Anger & me

[Cindi R]

Last week...I had a major meltdown over something sorta trivial...
It started when the boss asked me why I hadn't done this computer test on "handwashing"...
I had no real good reason, other than the fact that I'd been busy "really" washing my hands & taking care of patients.
Since I was 2 days late, she said something about "diciplanary action"...
Instantly, I was totally PO'ed!!!
I can never talk when I get that angry.
I did the test in about 5 minutes, sorta threw it at her and told her that if she ever said those words "diciplanary action" to me again we'd better be in her office instead of the middle of the nurses station.
Then I had tears streaming down my face and couldn't speak...
Came home & realized that my anger was way outta control, cause I wanted to punch her in the face or tell her to take the job and the test and put them where the sun don't shine!
Part of the reason I know was because I stopped taking my antidepressants about a month ago...I've been increasingly tearful.
I called my P. Doc and restarted my stuff and saw him yesterday and he increased my dose.
So now, I've got an amends to make...
but part of me still thinks that she was way out of line in threatning me with "diciplanary action" for that stupid test.
Suppose I need to pray for willingness and the ability to keep my cool...
Any words of advice?

[bikewench]

Cindi...

I've had a livid day as well.

Sometimes.. I'm just not into taking any crap from anyone... consequences be damned.

But.. for my own sake.. I must make sure that my side of the street is clean.. and that I'm not acting out of the wrong motives.

I'm not much help... lol
but.. sometimes there is a principle involved..
and sometimes.. I feel like defending that principle.

yeah...
amends if your sure you owe..
otherwise.. you stated your case.
People pleasing can make us move from whats right.

[Cindi R]

Was beginning to think that "I'm the only one"...
You know, how do you keep from crying when you get that ticked off?
Now I realize that it wouldn't have been acceptable to actually punch her in the face...and that would have definately called for "diciplanary action"!
So now I'm torn...I guess I'll just play it by ear...
Or maybe I'll tell her that I felt that her behavior was unwarranted for this silly little thing...that I do not respond well to threats...and that basic principles of dealing with adults is to treat them in a respectful manner and ask politely for what you want instead of demanding it.

[Done_With_It]

I can totally see my doing something like that, and then later being like, omg, why did I do that!!!!!!!

However it is not right for a boss to make a remark about diciplinary action in front of others.

As the wise one before me mentioned it's important to keep your side of the street cleaned but not get into people pleasing.

I recently did something like that as well. Both of us ended up apologizing at the same time.

You can apologize for getting as angry as you did and acknowledge that you should have taken your test sooner, and ask them sincerely if they would please bring a conversation like that to a private place if it should occur again.

That is how I would handle it anyway. I'm sure you know it's not usually wise to use the but word in a conversation like that. I've found if you don't, the conversation almost always works in favor of both people.

((((Cindi)))))

[Done_With_It]

So now I'm torn...I guess I'll just play it by ear...
Or maybe I'll tell her that I felt that her behavior was unwarranted for this silly little thing...that I do not respond well to threats...and that basic principles of dealing with adults is to treat them in a respectful manner and ask politely for what you want instead of demanding it.

Just my 2 cents of course, If you put someone in the position where they feel they need to defend themselves, they will get 'defensive'...

If they get defensive they are going to get angry at having to defend themselves. They will not see your point of view.
They will see all the reasons why they were right and you were wrong.

i.e. You should have taken your test, she shouldn't have to harp on you to take it, etc.......

If you let them figure out their misjudgements on their own, they will usually be appologetic and try a different route next time.

I remember a few months ago, that I got into it with a friend that I worked with. I was angry and she was even angrier.
Wether or not I was right, didn't matter. I handled it wrong.

I had decided to just appologize for what happened. The next day when I went up to her, lol, She cut me off so fast and was not very nice. lol....... I was upset at first, then put myself in her shoes, and realized she did that because she was thinking she was going to have to try and defend herself.

I waited for about an hour, and then I really quickly went up to her and before she could say anything, I said, HEY.......... I JUST WANTED TO SAY I WAS SORRY ABOUT YESTERDAY.....

180% instant turn around. We then both talked and laughed the rest of the day. Had I not done that, it would have made both of our lives hell all day. She ended up appologizing back to me. I am sure if I had handled it differently or how I may have in the past, it would not have turned out so good.

Just some thoughts from the head of DWI.....

Let us know what you decide. :-)

[Ameliorater]

I'd say always talk to your sponsor before making an amends. To be sure of your motives. One thing I've found to help me is to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. I know others don't do it but it's incumbent on us in the recovery world to start the ball rolling.
I used to be in management years ago and one thing I do know is that often I had to do things that I didn’t want to do but my superiors wanted it done.

[bikewench]

So.. just gonna update my spazz....

