bi polar what is it? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

emma-lou · 06-02-2005, 02:39 AM

my partner with who my children and me are going to set up home has just reluctantly told me he has bi polar,he is very egotistical, has very outlandish ideas and is very secretive.i put the egotism down to him being a Dominant- i am a submissive and we have a total power exchange r/ship ( consensual) and never abusive,i dont know what to do i love and would never consider a seperation just because of his disorder. i dont want to be offensive to anyone with a mental illness but i need to know what to do when he has an episode i think its called,..are my children ok in this enviroment? they can be boisterous will this affect him in anyway?he has always shown patience and is great with them,is a D/s r/ship destructive for us all under the circumstances?apparently he refuses medication and support of any kind he uses something he calls a flagging system.he is extremely intelligent but often even before i knew of this i wondered whether he was being honest. recently he gave up his job he claimed to be a chairman of a large international company for 3 yrs i occasionally wondered if that really was his job but then felt guilty for doubting him.i have seen much less of him since then he seems to be quite critical lately but accuses me of being too sensitive which i often am weve had quite a few misunterstandings he doesnt trust me ive never given him reason to believe this,and he barely goes to bed he's on the pc from noon until the nxt morning could this be an ''episode''?im sorry this is so lengthy but i am totally at a loss,ive tried learning as much as possible but there seems to be very little support or info available. please could somebody respond to me
thankyou emma (uk)

historyteach · 06-02-2005, 03:46 AM

Here is a link with much useful information from the National Institute of Mental Health.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm
My personal opinion is this. I would NOT subject my children to this type of instability if he refuses to get treatment. It only gets worse. There's enough issues raising kids without adding more. Again, just my opinion. I'm NOT a doctor. But, you asked.
Shalom!

jillson · 06-02-2005, 12:09 PM

I agree with History Teacher 100 %, I am no Dr. but I suffer from
Bi-Polar II, I was only Dx a few months ago, I am still trying to find
the right combination of drugs, I feel like I have been through them all!!

I am now on Lithium, extremely hard for me to go on because of the
stigma, but it so far has been the Best thing that I have been on.
No major side effects - weight ect.

Anyway, I have been married for 12 yrs, because I was unaware of
my disease I lived my life hating myself and everything and everyone
around me. I hated going to work, I was angry all the time.

The first 3yrs of my daughters life I yelled, and cried and ALWAYS
felt so out of control.
Most of my time was spent down. But the few times I was up I
would be cleaning the house at midnight, putting the soup cans in
alphabetical order.

I NEVER slept, ever. I see myself in what you are explaining your
partner to be like. To a tee.
I am shocked that he knows that he has this disease and is to
vain, proud, cocky to take care of it.

Do not put your kids in this situation if he doesn't want to get help,
It is not fair to them.
That is just my feelings. If he loves you, or himself for that matter
he will do something to control it.

My husband will tell you, I am a new person, even my daughter that
is now 4yr says she likes the happier mommy.
I almost lost my husband over my illness, the diffrence is, I didn't know.
LOL

EndOfRoadWife · 06-02-2005, 12:22 PM

My mom is bi-polar and takes medication..(Lithium)..She works a full time job, for PennDot and has been there for years...She is a very critical person, which sometimes I don't know if this is part of the illness or if this is her because she has been critical my whole entire life.....My mom refused medication until when she was in a "manic" state, (a high), we had to 302 her and get her committed into a psychiatric hospital, that is when we found out that she is bipolar..It took a while to stabilize her, but as long as she takes her medication, she seems to be able to function..good luck! I hope he eventually get help! Because in a High, they can be very talkative, not sleep and I don't know about other people, but my mom was doing crazy things while in a manic state before her diagnosis. We didn't know what was wrong with her.

admitit · 06-02-2005, 02:56 PM

Hello, I am a social worker and have been in the field of mental health over 20 years. I understand a lot of what you are describing. and have had many client's Dx (Diagnosed) with a Bi polar disorder. First and foremost, think on it like a drug addict refusing to get treatment.

If I can help you in any way...my advise is to seek support. I am from California and here there is an orginization called AMI (Alliance for the mentally Ill) this is a support network for those family members dealing with others that have a mental illness. (I think you can find online informaiton as well) Bi polar disorder is difficult to deal with because the person for the most part seems like he or she "has it together. Until they slip into a "manic phase" or "depressed phase" So I'm sure you as the family member are constant fighting and battling within yourself what to do, what is right and then the person (Who is not dealing with their "sickness" is convincing you there fine and YOu are the one with the problem. Sound familiar??? Seek support through AMI.

