Just a vent...

[historyteach]

OK, most of you all know this stuff, as I've posted about it here and there. And I'm not sure I want to post this or not, but, I'm throwing it out there.

I've been going through so much stress this year. I moved, and rented my house; it's not working out. The renter is always late; is not doing the work agreed upon for a lowered rent; and just sent me 1/2 of the month's rent. When I called about it, he said he didn't have the rest until this week.

I got bumped out of my position as a teacher, and put into a charter school. It's been horendous. There has been a consistent lack of administrative support from the first week. An example will suffice. A girl who swore at me and walked out of class, as asked by the dean of students, at the parent meeting, what *I* had to do in order for her to come to class! I've been a teacher for over 20 years. When kids cut class; when they swear at teachers and walk out of class, they are disciplined. Not here! This event happened the first week of school! There is a clear political basis for this treatment.

The lack of support has now gone to outright hostility. The new principal and the dean both called my old principal, to ask about my behavior, saying I was combative with students. They pulled this stunt right after I filed a grievance against them with my union -- for lack of support.

My son is a heroin addict. He's in jail, partially because a judge took him out of a rehab in Mass and told him he had to go to a non existent bed in RI. While waiting -- again for weeks -- to get into a RI rehab, he got caught buying some dope.

These are the highlights. Then, there's the regular day to day stressors, bills etc. My car just broke down, and I had to spend every penny I had in savings to get another. You know, life happens.

Anyway, I want to die.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to kill myself. I just wish I was dead.

I went into a major depression years ago. I've been doing very well for the past 5-6 years or so. With all of this going on, especially at work, I am in pain. I want it to stop, and it isn't; it's only getting worse.

Thanks for listening. I know there's nothing you can do. Just venting.

Shalom

[Bozo]

How bizarre is it that the student became the victim in the eyes of the administration.

I am totally shocked and in complete agreement with you Teach.

I had heard good things about Charter schools. We even tried to get Alex in one, but he was not chosen in the lottery.

I even asked the Dean what their policy was about imposing their political views on their students. He assured me whether left or right, this was a place for education and not for political grandstanding.

Is there anything more annoying then working for an employer that does not support their employees! I go through that everyday and I am ready to scream and pull my hair out!

I dont think you really wanna die Teach, I think you are just frustrated and tired of fighting THE GOOD FIGHT.

But you know, that is how it is with people like you and me. We care AND we have a conscience. We believe in fairness and justice. And we try to give our best efforts on a daily basis.

And the majority of my anger comes from seeing so many people in this country just wanting to do enough to get by and never willing to choose character over comfort in order to go the extra mile.

Hang in there Teach. I am sorry that you have to go through this kind of BS after all you have contributed in your years of teaching.

Learn to laugh at it I guess, they are all idiots.

[cwohio]

((teach))

[historyteach]

Hey, Bozo,
I wanna thank you for your good thoughts.
But, ya know, right now, there isn't much going on that's good.
And you're right; I am tired of it.
That's why I don't really care to go on. And I'm not trying to be melodramatic. I'm not planning anything stupid. I do wish it were over though.

I know what you mean about trying to do our best. I was once nominated for best teacher of the year. I never filled out the forms to go through the competition, though. I didn't and still don't believe in that stuff. Maybe I'm wrong...

I was babysitting my nephew yesterday. My brother is a high school science teacher who was taking his team to the Ocean Bowl Competition. They've won 8 years in a row! His team has gone onto the nationals 5 times and won. He's been honored by his college. I'm very proud of him.
Maybe I should have filled out those papers.

I do care, is my point. I just didn't care about it for myself. And now, I wonder, if I was wrong there. I spoke on another thread before about wondering what my life has been about. My family is non existent. Trevor's in prison again; Bill juist had a heart attack and doen't care anymore. His sister died recently.

Did I neglect what was important for my own well being? Honestly, at the time, I didn't think any of that was important...Who knows...

Funny you should use the word bizarre. That's the word my union rep used....And you're both right...

Anyway, thanks...I'm just rambling now...

Thanks, CW...

Shalom!