And it was a spazzzzz... on my part.

My daughter's laptop (6 months old) was not working.. and I took it into the big box where we bought it. They had it one day and gave it back to her and it was still broken.

My daughter in distress asked me to handle it.
I've had many dealings with this store.. and have long deplored their service.. but this time .. it was exacerbated by a snoty female clerk first thing in the morning before I had 2 full sentences outa my mouth.

So.. I flung an attitude back at her.. and told her to get the tech to call me.

No call by 2.. so I called again...
nicer lady.. could have been the contrite first one.. who cares.. but.. they wouldn't let me talk to the tech.
so.. left my number again.

5:30 comes.. and no call..

I'm seething now.. lol

So.. call em again.. won;t let me talk to the tech.

so.. give me the manager I says...
and I proceed to rant all over him...
tell him what crappy employees he has and how their service sections sucks big time...
and how I spend lots of money there yadda yadda yadda...

Well.. he talked me down.. lol

And then got it straightened out.


Looking at it today.. I know I overreacted.. but.. there are just days that the crap of the world gets so threatening that I jsut cannot help but push back.


I thanked the manager profusely.. and made my amends to the tech who is a sweet guy bar none..

The woman that dis'ed me is still getting prickly thoughts though.. lol
but.. I'm workin on it.

have a great day everyone.

[Done_With_It]

Hey Bike,

Although it sucks you had to do that, I don't think you necessarily overreacted. I've worked off and on in retail for years, all the way up to a district type manager position. The only way usually to get what you want is to bit*ch to a manager or higher up. Everyplace I've worked follows the same policy. If you are NICE you don't get what you need/want. If you become irate, angry, or are a jerk? They hand you over WHATEVER it is you want.

I used to give out the free gifts we had to the nice customers because it made me so mad that they were for the rude ones........

You shouldn't have to deal with waiting around all day and wondering if they are going to call you back or not. It's VERY easy to assure someone that they will get a call back, or let them leave the store knowing they are being taken care of. Had they done that in the first place??? I'm sure you would have not been wondering all day if they are going to call.

Gawd, retail nightmares. I remember them all to well....... lol

I hope the laptop gets fixed soon!!!

[bikewench]

Tanks Done.. ;o)

I'm trying not to get on myself about it.. but.. I am an intense person.. and I know that it can get out of hand..

I don't like being goaded into reacting like that..

I'd like to be calm and collected 24/7...

now bout that for unreal expectations eh..?? ;o)



Hey Cindi.. how'd it go for you today...??

[Purrdy]

Originally Posted by Cindi R

Last week...I had a major meltdown over something sorta trivial...
It started when the boss asked me why I hadn't done this computer test on "handwashing"...
I had no real good reason, other than the fact that I'd been busy "really" washing my hands & taking care of patients.
Since I was 2 days late, she said something about "diciplanary action"...
Instantly, I was totally PO'ed!!!
I can never talk when I get that angry.
I did the test in about 5 minutes, sorta threw it at her and told her that if she ever said those words "diciplanary action" to me again we'd better be in her office instead of the middle of the nurses station.
Then I had tears streaming down my face and couldn't speak...
Came home & realized that my anger was way outta control, cause I wanted to punch her in the face or tell her to take the job and the test and put them where the sun don't shine!
Part of the reason I know was because I stopped taking my antidepressants about a month ago...I've been increasingly tearful.
I called my P. Doc and restarted my stuff and saw him yesterday and he increased my dose.
So now, I've got an amends to make...
but part of me still thinks that she was way out of line in threatning me with "diciplanary action" for that stupid test.
Suppose I need to pray for willingness and the ability to keep my cool...
Any words of advice?

Hi Cindi dont know if you read my post a couple of weeks ago here in the mental forum whereby i ws in a similar situation pre christmas they actually put me on a verbal disciplinary to be kept on file for 6 months it was so damned trivial I just could not believe it!!!, it was so unfair! it was unbelievable!!!
I walked out and got signed off with depression and a lot of how i reacted was due to the fact I had stopped taking my medication. I was almost suicidal over Christmas and have never felt so low in sobriety...

I am still reeling at the unfairness of it all, how these people can throw thier weight around and abuse their position and in recovery we feel like its OUR fault all the time!

I reacted exactly the same as you AND so did my hubby who went and intimidated MY boss!!! so it made it even worse ha ha

I am handing in my notice and looking for new jobs right now but I am still angry and bitter....two emotions we could do without in recovery, I keep speaking with my sponsor and keep venting on here and the more you share a problem the more it dissipates so you keep praying and venting and talking to your sponsor and maybe when you feel calm enough take her to one side and smack her ******* head in (ha h a ha ha )

No really(LOL)make sure YOU act with dignity! Take her to one side or ask to have a word at her earliest convenience but do insist ona time and tell her that you did not like the way she handled the situation and appologise for seemingly 'overeacting'. job done....
You can bet your bottom dollar she will have far more respect for yu after that!


