BiPolar?

[livingfree]

I'm new to this whole bipolar thing. I don't understand it and I'm not really sure how to deal with this title. I was diagnosed about nine months ago when I went into a treatment program. First they said that I was anti-social and borderline personality disorder. Tried me on some meds and those didn't work, so I went back and they said that it was bipolar. Now I'm taking Welbutrin and Seroquel. I still have times when I feel like my whole world is crashing in on me and the only thing that I can do is just stay in bed and hope that the world will just go away and leave me alone. I am in a long term relationship and he lives 2 hours away. He says that he understands and is very supportive but he isn't there when I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't even visit my children when I feel like this. The hard part is that I work in a job where I deal with people who are MR and MI and some of them are taking the same meds that I am. I am afraid that I will end up where they are sometimes. I still have thoughts that my children and family would be better off without me, after all my kids don't even live with me. I don't know what else to do or where to turn.

[witch]

i am bipolar too and an alcoholic. alchohol seems to make it go away temporarily. it's not easy. not many understand. no one in my life does but my dad. i hate my life but i want to get better and i am trying anything to do that. even this website. i joined under the alcoholic section. i figure if i can get rid of the alcohol maybe the rest will go away. well, i know how you feel if you want to talk. good luck.

[livingfree]

Thank you witch for your support. The worst part seems to be that I did get rid of the alcohol and the other street drugs about nine months ago and I still feel this way. I don't feel like my life is ever going to get better. But I am willing to try anything. I go to work every day. I take my meds and try to live a normal life on the outside no matter what is going on inside. I guess I'm a pretty good actress because even my boyfriend is fooled. How do you deal with everyday life? You are so lucky to have someone who understands you. I would give anything for at least that.

best of luck to you.

[witch]

well, my dad is awesome. my boyfriend is in denial. i don't know if i am sinking or swimming but i must swim for my kids right? you are on the right track, stay there. soon the inside will be the same as the outside.

[shutterbug]

(((((WELCOME LIVINGFREE)))) ....by the way, i like your little frog...too cute!
((((WELCOME WITCH))))

Hi guys! So glad to have you join us here in the mental health forum of SR...I've been diagnosed as bipolar too and just wanted to tell you that neither of you are alone.

If you haven't heard of it there is this great orginazation called NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) and it's a national organization that offers bipolar and depression support groups all over the country. Livingfree....if you are wanting to connect locally with other bipolars this is the best way to do it. Find out when and where the support groups are being held in your area. NAMI's phone number is 1-800-583-1264 (well that's the number i have for them anyway, you might have to tell them where you live and ask them for the number to your state's headquarters) or you can go to their Web site at www.nami.org and there's a place where you can find meetings near you. Let me know if you have any trouble finding local meetings. Also, it would be great to know if you decide to attend and if you enjoy it or not.

Originally Posted by Livingfree

First they said that I was anti-social and borderline personality disorder. Tried me on some meds and those didn't work, so I went back and they said that it was bipolar. Now I'm taking Welbutrin and Seroquel.

From what i know about anti-social...it's pretty similar to borderline...right? Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and ADHD....are all often misdiagnosed because they are all so similar. It is even possible to have sleep apnea and be misdiagnosed as bipolar. And here's another monkey wrench to throw in the mix...chronic fatigue syndrom and fibromialgia....apparently can also cause the same symptoms as BD. It's very, very tricky to diagnose. I under went a 4 hour testing session with a doc and the bipolar disorder was confirmed as my diagnosis, but it looks like now that i either have fibromialgia instead or alongside the BD? (and I've been researching mental illness for about 14 months now)

Anyway LivingFree....you're only on the Welbutrin and Seroguel? No mood stabalizer like Lithium, Depakote or Lamictal?

Have you been diagnosed as a rapid cycling bipolar?

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking? Around 20?

Being off the alcohol is VERY good, because taking the meds are useless if your drinking. Also...just FYI...on average, it takes 1-2 years to find the right combo of meds for BD. If you're lucky and you're a rapid cycler like me and going through some kind of major depressive episode....then well....i'm hoping it doesn't take longer than 2 years. Anyway, I'm now on 300mg Welbutrin, 900 mg Lithium, 50-200mg Visaril as needed and i'm weaning myself off of Cymbalta.

I use to take Seraquel for slight paranoia, but my current doc took me off...which i was glad to do b/c it had me craving sugar and chocholate.

Are either one of you in individual counseling???? This is very important for bipolars and is best if you do it in combination with group therapy.

What are people who are MR and MI? And I've got lots of information i can direct you to about BD if you would like. But the best way i've been described is my physician told me "You're a little nuerotic...you ARE NOT psychotic" And even if I was psychotic...i know several people who are and who do extremely well in life as long as they stay on their meds. You're not crazy....remember that...BD is a physical illness that affects our moods...It's a disease, just like cancer or MS. In the beginning, when i was first researching my illness, it helped when i discovered that there are a lot of famous bipolars...like Patty Duke, Abe Lincoln, Vincent Van Gogh, Hemmingway, Handel...and many others. I have a thread around here somewhere about famous bipolars and the creativity connection if you're interested in it.

And lord knows i've hid under my covers and waited many times for the entire week or month to pass by...so i totally understand.

As far as work....is your BD affecting your work any?

((((Witch)))) Getting rid of the alcohol will help you bunches in SO many ways...so please hang in there. Also, most docs will not diagnose an alcoholic who is still drinking because it's too hard to diagnoses mental illnesses correctly as it is and alcohol abuse must totally muddies the water completely. In my opinion...until you're able to stop drinking and then able to find the right combonation of meds...life will continue to be difficult.

-----> Well, I had written several paragraphs more, but it got deleted some how....so I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Anyway, you guys are not alone....feel free to ask any questions or whatever....i've been researching this stuff for 14 months so if you want any info...just let me know and i'll hunt it up for you.

The last thing i'll say is that the best book i've found is "A Brilliant Maddness" by Patty Duke. She also struggled with drinking and pills before her bipolar diagnosis. And the book is only about $8 to buy....or you can check it out of the library.

Lots of hugs,
Jenna

[OCEANANGEL]

Dear Livingfree...the family separation is really hard to take. As it is my teenage daughter who is at the clinic right now...cannot be released due to suicidal and possible homicidal feelings...either way...we are both apart from our child(ren).
We are still struggling to find meds to keep her calm and functioning...I am scared for my daughter who refuses any faith, is in denial, is so very angry...she cannot be alone...she just started slipping away over the past 2 years...very slowly...until the explosion came...and it never stopped. It's all crisis...How do we know when it's safe? I think the list of meds that have been tried is nearly 20 in less than 6 months...she is fighting treatment and counseling...formally an A student...now her own worst advocate...tried to "fire" her doctor today...called patient rights because she is being "tortured"...Needless to say...There's no conversation going on right now...Anyone with a suggestion? ~