Help! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

devastated · 11-23-2002, 02:13 PM

Hello:

I have been talking about my son on another forum. He has been a drug user for a long time. I know he was smoking crystal meth. I don't know how much or how often. All I know that about May 2002 all hell started to break lose.

He couldn't focus on his job he was depressed started having rages than docile than rages again. The rages would occur about every 12-13 days. He lived with his girlfriend and her 7 year old. He never broke things in front of the child but did yell at the mom a few times. Mostly he had rages when the child was not around.

To make a long story short..he finally did go get meds but they put him on Wellbutrin and it through him into a manic state. Then they put him on Depakane. I don't know if he was taking it regularly or not because he started to get really bad with the rages and finally we were able to get him out of her house. Not before he wrecked a lot of her things! Her brothers were furious and scared for her safety as were my husband and myself.

He had no where to go so thank the Lord he was able to get to his father's in Nevada only four hours from here. He was very sad and hates being there. He got a job immediately, changed his drivers license all in one day.

Here's the problem: He calls here every two minutes at first the calls were ok and then the next call would be threatening. He threatens the girlfriend and now she has left her home because she is scared. He says horrible things and calls me horrible filthy names. I tried everything to reason with him and to calm him, but nothing works. He gets more and more abusive! Finally my husband said, not to answer anymore. Not to have any conversation with him. When I did that he threatened to be leaving there and on his way back here. He's on the phone calling right now. He says if we call the police he'll really make it worse for us. He's been through the system and I don't think he wants to go back.

Now he's calling saying he has all these dreaded diseases. I need help in knowing what to do or say to him. Should I even talk to him, or take my Husband's advice and not answer at all?? He was 40 years old on the 18th. He is lucky his Dad is still letting him stay there. I'm afraid he'll soon throw him out! What shall I do? I hate him one minute and am crying for him the next. I have all these emotions and can't seem to get a handle on anything.

Who knows if he is taking the meds! Sometimes he says he is and other times he's not. He will not give up the obsession he has for the girlfriend! He loves the baby. When he thrased her house he did not touch anything of the childs. It's like he knows exactly what he is doing!

Just called now since I haven't taken one call in 12 hours he is calm and docile and says he will return some paper work that I had sent to him from Mental Health. What is happening here?? Am I doing the right thing ignoring his calls? I feel like a Judas!! I am feeling so low...probably not as badly as he does.

Can anyone help? Thank you Devastated

Live · 11-23-2002, 04:36 PM

al-Anon !!!!!!!

zoomer · 11-23-2002, 07:18 PM

Wow,ugh! My boy who is 15 is messing with drugs. I dread him coming to see me because of his manipulations and rages if he does not get his way. If I could I would put him in rehab, but unfortunty I can't right now. My thoughts go out to your family! Remember to be safe! No loving son would threaten his mom or dad. Something has a hold on him and unil he gets a long estabished record of nonviolence, keep safe. it has nothing to do with your love for him.
Zoomer

Gypsygirlmom · 11-25-2002, 07:31 PM

((((Devastated))))

I'm sorry you're going thru all this with your son. But please think of your safety first. Because he is Bipolar & using & if not taking his meds. It really seems to be a dangerous combination. Look what he has done already. The more they get away with the further they will push. He's manipulating you because he can...I think you're husband is right. I know with my A, the further he pushed, the further back my boundaries went. It just got worse & worse. My BP daughter is out of control when she goes into a rage, and I can only imagine what a 40 yr. old man is capable of. Is there anyway he could maybe be put in treatment for the BP, or substance abuse? Then this way, you could be safe, and maybe he could get some much needed help. Has he been in for a psychological evaluation? Are they sure his meds are even right for him? I know sometimes it takes several tries to get the right med. to stabilize them. Also, I have been told you cannot start & stop & start & stop taking the mood stabilizers. Usually when you start taking them after not taking them, they will not work, then you are back to square one, trying to find one that works.

Give him to God, Devastated, and start taking back your life. Go to Alanon, and start taking care of yourself. Write a letter to God telling him everything and that you are putting him in his care. Then take care of you, and do the best you can do for yourself today. I like to think that working my program will help me be a stronger, better person, and more able to be there when they are ready for help.

Tons of Hugs to you! Your both in my thoughts & prayers!

