Anxiety

[angelgirl]

Hey all..

As many of you might know from my previous posts, I suffer from extreme anxiety.. I have since I was young. My mother did as well. It seems to have
followed in my family. I do feel bad, as my kids also show signs of it.

I guess I am writing this because I just really need to dump.. I have a ton of things going on in my life right now, and so much stress. I actually don't have alot of stuff going on, I just have alot of problems right now. I am probably at one of the toughest spots I have been in my life.

Of course most of my issues surround $$,, which is also normal. But it has gotten out of hand. If we don't find the $ by the end of March, begining of April, we will lose our house, get our Heat, and our electric all shut off
Plus I have income taxes to deal with. I am so stressed. I just need to get this out. I need to talk about it a bit. I don't really have anyone to talk to.
My husband ios as stressed as I am, and every night, when he comes home, we are so stressed out, we talk abotu it, and we either argue, or we are just stressed.

I have been so stressed, that I can feel my heart pounding right out of my chest lately,. I mean it. My heart rate has been really high, constantly, yet I am dead tired, yet I can't sleep. Or I drop over to sleep at a very inconvienent time.

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for my life, my sobriety, alot. My family, God.. But, I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

Thanks so much for listening. Love ya all.

Please keep us in your prayers,
Thanks,
Love ya,
Becky

[best]

But, I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

I know someone that knows just how much you can take.
Rather then sitting and argueing about it when he comes home, try something else.... Prayer together about it.

You will be suprised at the results.

[Alera]

You know I will be praying for you, and I am here for you as well. You know that. Just try some deep breathes, get a lot oxygen to that brain, and maybe unplug the phone one night and rent a movie. It isn't much but it can help get your mind back to the ablity to deal with these problems. And what Best said as well.

[2stop]

((((((((((((((angelgirl)))))))))))))))

I know exactly what it feels like to have severe anxiety and be soooo miserable you think you can't last one more second.

We are also going through financial trouble, over. We owe the IRS over $12,000.00 Our real estate and school taxes are a year behind, we owe state taxes, all the bills are lot.....lol even our burial plot we are paying on......no9t funny but it amuses me somehow that I cannot even afford to pay for my funeral!

I have always suffered from para;yzing anxiety.until this past year. I got on Zoloft.I decided to hit my problems head on..........I am now able to drive for 7 yrs even car commercials made me sweat and tremble) I leave the house every day(no more peeking out the mini blinds) too paralyzed to even go and get cigarettes!(which I have not smoked since January)

Many things help me with my anxiety.........prayer, talk, journals, medicine, friends, hope, gratitude.

The losing the house part is hitting me pretty hard some days. I have no job skilss and my husband is usuallly fed up with me not providing any money.but I say I can only deal with one day at atime...I am going to sign up for some fre adult education classes in computer and go from there.

What I tell myself about losing the house is this...( a twist on the gratitude list) is this...even if we have to rent again...if we lose every material possession we have.. we have each other, we have had more than many many citizens of this world....so many women in foreign lands have nothing!! they lack even their basic freedoms and dignity...I am blessed beyond measure even if I lose it all..because I have the freedoms to gain it all back..aND THEN SOME. And it may be, God willing we will not lose our home....I pray we do not....but I have to stay in each day...and not fear the future........worry and anxiety feed off itself and it grows out of control real quick....try and stay in today...find your inner peace and know there is peace during the storm..no matter how wild the storm may.

Prayers for you and your family.........I pray it all works out for the best. (((HUGE HUGS))))

[Bozo]

Been there, done that. Are there any non addicting medicines that can relieve anxiety. I take Zoloft 75mg. a day, but that helps more with obsessive compulsive behaviour. I still have that doom and gloom feeling in the pit of my stomach that eventually leads to anxiety and panic.

There must be some kind of medicine that helps with anxiety?

[Purrdy]

my heart aches for all of you who are experiencing these problems right now, i too have been there and had terrible experiences....all i can say is that one day at a time they do pass...

