Hi Everyone..A new one here:)

[Douglas]

Hi everyone,

I suffer from severe anxiety disorder,agrophobia,
and am Bi-Polar.I have suffered depression and
the Anxiety now for the past 12 years!Yes,that is a long time of horror for me,and I do put the
blame on the doctors that I saw,one told me he
don't like "drugs"..he'd rather try other ways.
One was,buying a self-help book,and drinking
herbal tea!I kid you not,and it wasn't until last
year I met this Doctor from India,who had me tell
him more of my effects...and when it got to how
my mood changed in 1-3 mins..he ordered some
blood work...(only doctor to ever do so),and the
result--My Lithium level was 0.4..so he put me on
Lithium 1200 mg a day..25mg Paxil CR (Controlled-
Release)a day,.0.5 mg Klonopin a day.,and 16mg of Gabitril a day.So it has got it in a somewhat
stable...but along way to go.I still feel alot of
times I'd probably be better off exiting this
world...then it will pass.I have isolated myself
from the world for the past 5 years..now I see
myself at 43 and feel It is too late for me to
accomplish anything now..I am too old.But I am
trying work on my music project,and playing to
keep me calm..it does help alot!And as part of
that project is to share it with other musicians
that share the same/similar problems /interest.
What I have shared here is a small fraction of
what I have been through,but I am putting all of
that on my upcoming website.I don't want to over
due my Thread here..;
Thanks for listening,and if you have comments,
suggestions,anything,feel free to ask me.

God Bless All...

Doug

Hello Doug,

Welcome to the forum. I can really relate to your struggle. I went for 20 years with pain and suffering before I figured out how to deal with my issues. I suffered from severe panic, agoraphobia, depression and all the good things that go along with all of that. I too was never diagnosed and never received treatment.

I just want to tell you to keep going and have faith. I no longer have panic attacks or much anxiety. I'm moderately depressed, but live with it fine and still keep a sense of humor. I have very mild agoraphobia now.

There is hope. Don't ever give up.

Hugs,
MG

[Douglas]

Thanks Morninglory,for the welcome and comments,I really appreciate it..It makes it pretty hard to cope with alot of things,especially those around you,like Wife,son,brother,others who don't suffer
this,understand..so that just complicates the
whole situation.I have no friends really,just the
ones I have spoke to online..and the few here,but
not a friend I can just go to the mall with,have
lunch or coffee,and just talk...and understand!
But I hope I can outline that in the section of
my upcoming web-site.I have performed in a band professionally...and am even a professional
magician!But the only thing that draws me back, calms me to a mood that feels good,is my music.
My whole website will be centered on the Project
I am starting to get going.In brief,I want to
create a band of musicians,who share the same,
or similar problems with depression,etc,and that
share the same interest,and especially in music.
It will focus on music from the 80's (fun music
at that time),Celtic Pop..and maybe some later
70's and early 90's.And after or before practice
all sit and have discussions about things that
are bothering us,basically a group that comes together,and brings one member up when he/she
is down..etc.I'll have a whole lot more details
at my site when it is up.If anyone has any ideas, comments,on this project,please let me know,thank you.Thanks again for the nice welcome,you people seem really nice

All the Best,

Doug

Doug,

That sounds like a wonderful idea. I look forward to seeing your progress. I know that my son finds great relief by playing his guitar. I'm sure there are a lot of others too.

Please feel free to read and post on the PTSD board here too.