11-23-2002, 02:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
devastated Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Calif Posts: 869	Help! Hello: I have been talking about my son on another forum. He has been a drug user for a long time. I know he was smoking crystal meth. I don't know how much or how often. All I know that about May 2002 all hell started to break lose. He couldn't focus on his job he was depressed started having rages than docile than rages again. The rages would occur about every 12-13 days. He lived with his girlfriend and her 7 year old. He never broke things in front of the child but did yell at the mom a few times. Mostly he had rages when the child was not around. To make a long story short..he finally did go get meds but they put him on Wellbutrin and it through him into a manic state. Then they put him on Depakane. I don't know if he was taking it regularly or not because he started to get really bad with the rages and finally we were able to get him out of her house. Not before he wrecked a lot of her things! Her brothers were furious and scared for her safety as were my husband and myself. He had no where to go so thank the Lord he was able to get to his father's in Nevada only four hours from here. He was very sad and hates being there. He got a job immediately, changed his drivers license all in one day. Here's the problem: He calls here every two minutes at first the calls were ok and then the next call would be threatening. He threatens the girlfriend and now she has left her home because she is scared. He says horrible things and calls me horrible filthy names. I tried everything to reason with him and to calm him, but nothing works. He gets more and more abusive! Finally my husband said, not to answer anymore. Not to have any conversation with him. When I did that he threatened to be leaving there and on his way back here. He's on the phone calling right now. He says if we call the police he'll really make it worse for us. He's been through the system and I don't think he wants to go back. Now he's calling saying he has all these dreaded diseases. I need help in knowing what to do or say to him. Should I even talk to him, or take my Husband's advice and not answer at all?? He was 40 years old on the 18th. He is lucky his Dad is still letting him stay there. I'm afraid he'll soon throw him out! What shall I do? I hate him one minute and am crying for him the next. I have all these emotions and can't seem to get a handle on anything. Who knows if he is taking the meds! Sometimes he says he is and other times he's not. He will not give up the obsession he has for the girlfriend! He loves the baby. When he thrased her house he did not touch anything of the childs. It's like he knows exactly what he is doing! Just called now since I haven't taken one call in 12 hours he is calm and docile and says he will return some paper work that I had sent to him from Mental Health. What is happening here?? Am I doing the right thing ignoring his calls? I feel like a Judas!! I am feeling so low...probably not as badly as he does. Can anyone help? Thank you Devastated

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11-23-2002, 04:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
Live Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Bristol TN/VA Posts: 11,305 Blog Entries: 5	al-Anon !!!!!!!

11-23-2002, 07:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Wow,ugh! My boy who is 15 is messing with drugs. I dread him coming to see me because of his manipulations and rages if he does not get his way. If I could I would put him in rehab, but unfortunty I can't right now. My thoughts go out to your family! Remember to be safe! No loving son would threaten his mom or dad. Something has a hold on him and unil he gets a long estabished record of nonviolence, keep safe. it has nothing to do with your love for him. Zoomer

11-25-2002, 07:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
Gypsygirlmom Paused Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Climbing outa da Black Hole Posts: 146	((((Devastated)))) I'm sorry you're going thru all this with your son. But please think of your safety first. Because he is Bipolar & using & if not taking his meds. It really seems to be a dangerous combination. Look what he has done already. The more they get away with the further they will push. He's manipulating you because he can...I think you're husband is right. I know with my A, the further he pushed, the further back my boundaries went. It just got worse & worse. My BP daughter is out of control when she goes into a rage, and I can only imagine what a 40 yr. old man is capable of. Is there anyway he could maybe be put in treatment for the BP, or substance abuse? Then this way, you could be safe, and maybe he could get some much needed help. Has he been in for a psychological evaluation? Are they sure his meds are even right for him? I know sometimes it takes several tries to get the right med. to stabilize them. Also, I have been told you cannot start & stop & start & stop taking the mood stabilizers. Usually when you start taking them after not taking them, they will not work, then you are back to square one, trying to find one that works. Give him to God, Devastated, and start taking back your life. Go to Alanon, and start taking care of yourself. Write a letter to God telling him everything and that you are putting him in his care. Then take care of you, and do the best you can do for yourself today. I like to think that working my program will help me be a stronger, better person, and more able to be there when they are ready for help. Tons of Hugs to you! Your both in my thoughts & prayers!

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