How often have you worried yourself into a frenzy only to find that things sort themselves out or the out come is not as bad as you expected? I often review situations adn think after wards why the hell did i spend so much time and energy worrying about it?

We cannot see the bigger picture and that is the hardest part....

as long as you are doing something towrds sorting out the things that CAN be sorted out...good communication with financial people etc and paying off what you can and keeping people informed of what you intend to do then thats all you can do....its when we deny our problems we get in the mire!!!

Easier said than done i know but keep venting and posting because you are never alone hun, really we are all here together to help eachother even if its a few kind supportive words on a computer screen....

love and hugs sweetpea i am praying for you!

love purrdyxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[angelgirl]

Hey,, thanks to all of you truly wonderful people. I love you all so much!! I now I say that all the time here on SR, but I do. I do need you all so much. I am more grateful for all of you, than you can possibly know. So thank you for listening, and posting back to me.. I just do really need to get it out, often.

ya know, they say in our addictions, we tend to isolate, and when we get clean, and work a program, and do healthy things, and so on, we don't do that anymore. I knwo this is not the addiction board, but, I am saying that I think it does deal with my meantal health issues.. I haven't used pain killers since 4/6/05. I take my prescribed meds, and directed, and I still feel myself isolating often. I feel liek I can say this here, on the MH board, but I am afraid to say it anywhere else. I feel maybe you can understand. Do you isolate??

2stop, I see you say that you were isolating, right, I think that is what youa re saying. I feel like if I say it anywhere else, people will say I am doing somthing wrong.
But I think it has to do with my Bi-Polar, and my anxiety issues. I am sure of it. It seems that dor some, they get clean, work a program, or whatever, and their issues, (like this) go away.. It has been almost a year for me, and mine is not going away.
Like I said, I am just afaid to admit this to people, that I do isolate. I know this does hold me back a bit from being a mentally healthier person, but it seems like a circle, I isolate because of my issues, yet maybe my issues would get a little better if I didn't???

I do attend alot of different support groups. I do open up at my mental health groups. But I don't as much at my recovery group..

I hoep you all understand what I am trying to way here, because I know I am babbling, LOL..

Anyway, I read everything you all write me, and I am grateful for your words of wisdom. Thanks much.

Prayers,
Becky

[angelgirl]

Well, I got up this morning, and I have not felt well at all. It's scary when I feel this sick. I think it's anxiety over load from the last couple of weeks.

I got up when my husband and the kids got up, and sat down, and I got this feeling over me, that is very hard to describe, kind of a flush over my whole body that starts in my chest, and runs through out my body. Then my heart began to pound very fast.
I thought at first I was really going to get sick. It scared me, which then adds to it. What a mess that can turn into. I have had that happen before. I believe thte last time, my BP went up to 170 over something.. My heart rate went to 170 per minute. I thought for sure I was dying, and I was so uncomfortable... I went to the hospital that time, they thought I was having a stroke. Man, this is terrible for someone my age. I have to get control of this anxiety, before it kills me.
Has this ever happened to anyone else??

Thanks much,,
Love and prayers,
Becky

[best]

Only when I bring it on myself.
If I allow resentment and anger to build up inside of me, I can put myself in a rage and bring on such.
My solution is the same as your solution...We need to remember who is in charge and give our worries and cares over to Him.
I know this and you know this as well.
With practice, we will always do what needs be done so such doesn't happen to the degree we let it.
At first onset, we need to Stop and pray at that moment.
My anger will be removed with prayer and your panic will be removed as well.
It is a matter of us doing what we know works and then doing it.

*HUG* for you Becky

[angelgirl]

Hey Best,, Yes, you know that I do definately agree, god is the answer to our problems, but I have to learn to lower my stress, and anxiety around my home, and in my life, which is very difficult, becuase of the amount of things we have going on. Gos is there for me, but I do knwo that it is also up to me to do my part, and it is there, that I am having the trouble.

God has been very good to me, and I am very grateful. I have come from the depths of death.. I do believe that. In my addiction. Yet, I still have a way to go, and alot to learn. I have problems yet at home that I still need to work on. Becuase I do believe god helps those that help themselves. I am working on that.