Hugs,
MG

[golf123]

Hey Dougy,,,Just read your thread and can relate some to what your feelin',,, I was just diagnosed 6 or so years ago with depression and finally started figuring out what my life has been
about, and why I do the things I do and feel the way I feel,,,, I think it interesting once you know what it is that is "Jacking" with our minds,,, I take paxil 25cr also and thought that I could continue to drink with it,,,, three weeks ago after sooo many close calls with total black outs I think I have convinced myself
that I have to give up the beer,,,It has been a way of life for me
since early teens to now,,,,,,Anyhow before I get to carried away
with myself I wanted to tell you that the fact that you are here and making contact with people means you got a lot to live for.
Sharing with other people and finding out that we share common
interest, problems and circumstances gives me hope that we can live with our conditions and be thankful for the good things we have and have arounds us,,,, keep up the good work dude ! lets all work together on this !!!!!! sincerely tbone,,,,,
ps I like to pick and play the blues harp also,,,,,,,,

[Harry]

Hey TBone, a musician and a golfer. Good for you. Good to hear from you posting. You sound better and that is a good thing. Keep coming, we need you, we love you and we want you. And no matter what JUST DON'T DRINK.

Harry

[ElvenJewelFree]

Welcome from another newbie! I am a former musician myself and I have also been through hell. Currently I am coming out the other side. Glad you are here!

[golf123]

Welcome EJF,
This is a good place to get the backup you need to be successful.
Luv to talk to you more some time when I got a little more time,,,remember above all ,,,,,,,my buddy Harry sez " Just don't drink !" tbone

[ElvenJewelFree]

Hi, tbone! Thanks for the warm welcome! I'm not an alcoholic, so I do drink occasionally, but I'll take that to apply to other areas in y life that are unstable -- for me, it's cutting. Hopefully that wasn't too graphic for anyone. I haven't cut in almost 2 years, so that's my "sobriety". Thank God for that! I'm glad to be here!

[Jon]

That date counts, Jewel. Don't ever forget it.

And welcome to our community!!!

[ElvenJewelFree]

Bless you Jon! Thank you SO much for your kind welcome! I like this place. I've joined this forum and another forum (PTSD) and am finding people like me. I've got aways to go, though. I think you did a good job putting this place together. Take care, have a good day, and thank you again!!!

[golf123]

Sorry about that ,,,,I jump back and forth between depression and alchoholism,I forgot where I was ,,,,like you said,,, apply the advice where it does the most good,,,keep up the good thoughts, you sound great !!! tbone

[ElvenJewelFree]

I certainly didn't care about the inaccuracy of it, tbone -- I just appreciated the well wishes! It's funny, though -- when I was in my early 20's I was in Al-anon in a very active group that went to conventions a lot and mingled with alcoholics. I have been to plenty of AA meetings in my life and always thought the alcoholics were a lot of fun to be around. Anyhow, one of the alcoholics once told me that I had an alcoholic personality! I drink moderately now, but at that time I could count on ONE hand the amount of drinks I had had in my entire LIFE! I was a real teetotaler! So I thought that was pretty funny. Of course, I have a LOT wrong with me and that's why I'm here, and that's also what he probably picked up on. But it was amusing nonetheless. Like I said, I appreciate the sentiments. My habit of cutting is at least as ugly as your alcoholism, believe me. Yecch. Glad we're recovering from it!

[golf123]

Funny how you say "Theirs a lot wrong with me". I resemble that remark ! It wasn't untill I went to a psychologist 6-7 yrs ago ( for marital problems ) did I start to learn all the stuff wrong with me,,,depression, anxiety, mood swings, etc. Anyhow despite all that, it is intersting to me to know all these things and why I have been the way I have all my life. I wish I could change the way I am, but since that ain't gonna happen all I can do is try to make the best of it. After ready other post on this site I feel I could be a lot worse. My drinkin' combined with my antidepressent didn't seem to bad for a while but it was a time bomb waitin to go off,,,,and I did more than once... Somebody up there loves me and I am hoping
that I can pull off this recovery this time and make my life better.
My family needs me. That should be motivation enough,! Nice talking to ya EJF,,,and everyone else !
One day at a time , baby ! tbone

[ElvenJewelFree]

It sounds to me like you're doing a good job so far, tbone. Alcohol and anti-depressants -- ouch! Glad you got out of that one quick! In general, though, you seem pretty grounded. I'm sure you're working your program hard. I wish you the best!:shades: