SO mad today...

[blueglass]

I rarely EVER wake up on "the wrong side of the bed" but I did today, and now I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself to make it go away.

I have been under unnecessary stress lately. My best friend and his partner of 6 years broke up in February, but before the break-up truly happened, there was a lot of drama flying around. Lots of "he said.." nonsense. I tried my best to remain neutral, even though my friend's partner was cheating and lying to him (and me) for months, but I wanted to remain friends with both of them.

Now, everytime I talk to my best friend, he's got some story to tell, some drama to pull me into, and while I realize that the easiest solution is to extract myself from it altogether, I have very few friends and he is the one I'm closest to. So I listen.. and I quietly fuel myself into a rage at the fact that he's living his life like this, and never learns anything.

For example, last year he and his partner sold a car they were given (a Cadillac, no less!) because they were SIX months behind on rent. I said to both of them that if they sold the car, they should at least vow to never let that happen again, or they really sold the car for nothing. Long story short, they ended up selling the car, paying up their rent, only to fall behind again and get evicted.

Now, my friend is living alone, and he's got no money for rent. Again. But somehow, he has money for... recreational substances, of which he's never without. It was only a month ago that his electric got turned off... then he got that on by borrowing money from someone (whom he has yet to pay back)... then his gas... then the water, I'm like SHEESH!!!! No cable, phone in someone else's name and he's already running up the bill with *69 callbacks...

The thing I can't quite figure out is why I keep taking other people's problems and laying them on my backside. I've got my own issues, albeit none that are going to affect my living situation, but I feel like I emotionally can't take anymore right now.

And what got me mad today in the first place is that I had a bad dream and people were being horrible to me in it. When I woke up, I felt like... it was just a clearer picture of the way people treat me in general, and I've been teetering on the edge of a crying/screaming fit ever since.

I'm about to get out of the house for a few, pay a few bills, and then maybe just go for a drive. I need to decompress.

How in the heck do you remain friends with someone who has so many issues that they begin to impede on your emotional well being? Is it even possible?

[justangie]

Have you tried to tell your friend that you like being friends with the both of them and that you would rather not discuss the other with either of them?

[liveweyerd]

You might do some reading in the forums on codepence and detachment. I have a couple of friends who are living messed up lives and I do struggle with my own. Sometimes I have to say to them "Can we talk about something more pleasant and fun, this is just too upsetting to both of us."

[blueglass]

Thanks to you both for your replies. I have actually told both of my friends that I would rather not talk about their issues, and it's gotten easier with one because we have no contact anymore. We're still friends, but I don't go out of my way to contact him - he and I are friends, and will always be friends, but the other is the one I'm closest to. So that situation has resolved itself.

But just yesterday, my friend calls me up, complaining out one side of his face that he is tired of being called into work on his days off, and out the other, complaining because he's short on money for rent. AGAIN. I just had to mentally laugh, because I don't quite understand not seeing the lessons that karma tries to teach you. But yes, things have gotten easier.

And yes, I've been in the forums for co-dependency. I've got so many issues that I should probably be posting in every forum here but I try to hone them down to a few at a time