I love ya.. Thanks. I love god.. I am grateful. I wouldn't be here, if it wasn;t for his grace, am sure none of us would..

Prayers,
Becky

[angelgirl]

I'm so observant, LOL..

If you want to move this thread to the anxiety forum, you can do that.
I just saw that forum. Sometimes I have tunnel vision. LOL..

Thanks,
Becky

[bikewench]

Becky...

I know that things are getting right maybe as fast as ya'd like...
but.. I found that learning new life skills takes time...
And of course...
I'm always waiting on God to show me the way..

you just hang in there....

One day...
you'll wake up... or you'll be standing there doing dishes or some such...
and you'll see you've come such a long way baby.. ;o)

cause.. your dragging your whole family along with ya.. ya know..

Just keep on keeping on... and don't leave us.

Praying for a peaceful easy path for you gurl.

[angelgirl]

Gosh bike,,

Thanks so much.. You are right.. I think sometimes I just need to hear someone say that,, is that silly or what?? I have come a long, long way. I really have. I have not only so much to be grateful for , but also so much to be proud of. You made me smile. I won't leave the MH forum, I need this to much..

I also wanted to say that,, I really prayed tonight. I sat and prayed with another person on the phone, it was a stranger, but god doesn't care if it's a stranger, or not, none of us are strangers to him. But, I wanted to say that I actually feel better tonight. That is truly a wonderful thing.. I am much calmer right now than I have been in about 2 weeks. I am praying it continues.. YEAH!!!!

Thanks so much for all of you as well. Love you all!!

Prayers,
Becky

[bikewench]

Prayer is a powerful thing...

when two or more people gather in my name... ;o)

Makes God happy... that ....


And yeah...
I see...
rather... I feel a change in you....

The forces for good are gathering in you and slowly building you a backbone to carry you forward... into the light...

Climbing outa our holes is probably one of the toughest jobs any of us are going to do in our lives... cause we are literally fighting for our lives...

.. while looking quite normal and having to live life like everything is fine..


But.. we know what goes on underneath...

And that can be changed....
But first... it needs to be understood...

and I need God big time...

He is my pill for everything...

Your an amazing person Becky...
so... get use to letting her shine..

eh..?? ;o)

Your loving self is perfect in God's eyes..

[Bozo]

My son has a flu virus and I stayed with him today. All was well until later this afternoon. Im just sitting there and my wife comes home with a huge bunch of homework for him to do.

I try to help him, he freaks out and says he cant do the work and he doesnt care about the work. I get nerved up and tell him he has to do the work.

Then my wife asks a simple question if I can sign my other son up for baseball. I start snapping at her, feeling unsettled, anxious, and for no apparent reason.

Now I had two cups of tea earlier this afternoon and perhaps the caffeine affected me, although I am not sure.

I want to stop feeling antsy about crap and having creeping doubts, anxiety and general feelings of unwellness.

I am sick and tired of feeling this way, I want to feel like I did when I was younger.

I dont mean to be younger, I mean to stop having these fears and generalized anxiety that keeps me from feeling like myself and ENJOYING MY GD LIFE!!!

Yes, damn it all. I want some medication that will make the anxiety and feelings of general unwellness go away.

What will make it go away? Please, anyone?

[bikewench]

Bozo...

YOU must make it go away...

and it takes some work...



That's why I LOVE the 12 Steps...

if there ever was a magic bullet.... that would be it...

Change is all about us Bozo...
and you can do it.. ;o)

[Bozo]

Becky, I found this link to have some interesting reading on it. Thought I would pass it on. http://consumerhealthdigest.com/anxi...?source=google

Thanks Bike, Ive just got some bad blood flowing around my veins and arteries. Yes I believe in God and the 12 Steps, I am just not convinced that is enough for me at this time.

