Stressfull situations/hysterectomy/zoloft-?

[shortcake77518]

Ive been thru alot of stress/anxiety, in the past few months. First had a hysterectomy (well the final part, last surg. Dr. couldnt find my left overy! grr) So last month I had to have my left overy taken out. (Dr. did not put me on hormone therapy, wich is good, because ive heard bad side effects from them.) And been thru problems with my bf, his fear of my lack of hormones, might cause problems with our sex life, and him not being too sensitive to my feelings as i recover. (although recently he's been alittle nicer) Dr. perscribed zoloft for anxiety, right before my surgery, but i never took it, because ive heard once you quite taking it, could have bad side effects, like worsening depresion. And now the last few days have been hell, had to evacuate because of hurricain Rita, in wich my bf's car broke down twice, (he had his 10yr. son and his pet ginea pig with him, and all his stuff) And my car ended up breaking down, and god its hard to get a battery during an evacuation of a hurricain! anyways bf and i ended up arguing, over his being stubborn, and his uncle started being a total ******* to me and my kids, we were supposed to spend the night at there place, but I decided id had enough, didnt need to take all that verbal abuse. So i ended leaving my bf there and taking my kids and I to the only other place i could go, my ex's brother and his wife's house, to get some sleep, and a peacefull place to rest. and later on kids and I ended up going to the place my bf was going to (away from his uncle) at the last minute. And there I felt totaly uncomfortable, esp. after my bf's grandmother came made the comment, that I need to behave myself! grrrr!!!!!! But her own son, my bf's uncle, can just talk to people like there nothing, and get away with it! He's one of these people who know it all, or think they do, and told me to quite crying, (Id been thru alot and just felt like it was all too much, sitting in bumper to bumper traffic in texas heat, for about 6 hours to get a few miles. And dealing with stubborn bf, who didnt want to leave his car, after it broke down twice. Anyways after his grandmother said that, I told her that i dont start anything, but that i will defend myself, and my kids when others are being disrespectfull, and mean towards me or my kids. And yes, when bf's uncle said those nasty, mean things to me and my kids, I stood up for myself, and my kids, and yes our voices got alittle louder, but i dont believe in letting others push me around. My own family doesnt talk to me like he does.
Basicly i dont take any sh**t, from anyone. I am a very nice and caring person, but I dont beleive in letting anyone talk to me any old way, or belittleing, or demeaning way.
And my daughter is the same way, she also said somethings, to my bf's uncle.
And now my bf's family seems to act like I am some kind of problem person, whos ready to go off on anyone at a drop of a hat, kind of like im a mental case! grrrrr!!!! I know ive been thru alot but thats not right. The lady whos place i was staying at while away from the storm, whom i was invited too, asked me if i was ok? and I said yes, why? and she said no reason. But it was like how she asked me, and later on she offered me some hormonal balancing cream, to help balance my self out i guess.
It just bothers me that people judge me based on something that happened, that i had to defend myself. Im a very caring and loving person. And anyways.....just way too much stress, sometimes wish i could just leave, take off to and just drive till i cant drive anymore.
I dont feel depressed, really, but I do get very upset or anxious, during emergency situations sometimes, and when others try to tell me how to feel, or that i just need to get over it, god that pisses me off! U know? like brushing me off, or trying to put me down for how im dealing with something, esp. if im crying, or upset. Most time im happy go lucky, but i also get very upset over things sometimes. so is all this normal??? am I crazy???
Should i take the zoloft? or should i take hormones? (right now im using natural, hormonal cream) Just wish people wouldnt judge me, or try to tell me how i should be reacting, or feeling, or hear one side of an argument, and automaticly think im the one who's a short fuse, just because i stick up for myself and my kids verbaly. And think im "off balance" because of lack of hormones because of my surgery. When ive always told people off, who offend me or my family, not in a bad way but normal. And anyways the whole time I stayed at my bf's moms freinds house, after the argument with his uncle, at his grandmas house (outside) She offered me some hormone cream, and kept off and on reminding me to put some more on, and her freind came over, and was very nosy, adn said she knows everything about me. ugg! my bfs mom told her god knows what about me, and i confide in my bfs mother, or did that is.
anyways just felt very uncomfortable around all of them, and they seemed to kind of avoid me, and I felt like they were thinking I was emotionaly unstable or crazy, just because of the agrument that occured with bf's uncle, whos an ******* (pardon the expression, but its true.)
Sorry for this long of a post, but just had to explain the whole situation.
I just need some serenity in my life, peacefullness, and trying to get my crazy life, to calm down, esp. after all ive been thru, these past 2 months.

