trying to get by

[historyteach]

Well, I just upped my antidepressant dosage. I hope I am doing the right thing.
I was on welbutrin xl 150 mg once a day and doing really well. But the school gun threat and a bunch of other stuff - personal and professional - has knocked me down. Trevor's back in jail; I may need surgery; more bs at school. Classes are over, and I thought I'd have a break now. Not to be, I guess. I found myself in the grocery store deep breathing to keep from crying! Knew then I had to do something.
I'm unsure of it because I'm back on welbutrin sr 150 2 times a day. (was on this before). That dose makes me really forgetful. I can't focus or concentrate well on it. Reading, learning something new, heck, just remember what I have to do, is problamatic on that dose.
But, it's that or crying all the time! Some choice huh?
In 4 more weeks, I'll be out of school. Maybe then I can revisit this. For now, I'm just trying to get through it all.
Anyone else experiencing this type of thing.
Any thought appreciated.
Shalom!

[eddie z.]

Hey, teach! I have found that my medication dosages need to be carefully adjusted and that I actually need multiple meds to deal with my stuff. Maybe the 100mg SR twice a day would be more helpful without all the side effects. And are you sure it's the Wellbutrin that's fuzzing you up, because I take it for ADD as well as depression and find I'm MORE lucid. Sometimes using an adjunct med can make all the difference when a dosage increase doesn't or isn't feasible. You have lots of options! Be patient and open-minded, work closely with your doctor, and you'll find the right regimen. You're in my prayers!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[historyteach]

Thanks, Eddie;
Yea, I'm pretty sure that it's the welbutrin. Same thing last time I was on it, and the first time I ever went on it was to quit smoking. Same effect, which is why I supposed it helped quitters - you don't dwell on the cravings for one. I literally "forgot" them! LOL!
I wasn't aware there was a 100 mg sr. I'll check into that. It might be helpful.
I don't know what other drugs would be helpful at all. Right now, I'm just overwhelmed with everthing. I wanna stop the world and get off! LOL!
thanks, eddie!
Shalom!

[eddie z.]

You're absolutely welcome! I hope things work out soon.

-ez

[ToriGirl]

Teach, This is just a thought ...but maybe you should try a different profession. I think you might need to change your environment a bit. I have a strong opinion of precribed drugs ...they are still drugs and something for us to rely on..besides trying to cope. I decided after going nuts on anti-depressants..that I would just change my environment. I wasn't as stressed..but I was still stressed..being a single mom. So I was on a steady diet of pot. It was better than the anti-depressants but it was still a drug..I used to keep me from emotionally breaking down. Now I am trying to quit the pot. And it is working cause I changed my job and envirnoment. I wanted to be a teacher so badly. I should be a teacher. But the fact is...there isn't enought support for teachers. If you are having problems with your emotions. Then teaching is just going to drain you. Maybe try doing private tutoring. Or some other type of work that is helping kids but not where you are teaching a large classroom of kids.

I teach my child now..and plan on working part time at the school as an aide.

I don't know if any of this will help. If not then just ignore what I have said. I don't mean to upset you. I just know how you feel. You want to teach these kids and it seems like nobody cares. You care for kids...that not even their own parents care about. Its emotional to care. And when the school isn't very supportive, you wonder if you can take them all on by yourself. Make a difference in their lives. Well, if you are not feeling good...you can't be any good for them. Figure out how to take care of you...so you can do what you love to do best..take care of others.

[historyteach]

Tori;
Thanks for the input. It's far more than the school I'm dealing with right now. Son is back in prison, (heroin addict); may need surgery; judge won't reverse no contact order with son so now I have this fight; I just finished two classes for my recertification and got hit with the NEW requirements; and the BS at school. Everyone has a limit; I've hit mine, I guess...
I have considered leaving teaching...Who knows...But I have to support myself somehow.
Thanks for your help!
Shalom!

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by ToriGirl

I have a strong opinion of precribed drugs ...they are still drugs and something for us to rely on..besides trying to cope. I decided after going nuts on anti-depressants..that I would just change my environment... So I was on a steady diet of pot. It was better than the anti-depressants but it was still a drug.

So's aspirin for that matter. And we don't tell people with arthritis to change their environment and skip the meds. Depression is a medical illness that oftens requires medications to treat it. ToriGirl, were you taking the antidepressants while you were using? If so, then you probably didn't give them a fair trial. They don't tend to work properly when we're using. I know from experience as well as education. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I have a strong opinion also. I'd hate to see teach here give up a career she's passionate about rather than "rely on" medication to appropriately treat depression. Just my two cents.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[historyteach]

(((Eddie)))
No one has to educate me about the need for antidepresants for clinical depression. And I know better than to take medical advice from a stranger on a message board. LOL! Yes, I asked for perspectives, and I appreciate them. But, my doctor and I will make the necessary decisions.
There are many things which alter our consciousness. Nicotine does; so does chocolate. And there is evidence of people changing their consciousness going back to antiquity. When we abuse anything, it is harmful.
I'm very cautious about medication. I had a horrible experience with shrinks using me as a guinnea pig years ago. I was stoned out of my mind! They advised me to apply for permanent disability! I packed up all the drugs, but the antidepressant, and handed them over to my regular doctor. He is very aware of my fear of being over medicated again. We work as a team; he listens to me, and I to him. Bottom line, it is MY life. I am responsible.
So, to make a long story short, I won't do anything without full consideration. That includes taking or refusing medications - legal or otherwise. I come here to learn from others experience and knowlege. But, I don't swallow everything hook line and sinker. This is one avenue.
Thanks for sharing! Please do continue. But, the bottom line is I am responsible for my choices; no one else. As it should be!
Shalom!

