how to move on

[needhelpva]

hi, i am new to the message board. i signed up because of my recent situation. in november of 2004 i was arrested for my 3rd dui. i went to a very prestigious pyschiatrist (i had stuggled w/ depression for 10 years). i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, add, substance abuse, and bulimia. i began taking medication and became sober. i attend aa meetings, although not as frequently as i should.

in july i was found guilty of my 3rd dui. with this conviction i lost my license, have to continue treatment w/ my psychiatrist and counselor as well as maintain sobriety. the most difficult of all was that i lost my teaching position at a public school. my job was the one thing that I had pride in myself. i was very good at my job and this situation had no affect on my job other than time off for psychiatric appointments which had been arranged w/ approval of my principal.

i don't know where to go from here. i have a master's degree in counseling and i'm applying or jobs. i have hit the bottom and i am sometimes contemplating suicide, although the pain that i would cause my family keeps me from acting on it.

everyone tells me that things will get better, but they really don't know the humilation and pain i am going through.

i don't know how to continue and i don't know how i will move on. i feel like at 29 i have completely screwed up my life and although i have made incredible changes, it was too little too late.

on a friend's advice i am reaching out to talk to professionals and those who may share my experience.

please help. i have truly hit bottom.

[dmajor7th]

Hey needhelpva, I can relate. I have struggled with severe depression and alcohol as well as other drugs too. I'm clean now, but am still on very close terms with the feelings of pain and humiliation. I don't have a job, and am chronically ill. I'm 39 and know what it's like to want to end it. That being said, I know when people say "Things will get better", when you feel like that it sounds like an over used cliche that has lost all meaning. But things can get better. How to move on? Just hang on. It's simple, but not easy. Just keep trying. You have already accomplished a lot and can accomplish a lot more. It's really good that you have a friend for support and a good therapist. That's excellent- and a reason for hope right there. In a year from now you could have a job you like even more than your last one, be sober and enjoying life. You may not feel it right now, but you are still young. Keep your head up and believe things will get better-believe that you deserve happiness and you will achieve it. Take care and keep posting. Sincerely Cate.

[pedagogue]

I know there are many professionals in AA, and they might be able to give you some advice about getting back into the professional setting. I am sure some of them have been through similar situations with losing a job and then needing to regroup.

-pedagogue

[needhelpva]

Thank you for replying. I really didn't expect anyone to reply, much less so quickly. I can't tell you how much any encouragement means to me!

[2stop]

Bless your heart....it is so hard, it really is. I was diagnosed as bipolar as a teen, I also was bulimic and anorexic a few years, but have never ever told a doctor. I also have substance abuse issues, am in recovery and sober but still have to work at it with the chronic pain.

It has to be terribly difficult for you in the position you're in, the legal trouble and professional trouble. I really feel for you. I will definitely be praying for you. Maybe you could find a face to face support group? Please keep posting here though!! This site has saved my a$$ more times than I can count.

(((((((((((((((Warmest Hugs))))))))))))))))))