[Bozo]

So if you found out tomorrow you had a terminal illness and had 7 days to live, that is what you want?

You need rest, and lots of it. You are stressed out and it is sooooo understandable why you are.

These external things are real, and they hurt, and they drag us down to the point of quitting.

Dont quit, just rest, if you can, just rest.

The big guy in the sky does not give us more than we can handle, this too shall pass.

Teach go do something nice for yourself, like you would for any friend that was down and out.

You count!!! You really do!!!

[osier59]

((( teach )))

Sorry to hear you're having a tough day. I know it's been a heck of a ride for you lately, and I know you've made some significant changes already. Perhaps it's time for some more!

I don't have much wisdom tonight, just hugs and prayers for you. You're one of the good guys. Don't ever forget that.

Barb

[beginning2c]

(((Teach)))
I have thought the very same things this last year. 2 sons in prison, divorce, crazy people I work with always causing trouble, depression, drama at every corner! It just never seems to end! But I am still here, making it thanks to people like YOU.
Keep your head up Teach. Nothing will happen that you can't handle. Just say "I can handle it". You can. You are an awesome person, and I think I speak for evryone to say that you are very much appreciated at soberrecovery.

<p align="center"><a href="http://www.mynicespace.com/"><img src="http://i.mynicespace.com/40/4033.gif" border="0"><br /><font size="1"></font></a></p>

[velvet]

Teach...you need some rest and a huge break. Try not to stress so much about the bills. They will get paid. I have the same problem. I've been looking for a second job...no luck. Money is always a big stress problem. Just do your best every day, that is all one can expect from themselves. And from your posts, I think you do a great job everyday. Something good will happen. The Angels are with you.

[historyteach]

Thank you for your support, everyone....
I just feel like I've got to get these emotions out. Stress is too high; I've got to face the principal and the "dean" tomorrow, and it will be tough. What they did is unconscionable.
I know it won't be a pleasant day tomorrow.
I won't deal with any admin from now on without union rep there.

I have to decide what to do about all the volunteer things I do for the kiddies at school, too. I am Jr Class advisor; hold bake sales each week for fundraisers; I showed black history month movies, and planned women's history month movies; I have a dance I'm supposed to chaperone in two weeks for the Jr Class, and since I'm the advisor, I have to be there; I was planning two events for the law classes, and a trip to a medieval history museum for the history classes.

And there's the two girls who are in the school illegally.

Now, since I've been accused by the principal and dean of being "combative" and innapropriate with the kiddies, I clearly don't want to leave myself open for more charges by doing these volunteer activities.

I've been thinking of this stuff all weekend. I can't wait to hear from the union.

Shalom!

[mateo]

Hi teach,

I wonder...with all due respect... a couple questions:

I am sure you are a great teacher. And good at it.

But have you ever asked yourself if being a teacher is good for YOU?

THe only reason i say that is my personal experience... i went back to school about 10 years ago and got my teaching cert. but did not like it, or do well at it, and although i felt like a complete failure at it at the time, getting out of the profession was one of the best things that i have done. Being a teacher in and of itself is very difficult and demanding. And having to answer to students, parents, administrators, state requirements, the larger community...all at the same time is sometimes an unwinnable battle. Just like aholes, everyone's got an opinion. Its a very public position, with a lot of scrutiny. Burning out is not uncommon. Perhaps a "normal" (lol--no such thing!) 9-5 job in the private sector would be a good change for you? I only say that because it was a big relief for me. Best wishes, mateo

[splendra]

{((((teach)))))}

I used to always have at least 2 jobs usually while going to school. I had my son and, for awhile I stopped school but, then I started going back to school when my son started school also had two jobs...

I love working in resturants. I even own a resturant on wheels. I still have other work that I do. It can be very stressful for me. I know I need to also play music but, getting that together can at times be very stressfull. Life seems to get more stressed for me when I am not doing what I want to do...that's my story and I am sticking to it.

[Purrdy]

Originally Posted by historyteach

OK, most of you all know this stuff, as I've posted about it here and there. And I'm not sure I want to post this or not, but, I'm throwing it out there.

