Hi Don and Every one

[RX-7]

Im not new here i just have some feelings of worthlessness, my wife just got a job because i cant handle one insted im staying home to watch the kiddies. watching kids is a new thing for me becaue in the 5 years and 3 kids i havent realy watched them at least not alone and only for an hours or so at a time because i was mostly working graveyard shifts. but im getting off the subject
i feel like such a looser for not going to work and doing what im suppose to do and provide for my family. i know im not but makes me feel like im lazzy also. Today was my first day and i faild tremendosly. but then again i didnt goto bed till 4am i was downloading some important soft ware for my mother inlaw (whome we live with) so i stayed up to make sure it went threw. well my triazidone nocked me flat and they ended up watching the kids and took my daughter to school.
R.J.

[Don W]

RX, First of all, you're not a loser. Are the kids alive? Yes? Then you did OK. I'm guessing your about my age 57. We were taught all kinds of BS. There are woman and men's jobs. You are about to start one of the most important jobs. You'll be able to help mold the minds of your children. This day and age families have had to adjust to a new way of life. If fact, you have a chance to be sure your kids aren't brought up in these stereo typed thoughts. Also, this is a chance for you to learn. The best teacher is to walk a few miles in another's shoes. Maybe, both you and your wife will have a better understanding of each other. I'd suggest you try and change your perspective.
You need to do what is best for your family. This is the reason you and your wife have made this decision. One thing is to set a schedule. The next time simply explain to your mother in law ahead of time. I'm going to need you to help with kids so I can do the project for you. Let her decide if it can wait or not. This will remove the guilt. You can't do everything. Set priorities. Remember, I don't remember my kids coming with a set of instructions stampted on the behind. You sound like a very caring and loving person. Trust yourself. Mistakes will happen, these are not failures. These are lessons for the next time. Your wife will also be adjusting. Be sure to take time for each other. She will miss the love you now recieve from your children while at work. I'd suggest you keep a camara handy. Take pictures of events your wife would have enjoyed. What are their ages? Maybe, you could have them make pictures for when she gets home. I was out of work for awhile and made sure I was dressed when my wife arrived home. This could be a chance for you to present a completely new side of you. Treat her how you'd like to be treated arriveing home. Another help is to plan ahead. Try and make a list( in Pencil) of activities for the week. Each day have a few things planned. Without a plan we all run around and get little done. Your children love you, they only ask to be loved back. If you show them love then all else will work out OK. Involve them in the planning. Sometimes being an owner of the plan they'll help make it work. Nobody important is going to think less of you. Many will be supportive. Alot of her friends might be jealous that she has a husband that would do this. I know when my wife mentions to her friends that I did the laundry and cleaned the house, they say can he talk to my husband? Can I borrow him? Do you know how many woman are married to guys that wouldn't touch a dish or feels laundry and food shopping is below them? I think your about to find out. Tell him ladies! Don W

[RX-7]

Thanks for the advice it will realy help me hope you didnt mind i printed it. As for my age im 31. and my wife 26. but your input will\ definatly help so ill take your advice and applie it.
Thanks Don
RJ

[best]

RJ

My wife makes twice the money I make. That makes me not fit the standard of being the provider. Well only in one area that is.
I am still a man and still have all the other areas of my life that fit the mold as I am able.

As far as her working... I am blessed that I have a wife that will work and double blessed that she makes as much as she does.

Same goes for you... Take the blessing before you. You have a wife that is willing and able to work. That is not a negative. That is a positive and a great blessing for your family.

[Don W]

I agree with best. One of my full time employees works to full time and a part time job.
His wife refuses to work. On top of that he shops, does the laundry in his spare time.
The both of you are taking steps to improve your family. This team work says alot about your commitment to each other. Remember, it isn't our fathers world anymore. There might be a day when your introduce your kids, " This is my daughter the doctor, and my son the cook." Don W