Isolating...

[shutterbug]

I know it's not the best thing to do for some reason, but I crave it. I wanted to be alone all weekend. I get a knot in the pit of my stomach everytime the phone rings. I don't want to have to talk to anyone...I want to be left alone.

Now that I'm working, I can't hide in my house for several days sleeping anymore. I think this is why my depression has felt worse lately....because I've lost one of my "coping" methods.

Anyone else deal with isolating?
Any thoughts?

[Dawn10]

Do I know how you feel! It has been awhile, but when I was at the worst of my addiction, I self isolated so I could use and "enjoy" the effects of it. Bad thing was since the high doesn't really last all that long, there was a lot of time to feel depressed and down and sorry for myself. Isolation is one of the worst things you can do if you are an addict. In recovery I have learned that being with people, even if I don't want to be is really better in the long run.
Fortunately, the thought of isolating doesn't happen all that much, usually when I am in a stressful situation. That is why meetings are so important, and I have 2 small groups through my church that I go to weekly. I can usually get out of the funk I am in with those people.
Is anything going on in your life would make this something that could trigger you into using?
Dawn

[shutterbug]

Dawn...i'm not an addict....just struggling with mental illness issues.

[sugarssweetpea]

Isolating will just allow your thoughts to get the best of you. As much as you want to, I would not suggest it. It is one thing that I want to do so bad, & am not able to because of my children. I believe that is for a reason. Get out & get around some positive people.

[Nina Kay]

shutterbug,
This is a real big issue in my life. I have been doing a whole lot of isolating. Even during the holidays, I only got out when I had to. I have a whole lot of trouble answering the phone when people call. Then I feel so guilty, because I'm afraid that I will hurt someone's feelings if they found out and when I don't call them back. These are people that I really love, but I just can't make myself pick up the phone. I'm in a real pickle with this lately. I'm going to have to make myself start calling everyone back tomorrow and I've got to work on getting out of the house more. It's really an issue for me. My son made the remark to my daughter yesterday that he was glad that she gave me some new pjs because I needed them since I tend to stay in my pjs most of the day now. I've really got it bad and don't know how to break out of it this time. So yes I can completely understand what you are going through.

[Dawn10]

I guess the question I forgot to ask is are you in any sort of therapy to help you deal with the depression? Even if you aren't an addict, isolation can lead any of us to do things we wouldn't normally do. If you aren't in therapy, please consider it.

[Wolfstarr]

Jenna

I like to isolate. I don't think it's all that great for me, but when I get depressed, I, too, like to isolate. It does snowball and seems to get worse the longer I go.
Last year about this time I was severely depressed. I got into the car and decided to go to Cocoa Beach and not tell anyone.
I got as far as downtown Orlando because I was low on gas and had no $$ for tolls.
I ended up walking around Lake Eola in the middle of downtown. It was meant to be.
I hadn't been there for years and it was a welcomed change.

It lifted me and proved to be something I needed and found serendipitously.
That ended the isolation for that time...
Hugs to you and hope you had a great holiday season!
Love you

[BlueMoon]

Isolating... I know it's not the best thing to do for some reason, but I crave it.

Yep, I understand that feeling - heck - it's where I LIVE lately. (sigh)
I KNOW it's not 'good' for me, that I tend to feel worse if I let myself do it for too long - but it's what I *WANT*. Being alone in my own little apt is immediate gratification and that's what I want/need/feel I deserve sometimes.

I LOVE the night time -it's dark, it's quiet, the phone doesn't ring, no one knocks on the door - and there's really weird stuff on tv at 3am to amuse me.

Now that I'm working, I can't hide in my house for several days sleeping anymore. I think this is why my depression has felt worse lately....because I've lost one of my "coping" methods.

I think that makes ALOT of sense! Not only are you coping with a new job, you've lost a coping method to boot! That you feel the need to isolate now??? Makes perfect sense to me - (and I think I've done the same thing in the past but for the life of me, my memory banks aren't working today!) - Maybe when the newness of it all wears off a bit, the craving to isolate will subside a bit?? Personally, I think dealing with anything new is just plain *icky*. So we deal in ways that we can. In the grand scheme of things, wanting to be alone isn't all THAT bad. (ya know??)


Yep, I'm dealing with me isolating right now - for the past 2 months really, but it's getting more extreme lately. For me, it seems to be a seasonal thing - both the holiday and their memories as well as the shorter daylight hours. THAT makes no sense if I've just said I love the night time - but my feelings rarely *make sense*.

I haven't figured out a way to make myself "snap out of it" yet. I think this at least boarders on self-destructive behavior for ME.
It just takes so damned much energy to make myself DO things - to make myself go outside - and TALK to people??? *eeeeeeeeeeeek*

Wish I had helpful thoughts for you. ALl I can say is that I know the feeling - and for me, it's worse if I beat myself up over it. I just have to try day by day - hour by hour - - - -

Blessings,
Blue

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by Dawn10

I guess the question I forgot to ask is are you in any sort of therapy to help you deal with the depression? Even if you aren't an addict, isolation can lead any of us to do things we wouldn't normally do. If you aren't in therapy, please consider it.

