cutting...

[MagdaM]

i'm not going to go into a big long story about it. but i've been doing quite a lot of it lately especially since i'm trying to get clean. i've had two people tell me recently that it's "just as bad" as shooting up. i think this is a massive overstatement, but i realize i have kind of a skewed perspective. this is kind of a random thread but i've been thinking about this and just wondered if anyone had any thoughts.

[angelgirl]

Hey Mag....
I don't know alot about cutting, but I know there are some here that do. I just want to say, please try to get some help for that. I'm sure you are a very beautiful, you don't want to wreck those looks.!! You are a very good person, don't forget that either.. I have read your posts to people, you are hurting, and yet you help others,. that makes for a really great, caring person. Please don't cut yourself.. Please..
Say, I am worth not doing that to my body, and keep repeating it everytime you feel like cutting.... and don't cut, and one day will turn into the next and pretty soon you will have gone for a week, then a month and so on without cutting. You are worth not doing that to your pretty self..
Love, becky

[Erratic]

Not sure what any one else thinks. i used to be a frequent cutter and other things. I did it to feel and subsitute it for the hurt and the anger i had in myself. The thing with cutting and any other SI is that it can come addictive , or other words a comfort blanket..
You need to talk to somone about it and find another alternitive to the emotions you are feeling . if you are coming off a substance is maybe seek help from the person helping you with that and be honest to them in how your feeling.. best medicine is talking this through and getting control of it as soon as you can..

hope made sense and helped a little.. i do understand what your going through.. i have stopped self harm for a numbers of years before.. so its not impossible to wean yourself off this..

hope you can sort this out

take care

[roadie58]

Saw your 'goodbye' on the substance forum, so looked you up. Glad you're still talking with us. I thing some of the advice there was spot on. If you give up something addictive, you need to fill the void in your life with some other activity (hopefully something non-harmful).

It may sound silly right now, but have you tried just going outside and taking a walk? They say excercise helps with endorphins, that stuff inside us that makes us feel good. Or just eat a good meal, watch a movie. Something, ANYTHING, to make you forget the craving.

Hope today finds you in better spirits.

[pedagogue]

We have an Impulse Control Forum over at Sober Teen that has a few threads about cutting that might interest you. http://www.sober-teens.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=35

I think cutting in general has less to do with the act and much more to do with the 'cycle' involved in cutting. For most, the cutting cycle starts with a 'trigger', which is usually some kind of stress and/or intrusive thought. As the anxiety builds the urge to cut happens. Cutting is then done, which provides the person a sense of relief or escape. After the act a number of feelings can come up...from guilt, to shame, to confusion.

Are there any specific questions you may have? What do you think about what I posted above?

-pedagogue

[MagdaM]

haha, yes i've been doing this for more years than i can remember. certainly more than i've been getting high. (sorry angelgirl my skin is already ruined). yeah i agree its not the best coping strategy. but it doesn't do any permanent damage (other than cosmetic) and it's not killing me.

also people keep telling me to "get excercise" and "go to meetings" but i can't even stand for more than like 20 minutes. in the past week i passed out in my stairwell trying to go get my laundry from downstairs. i'm not sure exactly how everyone elsed in wd get to meetings or the gym, but right now i'm working on the whole eating solid food and trying to get at least 4hrs of sleep thing.

didn't mean that to come out as bitchy as it probably did. oh well, thanks for the input. (and i'll check out that other thread pedagogue). i wonder why everyone thinks that since i'm having a go at quitting the junk i should just quit everything else while i'm at it. anyone wanna talk about cigarettes? nail-biting? idk, i just don't understand why cutting is bad--except that its ugly which i thin k i can deal with. but it upsets my friends so much--even though it makes me feel better. if everyone else thinks its so bad then it must be me being crazy right?

[DanaNicole29]

I used to do that all the time when I very first had some sobriety under my belt. What stopped me was having a counselor say this:

Counselor: Who is your most vulnerable child?

