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12-31-2005, 04:27 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| On The Bus  Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 482
| I Dont Know How Much Longer I Can Go On Like This
The selfishness and self centeredness of my two sons and the blame I place on myself is getting to the breaking point of more than I can bear. A simple task like helping deliver some newspapers for the younger brother who stayed at a friends house last night turns into a full blown episode of telling my oldest son things like I hate you, your selfish, your lazy, I wished you would move out. Yeah....real nice things to say to an 11 year old. I guess I better look into some professional help for myself ASAP because I am thinking suicidal thoughts again. Its like why bother. Is this the best this family dynamics is ever going to get. Like I said two weeks ago no one would care if I bowed out of this world. I wont even bore you with the tears that are flowing right now.....
__________________  Signature made by my son Alex. |
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12-31-2005, 05:07 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| To Life!  Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,300
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(((Bozo))) Yea, you're having a very difficult time right now, I'm hearing you....  I think it's a good thing that you're going to call the doctor. However, if you can't see him/her soon enough, have this number available to use, just in case: Vermont Clara Martin Center 800 639-6360 Please call it before you do anything you'll regret; your family will regret; your friends will regret. Suicide only compounds difficult issues for those left behing. Your children need you -- regardless of what they say right now. Take care of yourself, Bozo. Tell us what the problem is. A fight with your kids is nothing to kill yourself over. And like it or not, many people would miss you if you left.... Shalom! Call that number!
__________________  IMAGINE |
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12-31-2005, 06:43 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
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Bozo... Your right... it is us .. letting us down do whatever it takes to get right with yourself. even if it just includes stepping away from the "children"... ;o) That's one of the "beholdings" I have with my guy Norm. He was with me through all that crap... when I thought I was going to pull my hair out over my kid... ... or do her in... and I love her more than my life... Ya gotta step back Bozo... I found reading Barbara Coloroso to be a great book on how to live with our kids... just don't give up... or they win... ;o) |
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12-31-2005, 10:22 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| A picture's worth a 1000 words |
Bozo...hang in there. No giving up yet...YOU HERE ME!!! It will be okay. We are only human....remember that...we are ALL fallable! I personally think there are very few people out there who COULDN'T benefit from counseling with a good therapist. Things will get better, but it won't be easy....just don't give up my friend. Hang in there....
__________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional  Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). |
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12-31-2005, 12:16 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| On The Bus Join Date: May 2004 Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 482
| Suicide Is Not An Option
Feel a little bit better this PM. Went to a TKD workout this morning and that seemed to help. Raise those endorphins. I am still researching L-glutamine and L-tyrosine for supplements.
__________________ Signature made by my son Alex. |
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12-31-2005, 01:38 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| You're never alone!!  Join Date: May 2003 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,192
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Hey Bozo,, I can really relate to a point. I to have the same problem with my kids.. I have 3 teens,, (2) 13 yr olds, and (1) 16 yr old. They fight like nothing I have ever seen, every single day,, and I also have days were I just don't think I can do this for one more day. But then I just keep on pugging away. It is so difficult, and depressing. We have been to counseling, and I have recently decided that we need to go back. So, I am going to make another appt. I have to, or I am literally going to break. I just toally understood your post. I felt completely for you.. I can relate. I too say things that I just hate myself for,, and I carry alot of guilt over. I know I also need to get help with my therapist, and with my groups I attend. It is just so very hard for me to post something like this, becauseI also love my kids more than life, and I am a mom,, it just seems so NOT acceptable for a mom to say anythng wrong to their child. I know I have said things like,, you are such a brat. Just leave me alone.. Go away. Shut up.. I try to correct myself then, and say, no you're not a brat, but, you're behavior is terrible,, because the guilt automatically sets in.. I don't say I hate you,, but I have said, maybe its time to think about a foster home. I just can't live this way anymore, you are all driving me crazy.. This is such a HARD thing for me to write about.. I feel like such a bad mom.. I would never ever want to lose my kids. I couldn't live without them.. It would destroy me. I know that it would, even if I say something abotu a foster home,, I don't mean it,. Well, thanks for listening,, Bozo, I hear your pain, and i do understand. You are not alone here. I don't think we are the only ones.. I am going to look into that writer, "bike" talked about.. Maybe I can also gain some help and understanding through her..  But a therapsit is a very good place to go.. Thanks so much Bozo for posting this,, Love, Becky
__________________  ™Don't tell God how BIG your addiction is, tell your addiction, how BIG our GOD is!! |
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12-31-2005, 02:18 PM
| #9 (permalink) | |
| once in a . . .  | Quote:
When I hear myself using words like ALWAYS and FOREVER, it's a signal to me - to talk to someone, to get help, to do something nice for *ME* (even if that means go back to bed and it's only 1pm!) I raised my son by myself - I also am guilty of yelling horrible things at him - worse yet, sometimes I think I really MEANT those things. It doesn't mean we're horrible parents - or horrible people. It means we need to get some help - some RELIEF - from the the disease of depression. I've been battling maic-depression for 25yrs - since my son was 3yo. As *I* learned things, I tried to share what I learned with him as well. I had to explain that something was wrong in my brain, that it made me say/do mean things that I DID NOT MEAN - and most importantly - that I was seeing the doctor (+ whatever support groups) and I was working to be OK again. My son is 28yo now - ALL of the icky things he + I went thru have served to make us very close. I never would have thought! Vent, rant, cry - EVERYTHING you want/need to do! LET IT OUT!! It has always amazed me how much I can figure out about *me* when I let myself just dump everything I can think of. If nothing else, crying makes me tired enough that I can go take a nap and hide for a bit. Sometimes, I just need that. Hang in there! *I* would miss you and so would ALOT of others here! **hugs** You're not the only one to feel like this sometimes. You're not alone any more cuz we're all here too. Bright Blessings, Blue
__________________ "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity. . . . I drank - God only knows how often or how much." Edgar Allan Poe - January 1848 ~ "Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore.'" Edgar Allan Poe - April 1846 | |
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