[rose petals]

angelgirl--
im laura--im an alkie--i used to have major anxiety--i have ocd but it is so much better--i take prozac and depakote for ocd--i dont worry much anymore--i stopped trying frantically trying to hold on to everything and go with the flow--lose your house? cest la vee--what i mean by that is in the end it doesnt matter if you owned a house or a small stodio apartment --you wont be homeless right?--so wherever you end up youll be warm with food and cable tv and your good to go--lol--i dont know how you are--this is just how i look at it-there are people freezing and straving --im glad to have a loaf of bread and a warm bed!!--material possessions are not worth risking your health worrying about despite what society or the media saya--only my two cents--good luck--take care
laura

[bikewench]

Ive just got some bad blood flowing around my veins and arteries.

I don't believe that.. ;o)

You are a good man..

I am just not convinced that is enough for me at this time.

Then you must continue seeking.. ;o)

For myself.. when I finally hit bottom... and had to make the big decision...
the only thing that kept me here was God.

So.. I don't know any bigger pill than that...


As to the steps...


A lot of my anxiety and crazy thinking came from my persona knowing that "I" wasn't there for myself..
and that I didn't feel capable of dealing with life...
cause I never knew how..

the steps showed me how...


It was simply about taking care of myself and setting good boundaries...
But.. it all takes time...

I know you've been in recovery for a while Bozo..
I have too...
but.. this last year was the bleeder for me...


just don't quit before the miracle happens ;o)

[angelgirl]

Hey,, Thanks bike,

I really needed the boost. I do need to hear those things.
Prayer is a powerful thing...

when two or more people gather in my name... ;o)

I love that.. I do. Ya know what is really strange? I heard that statment (when two or more people gather in my name... ) this last year in my recovery meetings, Celebrate Recovery, and I had never remembered hearing that before. I am sure that I did, sometime when I was younger, and very rebellious, and not listening. But, it is often said in our prayers, in our meetings, and for some reason this it is so comforting for me to hear, I don't know why, I do believe jesus is listening to us when we pray anyway, but this particular part is just very comforting to me. I am just weird. LOL..

I just appreciate what you said to me, because it all hits home for me. \It's so true.
I do need god, without him, I knwo that I am nothing.

I was thinking about his earlier tonight, before I read this newer stuff, and I was thinking that there has to be a reasont hat god has kept me alive,. There has to be. Becuase I certainly would not be by now, if there wasn't. I just wish I knew what his plan is for me.. I know that in time I will know. Thanks Bike..

Bozo,,,

Thanks for the website,, I looked it up. But I can't take any supplements, because of the meds that I am on. I don't know if they will mix well. I am afraid to mix those with my meds.

I am sorry to hear you had a bad day.. What about you? I can't remember what meds, if any you are on right now, but if you aren't on any, maybe you can try some of the natural ones? But I haven't even heard of any of those on that site.. I was reading on another forum that some people are taking Valarian (SP?) Root for anxiety and sleep.
I don't know much about it, but I did read that it as working well for a few of them. I think it was here, on the anxiety forum,. But then one person said it gave them a terrible hang over the next day, so see, I think they are much like other prescribed meds. It just depends on if they are going to work for you or not,. Everyone is different.

Have you tried Zoloft? I know that Zoloft mixed with Welbutrin ( only a small dose of welbutrin though) worked well for me before. Have you ever tried either? I tried these again, but since I have been on the suboxone, I can't take welbutrin, and I did try zoloft, and it seemed o male me feel worse. But that is just because of the suboxone. It just doesn't mix well, for ME with other meds.

How about talking to a doctor? I see a therapist every other week. I need that very much. I would be in much worse shape if it wasn't for seeing her. She is greatl.

Well, I better get going, for some reason tonight I am so tired, I can't hardly stand it. I just fight sleep so much, just another very bad quirk of mine.. I hope to let go and sleep tonight,.

Love and prayers,
Becky

[fuster]

Angelgirl, it sounds from what you write that you have a medically managed mental health condition. That is pretty serious if your heart rate is at 170 and you are not doing a Stair Master at warp factor 10 or something else really physically taxing.

We can't really advise on that condition, and I know you aren't looking for that, but it sure sounds like you could use some professional help to manage your anxiety. The problems, well, let's put it this way: no matter how bad your financial problems are, they won't kill you (uh, but your anxiety over them might).

