. I can deal with that until it's over with for good.

I've stopped the seroquel for 4 days today. Two nights I've had difficulty sleeping; of course, I don't know how I'll sleep tonight...Last night, I took a trazadone, and it was like nothing at all.... I'm not too thrilled about that.

Once more, I met with the principal. He excused the girl afterall. See, he "investigated" with the lying dean; she told him that the girl was in a "very important meeting" with her.

The fact that I SAW her in the hallway, having a grand old time; the fact that I told her to come to class; the fact that the girl said she WAS coming to class; and the fact that the other dean HEARD this exhange...well...I guess none of that reality mattered. The girl was once more excused from class.

She has 24 absences. She has a complete 0 average this term. She cannot pass now. But, she was excused.

I stayed out wed and thurs. Came back today. There was one more note in my mailbox. It was about another child who lied, cut my class, and was insubordinate when I told her to come to class. The note asked me to see him before the suspension process goes through.
It's another excuse in the making. Of that fact, I have no doubt.

I spoke to the union rep in the building. Told him I am not wasting my breath at any more meetings; I'm not bothering to speak to him at all anymore, concerning this issue of excuses for students. I'm keeping it as more evidence for my grievance. He was surprised that I was going forward with it! I told him, there needs to be a record. I didn't cause these children to fail; and set them up to fail next year as a result. I won't be held accountable for it. And I will cover my own butt at the same time.

The grievance is continuing. As does life...

I'm really looking forward to the end of this school year!

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Took a seroquel last night, and slept like a baby again. Slept right through till @ 7:30 AM, a very rare treat for me.
Problem is, I was groggy all day again.

I suppose no one is reading this thread anymore, but, if anyone does look at it, can you give me any of the info on seroquel? Like alternate uses outside the accepted prescribed use? How long it lasts?

Thanks...
Shalom!

[historyteach]

It's now been two weeks since I've had the Welbutrin/Zyban. And I feel very good! During the afternoons I still get a very mild headache, but, it goes away quickly now. I suppose it takes time to get it all out of my system?

I'm not taking the seroquel at all anymore. But, I do take a trazadone, 50 mg, at night for sleep. It really does help me to sleep through the night. I only take one, and that works fine, though I can take two if needed. It is not necessary though. And, if I take it 10 hours before I WANT to get up, there's no groggy effect. That's not true with the seroquel. So, though it's a mild anti depressant, I'll take that until I don't need it anymore. My goal is to get off everything.

I do think the Welbutrin was causing anxiety problems, as well as a hyper active state for me. And I think it's best for me to be off it. For now, I'll continue journaling this journey, so that I can identify any problems that may crop up. Somehow, I don't think there will be.

Shalom!

[bikewench]

I'm reading along Teach... ;o)

[Live]

Hi, Teach,
I don't know anything about seroquel altho' I am sure I was prescribed it one time to treat my depression/anxiety/panic/ptsd crap. It was part of the guineau pig routine and I think I read up on it at the time and asked for something else. I seem to recall it only vaugely but did not like some side effect. I take trazadone every night. I need it for both it's anti-depressant properties and to sleep. Now, the xanax, that has become a problem for me but I know you are so wary with yours that you probably undermedicate that fight or flight stuck-switch.
The always too much stress and its devastating effects to my health and well being p' me off too. But after awhile all those repetitive attacks erode our "walls" and penetrate to our very chemistry. It makes me very mad to have so little control over that and what it has done to me.
My stressors real life are now quite managable but the switch is still stuck.
But you are the most determined lady I have ever met....so I just wait to see what you will do and consider you an inspiration.
It sucks being "the strong one", doesn't it? LOL

[historyteach]

Hiya, Bike!
Glad to have you here!

Live:
You have just about told my story -- from the guinnea pig to the undermedication. I was just reading about the increase in stressors since the 80s. It's piling up all around us. Some we can let go of. Others, well, I like the way you say having the switch stuck.
And yea, it DOES suck being the strong one. LOL!
This is NOT the life I ordered! Take it BACK!

Thanks for sharing your experience here too, Live!

Shalom!