I've been going through so much stress this year. I moved, and rented my house; it's not working out. The renter is always late; is not doing the work agreed upon for a lowered rent; and just sent me 1/2 of the month's rent. When I called about it, he said he didn't have the rest until this week.

I got bumped out of my position as a teacher, and put into a charter school. It's been horendous. There has been a consistent lack of administrative support from the first week. An example will suffice. A girl who swore at me and walked out of class, as asked by the dean of students, at the parent meeting, what *I* had to do in order for her to come to class! I've been a teacher for over 20 years. When kids cut class; when they swear at teachers and walk out of class, they are disciplined. Not here! This event happened the first week of school! There is a clear political basis for this treatment.

The lack of support has now gone to outright hostility. The new principal and the dean both called my old principal, to ask about my behavior, saying I was combative with students. They pulled this stunt right after I filed a grievance against them with my union -- for lack of support.

My son is a heroin addict. He's in jail, partially because a judge took him out of a rehab in Mass and told him he had to go to a non existent bed in RI. While waiting -- again for weeks -- to get into a RI rehab, he got caught buying some dope.

These are the highlights. Then, there's the regular day to day stressors, bills etc. My car just broke down, and I had to spend every penny I had in savings to get another. You know, life happens.

Anyway, I want to die.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to kill myself. I just wish I was dead.

I went into a major depression years ago. I've been doing very well for the past 5-6 years or so. With all of this going on, especially at work, I am in pain. I want it to stop, and it isn't; it's only getting worse.

Thanks for listening. I know there's nothing you can do. Just venting.

Shalom

Oh Hist!!!

I was so saddened to read your post and if its any consolation you know I have been in a similar position at work...I resigned a couple of weeks ago and do not know where the next penny is coming form but I was told by my sponsor that i had to have faith in my HP!


do you remember when i first came to SR? you were one of the very first contacts and i love and admire you, I have read a lot of your posts and i think you are a very strong and wise person, its just that it doesnt feel like that for you right now....

remember 'this too shall pass'...dont hit me over the head! I know these sayings just seem so lame when you are in the thick of it...


I am waiting on a job right now, I have no idea what my future holds and i do not want to go into teaching anymore....I feel totally lost and at Christmas I wanted to be DEAD too!

Do you remember that? do you remember how awfull i felt? and YOU were there remember for me?

the world needs peole like you and whether or not you like it your HP or whatever you believe in is working things out for your best interests...I am typing this and trying to apply it to my own situation right now...but at this moment in time i have no other choice!!!1I have to have faith now there is nothing else to rely on!

I feel like I was done wrong and ther was no way i was going to go down the route of grievance as they were all 'heads' and management. it would have been like a lamb to the slaughter! so i left and now i feel empty and have no dream or focus anymore...oh yes i am finishing the course but even that has lost its appeal now......

So together lets hold hands across the cyber waves and hope that something will happen to sort itself out...life is a bit like a jigsaw... we have lost the missing bit right now...so we need to focus on the good stuff even if its real small you know? one day we will be able to look back and say AHHH there's the missing piece!

well that is waht i am trying to do.....

my love and prayers go out to you hist...you were there for me i hope i can be there for you....

love purrdyxxxx

[OVERIT]

(((((Teach)))))

My thoughts and prayers for your strenght are with you. This song came to me last night very strongly. So strongly that I looked up the lyrics and saved them. I was going to post them somewhere, just did not where. I think I found the place. May you feel peace soon.

Oh well, I'm tired and so weary
But I must go alone
Till the lord comes and calls, calls me away, oh yes
Well the morning's so bright
And the lamp is alight
And the night, night is as black as the sea, oh yes

There will be peace in the valley for me, some day
There will be peace in the valley for me, oh Lord I pray
There'll be no sadness, no sorrow
No trouble, trouble I see
There will be peace in the valley for me, for me

Well the bear will be gentle
And the wolves will be tame
And the lion shall lay down by the lamb, oh yes
And the beasts from the wild
Shall be lit by a child
And I'll be changed, changed from this creature that I am, oh yes

There will be peace in the valley for me, some day
There will be peace in the valley for me, oh Lord I pray
There'll be no sadness, no sorrow
No trouble, trouble I see
There will be peace in the valley for me, for me


xoxoxoxo

Ang

[Bozo]

The bills will get paid. My friend just had a house get built and the landscaper screwed him out of some money. So my friend went after him and court and the landscaper filed for bankruptcy. Isnt America wonderful?