I have been in some financial situations where I had no clue how I would come up with funds to pay for a bunch of daily or monthly expenses like utilities and mortgage payments. What I ended up doing that worked was........(drum roll, please).....I prayed to God for help. Yep, it works. I hate to repeat what someone else said here, but Best said to pray with hubbie. I guarantee that if you ask husband to pray with you over it, and you do that regularly, there will be no more arguing. First do some humbling of yourself and ask God for help. Anxiety drives a person to want to know how things will turn out. Asking God for help means turning the power over, as in: do you feel you have more power than God? No, I didn't think so. Renew your commitment to leaving the control issues up to God, pray for some serenity, and just for God to help you not worry. If you truly are faithful and trusting of God, you will worry no more. I guarantee it. Take it from a former worrier and control freak. God puts you right where He wants you to be. The end result is not necessarily something we can foresee, only God has those answers. You have to believe He will take care of you. He will, and believing in that will eliminate your worrying. It takes some practice but you can do it.

And if you DO want to discuss it with husband, STOP doing it at the end of your day! Bad procedure, it only is good for causing more conflict.

Get into the habit of asking permission to discuss this stuff with husband, and negotiate a mutually agreeable time OTHER THAN at night, like maybe on a Saturday when both of you are not working. That will at least reduce the stressors you are currently experiencing.

[angelgirl]

Thanks fuster,,

I am sorry. I must have written that wrong. My heart rate is not 170 all the time, it is normally very fast, but not that fast. I would be long gone. I have had it that high, and never, ever want it that high again, never, especially with my BP going as high as it has along with it. It's a definate set up for a stroke., Well, it must be what a stroke feels like, and it isn't good.

My normal heart rate is 105. Almost all of the time, unless I get it going faster. When I go to the doctor, I have tried to tell them there is something wrong, but they say, no you are just nervous because you are at the doctor. I need to go back, but due to my anxiety, I am afraid to. So,, that is what my heart is about.

As far as the finances, I have been praying. I pray often. My husband isn't much into praying. i do ask him to pray, but he isn't a whole lot into praying. It's just been the last few months that he has begun to come to my Celebrate Recovery meetings, and there he is beginning to earn about the lord. That is a wonderful thing, and I am truly grateful for that. He is coming around. See, my husband is still drinking. He is a weekend binge drinker. But coming to my meetings I do believe is beginning to help him.

I believe in the beginning he was coming because he thought it would help me, but now I think he is beginning to realize that maybe he needs it as well. I do believe the day is coming that he will come around. I pray.

Yes, youa re right, we should not talk about it at night. The reason we have, is because of the collectors calls. We hadn;t been able to wait until the weekends to talk about it, and my husband works long hours. Night is when we talk, always has been. There has been to much $$ due to wait until the weekend, we were trying to figure out what to do, everyday. It has been that bad.

But I do believe that god is helping us. We are coming up with $ to begint o pay some of the bills. So things are at least looking better than they were. Thanks to god. He is so great, isn't he!!

I think I suffer from anxiety because it is something that I have always had, for as long as I can remember. for as long as I can remember, people have always told me that I worry to much. But, that never helped me stop. I do see a therapist, I also attend my celebrate recovery group. I also attend 2 other groups, one is for bi-polar, and the other is for dual diagnosis (addiction and mental health diagnosis, incase anyone didn't know what dual diagnosis is ).. But my dual group is taking a break right now for a couple fo weeks.

Thanks fuster..
Love
Becky

[fuster]

Angelgirl, glad to hear you are in the co-occurring and the bi-polar groups, and seeing a therapist. A big plus for your recovery.

God will take care of you. We just don't always know how He will do it, but like God told Job, we can't make the eagle fly or calm the wind or the seas, we did not create all the beautiful stuff in nature, so what makes us think we have the power to know why God does stuff to us? So we have to be fine with trusting that it will turn out good for us even though we don't know what God is planning for us. Just look at all the bad things that happened to Job and how his life turned out because of his strong faith.