[Live]

Geez, Teach...I all ready screwed up. I, also, know that I must take my trazadone early in the evening so it will clear and I wake naturally in the am and here it is past bedtime and I haven't taken it. I do so now....wait a minute. I don't know, I think I was in the psych ward when they gave me seroquel and we, both myself, friend patient and dr were all just playing around with meds. I think I dumped it because it made me feel bloated or something. We were all just going thro the PDR saying what about this, what about that? Yup. And that's where they send you when you need to get sane. LOL Now I do my own research and place my own orders mostly, tho' my shrink lady is very good and came up with the trazadone when I said I do not like the hypnotics....and she said you will like this and it is also an antid which you will like too.
I think I have had enough stress to last me a lifetime. I just want to be granny clampett.

Really, we could write a much better script don't ya think? if it were our choosers?

I think I would be on a yacht about now.

Hope you don't mind the joking.....but sometimes it is the best I can do.

[historyteach]

Live;
I don't mind the joking one bit! That type of comic relief can really help when it's overwhelming. As long as we can still laugh, it's just not that bad.

I just want to be granny clampett.

Well, you can be Granny; I want to be Ellie May!
I've learned that seroquel can cause the blood sugar to rise. Since I'm pre diabetic, I cannot afford that. And I haven't taken any since the 13th. I won't be taking any again. I haven't had a panic attack since I stopped the welbutrin!

The only thing I'm taking is the trazadone at night for sleep aide. You're right about taking it early. If I take it 10 hours before I want to wake up, I"m fine. My counselor told me this tip, and it works! LOL!

Now, I've got to see what happens next winter without the welbutrin. I've noticed each winter, I have a difficult time. Granted, there's a reason for it. Gun threats; riots; and a principal who allows students to cut class, causing them to fail. There's something so very wrong with our educational system. But, it's the *effect* on me that I'm talking about. The depression/anxiety that results from this type of stress. I just don't know what to do about it, without medicating. And that normally ends in too much!

Anyway, at least I'm keeping track. I see my counselor this week. So, I'll let her know my concerns and see what she thinks. And I guess I'd best tell my doc that I'm not taking anything but the trazadone anymore. LOL! He didn't want me to drop the welbutrin/zyban. But, I've also come to think that it causes more problems than it helps.

What's a woman to do?
Guess I'll ask Granny....that's what Ellie May would do!

Shalom!

[Live]

I am not ignoring you. I need to go rest.

[historyteach]

Rest up....fear not...

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Well, the Psalms tell us there is a season for everything under the heavens. I guess that's true enough. The principal is once more at it again.

He wanted the other woman in the job in Sept. Well, you already know the nonsense I went through this year, so I won't belabor that. But, I've just learned, on Friday last, that he is undermining process again; that he has a pre-determined outcome planned for another job offering.

This job is a school to career placement job. It was only posted on Friday. The woman had an interview during APRIL VACATION!
I'm pissed off totally now!
I have four years teaching career preparedness during my now 23 years of education. This woman has only three years teaching experience.

I don't understand what the hell's going on there. I spoke to the union official; she said to file another grievance for inequitible treatment. The building delegate admitted that there's a preferance to get her in the building.

For the life of me, I can't understand why. She a cocktail waitress/bartender turned teacher in the last 3 years. No cut down here. I did it for years. But, there's no special qualifications that should render this type of extraordinary treatment!

But, more importantly, I cannot fathom why they would treat me the way they did. Just to get her in. The building delegate did all but admit that I have been trashed in order to get her into a position.

I'm filing the forth grievance this year. This is the first year in my 23 years I've filed even one. It's pretty clear that there's an abusive situation here. And I will NOT be abused. :thefinger

I look forward to dealing with the superintendent over these issues.

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Well, the prom was Thursday night. I had to deal with the dean during the early part of the evening. She is the sr class advisor; me, the junior class advisor. It was the jr/sr prom. Both of us discussed the prom, and issues related to it; nothing more.

Then, Friday, I took teh Jr class advisors to dinner, in appreciation of the hard work they did all year. The other dean was supposed to come with us, but, couldn't at the last minute. The principal ended up coming! OY! What a trip that was! He offered to pay when the bill came; I said "no." This was something I wanted to do for these girls because of all they did all year. Besides, I wasn't going to let him buy his way out of what this year was like for me.

