Feeling to much-- HELP

[angelgirl]

Sometimes SR upsets me so much,, that I feel like,, I don't know.. Like I am on the verge of a panic attack.. Why do I let things, on a message board bother me so?? Why do I have so many feelings?? WHY???

How do you just get tough?? How do you change that about yourself.. I am so upset now, I am near tears,, near panic, my anxiety is high.

We are discussing things.. It brings the pain of the loss of so many addicts/alcoholics in my life.. I have LOST SO MANY of my loved ones to this horrible disease,,

I don't even know where to post this.. it deals with loss, but ti deals with addiction, but I guess I am posting it here, because I really need help,, I need to be able to handle these things, without losing it like this??

Thanks,, I need top say these things..
how can I let people on a message board make me cry, give me a panic attack. I know it's not them,, it's me allowing them to do it, but who do I make it stop??? Not post? that doesn't seem to be the answer..

I feel way to much..
I literally feel sick from this.. Please help me understand..
lots of love,
Becky

[bikewench]

Becky....

I've had SR angst as well...
and so have many others...

I guess what it always boils down to is... control.

We want things to go a certain way...
we want to hear the things we want to hear.

and when we don't...
well..

I have known for a very long time though...
since I first went into recovery...
that, that which makes me angry is what I need to pay attention to...
and look past my defenses... to what is actually being said...


and then look at that honestly...
without feeling defensive...

I had so many buttons that were pushable... and I let them all be pushed...

but.. one by one.. I'm slingin the caps over them...
not pushable anymore...


this always helps me...
http://guyfinley.com/Key_Lessons/Exp...standing/2296/

[angelgirl]

Thanks bike, I will check that out

Love,
becky

[pedagogue]

It is all about managing emotions, acknowledging limitations, and seeking out meaning to WHY you react so much to certain things.

1. Managing Emotions: What is a normal reaction, what is an over reaction? Do not let the emotions rule your life.

2. Acknowledge Limitations: You can't control everything, but you can control certain things. One thing you can control is yourself. You cannot control everyone and everything, so why try to?

3. Why: What triggered the feelings? Why did they trigger the feelings? What is the significance of the trigger and the subsequent reaction?

Short term you need a couple coping skills to stop the escalation towards a panic attack. The easiest is taking a Time Other (my own terminology).....which is taking time away from what you are doing and to do something else. It isn't so much a time out from everything (because that can lead to obsessing over what you took the time out from), but more of a way to get your emotions back in check. You could also actively acknowledge being uncomfortable, and ask yourself some 'grounding' questions like, "What is making me feel like this? Is it something worth getting worked up over?" etc.

-p

[Dan]

I get in that space too, Becky.
It's real easy for me to let the events of SoberRecovery affect me, some days.
This too, shall pass.
Find your path.

[angelgirl]

Thanks for the posts.. I appreciate all that you have taken the time to say..

I have realized though, that SR is not the place for me now... I need not to be here..

I need to let things blow over, if nothing else, in my mind.. I will be back.. ( there's your warning, LOL)...

I will consider all that everyone has said.. Thanks again fgor all the info I have to look at.. I will do that,, while I am away..


Love you all..
Becky

[shutterbug]

I don't have any answers, but I know how you are feeling b/c I've been crying for 3 days while on SR, some b/c of responses, some because of feelings of loss, some because of my depression and a lot because I'm too tired to fight anymore and i'm just feeling sorry for myself.

I think people here at SR have so much power to affect us in positive ways because we find understanding and support from each other....knowing that we too have been there or that I'm not alone and it's okay to think this way and feel that way or do this and do that.....that others struggle too.

But with such a great power to affect us positively....the opposite is possible too b/c we come to depend on people here on such a deep level.

This is our safe place....our place of healing and when we need support and instead get judgement or anger or whatever then it catches us off guard and cuts us more easily b/c many of us allow ourselves to be more vulnerable here than any other place in our lives.

The last thing I want to do is hurt someone here or upset them further, but even yesterday I did. I was talking about my life and my current feelings about the negative place I'm in and I made one person feel bad about their own life in the process and yet another person felt unappreciated. And still yet....someone trying to help me, with all good intentions, said the complete wrong things to me. I read a person's response and see more than just their words, I often see their motivations, opinions, views, judgements. I felt someone someone was judging me unfairly just for talking about how I feel about my life and what's going on. I'm a sensative person and I'm also a person who's learning to speak up for myself and to speak my mind so I explained what that person's response "said" to me in the state of mind I was in and how what they said had hurt my feelings, but after re-reading my response today....my reply came across like I was attacking that person in retaliation. They were very cordial and I dont' know the person very well, but what I said probably hurt. I have yet to decide which is more important in the grand scheme of things: learning to express my feelings or saving someone some discomfort in relaying how they made me feel. I look at it like this....maybe they might not be so quick to judge the next sensitive soul who's crying out for help....or maybe they might just choose different words to use....or perhaps they are a sensative soul themselves and I've just done the very thing I'm telling them they shouldn't do? I don't know.

I've spent my whole life people pleasing and never speaking up for myself so I'm allowing myself to make some mistakes while I try to find balance between the two.

Basically though....know that your feelings are valid and it's okay to feel that way.

How to thinken up our skin???? If you ever come across a lotion to soath emotion then I want to know the formula.

[shutterbug]

one other thing....several months ago I had to take a sabatical from SR b/c of my overflowing emotions...still now....seeing some screen names draws me back to some of those emotions from back then. I think the thing to remember is that we are all struggling to become better people and that we are all human and are all works in progress. The people who belong to those screen names were not out to hurt me....I know that....they got emotional too. I guess, I'm saying that even though I feel a surge of emotion run through me....I know that single one instance does not sum up who that person is...what kind of person they are. Maybe I just caught them on a bad night...I certainly know that they caught me on a bad one

Hang in there.....we love you and I always miss you when you're not around and I think of you often.

Actually....I dont' know if you know this or not but my dog's name is Angel. Ever since I first got her I have called her Angelgirl. You posted to one of my threads in another forum and when I was reading it earlier....it suddenly dawned on me that I call her that and that that is your name.

Sorry....there really wasn't a point to that little tid bit....except that I know she's at home waiting for me to give her a peice of cheese and put her up on the couch to cuddle up with me and get warm.

I hope you are feeling better....

hugs and prayers