Me: My 7 year old girl

Counselor: Ok say she comes home from school and is very sad cause some kids were picking on her. You put your arm around her and sit her down on the couch and as you are telling her it's ok, you are running a razorblade making small cuts all over her arm....CAN YOU IMAGINE?!?!?!? WOULD YOU DO THAT???

Me: *tears streaming* no......

Counselor: THEN WHY IN HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE FEELING DOWN???

when she put it that way to me, I never did it again. I kept picturing "my little Halo" and doing that to her....makes my stomach turn,really.....

I have scars now and it's embarrassing. I wish I never did that...
Hope I helped even a little...

[pedagogue]

Strong...but effective.

Finding an alternative way to cope is an important step. Just like recovery from other things...it will be a struggle but being able to put down the razor, but it is worth it.

[DanaNicole29]

Yes I found a new hobbie to help me out. I do macrame and make beaded jewelry and I LOVE DRAWING!! PLUS, I found out that there are coffee shops around here that have open mic nights!! That was one thing that I missed most about going to the bars, KARAOKE!!!!
So maybe learning new things or reinventing your old hobbies may help more then you may know...it's worth a try...
Writing how you feel in poetry is also a good way to express yourself and if you like, you could post them because I, for one, LOVE poetry with meaning!!

[quercusalba]

Hey there, MagdaM -

You're not crazy. You're using a method of coping that has worked for you in the past. It's not a particularly healthy method, no, and I do believe you should work to stop doing it... but I do understand how cutting helps. I have plenty of scars myself; I too started long before I ever started abusing alcohol - when I was nine years old.

The fact of the matter is that it's an unhealthy coping mechanism. I had a hard time stopping it, too; to this day, the urges still come on, when I'm feeling down or angry. I have chosen to put my "cutting tools" out of my reach, particularly during down times. If I don't have them around, I don't cut, and the urge inevitably passes. I have felt less and less like cutting as I've pursued other ways of coping - talk therapy, physical exercise, volunteer work, interacting with friends (on the phone, in person, or here)... anything, really, to stop myself from doing it. While I say that it's an unhealthy thing to do, I also want to emphasize that it does work to relieve pain (something non-cutters have have a hard time believing)... so I truly do understand where you're coming from. You should try to have other ways of dealing with mental and emotional pain in place, just as you have methods in place to stop yourself from using your drug of choice. It's not too different from stopping drinking/using - the same sets of rules can be made to apply. Your friends don't like to see it because it hurts them to see you hurt yourself... and it makes them feel helpless to do anything for you. It's a natural response on the part of those who love you.

Cutting, like using, is something that is being done to mask/avoid/deal with improperly something inside of you. Whatever that is needs to be faced; I think talk therapy might be helpful in digging that out and in learning how to face it and, more importantly, get through it... so that you can stop burying the pain with blood and drugs and/or alcohol. So that you can truly live and be free. My heart goes out to you; I know it isn't an easy path. You're more than welcome to write to me if you want to talk.

I know my post is a bit rambling... but I wanted you to know that I empathize.

take care of you.
--anne

[DanaNicole29]

I LOVE IT! SO MANY WISE PEOPLE HERE I LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY TIME I LOG ON!
Thanks to all those that post new threads of things I'm afraid to, and Thanks to everybody that replies! Not only does it help those that start the threads but those that read them too!!

*hugs*

[jlostj]

next time you think about cutting, just call me and ill drive up there and make you feel better!