I'm being sarcastic. So the bills will get paid eventually one way or the other. Let go of it. Try a list maybe?

Prioritize what you need to get done and go one at a time. Live in the moment.

Please let us know how the meeting went with holier than thou uppers.

[Bozo]

DON'T QUIT!
When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer, with its twists and turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When he/she might have won had he/she stuck it out
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

[angelgirl]

I am so sorry for what you are going through Teach!!

You do not deserve all of this crap going on in your life. You don't.
But, none of us do. As soon as I read where you wrote that you want to
be dead, not kill yourself, just be dead. I understood completely, 100%.
I too have been feeling the same. I just wish I were never born lately.

But we are here. So, we must just pull up the boot straps, and move on
through the day .. Although I feel somedays, liek I am just trying to get through everyday, and life is passing my by, just trying to manage through each day, and
waiting for the next day, hoping that one is better.. Ya know?

I don't know. I do know that we are here, we are stuck, no matter what happens,
we are still here. So, we are best off, at least trying to make the best of life, trying.
I too am trying.

I will definately say a prayer for you teach. I love ya, you have always been here for me. You are a wonderful lady, and you deserve wonderful things and a great life. Just know that life will get better, I keep telling myself that, and ya know, it will, it has to, right... Right.

Prayers,
Becky

[rose petals]

bozo--
lmao--i love that quote"im not much but im all i think about"--how true for this alkie--so true

take care
laura

[Purrdy]

Hey hist? you okay or is that a dumb question? I know the crap you are going through is tough right now, please post us there are so many lovely messages to you here and every word is genuine....

Just thaink that across the millions of miles people are really thinking about you, caring, sendingyou prayers and thoughts of love....I find that totally amazing!

We really care you know?

We love you....

Purrdyxxx

[Justme57]

(((((( Teach))))))

So sorry you are going thru this c-rap! I have read previously about your lack of support at work and I think it stinks. I think that teachers these days are worth their weight in gold. I sure couldnt do it .

You know , teach, about thehouse , and the renters, I would get them out asap! Dont know what the laws are over there, we have to give tennants 28 days notice. I rented a house once, and my renters were the same, by the time I procrastinatwed, they had broken doors, smashed the heater , and the cieling was damaged. Even needing the money is not worth the stress

In my Prayers Teach

HUGX
Lee

[historyteach]

Hi, everyone...and thank you all for your wonderful, supportive words.

Mateo;
Right now, I'm working with a head hunter. I'm interested in other work. You make valid points about everyone having a say.

Splendra,
I did restaurant/bartending work for over 20 years before becomming a teacher. I don't think I want to go back there.

Purdy;
Thanks. And I remember.
I trust in my HP, and I'm holding on...You're so sweet to check up on me... I didn't post when I got home from work; just too tired after meeting with principal and union.

Ang;
A beautiful tune!

Same with your post, Bozo! Thanks!

Angel, you're right; none of us deserve this!
I'm trying to get on, doing the best I can.

Lee,
You're right about the renters. I'm putting the house up for sale. I just pray he doesn't do anything bad to the house in the meantime.

Well, as I said, I had the meeting with the principal. I required the union to be there. He said there were complaints about me. And read two statements; one from a troublesome girl; one from someone who didn't give a name. Out of 125 kids, he had two complaints. One said I called her the "N" word. One said I was nice when the principal was in the room, not nice when he wasn't. There was more...nonsense.

Principal asked my response and I said I wasn't going to dignify it with a response. I also said I am not going to fight what I cannot fight; I can't stop people from saying things.

The union rep then gave a clear example of one of my students telling an absolute lie about what I'm doing in class. He witnessed it himself first hand. More came up about the new dean; he's been caught now in TWO lies concerning students. And the old dean was discussed; how teachers, including myslef, are making copies of referral slips before we hand them in cuz they "disappear." And I told the principal that the total lack of support is creating the conditions for the kiddies to act out; it's now a game for them. He was unaware that the golden girls who created such havoc for me earlier in the year, are once more not coming to class.