If anyone has any advise, or support please let me know.
Thanks

[Don W]

Hi shortcake, First off don't feel bad. This is a great place to vent. We understand. I have to tell you, you've had alot on your plate lately. I can understand you being a little stressed out. First, I would go by what your doctor says and not what you've heard. Many people have different reactions to different medications. You can't judge your reaction by some else's. I would suggest you try and pull back some. Not sure if it is possible but, try and avoid the people that stress you out. If you can't avoid them tune them out. Also, with surgery you might want to at least check out PTSD. I understand it is hard to deal with family. Depression or other mental illness is hard for others to understand. I mean there's no cast, theres no bandages. I've had many family question whether it is real. You need to decide if you trust your doctor. If not find one you do trust. Then follow his instructions. I'm glad you made it through Rita.
Maybe you could find a place to chill out a few times a week. Maybe a coffee shop or something peaceful. Do you have a an aquarium neer you? I've been told that a vist to an aquarium can lower blood pressure up to 15 points in a visit. Stay connected here. We have alot of good people and a number of ears to listen. Don W

[angelgirl]

What are stones? I'm kinda interested in that excercise thing you're talking about Missus, boy, I wish I had wonderful words of wisdom for you, but I don't. It's all so diffilcult. I had to lost a whole lot of weigtrh before. I took weigth loss pills. They were Herbal, bought at a local health food store.
They did help me lose weight, but they also caused me many problems.
They are really bad for you. Even when they are prescried and they are "safe", and "approved" for medical use, within a few years they are usually pulled from the market, due to the heart attacks, strokes, and other ailments they cause. I know they cause problems for me. When it came down to it, it was all about the way I ate, and the biggest part of it is the excercise. Excercise is really the key to losing weight. I know it takes time, but it's suprising how easy it becomes to make time to fit some excercise into your schedule everyday when you begin to see results after doing some excercise everyday. It's alot of work, ut the rewards are so many, and the biggestis just how i felt about myself.
I have quit all of my walking. I used to walk a couple miles at least 4 to 5 days a week, and I did ALOT of stretching, but I stopped about a year or 2 ago. Now I want to get back at it, and just have not. But now I see they are talking about some type of "group" thing, well that might give me the boost I need...
I wish you well. I hope you reach inside of yourself, and give all you have to this, because I know that's really what it took for me..
Good luck,,,
Lottsa Love,
Becky

Hey, Please keep us posted

[shortcake77518]

Thanks Don. Well i took one of my zoloft well half of one the other day, like it says to, (for first few days, then one pill) and it did help me to relax, and not be so uptight. I just would rather do it alone, without pills, i dont like taking any type of drugs that i dont have too u know. But i guess ill try it, and if it causes too many side effects, guess ill just stop taking it. The other thing im concerned over, is ive heard that taking zoloft or anyother type of antidepression meds can cause you to have low sex drive, and to be honest, esp after having my hysterectomy, no overies, means no hormones, so....yeah thats another major factor of concern for me. I dont want to lose my bf because of my lack of desire, because of my sugery or taking the zoloft. And i also dont want to take hormone pills, there very expensive, and plus have been proven to greatly increase odds of getting cancer.

[shortcake77518]

Thanks Becky. Well as far as the weight loss goes, I went to my first oa meeting yesterday, was pretty cool, some had lost like 40lbs and 30lbs, and have been at it for like 3 or 4 months, it is a good support system. I plan on making a few more meetings and find one thats closest to me, and they said to try to make at least 3 meetings a week. And to get a sponser. Because they seemed very happy, even though they still have a ways to go, and they encouraged me to keep comming back. So I think im going to check it out, and see if it will work for me.
Ive been thru so much stuff, i at least deserve to do this for me. God id love to be able to fit into regular size womens clothing. Id be happy at a size 16! lol

[ryanjosef]

umm just a suggestion have you thought about loosing the boyfreind, i meen what kind of person if they love you would let his family tear you down and n ot stand up for you. Want to get rid of some of the strees in your life and from what you seid it sounds like he is a nice chunk of it, and it sounds like he could care less about you, who needs a boy or girl freind or husbad or wife thats like that. NO one does. Just causes a lot of hard feelings and alot heart ache. It seems to me that you need to free your self from him.

[Don W]

shotcake, I had the low sex drive problems with the Paxil I was on. My problem was letting it go too long. I was feeling better so accepted it as the price. I was wrong. They have now swithced me to another. Also, my doctor gave an additional one to offset any sexual problems. In your case deciding what is causing the problem will be difficult. Medication or hysterectomy. I'd suggest the same as before. Keep your doctor informed and up to date on problems. I also understand your feeling of taking medications. For a long time I lived for the day to be removed from them. Sort of a sign I was getting better. The real sign was accepting the medication. I questioned " is the "New Don" real or just out of a bottle? Well. I came to understand that the "Old Don" was out of an alcohol bottle. The medication won't make you feel better or worse, I fel anyway. It will only help you deal with issues. Being able to deal with issues and events has made me feel better. You see the things that happen to us happen to everyone else in the world. What bothered me was watching them handle it, and I couldn't. I also want to point out that it can take awhile to benifit fuuly from the Zoloft. Also, some side affects will pass, so give your body time to adjust. I'll tell you what you might already know. Be sure to scout out all the bathrooms on your travel routes. I'll give the names of my new ones. I'm so glad you are here. Thanks for sharing with us. Many don't understand that from the very first post you help others also. Just being open like you are, helps other to not feel alone, or their the only ones.
Like I said I was embarrased to mention the side affects because of sexual abuse as a child. Then one night I read a post from someone that was experencing the same. Fear, embarrasment, shame etc, can't be avoided. We must overcome it. Remember that along with the Zoloft you might want to consider a support group or an individual to help cope and learn. The biggest thing to lay a solid foundation in recovery is knowledge and support. And of course stay connected here no matter what. There are people from all over the world and different time zones. I get responses at 3 am just the same as 3 pm. Plus, as an added bonus, I work the evening shift at a hospital and can log on mant times. We are here to help each other. Don W