These girls and the jr class advisory, were the saving grace of the school. And they went through some tough times, let me tell ya! When the dean replaced the sr class officers witht the golden girls, earlier in the year, I dealt with the fall out with my girls. Some of the jrs thought they would throw their own coup de tat and insert themselves as officers. Not on MY watch, lol! The duly elected offficials STAYED the officials.

Oh, they were soooo funny too! One of them got a crush on the waiter! LOL! All giggles! We talked aobut their plans; two of them are going on to early admission in college. And afterwards, one asked me if I remembered to leave a tip! LOL! I gave them all little gift bags, filled with candles, insense, and other stress relieving articles. They are so cute!

Anyway, that was a nice afternoon. The week was exhausting! Now, I'm at my mom's. I took her out for drinks this afternoon. Her favorite "hang out" is closing. It's an institution in Newport, local watering hole and restaurant; and it's been sold. Rumors abide about what's going to become of the place. Even the help doesn't know how long it will stay open, or what's going to replace it.

We had a nice time, and she saw some friends. Had a few cocktails. Then, went to the outdoor bar, right on the water. It was slightly raining, but, they had a guitarist singing and playing. My mom, who is all but crippled with arthrites, got up and started dancing! And she was getting more action from the guys than I was! LOL!

She had a great time. It was soooo good to see her laughing and enjoying herself! She used to love to dance and sing. These last years, she's been in such pain, and is now in really bad shape. Dancing tonight, (mostly moving her arms, but still...), was good for her. Getting her out of the house was important. She just sits otherwise, doing not much of anything. I'm so glad we went out.

So, anohter day. I have two more weeks of school. Finals for the undergrads start Thursday. I'm moving in with mom when school gets out. Help her out. That'll be good.

Thanks for listening again!

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Yesterday at a staff meeting, principal made a comment.
He talked about why he didn't want to exit any freshmen this year. This behavior is in stark contrast to other years at the school, and the staff is angry about it, as there are a handful who have no intent on being students. The beauty of the charter school is that we can get rid of them; send them to the regular public school. (One reason charter school's have good reputations compared to the regular public schools.)
Anyway, his reasoning is "all the turmoil they went through this year."

Excuse me, but, myself and the English teacher, who's been there since the school started, are the ONLY ones who have ALL the freshmen.
And I KNOW he's not talking about the English teacher!

I left school and sat in my car seeething! Then, I went back into the school, and told him I wanted to speak with him; that I didn't want to go home angry.

We were interrupted by a phone call -- which he took while I was in the office with him. And he bagan to talk with *whomever* about how the charter school is being harmed by public school teachers bumping "thier" teachers out....which is exactly how I got stuck in this school to begin with. I left the office at that point!

Afterwards, I told him I was unhappy about what he said at the meeting. He skirted around the problem, saying he really meant something else! He also said that he was sorry the phone conversation turned the way it did; he didn't realize it was going to go that way...

Bottom line....I felt VERY good that I confronted him. I got it off my chest, and, even though he hedged, lied, he knew I called him on his BS! I'm not taking the blame for HIS actions any more, and let him know it right up front.

But, I didn't go to graduation last night. I just don't know how much more he could make it obvious that I'm not wanted there.
Can't ya just feel the love?
What a shmuck!

But, I was told two of the senior gave me a "shout out." That's a "thanks for all you've done for me" from a graduating senior. And one of the juniors recently told the spanish teacher how she "hated me" when I first came, and now she likes me so much, lol! In short, she got to know *me* and is not swayed by the nonsense of the year anymore.

One of my junior officers is now in the hospital, with an emergency apendectomy. I called mom twice, and let the principal and the other kiddies know how she's doing. (Came through fine; recouperating.)

So, tomorrow, I'm meeting Trisha, and maybe Best, if his car is ok. I won't be in school. Mental health day. That's good and needed. Exams start on Thursday for the undergrads. Field day next week, and then, the 16th, this nightmare will be over -- except for the grievance...which I AM following through with. There needs to be a record of this travesty.

Another day in the life...

