Why Bother Going To The Hospital

[Broken Hearted]

Okay here goes,

My best friend is Bi-polar. She just spent a week in the phyce unit at a local hospital, while there she got her meds adjusted. The problem is that she told me that she also got her doctor's private number. She told me it was okay becasue she made the first move. Hello, am I going crazy or is this totally out of line on the part of the doctor? I told her that this was unethical behavior on his part and very unprofessional behavior. She just smiles and thinks this is great. She is very manipulative and very attractive. Being sexually agressive and promiscuous she says is part of the illness. I think that the doctor has a duty to say no and tell her that this is inappropiate behavior instead of giving her his private number so that she can get in touch with him once she leaves the hospital. Now that she has left If you can't go to the hospital and get the help that you need then why go there at all? Do all of her other behaviors such as shop lifting, spending money like it was water and not paying bills go back to the her disease? I am worried and really don't know what to say or do here. She does push the limits on eveything and then blames her Bipolar. Is this normal for that condition? I am also concerned that she drives with all of these meds in her, thinking that she cannot be arrested for driving under the influence. I am just confused and very angry at that doctor. Thanks for listening.

Huggs to all,
Broken Hearted

[pedagogue]

I"m sure being Bi-Polar is partially to blame, but it sounds like she uses it as an excuse to rationalize her behavior.

Btw....getting a doctor's private number is very unethical. He could get his medical license suspsended/revoked if he follows through on sexual relations with patients. I know in the clinical world, they take situations like that very seriously (if reported).

-p

[Don W]

I work at a hospital and this doctor is out of line. Your friend is ill, he is unethical. My concern is that he might perscribe what she wants rather than what she needs. All this aside, your friend's health comes first. I'd contact the Medical License Board. You might not have to give your name. However, is it possible she isn't telling the truth?
This you'd have to judge. Don W

[Broken Hearted]

Thank you for your responses. Like I said I feel this is very unethical on his part. Yes, I do believe that she is being truthful. That is the sad part of it all. She is not so out of it that she doesn't know what is going on.

Thanks all,
Broken Heartd

[shutterbug]

broken hearted,

first off, before I forget, saw your avitar and have to ask if you have a maltese? Mines name is Angel and she was a rescued from a puppy mill when she was 6. When you adopt abused dogs, they have some silly quirks sometimes, but the love they give back to you for giving them a much better life is priceless. Angel just mainly sticks right by my side 24/7 and she is very skiddish and HATES thunderstorms...cus they is scarrrrry

Any who....sometimes I see a thread that gets my recovery motor up and running and your is one of those.

Unfortunately, the sexual premiscuity, shop lifting (or any risk taking), spending money like it was water and not paying bills go straight to the core of the disease. These are VERY common symptoms, but that doesn't mean that she might still could be using that knowledge to just do as she pleases because she always has an excuse to justify her behavior. Lack of motivation, enjoyment of things you once enjoyed, social withdraw, fatique, sleeping a lot more or a lot less...these are other symptoms....as is irritability towards the people who are closest to you.

Best thing you can do for your friend is exactly what you are doing now....learning as much about her illness as you can and using that knowledge to be more understanding and supportive toward her...but be careful not to tell them what they SHOULD do...instead offer suggestions, not advice (we HATE that, and we sometimes bite...lol).

Just be there for her as best you can.....DON'T desert her when she needs you the most, but also remember not to take anything she may do or say toward you too personally, because...like I said...we tend to bite on occasion and it really has nothing to do with you...it's just the disease at work most of the time.

As for docs giving out numbers....I know of several therapists who give out their personal home and/or cell phone numbers (mine gave me hers and she often just calls to see how I'm getting along occationally even though I'm unable to see her anymore in "sessions" because I no longer have insurance to cover the cost)...I had thought? that one of my p-docs did the same thing in case of emergencies....but I know that my last one DID have an off-hours number, but it was to an answering service that fielded the calls and if it was a true emergency then the answering service would contact the doc. So it definetly sounds a little fishy from what you've said here.

Although, let me just say this....bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and even ADHD, can APPEAR with many of the same symptoms and are often confused and mis-diagnosed. Believe it or not, people are also sometimes diagnosed as bipolar when they really are suffering from sleep apnea...It's true...I swear!

The manipulative nature you described sounds like borderline personality disorder might be a closer diagnosis...just a guess of course, cuase I'm no doc, but it's a possiblitiy that may be worth looking into.

Anyway, keep your head up....don't let her illness bring you down in trying to help her...you can only do so much and taking care of yourself is the most important thing to keep at the top of the list because you can't help her if your not healthy yourself...make sense? It's easy to get wrapped up in the drama of someone's life who you care about...Detaching with love from the situation (not your friend) is always a good way to look at things sometimes.

Hugs,
Jenna

p.s. ALSO....watch for any kind of substance abuse issues...since 85 percent of bipolars end up abusing alcohol or drug...and that, of course, ALWAYS makes life more difficult.

