Has Anyone here ever had experience with medication

[angelgirl]

giving them terrible side effects such as, horrible panic attacks? Terrible crying bouts? I mean, like terrible crying bouts out of the blue?
Or effects that make life seems really dark? Or make you very angry at the whole world, everything?

I have been going through some of the hardest times I have had clean. I believe now that it is the medication I am taking. I started taking Topamax, about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Medication has always had a much stronger effect on me than others, always, it always took less medication for me to have the same relief or effects as it did a higher amount for someone else.
So knowing this, my doctor, trying to find a med. that would help with both my mood swings ( although NEVER anthing like I have been experiencing ) and with my sleep issues, decided on Topamax, and started me out easy, on 1-25mg the first week, the 2nd week 2-25mgs the 3rd week, 3-25mgs. Well, the first week, on the 1 pill, I had little effects, the 2nd week, on the 2-25's I began to experience some real anger, lots of it, at everyone. I was getting quite mean, and lashing out at everyone. That is about as opposite of me as one could get. (although a little probably did me some good, since I tend to let myself become a door mat at times, well I guess anger isn't the proper response either).. But I did a couple things in public that I am pretty embarrased of. I also had quite a crying/hyperventalating terrible experience while driving, (very fast, with kids in the car so I could get home, I was so afraid I was going to pass out, as I kept blacking out) I had kids, and even a friend of my kids in the car. It was something I hope my kids, and Oh my, their friend NEVER have to see again. I feel SO bad about, although I know at the time I had little control over, although I should have done things differently, but I was not myself, not at all myself. Then, I pretty much cried all that night. Ok, that was pretty much the 2nd week, the 3rd week, so far has been 2 nights, and the first 2 nights I was totally knockeed out completely.. Flat. I can never sleep, so that was in a sense I relief for me, yet, I was way out of control, not a good feeling for me. Too out of control.
Last night, I took my meds early to see if for once I could go to sleep early. Well, I did, my son found me sleeping about 10:30 or so with my head on the desk of the computer, he could ot get me up. My husband yelled at me about 11 or so, and I jumped up, well with my husband, you'd jump too, drugged or not. He told me to get my rear to bed. I did. But I went to bed, lit a cig, and went out like a light. Out cold. WITH a CIG IN MY HANG, up against the blanket. Well, the good lord was watching over me, cuz, I was not waking up, I had it sticking in the blanket, my husband falls asleep sometimes on the couch ( I do also sometimes, when I SLEEP) thank god he came down to bed.
He screamed at me, took the cig out of my hand, put it out, I rolled over, went to sleep, and woke up this morning. I remembered it just fine though.
Today I was sitting here I don't know what time it was for sure around 2 I think? and I was reading some sad posts, (dumb thing to do for me) and I suddenly got this familiar terrible feeling, but i don't know if it's the med or if it's my anxiety. Its a terrible, terrible feeling though. Then my heart began to pound very very fast, and then finally it slowed down, and everything began to get dark slowly. But I did not pass out thank god again. But after that, I was like completely exhausted, totally tired, I had to sleep. I was like half asleep. I was supposed to go to dual diagnosis. My group. I was so upset, because i missed last week, due to not sleeping the night before, and sleeping until it was to late to get to group. I like that group alot. So I called both of the cousllors and left messages for them to call me, to see if I could still come next week, of if I would be out, because I was going to miss today, there was NO way I could go like that today, and I slept last week. So, one of them called me, I told her what was going on, and I said can I PLEASE come next week?? I said, I have not used, because I haven't, she4 said, " YOU SOUND LIKE YOU"RE LOADED", Oh, I wwas so upset. I have had to defend myself now like 3 times in the last week, I have not used at all. Ya know, that's one thing I did not do, not to my counsellors, not once, I NEVER LIED ONCE to them, NEVER, I didn't feel a reason to?? They aren't dumb. They know me to well. But ya know, I did enough lying through my disease, I really felt they were like "safe people" for me, people I could trust, I did not need to lie to them. I DO understand, I have hurt everyone so much, but I it has been over 5 months, and I am just sick of defending the fact that I am NOT using, and HAVE NOT used, at all, for the whole time since detox. I am really proud of that.
Ok, so I am really off the subject here. My whole point was, has anyone here exerienced these type if really wierd symptoms?
Thanks very much for reading all of this,. I want to say. I don't blame them for questionign me, I hurt them all alot, but it just does hurt to have to constantly have to keep telling them, and swearing that I am not using. I am not using. I am having problems. that's for sure, but not using. This has been really long, and I got off track here, ( oh, real big suprise with me??lol)
Have a great day/night
Love, Becky