But, I've been a month wihtout the Welbutrin/zyban. No more xanax, except once during that time. Haven't taken the trazadone for sleep in quite a while, and no more of the seroquel since about a month ago either. I think I only took that for two days, if I remember right, cuz I just didn't like the ups and downs of the zyban and the seroquel "mother's little helpers."

Ya know, I'm feeling pretty dang good too!
And I'm glad I have this record detailing what's been happening and the cessation of meds along with the cessation of cigarettes, now at Six months, one week, one day, 15 hours, 27 minutes and 0 seconds smoke free. That's 7585 cigarettes not smoked, saving $2,085.62. Life saved: 3 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 5 minutes. :>)
Pretty cool, no? ;>)

Shalom!

[MamaGoose]

(((( teach ))))

I'm glad that you are feeling better. Have a great visit with Trisha and Best.

Then it will be " School's Out For Summer!" Yahoo!

Hugs

[Live]

I never got around to telling you....you just go ahead and be Ellie Mae. You will have to shave your legs to run around in those short shorts. Like maybe everyday.

I like granny...she is feisty, she was on her throne with her rocking chair and shotgun on the top of the "float", she tells people to fetch, git and when ever there is something going on...Jed always says...we better check with Granny. Besides she can do a mean hoe-down. Bet she makes polk salad too. YUM YUM.

Hey, less than a week to go at the heck-hole. HOOOOOOOAAAAAHHH

I can tell you that with time...the ptsd, panic etc gets better. The key is to put ourselves in healthy life circumstances where we aren't constantly being exposed to the abnormal stress...continuously and at high unmanagable levels.

My best advice for a panic attack....breathe into a small paper bag. It feels like we can't breathe but we are actually hyperventilating and with some practice we can talk ourselves down and out of it.

love,
live

[historyteach]

Yea, Mama;
School's out .... perhaps for good!
If all goes as planned with my mom...I should be starting classes on ultrasound technology this summer...a two year program; going back and forth from Newport to FL; and in short time, no longer being a teacher. In a new career altogether. Away from the stress. :>)

Live,
It can't be too soon!
And shaving my legs DAILY!!!
LOL!
My panic attacks feel like I'm being choked. I haven't had any since I stopped taking the Welbutrin/Zyban. Not taking anything anymore! After years of being on meds, I'm completely med free todya.
I have the xanax -- just in case. And all the rest, until I see my doc. The last script of xanax I had the script went past its filling time -- expired. The pharmacist had to call to get it renewed! LOL!

So, I see my counselor next week. I've been keeping her abreast of what I'm doing. I don't think she was too thrilled but, I'm telling her anyway. And I'll see what she says tomorrow, since it's been a month without the anti depressants, and weeks since the other stuff.

I see my doc on 25 Oct for my physical. I'm not sure if I should send him a note, telling him what I'm doing or not. Just let him know after the fact? I'm very honest with him. I'm not trying to "hide" anything from him, though he really didn't want me to cut out the Welbutrin/Zyban. The last time we spoke, we agreed that I would only take one, because I was afraid that it was making me anxious. So, I guess I should tell him before hand. Probably between now and Oct I'll see him anyway, and can tell him then.

Anyway, life goes on; going to see Trisha and Best today! Leaving in about one hour!!!
Thanks for listening again!

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Best Trisha Timothy and I had a wonderful visit....
Oh, I enjoyed meeting them so much! It just wasn't long enough, though...
Wonderful people, they are, and I hope a bond has been forged with them the way I feel like it has with myself!
It was a good thing I did for myself, playing hookey yesterday and seeing the two of them!

L'Chaim!

[historyteach]

Hey, I just wanna add something here....
I am feeling good.
Really good.

I'm not euphoric or manic or anything like that. I'm tired from running around so much between my mom's and work and meeting Best and Trisha and all that stuff....
But, I'm feeling good....

And I'm glad I decided to stop taking the meds. I'm still keeping an eye on it. And will let my doc know, I've decided. I'll just send him a note to keep him informed. And I'm keeping my counselor updated.

Thanks for listening...

Shalom!

[historyteach]

OK, just gotta vent this and get it OUT of my system. I was so mad today at work -- in a meeting -- that I cried! ARGHHHHH!!!! I HATE it when I do that!