Also, the meds out now (lithium and others) are great and really do work. I've seen it time and time again.Trust me. they work . The biggest problem is getting him to start meds. and admit he need to cont. taking them. It takes about 1-2 weeks to really see a change.. But for now unless he gets help. he will always be battling with this and you and your children will suffer ( I just mean going through hard times seeing him up and down yelling and then very happy and energetic.)

I tell my client's You have a chemical imbalance. Like a daibetic who needs insuline. It's the same with Bi polar. you have to take the medicine (for the rest of your life by the way) just like Diabetes. So you can stay well. I hope this helps a little. Remember seek AMI help. and God Bless

pedagogue · 06-02-2005, 03:31 PM

admitit is on the money with her comments. I would like to add a few things.

Her comparison to diabetes is one I use often when I try to explain to people/clients about a dx such as Bi-Polar (or more commonly schizophrenia). It is a disorder, and needs to be treated. There shouldn't be a stigma associated with it.....but there usually is, whether it is by the effected person or society.

As for living in that environment....I would take some time to really think about the possible outcomes of that decision. I do not want to say no, but the current situation does not sound like a healthy envirnoment, let alone if it gets worse.

The type of Bi-Polar, his cycle pattern (normal, rapid, etc), and if there are any co-morbid disorders or substance abuse, is what concerns me. Left untreated it really is a crapshoot. My personal opinion is that I would not want my children in an environment that was unstable and has the possibility for bad things to happen.

The fact that he does not trust you, is accusatory, refuses communication, has some hostility, and isolates.....I think that is a time bomb waiting to happen. You moving in will bring about a large shift in his daily life, which he probably won't adjust to well.

If you want to have a relationship with this man (because by what you are saying...there isn't much of one), you BOTH need to become educated about his disorder and seek some professional help.

I wish you the best of luck, and please let us know how it goes.

-pedagogue

emma-lou · 06-02-2005, 04:26 PM

Thankyou all for replying, maybe im being naive or have explained things badly but we do mostly have a very good r/ship and he is the most patient sensitive caring person i have ever met apart from recently as i described,which is why i kept questioning him until he told me about his disorder. he has mentioned lithium and is very opposed to it says it messes your head up, as i said he is extremely intelligent and also gives very convincing arguements against treatment and for the flagging system he uses. he has also said he has never felt suicidal which i really do believe .if anything i would say he is the least likely person you could imagine would feel that way,and he is mostly a very happy easy going person.my children above all are my main priority i never ever wish to put them at risk in anyway emotionally or otherwise ,they are very close to him i feel very torn as i dont want to give up on him ,why should i just because he is 'ill'? i know without doubt i could never convince (difficult to explain but in our type of r/ship that would never be a consideration anyway) him to seek help of any kind he is extremley controlling of himself as well as others and will only do as he feels is right, i am very submissive by nature and could never be strong or forcefull enough to convince him otherwise.i am probably repeating myself but i really dont know what to do or how to help him through his bad times ..dont people who have this disorder have loving succesful relationships and family's? surely they do? i just want to understand and help him and for us all to be happy which he says he wants more than anything and my children and me do too. should we really let this ruin things for us? i dont want to offend any of you who have replied but surely there is some hope?
emma (uk)

pedagogue · 06-02-2005, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emma-lou

i know without doubt i could never convince (difficult to explain but in our type of r/ship that would never be a consideration anyway) him to seek help of any kind he is extremley controlling of himself as well as others and will only do as he feels is right, i am very submissive by nature and could never be strong or forcefull enough to convince him otherwise. i am probably repeating myself but i really dont know what to do or how to help him through his bad times ..dont people who have this disorder have loving succesful relationships and family's? surely they do? i just want to understand and help him and for us all to be happy which he says he wants more than anything and my children and me do too. should we really let this ruin things for us? i dont want to offend any of you who have replied but surely there is some hope?
emma (uk)

I do not mean to be negative, but the bolded part throws some pretty significant red flags up for me. Very few (healthy) relationships can work with this dynamic, because it is counter to everything that is necessary to have a successful relationship.

As for the orange part.....if he really wants to do what is necessary for everyone to be happy, he will need to find a better way to cope with his disorder. Currently (from what you have described), he has not been able to do that. Also, medication is not the only option. I understand his concerns about medication, but there are many alternatives out there. There was a recent thread about alternative methods to medication (it should still be on the first page).

I wish you two the best, but the bolded part....that concerns me more than his dx right now.