Dawn...I love therapy with a good therapist....trouble is that I lost mine when I lost my last job and insurance. The state provided one.....well my mom (who knowns nothing about mental illness) is a better therapist. I still went to her for about 6 months until I gave up b/c it was just pissing me off to have to deal with incompetent people. I have a new job now...and am hoping to get on insurance in about another 70 days or so....then I can get back into therapy.

[shutterbug]

Is Isolating REALLY a bad thing???? I mean.....really????????

Who says? Why?
I'm not talking about staying inside for ever and ever....I just feel I need several days a week at least to not have to do anything or talk to anyone.

Is it possible that isolating is actually a good thing for the majorly depressed....i mean....at least there aren't gunna be any extra outside forces adding to the depression when you are isolating...right?

When I first kicked out my alcohoic other last year....I couldn't hardly stand to be by myself. So I am leaning toward thinking this is a good thing.

I dont' know....who really does know?

[Dawn10]

I don't think isolating is horrible if it doesn't consume you. By that I mean, sometimes being alone helps me gather my thoughts, understand me better. I have always been a loner. I prefer friends one on one as opposed to large groups of people. I enjoy me. I love to read, journal and reflect. So perhaps if you do constructive things in your isolation, it can even be a good thing. I journal, have journaled since I was about 10 or 11. It is neat to go back and read what I was thinking 20 years ago...to see how far I have come and evolved.

[BlueMoon]

Is Isolating REALLY a bad thing???? I mean.....really????????

hmmmm - excellent point! I didn't realize HOW MUCH I was answering from my own narrow little perspective til I read that! *eeeeeeps*

FOR ME, isolating is a not-good thing because I take it to EXTREMES and it can last for months + months at a time. It snowballs on me and I am not in control of it - which makes it snowball MORE.

"Controlled" isolation - man, I think that sounds *healthy*! But it's not something *I* can manage to do (yet?) - ya know: say "Ok Blue, you can hide from the world for the wkend and no more!" (insert maniacal laughter) - yeah right.

For ME, it's not about taking a respite from the world and it's woes - THAT sounds like a healthy and positive thing to do.

For me, isolating is about hiding and avoiding. The longer I DO let myself hide/avoid, the more things I have to hide from and avoid. It starts feeling rather agoraphobic.

But ya know, getting anew job, letting go of the coping mechanism of sleeping - wanting to just Be Alone makes sense and sounds *healthy* to me.

But then, I'm a certified nut -

Blessings,
Blue

[Cindi R]

Raises hand...waving...lots of issues to deal with, don't want to deal with any of them.
Staying home in bed, getting up for coffee & computer in my jammies is functioning...
until they shut off the electricity cause I haven't paid the bill...
Only go out when I've gotta get food...or work.
P. Doc has changed my meds...I think it's worse now...all I want to do is sleep all day.
Changed from lexapro to prozac a couple of months ago.
Not irritable, not tearful, not really depressed...just wanna isolate all the time...
I'm also an addict...clean & sober for over 4 years...maintaining my sobriety isn't much of a struggle these days,
the boards have pretty much "become" my program...
Tired of the F2F same old stories...the gossip, the religious crap being the center of every meeting...the leaders trying to get everyone to go to their church....blah, blah, blah

[BlueMoon]

*nodding in agreement with Cindi*
'cept I don't work and only go out for food, diet coke, cigarettes - glad the store is less than 2 blocks away!

"functioning" is when I change out of jammies into sweats to play on the computer and watch endless movies - but HEY! at least I got dressed!

I'm an addict/alcoholic as well - and al-anon - the mean voices in my head tell me that I SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW - will have 14 yrs clean + sober in February - Like you Cindi, the boards on this forum have become my program. - *sighs* - guess it's better than not having a program at all -

oh - and med changes SUCK! I'm bi-polar and it's just sooooooooo much fun!

I hate to say it but - it's damned nice to know I'm not the only one!

Blessings,
Blue

[bikewench]

isolating..

to me.. that's a whole different cat than "solitude"

when I isolate... I am removed from the world in my head and body....
I don't engage life...
generally... I'm caught up in some obscessive cycle in my mind...


but solitude on the other hand...

that to me is choosing to be alone with me....

so... I guess I say
if I'm alone and using or thinking about using (even relationships) ... I'm isolating...
and if I'm alone and okay.. then that would be an accomplishment for me... ;o)

[Nina Kay]

I agree with bikewench. But I also believe that from my experience, if you stay by yourself too long, with time on your hands, whether it be isolation or solitude, you will end up in a bad place. We've got to get out of ourselves to be healthy in any way. We who have addictive personality and depression problems, tend to wander in to bad places in our heads, which then very negatively, affects our lives in all aspects, if we allow ourselves to spend too much time alone. And it always snowballs. I am working a plan to take one small step a day, to get out of my isolation. I know that if I go at it full force, like I always have in the past, I will crash back into the isolation, big time.

