obsession

[Nina Kay]

I don't know who to talk to about this. I can't afford to see a psychologist. I am obsessed with my kids and grandkids and can't seem to go on with my personal life without feeling guilty for putting myself first and not being there for them everytime they might need me or want me there. What are your thoughts on this?

[justangie]

(((((((((((((Nina))))))))))))))0

Wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you but I don't. My suggestion is work on the twelve steps of codependancy.

Good Luck

Hugs, Angie

[tkdan]

My wife was going through this and eventually became so unhappy and depressed she had to seek counseling. Through the coaching of her councelor she was able to start taking time for herself. She was able to spend money on herself without feeling guilty. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your kids. There is something wrong with if putting your kids first causes you to become depressed to the point that it effects your ability to be a consistant parent. I'm not saying this is where you're at I'm just saying this is a possible result. You deserve a life of your own. It does not make you a a bad parent to do what you want to do from time to time. Obviously you have a strong love for your kids and grandkids, it's alright to love yourself enough to make you happy too. I hope this helps some I had to watch my wife go through this so I can understand.

[Nina Kay]

Angie,
Thank you so much for your response. I do feel like I need to work the steps with this in mind.

tkdan,
I really appreciate your response and it helped me alot to know that there are others who have been through this, because I feel like I'm losing my mind. Knowing others have gone through this makes me feel like it's a more of a normal human thing. I am sorry to hear that your wife had to go through this though. I have such turmoil going on inside of me constantly with all of these emotions that I don't know how to get settled. I'll think that I have it figured out every now and then, but then I'll suddenly start second-guessing my decisions again, and then I'm right back in a tail-spin.

My kids and my grandkids are so wonderful and I love them so much that I want to be a part of everything they do. I want them to know how special that they are and that they come first with me. But I can't seem to get involved with anything for myself, because everytime I do, something comes up with them, large or small, during the same time as something that I'm involved in is happening and then starts the uproar inside of me. I then start thinking that I just shouldn't have taken on something for me because it interferes with their things. So I can never be committed to anything that I'm doing and that makes me really hesitate to get into any kind of commitments for myself. I'm always afraid that I won't be able to carry through. I don't know how other people find that balance. Thank you for saying that it's really okay for me to love myself and have a life of my own too. Now if I could just get to the place in my mind and heart where I really could accept that and believe it and act on it without guilt. Your wife is very blessed to have you to be so caring and understanding.