[skissors6]

i just wanted to chime in and let you know that i am exactly where you are at. I am in the program of NA for my cutting. I actually just posted about it in the women's forum, if you want to read it. it's titled "im a big fat liar", etc.

anyway, i totally relate to not understanding what the big deal is, and for me the whole "ruining my body" thing, it's not like drugs. you can quit drugs and eventually get to a point where no one really ever has to know that drugs were a part of your life. With cutting, the scars are there forever it seems, so it's like why stop now? what is stopping really gonna do? it's not gonna make the scars go away! so why stop? i just wanted to give you some hope and let you know that i know exactly how you feel, and i will try and treat you how i wish i was treated. But, i had to finally realize that i wasn't just gonna get better. i had to do alot of work. So i have been working my NA program (because cutting is an addiction for me) and i have 72 days today! i don't know if that gives you hope, but i relate with addicts and i get the same exact urges they get.
if you ever want to talk, you can PM me. I need to start helping others more, anyway.
i completely understand what you are going through, and if you do want help and want to try to stop, i will be glad to be there as support and a friend. i am your age.
good luck and ill be thinking of you!

-Skiss

[hja1407]

MagdaM
In a way I understand where it is that you are coming from. When things get to be too much for me I cut myself. Most of the tome just to stop the emotional pain with physical pain. Yes in a wya it may not hurt you as bad as addiction to drugs or alcohol,however, what happens when you get a staph infection. That is a side effect that you need to think about. Staph can eneter your blood stream and move to your heart and then you die. Noone anywhere wishes this upon you or anyone else. I know that I don't know you or the reasons that you have for cutting, but I am just trying to give you something to think about. As every addict needs to think about how the next high can kill them you need to think about how the next cut might kill you.
Heather

[DanaNicole29]

Magda, how are you doing? I have been thinking a lot about you and would like to hear how things are going?

[MagdaM]

hey just thought i'd pop back in and say yo. huge response for this thread--thanks for that guys. eh, i can't live without the blade right now. that's just a fact. i'm 13 days clean though. just don't really know how to deal with the stress.

[Erratic]

Hey mag

This was posted on a site i go for my BPD, this is about stufy about cutting.. hope this helps..

Study into self-harm finds that the urge to cut never goes away

Country Scotland Scotland
Date 02 August 2005

New research has revealed that some people who self-harm may never be free of the “urge” to hurt themselves.

A study carried out at the University of Stirling found that, just like people with addictions to drugs, alcohol or gambling, sufferers can struggle to overcome the impulse even if they have stopped self-harming for months or even years.

Some of the participants in the research, who ranged in age from 29 to 40, even kept their “favourite” cutting tool stored safely in case they needed it.

Rates of self-harm have increased in the UK over the past decade and are now among the highest in Europe. It is estimated that one in 10 teenagers deliberately hurts themselves. However, little research has been carried out to understand and identify the processes involved in the urge to self-harm.

Dianne Cameron intensively interviewed people who were currently self-cutting or had self-injured in the past for her PhD at Stirling University’s nursing and midwifery department.

She said: “What I found was that once the participants started self-cutting it was really difficult for them ever to be free of the behaviour again.

“They may be free from cutting in the sense that they haven’t cut for a few months, weeks or even years, but it doesn’t mean their lives are not still affected by the urge to cut.”

She said the experiences and feelings that the participants had were similar to those felt by people who are addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling.

“Most of them would not say they had stopped cutting, even though some participants had not self-injured for as long as two or three years,” Cameron added.

“Instead they would say it’s three years since I last cut or two months since I last cut, as if they didn’t want to completely let go of the behaviour.

“Some participants had a specific knife or tool which they liked to use when cutting and even though they hadn’t cut for a few years, they knew where that knife was just in case they needed it.

“One participant referred to this as a ‘safety net’, and just knowing where the tool was helped them not to cut.”

Cutting and burning are the most common forms of self-harm, but it can also involve taking overdoses of tablets or medicines, pulling out hair and scratching or tearing at the skin.

Experts say that while there are many reasons why people do it, the behaviour is often a method of coping with the emotional pain of trauma, such as abuse, or difficult experiences, such as bullying or bereavement.

Linda Dunion, director of the See Me campaign, which aims to reduce the stigma around mental health issues, said: “Self-harming behaviour is not yet well understood.