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by historyteach

We work as a team; he listens to me, and I to him. Bottom line, it is MY life. I am responsible.

historyteach,
You have an awesome outlook on this! I figured you were solid in this area. I was more concerned about ToriGirl actually. I worry when people reject antidepressants like that, you know? Especially if their only experience with them was while using other drugs. I hope I didn't insult you. Take care!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[pedagogue]

I think there are three possible options for your situation:

1. Change the environment (external)
2. Change yourself (internal)
3. Ignore both and bear it out (none and/or both)

Personally, I wouldn't suggest leaving teaching, but you may look to change to another school, sometimes a fresh start is needed. I would also suggest that you develop better coping skills. Currently your coping skills are not being as effective as you'd probably like, so I think you need to work on those skills. I believe if you improve your coping skills you can relieve/reduce your excess stressors, and you will not need to bump up your medication. In general, a medication tweak should be your last option, not your first. (By your comments above, I can tell you aren't a 'pop a pill first, ask questions later' person)

As for the medication...I believe a side effect of wellbutrin is possible memory loss/impairment. It has been described as more of a fog and tends to effect short term memory function, and not long term memory storage. Similar to the short-term memory impairment (side effect) that has shown up from prolonged use of a hypnotic (non-benzodiazepine or benzodiaepine type). I believe it effects the intake and encoding of the information from when it is originally taken in, goes to Short Term Memory, and then to storage. (Ironically I forget if there is an in-between from STM to LTM storage...but I can't blame that on my once in a blue moon use of Ambien)

I'm not a doctor, so I cannot give advice on your medication or dosage, but I will suggest that you try to facilitate change without tweaking your medication (from 1x to 2x @ 150mg), and instead work on a non-medicated alternative solution (ex. coping skills)

-pedagogue

[historyteach]

Eddie;
No insult taken at all!
Ped;
Excellent information - again! I am looking into changing schools. I signed up for job fair, but, that will leave me in the same broken system I"m in now. I am hoping to get into the new Day School opening in Sept 2006, but, that's another whole year. My doc said he would write a recomendation for me too! (he's well respected in the community) WIth that recommendation and my experience, I think I have a good shot, but, I can't count my chickens before the eggs hatch, ya know.
Honestly, this is the end of the year. It is ALWAYS crazy this time, and since we were more out of control this year than ever, that means it is worse than ever. Many people are out on stress leave. It's unreal! But, I know I just need to get through the rest of this year.
I was coping alright prior to the gun threat. As busy as I was; and with my son breaking into my house in February and his going back to jail, I was still doing well.
The gun threat has really socked it to me. That was the turning point from which I have not yet recovered.
The other stuff on top of it....well....I just don't know. I don't want to be crying in the grocery store though!
I know while I was taking those classes I was not exercising or eating right. And that is important to my overall well being. So, I am hearing your point. It's well taken. I know I have to look out for all aspects of my being - physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. When I don't, I begin to falter.
Getting overwhelmed threw me off kilter.
Today, there was another fight at school. Once again, I was the only adult until the officer got there. These were the high school kids being housed in our middle school. Then, while we were in the old home ec room, cooking johnnie cakes for our class project, one or more of my students broke into a back room and stole candy from the school store. Oh, and another one of my students had a brother shot this weekend, he's alive, thank G*D. Bottom line, it's just utter chaos right now at school. And we wonder why Johnnie can't read!
But, I am hearing your point. Right now, I just want to get through it without crying all the time! But, I know I have to do something about all this stress.

Ped, you are absolutely right about my considerations prior to taking pills. The experience I went through before was horrific! They continued to put me on stronger and higher doses of meds. When I told them I was stoned, they did not listen. But, I could not function at all. Heck, I couldn't put two sentences together coherently!
I honestly don't know where I got the nerve to pack them up, but, I sure am glad I did. If not, I do believe I would be a totally sick from it. When I stopped taking those drugs, my health returned. I consider myself a survivor, as a result of that experience. That was over 5 years ago now. So, I am quite cautious.
Thanks again for sharing your wealth of knowledge.
Shalom!

[pedagogue]

Glad I could help. Let us know how it all works out.

-pedagogue

[ToriGirl]

I knew I shouldn't have opened my big mouth on this one. I just know the feeling of wanting to be a teacher but not getting the support from the school and staff.

I was thinking you could still teach..just in a different environment. Anyways...

