Having issues with a co-worker

[Wolf_22]

Hey guys and gals. First of all, I never do this so I thought I would do it... I hope you all are having a good weekend!!!

*** Okay, now on to business ***

I have been working for a consulting group for awhile and I find it hard to follow and allow to be pushed around by people in the workplace that aren't your boss only because that person is friends with a boss that is in control of the whole show.

Used to have a manager that was a project leader (a position that is only filled for about 4-5 months). Well, her time went up and she had to hand the position over to someone else. Well, she's friends now with our "higher up" boss, and now she's getting away with almost everything. She's able to push other people around, do her school homework on the job, and determine who gets hired and fired!

I was just wondering if any of you have had any experiences with people like this and if you know of a way to deal with this? I would go to the higher up myself, but I fear of the reprecussions due to the fact that A.) I need this job to get through school, and B.) she's friends with the boss. When I first came to the job, her and I were very close friends, but when she handed that position over to the guy, she started taking advantage of specific times where she could exploit certain instances and make gain from my downfalls. She sucked up to the guy too the pave the way for her future.

I discussed some of this with a close ally and my ally told me that the only thing you can do is "play the game" and try to not let it bother you. I feel bad for myself because I have been gossipy about this, but can you blame me? This women is around 45-50 years old, doesn't know a thing, and she gets by with everything just because she's the bosses friend! Sucks being a college student going through this when your dependant upon the job you have and can't leave or go anywhere else.

Thanks for any information.

[shutterbug]

I would have to agree....the more you stew over it the more obsessed with it and miserable you will become at every small infraction or even a hint of an infraction. The girl sounds like she's got it pretty easy for herself....i don't blame her for that. Some people have a nack for stuff like that.

Personally, i would prolly say to myself..."okay, I got the know how and i got the experience so HOW is she beating me in this game?" What positive things might there be that i can pick up from observing her....to help for my future jobs?

I'm not saying be a totally kiss-a$$ like you say she is being, but maybe observe if there's less desention in her tone of voice, words or posture. In otherwords does she just tend to be more agreeable over all. Being an "agreeable" type employee 80-90 percent of the time doesn't equal kiss-a$$ in my book. I just know that everyone likes to feel good about themselves and if you are disagreeing with people a lot, particularly bosses, (and not that you are), then they tend to take that as direct hits on their egos and self-esteem -- and then they tend to automatically and un-realizingly return the favor at a later date. So i guess, what i'm saying is.....just try to make others feel good about their own work and it will make your job easier..........in my opinion only.

(i've let people like this get under my skin....and TRUST me 1. things always get worse if i let that happen and 2. there's always another clone waiting for me at the next job. These kind of people are unfortunately, unavoidable.....so we just have to try and co-exist as best we can in however is healthiest for us.)

Good Luck, Hugs and God Bless
Jenna

[Wolf_22]

Thanks Jenna. I'll keep all that in mind. When I look at her, I realize that she IS in fact looking out for herself, and in a way that I don't like to admit; I don't blame her. However, does it have to go so far as to making what were once your friends get hurt and sacrificed because your wanting to get ahead and make more money?

I've always told myself that in the long run, everything you do here on earth talleys up. Whether you delibrately run over a squirrel on the road, throw trash out your window while driving, pick your nose; whatever... It all adds up. Now granted, some things are worth more points than others. Picking your nose is obviously not as bad as beating someone out of a job by going behind your back and brown-nosing the boss. I mean, when I look at it, I feel that this women is taking money away from me that I could be using on my apartment, education, you name it. It's just not fair, and I swear to God I'm going to get her back for it.

The only really good thing she's good at is kissing a$$, SO, the way I feel is that all her skills, and learned methods from school will sooner or later catch up with her. I've seen her in action with computers (our field) and she isn't that good, albeit why she's resorting to browning-out. lol. I'm not worried about myself in the long run, however, it's just hard to put up with people like this especially when you know your right.

And about "whats she doing thats making her do better", well, for one she's always laughing and giggling with the main boss. She's always trying to get her hands in the pot of all the major projects, and she's always trying to be two steps ahead when she thinks she can manipulate the project coordinator by making things easier for her in her future. Most of the time, by doing these things, this women is able to sit on her a$$ and do homework all the time in the office. She's always chatting with her family members on yahoo instant messenger, and she's very "B O'ish". Sometimes it smells like a dozen hard-shelled taco's from taco hell in her office she smells so bad! Of course, not to mention how she's able to get information out of the main boss about things like personal issues with fellow co-workers, gets to determing who gets hired and who gets fired, and is hardly even doing anything in the office.