[ryanjosef]

i am hypoglycemic and it sounds like what happend to you at your computer was a suger drop (just my opinion) but if thats the case your eyes would kinda hurt feel like pressure behind them and some sencitivity to light and a slight head ache dont know if thats it but sounds like it i have had them while driving down the road and barly being able to pull off the highway till it was over anyhoo.the other that made me angry and very violent was Depicote.i almost committed suicide on that, stuck my fist threw the windsheild of my rx-7 and blew the engine up because i was mad and over heated it.then puched the p-side door and put a big dent in it grabed a hammer out of the back and just beet the crud out of the hood.(o that makes me cry that car was in mint condition).broke everything in my apartment that was mine except the tv and a few dishes and the big stuff would have hurt my wife and daughter but wanted to but was able to hold my self back. And for the sleeping stuff well Restoril did that to me only i fell down a flight of steep stairs and went around for days with my shoulder hurting and couldnt figure out what i did to make such a big bump on my shoulder and my wife didnt tell me a thing till i started complaining about it hurting so bad untill then she didnt realize that i had no memory of it, i walked around and just fall over saying i was dizzy, having conversations, and never remembering any of it waking up in bed like nothin had gone on, sleeping great, but bad hangover from them take me half the day just to come out of it. And so addicting that i had to toss them in the toilet before it got to bad, now im on amitriptyline (i might as well be on a suger pill).As for the crying for no reason and out of now where and everything you seid. nope never had meds that did that not that i need their help i do it enuff (so i cant spell it sounds good) on my own. Next time they say your lieing say im not lieing test me. ok i know i answered real scattered like but thats how my brain has been the past week scattered. you know that if theres anything you need that you can get ahold of me and i will do my best to help you. Cause jeez Becky were pals.
Ryan
ps
no thanks to my birth mother i was born herowin addicted, again no thanks to her im very sencitive to medications , and viruses or what ever i get sick easly, and alergys, and alcohol (which is why i dont drink, i liked it to much and had a bad experiance with it but we wont get into that)

[angelgirl]

I love ya Ryan, thanks, I will answer your PM in the am. I took my meds and am going to sleep soon.
I am going to tell them to drug test me. I told my husband that tonight. I will feel better about it then. That they have the proof in their hands..
But, my husband was one of them last week that I was defending myself against using. I know he knows I am not, I think sometimes he just knows the right things that hurt and uses them to lash out..

Thanks for your post. I will ssay more tomorrw, I better sleep.
love ya Ryan
Thanks
Becky

[shutterbug]

don't know much about meds doing all that stuff...my depression does that all on it's own. I definetly know what ya mean about jumping down people's throats and that being totally opposite of how you normally act....me too, except a lot of times, I'm so out of it that I dont' even realize I'm being a b*tch until after....or until someone tells me later....then of course I always appologize.

And falling asleep with cigs! Girrrrrrrl! Just about a month ago, I woke up and lit one....the next thing I knew the blanket that was laying across my chest was on fire....like LITERALLY on fire! Burnt a big o' hole in it....it's a wonder my clothes didn't catch too. Boy I sure didn't tell my mom about that one! She would have either made me move in with her, taken away all my cigs and money to by cigs OR started calling me 100 times a day to make sure I'm okay. I know...sounds like a crazy thing for a mom to do those things when their kid is nearly 30...but if it wasn't for her this past year...I wouldn't be here anymore at all. I'd be dead or homeless, one or the other.

So yeah...I know what it's like to be so extremely tired all the time that you fall asleep no matter what's going on. I've never had those kind of problems till this major depression crap!

Oh well....at least I haven't burned the house down....yet!

Hugs,
Jenna

[Fire_Wind_Rain]

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!! I don't have time to reply, but please, please, if I do not remember to pm you later, PLEASE pm me and remind me.

[Fire_Wind_Rain]

Angel, my experience was not specifically with Topamax, so I googled it the way I do any medication I, or my children are directed by a doctor to ingest. I found this site. It has feedback both ways. Very, very informative, & well worth reading as many of the stories & feedback as possible.

http://medications.com/go/se/Topamax

[Don W]

I don't know about that medication but, I had some problems with the Paxil. I might have missed it but, have you explained this to your doctor. There are many alternatives. With my Paxil, I had terrible nightmares. Didn't remember anything. However, my wife was petrified. I had to sleep in other room. Her and the poor dog recieved the kicks and pushing meant for the nightmare. There are some medications that some can't take. We are made of chemicals and most of us have an imbalance. The doctors need to try different ones. The key is to be open. My paxil was making me feel better so, I excepted the side affects as a trade off. The new one is working great. Don W