Ok, it started with the principal, (surprise!), saying that our school was a "last chance" placement for kids.
HUH???
I said "This is the LAST week of school, and I"m JUST HEARING THIS NOW?" incredulously.
He went on about how he didn't start the school year on time; there was an interum principal...yada, yada, yada....

OK, that would take care of the first month. What about the next 9 months?
I have 9 years working experience with sp ed. I've done behavior disordered and learning disordered classrooms. There are CLEAR differences in how we approach kids with special needs. Since I was never made aware that these were special needs, (though without IEP's - a legal record of their special needs), I was unaware of the need to use differential tactics, expectations, and methodologies. Therefore, I didn't USE them all year!

I'm telling ya, the tears started flowing.

Then, another teacher stated how some teachers don't teach, and she's heard kids complain and nothing's done about these "bad" teachers.

WOA, Nellie!
Again, I said that *some* kids cannot be trusted and that what they say should be taken with a grain of salt. And I stated clearly that EVERYONE at the table knew what I went through this year, and couldn't deny my truth. They concured.
At that point, I got up and excused myself for a bit.

I felt like a freakin' *sshole, crying at a meeting!

Background....I've been going back and forth to my mom's for three or more weeks; haven't slept well for the past three days; grades were due today by end of day, and we still had exams today, on top of which, our contract says we have 5 days, which this school isn't giving us, in violation of our contract. (It takes time to do a real evaluation of a year's work for each student. Sure, I *could* fake it and put anyole thing down. That's NOT my style!)
So, I'm terribly stressed out. And this hit me hard.

I didn't finish grades. I will get them in tomorrow. And I don't give a damn if they like it or not.

Then, I did have to talk to principal about two kids. One of whom failed all year, but, has sp ed issues that are NOT being met; is HIGHLY intellegent and is clearly well read; just doesn't put anything on paper. Is passive aggressive, and we are awaiting for mom to get the kid to the doc for a placement in sp ed.
I am NOT failing him. WE haven't met HIS needs. He has the intellegence, the debth of knowledge and the ability to think logically. It will serve NO useful purpose to retain him.
After much discussion, principal, (who questioned every angle of my arguement to pass him on, including the kids expectations for the following years), finally agreed with me. The child will be promoted to 10th grade.

The next one was more difficult. It was a kid with whom I've had a difficult time. She FLAT OUT LIED to me about doing her final written assignment. This is AFTER I made extensions for her (alone), and offered to help her after school multiple times.
I KNOW her game. She said she left the assignment in my mail box. Since I had JUST passed it, I knew there was nothing in there. I told her to go get it. Of course, she didn't.
And she will say that *I* lost it. Cuz, I'm the *crazy* teacher, don't cha know. And the kiddies are *always* right when it comes to any disagreement with me. (Been down this road more than once with some kids, including some seniors).
So, I laid it out to principal; said she will lie; said she will blow up when confronted, (her method of not dealing is to explode and blame.) He started to say a few things, and I just said the same thing...this is HOW she reacts and she will blame me. I will NOT buy into his excuse making, and I think he understood it this afternoon.
She fails. Period.
(She doesn't have the same knowledge etc. as the boy above for whom a special exemption was made. That's what individualism is all about. And that's what teachers get paid to do; make professional evaluations about student knowledge and ability.)

Finally, about 1/2 dozen kids have come up to me the past two days, saying that they don't understand why other kids say mean things about me; why they "don't like me." *sigh*
And the principal STILL DOES NOT GET that I'm still dealing with the fall out of his incompetence all year. Nice validation, but, I sure wish they would talk to the principal with this truth!
Not that he'd hear it, though... :

So, thanks for letting me vent. I just needed to get it out. Went to my counselor and she pointed out how much of my family background is the cause of why I get anxious when I get angry...and why that leads to tears. I'll talk about that next post. I think I've b*tched enough for one post, no?

Shalom!

[historyteach]

I told my principal that it was my intention to apply for my job again. The posting came out the other day; I picked up the application.
The purpose is because I won't be leaving for FL until November. So, I'll have 3 months of work before my mom and I leave. And I don't want to move all my stuff for that short period of time.
I've also told everyone that I was indeed going into another field of study/work - ultrasound technology. But, I've not told them I'm leaving at the beginning of the next shool year, yet. Actually, I'll be there for the first quarter of the year. They think I'm taking an early retirement in two years. And I've already begun offering my books and other materials to some of the staff who've been really wonderful to me during this chaotic year.