I don't have anything against being underneath a female at work. Most of my bosses have been females, so don't poke a stick at me possibly being a jealous sexist or something because thats not it. It's just that I've seen a different light on her since I've worked with her. She's not a good person like I thought she was. It's people like her that make the "system" not work like it should.

I even have reason to believe she's a racist too!

*goes and gnaws on some leather...*

[pedagogue]

Consider this an opportunity to learn from. This happens frequently in the work world. The best advice would be to stay level-headed. Keep accurate records of your accomplishments, and don't give them a reason to cause you problems. In blatant instances of poor treatment, you will be protected because even though they are friends, that doesn't excuse them from what they did, and they can be held accountable. All of the 'under the radar' stuff you just need to deal with.

-p

[splendra]

Originally Posted by Wolf 22

it's just hard to put up with people like this especially when you know your right.

Whoa....This is an attitude that can get you no where fast. Change this fast enough and you will be alright in your job or anywhere you go to work...

Ask yourself do you want to be right or employeed?

[Wolf_22]

Consider this an opportunity to learn from. This happens frequently in the work world. The best advice would be to stay level-headed. Keep accurate records of your accomplishments, and don't give them a reason to cause you problems. In blatant instances of poor treatment, you will be protected because even though they are friends, that doesn't excuse them from what they did, and they can be held accountable. All of the 'under the radar' stuff you just need to deal with.

Thanks for the tip P. I think I will do that from now on. I have a Q for ya though before I begin to drop this... How do you hold the gossip back? I mean, it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut about some of these things sometimes because it's kinda painful that the friendship has came to "this". I am totally a believer of "moving lips sinks ships"... However, I find it hard to follow that at times because it's so hard to NOT vent about it...

Whoa....This is an attitude that can get you no where fast. Change this fast enough and you will be alright in your job or anywhere you go to work...

Ask yourself do you want to be right or employeed?

Thanks splendra for the words of wisdom, however, that didn't really help me much, just kinda made me madder at her and the world. lol. Sorry.

[pedagogue]

Originally Posted by Wolf_22

Thanks for the tip P. I think I will do that from now on. I have a Q for ya though before I begin to drop this... How do you hold the gossip back? I mean, it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut about some of these things sometimes because it's kinda painful that the friendship has came to "this". I am totally a believer of "moving lips sinks ships"... However, I find it hard to follow that at times because it's so hard to NOT vent about it...

Again....another opportunity to improve yourself through the process. Gossiping isn't something to aspire to, so instead, you should work on not contributing to the problem. There is a certain amount of acceptance you must have.....for those things you can control, and those things you cannot.

You can still feel free to vent (use this thread for instance), but doing so at work or to people connected to work will only make you seem like part of/cause of the problem. It is all about perception. Do not give others reasons to include you in teh problem. It is better to stay above all of that.

-p

[Don W]

I have been having simalar problems at work. Although I'm fustrated and want to fight for what is right. The advice you've recieved applies to me as well. I've had some success using, You need to Pick and choose your fights advice. In the book " Living Sober" they address this. There are some arguments, even if right, you're not going to win. So the best fight is the one you don't get into. It would be one thing if there was a chance to make things better. Sounds to me, like trying to ignore it is best. Sometimes these people do themselves in. I've made plenty mistakes leaving good jobs because of a person. After leaving, they leave or get fired. Remember, they are all over the place so, learning to deal withit will be a useful well learned lesson.

[Wolf_22]

Thanks guys. I'll work on that this week.

[shutterbug]

Wolf...there's a lot of great suggestions being givin by Splendra, Peda and Don.

Ask yourself this.....how would you handle it if this person was your main boss (you know....the one she keeps brown-nosing)?

I just got out of basically going through all that this past year.....result, my editor didn't like it when i stopped letting him run all over me and he discriminated against me for my illness when it started and i had to go into the hospital.....END RESULT?????

I WAS TERMINATED BY HIM (AND HIS BOSS) IN APRIL!!!!!!!!!!!

This man, my editor, was so dispicable that he would take our (the reporters) investigational, hard-worked, impactful stories, then he would re-write our stories (sometimes paragraphs were nearly word for word) and he would through in a few of his own opinions like: "The district attorney said recently we should prosocute this murderer....so yeah....i think so too." Then see.....his boss would think that he's done this fatabulous job and lots of hard work to write such a great editorial peice and he would get bonuses for it and hunting trips every year. And when it comes time for state contests.....he's won first place awards off of 3 other reporters!!!!! One of whom has been there for 10 years....boy was she hot that year!!!!!!

