Anxiety

[angelgirl]

Hey,,

I just thought I would post here, I am just about at the end of my rope..
Not really knowing what to do anymore.. I think I have really had about all I can take.

I have suffered from anxiety as many of you know for many years. As long as I can remember really. But, I do believe it is the worst it has ever been, and I don't really know if I can take anymore. I really don't.

I have gone from someone who NEVER sleeps, to someone who sleeps most of the time. I am trying to sleep as often as I can, because I need to escape life.. My anxiety is so darn bad when I am awake, that I can't take it.

Please don't tell me to take a bath or anything like that, because I can't sit stil that long, if I laid in the bath tub, I would probably throw up from being so anxious.

I just shake, sometimes, out of control. Thoughts are just terrible, and all over the place. Doom.. Everything seems terrible and life shattering.

I actually feel liek I am going to throw up right now. This has gotten out of control, and I don't know what happened?? I don't know why? I just know that i need it to get better NOW.

I spend so much time praying, praying, praying. Why is god allowing me to suffer like this?? Am I so bad? I jus tdon't understand, really I don't??

I feel really bad for my kids.

Has this ever gotten this bad for anyone if their life>?? I am talking really, really bad?? So bad that it affects every moment of their day/night?? That you just shake all the time, sometimes so bad you jus tshake uncontrolled??
If so, how did you get better??

I am in 2 support groups, and I see a therapist everyweek, or 2..

Thanks so much.. I am sorry for sounding so crazy, but it I really am at my end.. I don't know if I can take this anymore.

It's a darn good thing I do NOT believe in suicide..

By the way, I fear that I am going to end up in the menatl hospital. That is the biggest fear in my life!! I am so afraid if I ever end up0 there, I will never come back. I never ever want to go there, ever.

I do know that I fear doctors, and illess, really bad!!!
My husband who has been really super healthy forever, is suddenly sick, and we have spent alot of time at the doctors this week and last. I think a great deal of this has to do withthat. I THINK.. But it i9s so out of control.
My husband was not feeling at all well a little while ago, and my anxiety suddenly got SUPER bad, now I am shaking so bad, I cna hardly type. I just can think..

I knwo it has to do with my mom dying so young of cancer that the doctors missed for so long. I can be reasonable about that, and say, my husband will be ok, but I can't get my body to calm down. I don't knw0o if that is really all that is wrong??

Lord, I need help..

Love and prayers,
Becky

[2dayzmuse]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I used to suffer from bad anxiety. I can relate to much you have said. I have read your posts before, but I can't remember if you are taking medication or not. Surely you must be taking something? Is it not working? I would think that there would be something that would help. I would take something when my anxiety would build and I would start to calm down immediately. Maybe it's time to talk with your doctor again if its been awhile.

[liveweyerd]

Yes, please get help!

I was in the psych ward for 5 days once. Why, it felt like a retreat!

In any case, please see a Dr, get the help you need to be well and happy. Please.

[angelgirl]

Thanks

I am SO afraid of doctors, and defiantely afraid of psych wards,..

I am on Topamax, and Lorazepam, and I am on Suboxone. Sub for my drug addiction.

I am seeing a doctor for my problems. They are just having a terrible time with meds for me. Nothing as worked. I haven't been able to take anything. The side effects have been just way to bad, so I stop. The last one I was on and just recently stopped last week, was lamictal. That was doing nothing and causing me problems. So far the only thing I have been able to stick with is the 3 I am on.. I am so fed up.. Every muscle in my body is constantly in knots.

I just feel very sick to my stomach.. I am just so tired of it.. I am so afraid of being afraid.

I feel like I am just going down hill.....

Thanks so much for being so understanding and caring
and for listening to me when I really need someone to talk to..

Love,
Becky

[Wolfstarr]

(((((Becky))))))

Oh Dear Becky. I have anxiety. Bad at times. Yes, I have felt so bad I have shaken and shivered and yes, I have been so nauseated that I have thrown up.

It feels as if it will never pass. But, it does. IT DOES PASS.
See your therapist and your Dr, and as a suggestion, you may need more therapy or even something to calm you and help you through this time with your husband being so ill.

Sometimes it gets to where we can't see a light at the end, but it's there, believe me it's there. Your prayers are not going unnoticed Becky. And...what's the worst that can happen? That you go to a mental hospital?
I used to fear that, too. Now, if I needed it, I would definitely go for my own well being.
It does not have the stigma it used to. People are much more understanding and accepting of anxiety problems, in fact, most people can relate, believe it or not.
Even my own therapist has anxiety...after all, he is human.
(And it makes me feel better that I can relate to him) Patient/therapist association.

Becky it will be better, really. Give yourself a break and allow yourself the feelings you are having and try not to squelch them. Let them out.

Candles are lit for you tonight, and prayers are being said now for you, dear heart.
You will get through this...You will, you will
Big big warm hugs for you,

Wolfstarr

[Morning Glory]

I have been there too Becky.