[shutterbug]

Blue, dear friend....I wasn't saying that in response to your post or anything. I enjoyed your post. I felt confirmed in some of my thoughts and feelings and thank you very much for it....sorry that I made it seem differently.

[shutterbug]

Well....when I isolate it is like hiding and avoiding for me...and typically I will do it as long as I can get away with it. I don't want to talk to anyone or think about ANYTHING. I just veg....almost literally. I remember going days without thinking about anything important, besides when to make myself get up and pee or get something to eat drink (or cigs to smoke). The rest of the time, I just laid around doing nothing....nothing at all.

I would let my mind and all my worries go. I wouldn't let myself feel guilty for much of anything and I just locked myself inside...hoping that no one would call or come by.

I really don't know if (as a majorly depressed person) if that is healthy or not? I mean....i seemed to become more stressed and depressed when I let even the littlest of things worry me. It was like I was just riding the wave of depression as smoothly as possible until it reached the shore....if that makes any sense?

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by Cindy

Staying home in bed, getting up for coffee & computer in my jammies is functioning...
until they shut off the electricity cause I haven't paid the bill...
Only go out when I've gotta get food...or work.

Wow Cindy....so glad to have you join us here in the forum! It's awsome to hear somebody else with the same kind of story as me (not that I would wish this on my worst enemy...but you know what i mean

Lexapro zapped me of all my energy 2-3 years ago when a doc prescribed it...i was only mildly depressed back then. So I refuse to take it now that I'm already too zapped to keep myself awake much of the time.

Hope you stick around here....it's wonderful to have you join us!

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by Blue

"functioning" is when I change out of jammies into sweats to play on the computer and watch endless movies - but HEY! at least I got dressed!

as you can see...i'm making my way down the list of posts (my attention span is too short to do it any other way than one at a time....

Yeppers....that is functioning to me too....even if I haven't showered in a week, at least I know I have clean clothes on....so yeah...you're not alone here Blue...

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by Idget

I have found that I needed to do that for 6 months, however, those 6 months were spent very wisely. I did a lot of work on myself....reading books, posting here, journaling, etc. I needed the focus to be 100% on me, without interruption from other people's issues!

Well....in the past year or more...I have spent much of my alone time doing those things, except for probably the last 3-4 months.

Maybe that's why I'm craving to be back isolating again...is b/c I'm being forced to hear and have to handle other peoples issues now. And being a reporter means I do it all day...everyday. So maybe that's part of why I want to run home and hide? hummm?

[shutterbug]

Bike...I agree...there is a difference btwn isolating and solitude, but with me I think they are mixed together, although I don't think about using anything much of the time. (Even with relationships, I've only had thoughts about relationships in the past few weeks, but not to the point of obsession like it was more than a year ago).

I like being alone (in solutude) not b/c I enjoy spending time with myself, but rather because I don't enjoy being around OTHER people most of the time....make sense?

[shutterbug]

Originally Posted by Nina Kay

I agree with bikewench. But I also believe that from my experience, if you stay by yourself too long, with time on your hands, whether it be isolation or solitude, you will end up in a bad place. We've got to get out of ourselves to be healthy in any way. We who have addictive personality and depression problems, tend to wander in to bad places in our heads, which then very negatively, affects our lives in all aspects, if we allow ourselves to spend too much time alone. And it always snowballs. I am working a plan to take one small step a day, to get out of my isolation. I know that if I go at it full force, like I always have in the past, I will crash back into the isolation, big time.

Much of what you say also seems to make sense to me....but only b/c I feel less depressed at the moment than I did several weeks ago before starting back to work. I have felt better the last couple of days actually, but I'm a rapid cycling bipolar so I may change that toon as soon as 2 minutes from now....but right now....what you have said makes sense...i think....yeah... it does...

[BlueMoon]

Originally Posted by shutterbug

Blue, dear friend....I wasn't saying that in response to your post or anything. I enjoyed your post. I felt confirmed in some of my thoughts and feelings and thank you very much for it....sorry that I made it seem differently.

(grins) Oh I know that! I *think* I was just realizing there's different "kinds" of isolating - that not everyone is just like me (me, me, me it's alllll about ME!) -

Your post (+ all the responses) are helping me figure out *me* alot! I really appreciate ALL of it!

My brain is verrrrrry fuzzy and swirly lately and it's been hard to find *words* - let alone be able to work on the 'tone' - ya know???

But boy oh boy - I sure wasn't upset by anything you said! Quite the opposite - I'm glad you started the topic! I think it's part of what I need right now.

Soooooooooo many times these last weeks, I've been typing and then reaize - "I have NO CLUE what I'm talking about!" - but this post I'm gonna send any way -

Brightest Blessings,
Blue

[shutterbug]

send all your posts Blue....nothing you have ever said has ever bothered me

so keep on keep'n on!!!!!!

- I'm in a good mood...can't ya tell????????