thirteen days

[liveweyerd]

hi, friends,

Still keeping count, doing it for me, to aid commitment, accountability and perspective.

Univ.girl talked about centering oneself, the gym is a marvelous way for me to do that. Gets me into my body, I feel my spine loosening and straightening, my muscle groups, each in turn, I feel my strength and my growing stronger. I feel the heart and breath come to life and feel more vital. I use my energies. Side effect, treatment for anxiety to balance out that hyper-adrenelin level. Side effect satisfies that need for intensity. There's a natural drug released that promotes a feeling of well-being, so it's sort of a head change, and free, healthy treatment for depression.
Bonus, my young friend went along, enjoys the work-out too and we can share companionship and compete. This kid looks like he belongs on the cover of a romance novel!! (he knows it too) and it's fun to enjoy confidence together. We are kindred spirits, spiritual family. Fun shared adds to the joy. Good support for good effort.
Also stimulates my appetite, which I am so prone to neglect.
I put together a healthy meal for us to top it off. Bonus dinner is ready for kids too. (daughter, fiancee, grandson)
And if I choose to, I can go for more head change, as I am welcome to drop in w/Dayna for her Art History class with a delightful professor..I took her class years ago and she became one of my heros, ran into her couple months ago and she invited me to be a part of her class any/all the time.
I can fill my day with accepting these free gifts and opportunities.
And it will all add up to a better night's sleep.
All that I can do without the meds. I'm headstrong about being well and choosing my own head changes. I haven't decided not to get the antidepressants but just not today. Today I can do other things first that I think contribute more to my health in a more well rounded way. I want to do this first. Then if I still need, I'll get the chemicals treatment. I am taking B vitamins, because they are depleted by my smoking addiction and my too high stress setting.
I also tend to neglect my appearance when depressed. Getting all pumped gets me feeling proud. So I am thinking about those gray roots. The rest of me doesn't look or feel so old, so it's time to refresh that blonde to go with the smile I feel all over.
One thing feeds into another.

Now this is something I all ready knew. I've used it to pull myself out of a hole before. But I seem to forget how much I need it once I do get things back together.
I would like to learn to keep it a part of my life instead of gradually getting busy with other things until it's an emergency measure.

Also this is something I couldnt't do with A. No time and he made such ugly insinuations and raised such a stink about me spending time with a 16yr old male. Although we (A & I) did alot of other things that provided excercise and entertainment. That's one of the things I have lost. But, it isn't him and that way or nothing!

thanks for being there,
live

[liveweyerd]

May I humbly ask for any kind of feedback, good, bad, indifferent.....????

I know maybe I'm wordy and not in crisis but I just like to know you're there. And what you think.

[liveweyerd]

I'm sorry if I'm being selfish or immature...but it took me awhile to work up the courage to ask.

Oh I think your post is wonderful. I wish I had the motivation to do what you are doing. I feel horrible and I know it is a simple lack of any excercise. I just don't have the energy to even walk.

So good for you and congratulations on your 13 days.

This board is not very active. Sometimes it takes others time to get here.

You sound great and I can see a real difference.

Hugs,
MG

[liveweyerd]

faithful morning glory! Thanks. I just felt kinda invisible. I'm embarassed to admit that. but, well, it's true.

I count on you all.

Sometimes I don't post because I think people would want someone else to post to them.

Expecially since I was so rude to you the other day.

It really does feel like your invisible when you leave a relationship. I think I used others as mirrors and didn't know who I was without them.

I still feel invisible a lot, but without all the pain that came with it before. Now I kind of like letting myself go for awhile. Sometimes I get tired of me.

Hugs,
MG

[liveweyerd]

I have NEVER thought you were rude!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want people to "pussyfoot" or walk on eggshells with me.

I appreciate a "get to the point" style sometimes, leaves less room for misunderstanding.

I'm glad you feel that way. I guess I just felt bad because I'm not usually that blunt and I fall into the codependent trap of emotion myself so on top of being blunt I felt like a hypocrite, lol.

So I will continue to let you know you're not invisible

Hugs,
MG

[badkitty]

excercise they say is key in keeping anyone healthy, sane and happy. It releases natural endorphins which create a sort of high. Like w/die-hard runners, they get a "runner's high" from all that adrenaline pumping through their systems that I have heard that they get addicted to that as well. Boy, I bet we all wich that running was our only addiction huh??! ;-) Also, I have read several articles in relation to depression during the daylight savings time. These articles have suggested that people who during the winter months are missing out on a good amount of sunlight tend to feel very down. A lot of people are confined to indoors during work, and then after they get off, it is almost dark and because of incliment weather, exposure to sunlight is limited. I'll tell you what I do...I am a sun WORSHIPER. I love being hot, I lvoeto sweat, I love being outside. So in the winter I go to a tanning salon. It is another form of UV light. Magazines suggest some sort of sunlamp, so I imagine a tanning bed is really just a larger version of the same thing. It may not be the best for your skin, but it helps with my mood anyways. Plus it feels great to lay under those warm lights and pretend I am basking on a abeach somewhere in Bermuda !!! hehehe