Anyway....i say, unless someone is violating your basic human rights in the work place (like he was by trying to make me work 60 hours a week and would only pay me for 40).....then try to stay out of it and ignore it.

Also....i'm a lot like you in how i react to people wronging me or whatever and what i've learned to do instead of letting it come out of my lips...is to let it flow through my hand. Write down EVERY thought, feeling, insult, whatever about the situation...whenever you can't stop thinking about it. I would journal EVERY night and sometimes for hours. Writing it on paper, especially if it's your own personally journal and no one else will ever read it,....well that never hurt anyone and it helps you get it out and release it and the more and more you do it.....the free-er you will fill. Writing journals like that often help me realize so many solutions and things. It's truely amazing. (this also works for broken hearts when you can't stop thinking about someone and all your friends are sick of hearing you talk about that person).

Anyway....just my opinion.

Oh...and getting her back....i wouldn't advice that one bit! What goes around, comes around.....and you are a much bigger person if you realized that you don't want to sink that low and instead hold you head on solid ground. (yeah, i've sure thought about keying my former editor's truck, or letting the air out of the tires or t.p.-ing his house....and just yesterday i discovered that if a vehicle is parked on a property, you don't have to show any proof that you own the property to have the car towed.....so THAT definetly got wheels to turnin'....**evil laugh**).....oh....and guess what all my co-workers calls him behind his back???? They call the publisher "Pencil Dick" and they call the editor "P.D. junior"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cus he was shoved up the publisher's a$$ as much as possible)

Sorry for the vulgar language.....just had to share.....sorry

[Wolf_22]

HA! Okay, okay... I won't super glue her chair... Still don't like her though.

It's super late over here (1 o'clock AM), and I have to get up at 7, so I'm going to make this short... I've decided to try and just go with the flow for awhile and see what all happens. I am not going to do anything to pi$$ her off, nor am I going to do anything to get myself in trouble by gossip, or anything else. I'm just going to TRY and worry about moi'. Wish the world wasn't like that, but what can ya do about it?

[shutterbug]

i hear ya....and just when whe think it can't get any worse.....
it always does.

And just when you think you've finally hit rock bottom....
the bottom falls out.

And when you feel like you just can't take anymore before you explode....
something challenges that thinking.

So what do we learn out of all of this???? Things can always get worse and probably will get worse before we die so all we can do is try to make the best of things and learn to live with (what really matters)....inner peace with ourselves and our lives.

Next time you want to bite her head off....will you promise me you'll do a number on a deserving sheet of paper instead.

(by the way...i like the gluing her to her chair idea....or how bout the ol' putting seran wrap across the toilet bowl under the seat?)

It's kinda fun to think about being a little devious....lol

[shutterbug]

oh...here's another one that i got pulled on me for my birthday one year...

Along with the traditional trashing of my desk with confetti and streamers and balloons....the news-room secretary was a good little practicle joke player and she taped down the little whatch-a-ma-call-it on the phone reciever. Then shortly after i got in to work, she quietly called me from her phone and everybody sat there and watched me try and figure out why i couldn't hear anything when i picked up the handpiece......it was pretty funny....i pulled the tape off and looked around trying to figure out who had just called....lol.

[shutterbug]

I'm about to end my SR marathon for today, but i just found a great quote in another forum that kinda fits both our situations.....

Originally Posted by Mrs Mipsy

This is a favourite of mine written by Morrisey of The Smiths. I tell it to my teenage daughter everytime she gets bullied at school:
'It's easy to laugh, It's easy to hate, but it takes guts to be gentle and kind.'

[Bozo]

Originally Posted by Wolf_22

Wish the world wasn't like that, but what can ya do about it?

Do yourself a huge favor and let it go. I know because I am still simmering and stewing over an incident that happened to me about two years ago and still have not completely let it go.

The anger and hatred I have in my heart has not been removed.

I still dream of revenge.

Very unhealthy for a recovering alkie.

[shutterbug]

Bozo....this reminds me of something i've heard somewhere before....about that really when we are feeling this way toward or about someone else that it's really only hurting us and not them. And i think that's absolutely true b/c everytime i think about how cruel my editor was to me, i start almost boiling over with emotions that are not pleasant for me. I seriously doubt he ever loses any sleep over my hatred for him, while i do.