He never brought up the phone call to my other principal. Or the deans call. The staff is outraged by this behavior. One of the teachers gave me the email address of the CEO of the Board of Directors and told me she's friends with him; he would be angry at what's been happening and would be here himself to investigate.

The meeting could have continued, but, the school day was over, and I said I choose NOT to spend my time on this nonsense any longer. If he wants to talk more, it will be with the union, and during school time. Since I have no free periods, I'll have to be out of a class or during the few minutes after classes and the end of the day.

The president of the Union is coming on Wednesday. I am really looking forward to this! Between him and the CEO, things should change.

So, I came home exhausted, and now I've been up since @3 AM again. It's going to be a very long day, I'm afraid...

Shalom!

[historyteach]

I didn't go to work today as I was up most the night and exhausted. I called the head hunter, (employment advisor/expert), and we will meet this afternoon. I wanted to talk to him before the president of the union comes in to deal with this lack of support and outright hostility.

Anyway, I am very thankfull for your words of support. I'm having a difficult time dealing with this, honestly. You know, it dawns on me that this principal has been told about problems with this dean by multiple faculty members and the staff. The kids I have problems with are the same kids every other of their teachers has problems with. Yet, he wants to point a finger of blame at me.
I don't own this.
I'm not going to accept this mantle of blame.
The principal can start doing his job.

Shalom!

[Purrdy]

Fantastic you have the union behind you! I will join again once i get a break!

things will work out I just know they will...I am sure that this is all part of our path you know all these difficulties and obstacles its all part of the experience we have to go through...

You are worth so much more I know this from your posts and wise words and ways, im glad you are hanging in there and I am sending real positive thoughts across the waves!

love to you

Purrddyyyxxxxx

[historyteach]

That's so sweet of you, Purrdy...

I'm sure things will work out, but, I really don't like going through this. I didn't become a teacher to deal with the inept incompetitence of administration and wanna be admin. Neither one of the "deans" have their administration degrees. They are both wanna bes. One is a social worker, and is the worst enabler I've ever dealt with. I'm not sure about the other one.

Oh, and the SW dean just pulled another stunt yesterday. She had secret senior class elections and overturned the secretary and the president of the Sr Class!!! Oh, and the "golden girls" were "elected" to fill thier place!

The shyte is gonna hit the fan on this one.

Both of the replaced students are in my class. The treasurer is very upset; close to tears. The president put on an aire of nonchalance about the whole thing. But, I told him to write it up because adults were looking into this, and are clearly not happy. He was encouraged when I filled him in. I also told the girl to write it up.

This "dean" is a one woman control freak, man! She's trying to run the entire school, and has NO CREDENTIALS whatsoever! And not just run the school, but, the students lives; the placement of teachers; the budget; every aspect of the school.

That's why our in house union voted and told the principal we need a job description for her. She's out of control.

And I really don't like dealing with this crap one bit. It's tiring. It's not what I'm paid to do; it's not what I choose to do.

Anyway, thanks again...
Shalom!

[splendra]

Originally Posted by historyteach

Splendra,
I did restaurant/bartending work for over 20 years before becomming a teacher. I don't think I want to go back there.

I am not suggesting that you go back to it. I did not really post good on this I think what I meant to say was follow your passion...do what you want to do and everything should go better...am I getting in deeper here?

[historyteach]

Yea, I am hearing that. And you know, I spoke to my counselor about it too. I asked myself what I do with my spare time. And I am on here, trying hard to share my ESH. So, I thought about becoming an addiction counselor. Credentialing is easy, since I alreay have a degree. And she said that it would be fairly easy to get a job because of my teaching degree, in a residential setting. Problem is, she said, they don't pay squat! Figures, right?

Anyway, I'm looking at many areas to see where I might "fit."

Thanks for your ideas. Following our passion; getting paid to do what we love to do; well, that's really the definition of success in the workplace, isn't it?

me----->

Shalom!