[shortcake77518]

Well Ryan, I hear what your saying and all, and to be honest, my bf is the type, he tries to keep peace esp. at his grandmothers and pops house, so he didnt want to cause a big scene, he was upset at his uncle, but if they got into a fight over this, it would have opened a whole other pandoras box of crap, u know. I did the best thing i could at that point, wich was to leave, and went someplace else. We were all under a tremendous amount of stress, my bf's pet ginea pig died of heat exhaustion, in his car, because the a/c in his car didnt work. So he was upset over that, and kept blaming himself. And I was upset over both our vechicles breaking down, and being stuck at his folks house....while his rude uncle was very unsensitive toward me and my kids. And I told him off, and felt good about it! lol Because hardly no one in there family tells him off, or is afraid to confront him about his rude stupid comments, But not me! I dont have to be around him, so i removed myself. And no things are not perfect between bf and I, we fight over alot of issues, but here lately...after that incident, hes been alot nicer towards me.
And your right ive been thru alot, too much drama in my life. Id probibly get rich if i wrote a book about my life.

[shortcake77518]

Thanks Don W. Well ive been under tremendous amount of stress, in my everyday life. Sometimes feels like im being torn into peaces, by different people, my kids, my elderly parents, bf, ex-husband(kids dad), my job (wich when im working, is very demanding and time consuming). Im not the perfect parent, I feel bad because i know i dont always spend enough time with them. And when i try to do things for me, like go for a walk, or to an OA meeting(wich i just recently started going too.) I feel guilty. Its just hard to please everyone, impossible. I just try to do best i can and thats it. And try to remain calm, and not let other people get to me. Like Mariah Careys song, "Shake it off". But its not easy, very challenging.
And basicly not take other peoples "stuff" on, and learn how to shrug it off, and not take it personal.
Well anyways, thanks for taking the time, to read and respond. and yes somethings are kind of hard to talk about, but if you dont be honest about your problems, how can anyone help. Life just sometimes isnt very fair, or easy.
But I keep on keeping on, never give up.

[Don W]

shortcake, If there is one thing I've bought into it's nothing worthwhile is easy. With practice we can learn how to best handle things. Many of us feel guilty taking care of ourselves. For years I took care of everyone else, and avoided me. We'll you'll never be a perfect parent. However, getting yourself healthy mentally and physically in the long run will make you a better parent. Think of it as making sure you'll be there for them. Explain to them that part of your motivation is to be there in the future for them. You've got a great attitude and there is peace and happiness in your future. Don W

[ryanjosef]

i apologise, i miss spoke, i just care and dont like to hear that people seem to be being mistreated. you are a stronger peorson then i cause i would have come unglude on the spot cause no one talks to me or to the ones i love like that. I havent the slightest on how bad the situation was so i had no right to judge your boyfriend. But defnitly listen to the other people here like don and andglegirl and others they know a hell of a lot more then i.God bless

[shortcake77518]

Its ok ryanjosef, Well i did go off on his uncle for talking down to me and my kids, I stood up to him when no one else in that family, including my bf, have done towards him, everyone else, says well..thats just how he is, or makes excuses for him instead of having everyone confront him, about his actions, and how he treats ppl. But sad thing is....even though i told him off and so did my daughter, a day or so afterwards, his family, esp his grandmother were kind of treating me like I misunderstood him, and like im some sort of crazy women, whos going thru stress and anxiety because of my hysterectomy, and one of his mom's freinds ask if i was ok, and I said yes, wich i was really ok, was watching tv, and i ask why? she said that and she said, no reason.
And later on she offered me some hormone cream, to help me. So the whole crew thought after that incident acted like i was a crazy women, who could go off at any minute! LOL But thats not the case...and if they knew me, they would know.
So anyways.....the whole few days were terribly stressfull, and tiring. Was very glad to go back home, were it is more peacefull.
But no im not mad at you, or anything, I was just trying to explain more..about the situation.
Im just glad its all over.

[shortcake77518]

Well thank you Don W. I try my best lately. Thats all i can do.