-pedagogue

historyteach · 06-02-2005, 05:09 PM

Emma;
You said this:
"my children above all are my main priority i never ever wish to put them at risk in anyway emotionally or otherwise "

Keep that your priority in any decision you make....in every decision you make.
Shalom!

jillson · 06-03-2005, 07:09 AM

It sounds like you have already made up your mind,
I to am very logical and convincing especially off of meds.
Good Luck

dmajor7th · 06-19-2005, 10:39 AM

Emma-lou check out this site http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.bipolar.html There is alot about bi polar in it. http://www.crazymeds.org/ Look up the drugs on the side Old School Mood Stabilizers to read about lithium. Good luck. I want to add to what Pedagogue said about the dominant/submissive dynamic in your relationship. It will cause problems. Especially with his illness being untreated. I had an experience like this and it led to the 7th Ring of Hell. Educate yourself on his condition for now. And I wish you luck. I really hope things work out for you.

06-02-2005, 02:39 AM	#1 (permalink)
emma-lou Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: cambridge Posts: 2	bi polar what is it? my partner with who my children and me are going to set up home has just reluctantly told me he has bi polar,he is very egotistical, has very outlandish ideas and is very secretive.i put the egotism down to him being a Dominant- i am a submissive and we have a total power exchange r/ship ( consensual) and never abusive,i dont know what to do i love and would never consider a seperation just because of his disorder. i dont want to be offensive to anyone with a mental illness but i need to know what to do when he has an episode i think its called,..are my children ok in this enviroment? they can be boisterous will this affect him in anyway?he has always shown patience and is great with them,is a D/s r/ship destructive for us all under the circumstances?apparently he refuses medication and support of any kind he uses something he calls a flagging system.he is extremely intelligent but often even before i knew of this i wondered whether he was being honest. recently he gave up his job he claimed to be a chairman of a large international company for 3 yrs i occasionally wondered if that really was his job but then felt guilty for doubting him.i have seen much less of him since then he seems to be quite critical lately but accuses me of being too sensitive which i often am weve had quite a few misunterstandings he doesnt trust me ive never given him reason to believe this,and he barely goes to bed he's on the pc from noon until the nxt morning could this be an ''episode''?im sorry this is so lengthy but i am totally at a loss,ive tried learning as much as possible but there seems to be very little support or info available. please could somebody respond to me thankyou emma (uk)

06-02-2005, 03:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,884	Here is a link with much useful information from the National Institute of Mental Health. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm My personal opinion is this. I would NOT subject my children to this type of instability if he refuses to get treatment. It only gets worse. There's enough issues raising kids without adding more. Again, just my opinion. I'm NOT a doctor. But, you asked. Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

06-02-2005, 03:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
pedagogue Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Anytown, USA Posts: 1,036	admitit is on the money with her comments. I would like to add a few things. Her comparison to diabetes is one I use often when I try to explain to people/clients about a dx such as Bi-Polar (or more commonly schizophrenia). It is a disorder, and needs to be treated. There shouldn't be a stigma associated with it.....but there usually is, whether it is by the effected person or society. As for living in that environment....I would take some time to really think about the possible outcomes of that decision. I do not want to say no, but the current situation does not sound like a healthy envirnoment, let alone if it gets worse. The type of Bi-Polar, his cycle pattern (normal, rapid, etc), and if there are any co-morbid disorders or substance abuse, is what concerns me. Left untreated it really is a crapshoot. My personal opinion is that I would not want my children in an environment that was unstable and has the possibility for bad things to happen. The fact that he does not trust you, is accusatory, refuses communication, has some hostility, and isolates.....I think that is a time bomb waiting to happen. You moving in will bring about a large shift in his daily life, which he probably won't adjust to well. If you want to have a relationship with this man (because by what you are saying...there isn't much of one), you BOTH need to become educated about his disorder and seek some professional help. I wish you the best of luck, and please let us know how it goes. -pedagogue __________________ "If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." - Frank A. Clark

06-02-2005, 04:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
emma-lou Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: cambridge Posts: 2	bi polar what is it? Thankyou all for replying, maybe im being naive or have explained things badly but we do mostly have a very good r/ship and he is the most patient sensitive caring person i have ever met apart from recently as i described,which is why i kept questioning him until he told me about his disorder. he has mentioned lithium and is very opposed to it says it messes your head up, as i said he is extremely intelligent and also gives very convincing arguements against treatment and for the flagging system he uses. he has also said he has never felt suicidal which i really do believe .if anything i would say he is the least likely person you could imagine would feel that way,and he is mostly a very happy easy going person.my children above all are my main priority i never ever wish to put them at risk in anyway emotionally or otherwise ,they are very close to him i feel very torn as i dont want to give up on him ,why should i just because he is 'ill'? i know without doubt i could never convince (difficult to explain but in our type of r/ship that would never be a consideration anyway) him to seek help of any kind he is extremley controlling of himself as well as others and will only do as he feels is right, i am very submissive by nature and could never be strong or forcefull enough to convince him otherwise.i am probably repeating myself but i really dont know what to do or how to help him through his bad times ..dont people who have this disorder have loving succesful relationships and family's? surely they do? i just want to understand and help him and for us all to be happy which he says he wants more than anything and my children and me do too. should we really let this ruin things for us? i dont want to offend any of you who have replied but surely there is some hope? emma (uk)