“That may be why there’s so much secrecy and stigma attached to it. It’s generally a sign of mental distress but it is too often dismissed as just attention-seeking.

“People who self-harm actually go to considerable effort to try to hide the behaviour from others, which can make it all the more difficult to identify individuals who need help.”

Pat Little is the development manager for young people’s services at Penumbra, one of the main organisations working in the field of self-harm. He said that, while the problem was generally only thought of as a young person’s phenomenon, that was not the case.

“We have come across very young people self-harming, but also people in their 60s,” he said. “The biggest group for admissions to hospital for self-harming injury is 33 to 44-year-olds.”

He backed the findings of Cameron’s research, saying that never being free from the urge to self-harm was likely to be a “common feeling”.

“It is mainly because people have learned to use self-harm as a way of coping with stress,” he said. “With something you know works, there is always the temptation to do it again.

“A lot of people, because they have managed to cope with stress in the past, can manage to stop it completely. But for others, harming themselves much less frequently would be a success for them.”

Little also pointed to the fact that while the problem appeared to be on the increase, agencies often struggled to deal with it because of a lack of understanding.

“There is a real need to bring the issue into the open and make it easier to go for help,” he said.

“For example, a lot of young people who self-harm are made homeless as housing associations and housing departments can’t understand it and think, ‘These people are too disturbed to have our accommodation, they need specialist accommodation.’

“In fact they are not dangerous to anyone and the issues are around their own distress,” he added.

Cameron, who is now an assistant psychologist at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, agreed that more understanding about the condition was required, including among health professionals.

She said: “It is important not just to look at the cutting behaviour, but for professionals to understand the importance of the urge and how it affects the lives of people who are currently self-injuring or have done so in the past.

“Even though they haven’t cut for a few years, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are managing to cope with the feelings that caused them to self-injure and they might still be battling with the urge to cut.”

Source: Sunday Herald, 30/07/2005

[skissors6]

thanks erratic! that was amazing! that's definitely a keeper. i love reading stuff where it feels like im really understood. thanks!


-SKiss

[pedagogue]

Thanks Erratic!

I posted this over at ST (and credited the source and your post over here)

-pedagogue

[MagdaM]

oh good another life-long struggle. not that i didn't know that. i've completely failed to stay clean. maybe no i should try to stop utting...lol.

[Erratic]

naw toots it dont realy mean totaly that.. it just makes you think where your coming from and where you can go to.. meaning really is that if you stopped and dont feel like you want to and that is then you are recoverd.. your l ike me i would read more on the negative of it than searching for the positive.. but remeber this aswell helps you understand yourself..

hows that? hehe

[Erratic]

oh and pent i just took a borrow from a site i am FT at so please dont say its from me.. i know the person who psoted this and where it came from .. its free knowlege if we wish to search for it.. but the girl who did post it searches alot.. so thanks anyway.. hope people find it positive as much as me..

[GoldenGutters]

Originally Posted by MagdaM

i'm not going to go into a big long story about it. but i've been doing quite a lot of it lately especially since i'm trying to get clean. i've had two people tell me recently that it's "just as bad" as shooting up. i think this is a massive overstatement, but i realize i have kind of a skewed perspective. this is kind of a random thread but i've been thinking about this and just wondered if anyone had any thoughts.

http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org/

[MagdaM]

hmm interesting. i'm not entirely sure how i feel about this but thanks for the link--maybe as i get clean i'll be able to stop cutting too, who knows. one thing at a time...

[spirit30]

Mag, I worked with a girl one time who used to cut all the time...she grew up in foster care and had an extremely difficult childhood. She has stopped and this is how she did it (don't know if it actually works): She was advised by her therapist to mark her arm with a red marker (magic marker i think but i'm not sure) then run cold water over the mark on her arm...she told me it hurts like hell...without leaving scars. I really don't know much more then that. Just thought i'd share it with you.