Hey dont let them chew you up, dont let them turn your insides out with the emotional cancer ANGER! I am feeling anger right now like ive never felt it before but its a good thing too...KEEP talking about it until you are sick of it and that and time will help the anger to dissipate, anger cannot go unless its aknowledged and let go....Well for me anyway

Keep posting sweetpea!

Thinking of you

love purrdyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by bikewench

it was exacerbated by a snoty female clerk first thing in the morning before I had 2 full sentences outa my mouth.
.

At least that is what Wayne Dyer writes about in his book Pulling Your Own Strings.

I am amazed by you ability to stand up for yourself.

I think you did the right thing. IMHO.

[Cindi R]

Well, obviously....if I had punched her in the face I'd say that would have been grounds for that severity of punishment...hell, I'd probably have been fired over that.
So I did show a little restraint.
I definitely restrained my tongue...cause what I wanted to tell her was way worse that what came outta my mouth.
Now I don't want to go in there asking for forgiveness because I haven't been taking my meds...even though that is part of the reason.
It sounds like a cop out...an excuse for bad behavior.
But, on the other hand...I don't want them to think I'm acting crazy because they think I'm using again.
Although, it was a different boss..and a long time ago, I'm certain it's still in my file.
I guess it comes down to the whole...I don't know how to express anything but "pleasant, happy" thoughts...
and when you're a girl it's not acceptable to have anger as an emotion.
Men get by with swearing and throwing stuff...
but women are "expected" to stuff their anger, not to show it...
I'm doing a lot better today...it's been a week now, the meds have kicked in and I think that I may be able to actually look at her without getting myself worked into a tizzy.
Luckily that happened just before I had my 8 day stretch of days off...
I do think that I need to apologize for becomming so upset.
For now, I think I'll just say I'd had a really bad day/week...and if she pushes...I'll tell her about the antidepressant aspect.

[Chance]

((((Cindi)))))

So guess we are all still human huh? You know it is OK to be angry, it is OK to be pissed off, the only thing is that we have to watch how we react. Yesterday I was beating myself up for making a wrong decision or was it. I have learned a lot here lately and I am not sure if there is a wrong or right, black or white, good or bad, or if it just simply IS> You know they say that there are no MISTAKES in Gods world so if that is true then we use all our experiences, strength and hope that we don't have to continue doing or saying what we do or say. It takes what it takes but if you ever need someone to talk to I am here.

Love Vic

[Chance]

LOL we posted at the same time

Love Vic

[Done_With_It]

Cindi,

Sounds like a good idea. Let us know what happens. I'm glad your meds are helping you.

I agree with the bad week day thing, rather than the meds. People don't need to know everything. :-)

Keep us posted.

DWI

[Cindi R]

(((Done)))
You're probably right. In hindsight, she may have said "I'm sorry"...when she saw that I was crying. But, I was too pi$$ed to hear it at the time, let alone acknowledge her apology.
(((BW)))Thanks...It's nice to know that others are able to relate. It definitely was about the "principle" rather that the actual issue.
Good job on the laptop, hope it gets fixed up right.
(((Amel))) I know...but the sponsor has far bigger issues than mine...so I always hate to bug her unless it's a life or death situation.
(((Purrdy))) I'm sorry to hear that...but I sure can relate. Hopefully you'll find something better soon.

[Purrdy]

Quite right Done!

WE have been through enough getting to grips with our own demons why the hell should we spell it out for others to paw over! its none of thier damned business!!!

But its the way we feel in recovery like we have to explain every little thing to everyone as if making excuses

Cindi you dont have to make excuses for yourself! sometimes we react its OK! we are not saints!! We are human beings!!

The sooner you lay this to rest in a calm and dignified manner the better you will feel.

There is nothing wrong with you! You are lovely, strong and caring and I gleened that from reading just one of your posts!

so you hold your head high OK!!!!!

WE are behind you and rooting for you

Love as always Purrddyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Done_With_It]

(((Done)))
You're probably right. In hindsight, she may have said "I'm sorry"...when she saw that I was crying. But, I was too pi$$ed to hear it at the time, let alone acknowledge her apology.

One day I may be that good, but I think I meant that it something I would try and do later. lol. For me I usually have to walk away and then come back. Trying to do it when your pissed off, (just as I would have done) would probably only make things worse off.
Usually if it's work related I need a day or so to come back to the situation.

However you handle it, I'm sure will work out great. :-) ((((CINDI))))

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by Done-With-It

I agree with the bad week day thing,

There are GOOD days and GROWING days.