NewLou

Hi, I don't really know where to start. i've never told anyone this before, but I suppose I need to know if anyone ever felt this before or if it's just me. I'm embarrassed even typing it, but here goes.

I am a recovering alcoholic (year and 8 months), attend AA, am doing all the right things (eventually!) but I always have this feeling that people can see me. Not in a paranoid-conspiracy theory way like you see on tv. I have this since before i ever drank. It's not frightening or anything. I feel as if the roof of my home is like one way glass and people upstairs can see me. The people however, are famous people I like, or people from real life that I want to like me. I have this feeling all the time when I'm on my own. I feel that they are up there watching me for some security reason (like they're checking out everyone in the block for some VIP visit or something), and they start to like me and see qualities in me that I suppose are the qualities I like in myself but am too shy to show in real life.

I suffer with extremely low self esteem even though I have loads going for me. I am very lucky to have a supportive family and partner and have a lovely home life. I'm not working but keep myself busy.

Maybe it stems from an imaginary friend or something, but I'm 36! I suppose I just had to say it out as I'm too embarrassed to say it to my therapist or group. I've never ever heard anyone talk about anything remotely like it.

zanzibar

Hi NewLou, never be embarassed to say something to your therapist, they cannot help you without knowing the whole story as they are therapists not mind readers and they are not there to judge you. I know it will take time to talk to your group as you feel you have a one of a kind issue. But you don't have a one of a kind issue. I think if you discuss it then something can probably be done to help you. Take care.

Threshold

Lou, I have that sort of thing too. Paranoia..or is it? I mean I can't tell if I am being paranoid or if my fears are "valid". I feel like I am never safe, never alone, never private...that even my thoughts must be "visible" to someone.

for me, that's usually the result of stress. When I feel my life is out of control, I feel like there is a panel of judges a la "American Idol" watching how I handle this weeks challenge.

emhow2

I have felt like this since I was much younger...I describe it to be like being on the Truman show. I was recently diagnosed as being on the bipolar spectrum but still have to go in for a complete and formal diagnosis. Have you talked to your doctor about this feeling?

rubbersoul

I've had similar "daydreams"(as I like to call it because it doesn't sound as bad as calling it delusions) since I was a teenager... I imagine people I admire (famous people or people I know it real life) to be watching me and beginning to like me too. I logically understand that of course this is not actually happening but I think about it anyway, it became worse as I drank alcohol but now that I've aged a bit and stopped drinking it doesn't happen as frequently. I even had a routine I would do thinking people could see me! I feel absolutely insane and have only once ever told anyone about it, a therapist, and she sort of nodded and pretended like I didn't saying anything by continuing on with another topic! That was strange in itself and I ended up feeling more ashamed. Anyway that was my experience and I think most therapists wouldn't do that (hopefully). I wonder what causes this thinking or if it's a "symptom" of some kind of mental issue

buickbeast

Just wanted to say good job on the 20 months and counting of staying sober =)

NewLou

Thank you guys, I haven't spoken to anyone as I was too embarrassed - the Truman Show feeling is a great way of describing it!!!!

I even tried to remove the post after I put it up as it got more views and no replies, I have only come back to it now. It's great to hear others have had similar thoughts.

I felt better after I posted it though and it hasn't been as bad since. It is such a relief to not be the only one, the burden of it has lifted a bit.

Thank you all for your honesty and I wish you all the very best in your recovery