[shutterbug]

....and the excessive spending is why many bipolars have to have others keep tight grips on the persons money or access to money because a severly manic person can easily drain out an entire savings or checking account during the episode. I only have mild manic episodes (or hypomanic if you will) where I don't "empty" out my accounts...but you can be certain that I will spend ever last dollar of cash that I have on me and then start spending what ever change I have left in the bottom of my purse.

During this current depression episode, I HAD to give control of all my money over to my mom because I wasn't keeping up with how much I had in the account...and would just buy whatever amount seemed "about" right....well, in just a two months...I racked up more than $500 in overdraft charges from writing checks when there wasn't the money in my account to cover the checks.

And I NEVER balanced the account...I also would let my mail build up in my mail box until it was over-flowing or my mom stopped by and grabbed it when she came in. And if I ever DID get a wild hair and finally retrieve it from the box (which is only about 6 inches away from the door) then it would come inside, but it would pile up...unopened...so bills NEVER got paid until I recieve cut-off notices.

When manic I was just to busy and scatterbrained...when depressed I was too fatigued and unable to concentrate.

I am slowly starting to take back control of my check book, but mom still fills out the checks and the pay stubs and puts them in the evelopes, stamps them and puts them in the mail...that whole process is just too over-whelming for me to feel responsible for right now. Sounds silly, I know...but that's our reality some times.

I also know personally 2 others that have had to hand over their money/accounts to others for safe keeping. It was hard for me to do that at first because of my pride...having a college degree, but I can't pay my own bills..."you've got to be kidding me" kind of things.....But I am SO glad I did...it's a TON of stress taken off my back.

---anyway, just want to add those few notions before I head off to slumber for the night.(morning actually...lol)

[UrbanFool]

It's possible she doesn't have the number at all, but just said that. It would seem to go along with some of the other exhibited problems.

Kelly

[angelgirl]

Hi Broken Hearted,

I have been recently diagnosed bi-polar also, Wow, it's real strange to me, because I have always been diagnosed as depression/anxiety, but once when I was younger, I was also diagnosed as manic depressant(bi-polar). Whats so weird is how well everything Jenna described about bi-polar symptoms "fit" me.. That was suprising. It was had for me to accept that one. Not sure why?? But, thanks Jenna, good info..

My first reaction to your post was, so what?? I have both had and seen doctors give out their number to people incase of an emergency. Not for sexual reasons, Are thye having sex? Did she say that? If she didn' maybe you should ask her? That way if you don't know, you will. You could report him, if you chose to do that.
You're friend really does have a true mental illness. The symptoms are not good, they can cause people to do very, very strange things, BUT, having said that, she also needs to be responsible for her mental health, she can not do the things you said and continue to blame her illenss.
Is she dually diagnosed? Does she have an addiction problem as well? Maybe she has a sexual addiction, in that case, maybe she should be getting help for that, there is help out there.
Does she lie ever? Is it possible that maybe the doctor gave the phone # to her for an emergency, and she either took it the wrong way, or she lied to you?
I guess there's alot of questions..

I hope your friend finds the help she needs, Sounds to me like she needs to do that. I pray she does. If the doctor is doing anything unethical, then he SHOULD be reported, as to not take advantage of a mentally ill patient. Maybe he has a history of this, that;s why I would want to find out,,,

You sound like a wonderfully caring friend,
Love, Becky

[Ann]

I hope your friend finds a new doctor who can treat her responsibly and with dignity.

Hugs
Ann

[Broken Hearted]

Thank you all for your replies. I just received a frantic phone call from her. She has been out of the hospital over a week and I just don't see her getting any better. In fact she is in the same condition that she was before going into the hospital. Her family decided to take her car because she has been driving around with all of these meds in her and rapid cycling. She also has not made the payments and is driving around on tags that are 6 months expired. When she called and told me this, I said, "I am sorry that you are upset, they are only trying to help." She yelled at me and told me that she didn't want to talk to me either and hung up! My opinion is that she has no idea what she needs only what she wants. To her needs and wants are the samething.
Everyone is frustrated with her. She has ran all of her friends and family ragged since she has gotten out of the hospital. She demands help, then demands that is only be what, when and how she wants it.....I understand that she is not well but it does wear me down. I want my friend to be well again. I don't feel that giving in to her demands is helping her. I cannot and will not help her our financially again. She still has not paid me back all the money that she owes me from over a year ago. Her family is also tired of the constant demands for money and are not going to bail her out again. It is sad because she get angry when her family says no. She yells and screams and curses at them. It seems that she can say whatever she wants to you but you better not say anything that she doesn't like to her or else. Is this a good thing that she suffers the consequences of her behavior? I am really trying to understand this illness called Bi-polar. It seems like the more I read the less I know.

My only hope is that my friend gets the help that she needs and feels better. I have talked to the family and suggested that she may need to go back to the hospital for a stay until she gets more stable, even if she doesn't want to go.

Thanks for listening, I just needed to vent...The stress of this is getting to me and this is the only place I feel that I can come and say what I feel.

Hugs to all,
Broken Hearted.

[Don W]

Broken, My thoughts and orayers are with you all. You are to be commended for trying to help your friend. The easiest thing would be to walk away. Draw boundries but, continue to let her know she is loved. And she might find she dosen't have to look for it in the wrong places. Don W