And let's face it; it cannot be any worse than THIS year has been!

Shalom!

[historyteach]

Hectic days since school ended... I'm frazzeled and wide awake at 3 am.

Went to consolidation meeting as required. Got the job again, but, have to apply for it still. Chaos as usual. But, it's over with.

Was at school. Had to talk to dean about Jr CLass money. She then went on to *appologise* for this year. She claimed *we* created the conditions for the "brats" (golden girls), to do what they did. *WE* Yea, right! I'm not french; there's no *we* involved at all.
She claimed she wanted me in the position because of all i had to offer. :
Anyway, it was her way of apologising. I accepted it. She recognized she was wrong and she lost. Also she must have known I was coming back. I told the principal. It could not have been easy for her, and I doubt I'll have the same experience again.

This morning and after I got home from meeting and moving, I had chaos at home -- at my mom's. My nephews live here too. For two weeks, I"ve asked one nephew to move his puter off the dining room table. We need the space with four of us living here now, and he's taking over the entire dining room. Passive agressive by nature, he does nothing for two weeks, but, complain to my mom.
Mom's yelling this morning - before I leave at 8 am. Says there's no reason for him to move it. Until I explain why we need the room.
This afternoon, talking about places he *could* put the computer, she's yelling about why it can *only* go one place, because she wants *her* things in specific places.
Notice now, it's ok to move the puter off the table, but, now the room has to be decorated in a specific manner -- that she *can't* have with the room the way it is set up now --- which she said this morning was fine. She couldn't have her decorations the way it is now either.
In short, talking, no yelling, out of both sides of her mouth.

Nephew sitting in the background, manipulating the entire thing with his passive aggressive nature.

Oh, and BIL lives in second floor apt with sister. He's giving some passive aggressive shyte too. I was cleaning the basement apt up from the disgusting mess their son left behind, so I can move in. (No exaggeration when I say trash all over the floor; mold from crap left behing.... ) I was doing *his* son's laundry to be packed away or given away or what ever...since he's moved to CA. Anyway, left a load it it in the washer, and found it the next day on the floor, dirty again; had to rewash. He never said a word to me. And this is *after* I had left him a note asking how things were going; before I moved in. His books, cds, tapes....left behind are still sitting on the kitchenette table, waiting for his dad to do *something* with them. They've not been touched for two weeks either. He KNOWS I have 9 days now to get moved in, and I've got to clean up the mold and paint! But, his son's shyte remains where I'm supposed to live.

I know moving in is going to take an adjustment on all sides. I've been *VERY* forthcoming about that to everyone, in an attempt to keep communication open. I'm getting passive aggression in return. Except from mom - that's outright aggression.

I cannot deal with this shyte. I really do NOT want the drama in my life. I wrote my other sis to talk with her. I don't think the plan is going to work out.

Mom thinks nothing of yelling at me. (All my life) I'm the only one here busting my freakin arse to get the basement finished; move; give up my home, carreer and everything; to help her. Siblings who have promised help have not been forthcoming. I have 9 days left, or have to pay another month's rent for a place I won't be living at. (And now, I'm not so sure! )

Both nephews are treated with kid gloves by her. They are 28 and 24(?) years old; the younger going to college, working part time for the summer; the older just got a job delivering pizza. (his old job got lost when the place closed, but, underachiever is an understatement, if you know what I mean.)

I'm having serious second thoughts right now, fighting off a panic attack. Went to bed crying. Woke up for the first time in hmmm quite a while, (and I've not been using a sleep aide). Feel like crying just typing this out.
But, I've got to get these feelings out of me. So I type.

I am afraid I'm making a big mistake here....and don't know what to do about it.

Shalom!

[Live]

Well, Teach...I find that putting myself in toxic environments...mostly especially at home where I live truly debilitates me. For me, it is too high a price to pay.

[historyteach]

Yea, Live;
I'm hearing you. And I'm paying close attention to me right now.
I've got some serious thinking to do here.
Thank for your feedback; it's important to me.

Shalom!