I had panic every day, all day, for a long time. It was back when they didn't have a diagnosis for it. I always felt like I was 2 feet off the ground looking at life through a dim window. I couldn't stop moving. I couldn't eat. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. I did end up in the hospital. The anxiety got so bad that I couldn't move my muscles. Finally my body solved some of the problem by burning up the extra adrenaline with severe muscle cramps. I remember the cramps starting in my legs and moving up to my chest. When I started having the chest muscle spasms I thought it would surely kill me. It is what made me feel a little better. No one would tell me what was wrong with me. It was so frightening. I could actually hear the electrical current going through my mind. I call it the time I went where no man has been before, lol.

I got better without treatment. They didn't have treatment then. They just said I had an adjustment disorder. I called it brain leak. It was so hard getting through every day and I had two babies to raise alone. God was with me and he didn't hate me. He doesn't hate you either. It was a part of my journey.

The medications you are on are not typical for anxiety. I'm going to go to the PTSD site and see what they have listed and post the list here. Have you had your thyroid tested recently? That can also cause anxiety.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

Huge hugs,
MG

[Morning Glory]

Here's a good list. The meds you are taking are on the list so that's good.

http://www.ptsdsupport.net/ptsd_medication.html

[ninjabreakz]

Roughly 2 years ago I had the panic attacks from HELL. I couldn't face ANYTHING. I shook so much in bed (night time was the worst) that my girlfriend had to change the sheets in the morning (soaked with sweat). I cried, I even thought about suicide. NOTHING helps. Not baths, not long walks NOTHING.

Now I am a far positive person - it's about understanding your mind. I was prescribed Paroxetine (Seroxat) and they worked wonders although now I have developed a drink problem.

My point is this: You CAN and WILL get better. It takes time and support from others. Medication WILL help and you must stay CLEAR of narcotics and alcohol - as we all know, drink is a depressant.

[bikewench]

Hey Becky...

How you doing today..??

[angelgirl]

Hi,,

Thanks so much for all of the responses I received here..

Thanks bike,, today has been a little better. I had my Bi-polar group today.
It went pretty well.. My anxiety was really, really high while I was there, then something strange happened there, a girl was talking and she started to cry, and
as soon as she started to cry, my anxiety just vanished,, at least for about 15 minutes..

Our group is really small, and a few of the people did not show up, so we only had 3 people today. I had about 20 minutes to talk, and when it was my turn, my anxiety got really bad again. My therapist is just the best though.. I just love her. I hope she doesn't ever leave.

But overall, talking in group did help, and I do not take as much of my anxiety medication as I am allowed to take. MY therapist told me I should be taking the amount that I am prescribed, at least for right now, later, when things calm down,
then, I can cut back down again. I take 1mg, and I am prescribed 1.5 mg.. But it is Ativan, and it is addicting. So, I am very careful with it. I have been on it for years, and have never had a problem, like I said, I take less that prescribed, but for now, i do agree that I need to start taking what I am prescribed, until I begin to feel better. Or I mean my life gets a bit better.

My group all agreed that I have more stress than one person can handle right now, whether or not I have anxiety issues,. Even if I didn't I just have a TON of stress..

Today is my 10 MONTH anniversary CLEAN time.. YEAH!!!!
10 MONTHS!!!!!!

Tomorrow is my Birthday.. I am not looking forward to that. It's sad, things are so stressful, unless something drastic happens, this will be the worst birthday I will have ever had. I do not make a big deal over MY birthdays anyway, but, we'll see how this one goes.. I just don't perceive anything going very well.. I don't mean to sound so negative. I don't..

I am working on my breathing, so I can maybe have a better day tomorrow..

Love,
Becky

[Morning Glory]

Happy Anniversary Angelgirl and Happy Birthday tomorrow.

It's almost here.

Things are going to get better. I just wish it could go faster for you.

Hugs,
MG

[bikewench]

Becky....

You hang onto the stuff that makes you feel good...
Like 10 months clean...!!!!!

Gurl.... that is soooo huge.

And your belly button birthday tommorrow...

You just think of all us here... pulling for you....

I know the anxiety sucks...
But.. your working hard... and your gonna get on top of it...
My anxiety is wayyy less than it was...
Just gotta keep turning towards the right... and the light Becky...
Life will smooth itself out.

I dealt with my unfinished business for quite a while after I got clean...
I wish we could just get clean and all the previous crap would go away...
but.. the hooks are still there.... and it takes a bit of blood letting and pain to unhook and get rid of them permanently.

But.. I really believe you are up for the job.. ;o)

And just when we think things can't get ANY worse....
they generally get better...
Or that's been my experience anyway...

You just take care of you... first and formost...
and the rest will fall in behind...

You are in my thoughts and prayers...

[Purrdy]

You know Becky we all suffer with that anxiety at times we all know how youare feeling you are not alone you are never alone...

I wish I could write something encouraging like bikewench..she is just sooo good! so ditto for everything she siad to you!!

We are all here pulling for you
We all need eachother to get through the most painful times

We get clean/sober...that's the easy bit!!!!! The problems are still there which is what we are left with and bit by bit we get to grips with it and slowly heal ourselves...
I am feeling crap today but I know it will pas eventually, I have to go through it not stuff it away because it will always be there until I have aknowledged it...
You are aknowledgingthes feelings right now thats a great first step

You do have the strength to get through it
We are here for you too

Love to you and yours always
Purrdyxxxxx