06-02-2005, 05:09 PM	#9 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 8,884	Emma; You said this: "my children above all are my main priority i never ever wish to put them at risk in anyway emotionally or otherwise " Keep that your priority in any decision you make....in every decision you make. Shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

06-02-2005, 12:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
jillson Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Salt lake City, Utah Posts: 12	I agree with History Teacher 100 %, I am no Dr. but I suffer from Bi-Polar II, I was only Dx a few months ago, I am still trying to find the right combination of drugs, I feel like I have been through them all!! I am now on Lithium, extremely hard for me to go on because of the stigma, but it so far has been the Best thing that I have been on. No major side effects - weight ect. Anyway, I have been married for 12 yrs, because I was unaware of my disease I lived my life hating myself and everything and everyone around me. I hated going to work, I was angry all the time. The first 3yrs of my daughters life I yelled, and cried and ALWAYS felt so out of control. Most of my time was spent down. But the few times I was up I would be cleaning the house at midnight, putting the soup cans in alphabetical order. I NEVER slept, ever. I see myself in what you are explaining your partner to be like. To a tee. I am shocked that he knows that he has this disease and is to vain, proud, cocky to take care of it. Do not put your kids in this situation if he doesn't want to get help, It is not fair to them. That is just my feelings. If he loves you, or himself for that matter he will do something to control it. My husband will tell you, I am a new person, even my daughter that is now 4yr says she likes the happier mommy. I almost lost my husband over my illness, the diffrence is, I didn't know. LOL

06-02-2005, 12:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
EndOfRoadWife Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 264	My mom is bi-polar and takes medication..(Lithium)..She works a full time job, for PennDot and has been there for years...She is a very critical person, which sometimes I don't know if this is part of the illness or if this is her because she has been critical my whole entire life.....My mom refused medication until when she was in a "manic" state, (a high), we had to 302 her and get her committed into a psychiatric hospital, that is when we found out that she is bipolar..It took a while to stabilize her, but as long as she takes her medication, she seems to be able to function..good luck! I hope he eventually get help! Because in a High, they can be very talkative, not sleep and I don't know about other people, but my mom was doing crazy things while in a manic state before her diagnosis. We didn't know what was wrong with her.

06-02-2005, 02:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
admitit Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: san jose Cal Posts: 5	Hello, I am a social worker and have been in the field of mental health over 20 years. I understand a lot of what you are describing. and have had many client's Dx (Diagnosed) with a Bi polar disorder. First and foremost, think on it like a drug addict refusing to get treatment. If I can help you in any way...my advise is to seek support. I am from California and here there is an orginization called AMI (Alliance for the mentally Ill) this is a support network for those family members dealing with others that have a mental illness. (I think you can find online informaiton as well) Bi polar disorder is difficult to deal with because the person for the most part seems like he or she "has it together. Until they slip into a "manic phase" or "depressed phase" So I'm sure you as the family member are constant fighting and battling within yourself what to do, what is right and then the person (Who is not dealing with their "sickness" is convincing you there fine and YOu are the one with the problem. Sound familiar??? Seek support through AMI. Also, the meds out now (lithium and others) are great and really do work. I've seen it time and time again.Trust me. they work . The biggest problem is getting him to start meds. and admit he need to cont. taking them. It takes about 1-2 weeks to really see a change.. But for now unless he gets help. he will always be battling with this and you and your children will suffer ( I just mean going through hard times seeing him up and down yelling and then very happy and energetic.) I tell my client's You have a chemical imbalance. Like a daibetic who needs insuline. It's the same with Bi polar. you have to take the medicine (for the rest of your life by the way) just like Diabetes. So you can stay well. I hope this helps a little. Remember seek AMI help. and God Bless

06-03-2005, 07:09 AM	#10 (permalink)
jillson Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Salt lake City, Utah Posts: 12	It sounds like you have already made up your mind, I to am very logical and convincing especially off of meds. Good Luck

06-19-2005, 10:39 AM	#11 (permalink)
dmajor7th Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 92	Emma-lou check out this site http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.bipolar.html There is alot about bi polar in it. http://www.crazymeds.org/ Look up the drugs on the side Old School Mood Stabilizers to read about lithium. Good luck. I want to add to what Pedagogue said about the dominant/submissive dynamic in your relationship. It will cause problems. Especially with his illness being untreated. I had an experience like this and it led to the 7th Ring of Hell. Educate yourself on his condition for now. And I wish you luck. I really hope things work out for you.

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