And the anti-depressants I took I tried with and without using pot. I just felt like I wasn't myself. I know some people just have to have them. My mom is on all different kinds. She tries to change brands and dosage all the time. Since she has been on them, I feel she isn't the same caring mom either. She gets by in life and she is able to deal...but that caring loving mom is gone...left with a shell of a being. Makes me so mad. I wonder why so many people think that is the only way. I am going to get in trouble again for saying such things...sorry guys...just angry at the pharmacuitical (however you spell it) companies and the doctors for not offering other solutions.


My plan is to try and eat better. Eliminate sugar, salt and alot of fat from my diet. I wonder how many doctors suggest that before dishing out the precription. Mine didn't and my mom's didn't.


So I am stuck with my strong opinions and you with yours. I was only trying to be helpful. That is what this place is supposted to be about. I was trying to care...not attack people.


Anyways...I won't bother you guys anymore. I can see my opinions are not what you want to hear.

[historyteach]

Tori,
Please do not take offense!
You are right on many accounts. Docs do go for prescriptions first mainly due to the health care situation right now. "Managed care" isn't about the patients; it's about money. Get the patients in and get 'em out quick.
And there are many things we an do first prior to meds. That was a point that Ped was talking about. I agree with you both there!
Your opinions ARE welcome! And needed! And valid!
So don't leave angry. No one wants you to go away. OK?
I can also hear your pain with your mom's condition. I hope she will find what she needs. And you also.
Shalom!

[pedagogue]

Pharma isn't the only way to go. Many people have found alternatives to taking meds which include meditation, strict diet, coping skills, etc. It isn't an option for everyone, but some people have found alternatives.

I would like to note that I do NOT endorse the use of any non-approved FDA drug that isn't administered through a licensed physician. Some doctors are licensed to administer herbal remedies and the like, but most people end up buying something they see on an infommercial instead.

-pedagogue

[historyteach]

Excellent point, there, Ped!
Infommercials are there to sell - not for anyone's well being but their own bottom line!
Shalom!

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by ToriGirl

She tries to change brands and dosage all the time. Since she has been on them, I feel she isn't the same caring mom either. She gets by in life and she is able to deal...but that caring loving mom is gone...left with a shell of a being. Makes me so mad. I wonder why so many people think that is the only way. I am going to get in trouble again for saying such things...sorry guys...just angry at the pharmacuitical (however you spell it) companies and the doctors for not offering other solutions.

(((ToriGirl)))
Please do not feel like I was attacking you!!!
And don't go away either. I'm really sorry I
offended. I actually agree with most of what
you said. I just worry about people rejecting
something that can be very helpful. I don't like
the drug companies either and I'm a pharmacist!
LOL. I'm also saddened by your mother's situation.
But I know it took me years to find the right combination
of meds and OTHER treatments. I think LIGHT is crucial.
And exercise. And diet, etc. Like you said!
Please accept my apology and keep sharing!
Love and hugs always,
Eddie

[historyteach]

"I think LIGHT is crucial.
And exercise. And diet, etc."

Shalom!

[eddie z.]

Hallelujah even!

teach,
I'm not sure what happened with the gun threat you were talking about, but it sounds like some crisis/trauma counseling may be in order for you. There's just too much happening to you right now and you do need to take care of YOU, you know? Yeah, you know.

I think I may go PM ToriGirl. I feel really bad.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[historyteach]

Eddie
I am trying to take care of me. Hense, my posting, sharing, listening. Here's a link to the gun threat thread, if you're interested.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=55904 (self investigation...illness or practical?)
There is too much happening for too long. That's WHY I just want to get by, right now.
I don't know. Maybe that's wrong. I know long term, I have to deal better. But, just getting by right now doesn't seem so bad. It's only 4 weeks.

On another vein, Eddie, don't feel bad. We are all responsible for our own feelings. Tori knows she is welcome and wanted. Just a codie lesson here!
Shalom!

[eddie z.]

teach,
I read the thread and something you wrote really said PTSD to me. I may post a response over there, too. Anyway, I will repeat that I think some professional trauma counseling would be a good idea. There. I repeated it. LOL.

And I KNOW I'm being a real codie. I since posted about it. If I'm going to work either as a counselor or in healthcare, I have to take care of me, too. So I'm working on it.

Thanks! You're a doll!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

[pedagogue]

Originally Posted by eddie z.

I don't like the drug companies either and I'm a pharmacist!

I KNEW you had to be a ringer . You knew far too much about the medications to not be. I too am very careful around medication because I know the power they can yield. I am planning on doing my post-doc in pharma...but I still have another year or two until I get there.....so until then, I'm gonna bug you with questions!

-pedagogue

[drugdown]

Hi Teach,

My doctor prescribed Paxil after my mom passed away and I went into a deep depression. I was crying every where. The meds helped me alot. I was able to function. I know that every holiday season I get more depressed than other seasons and my doctor increases the dose from Nov 1st through Jan 31st and I love her for that compassion. Depression runs in my family and there is help through many sources. Medication being only one of them.

Stay Strong Teach!
Love,
dd

[eddie z.]

Originally Posted by pedagogue

I am planning on doing my post-doc in pharma...but I still have another year or two until I get there.....so until then, I'm gonna bug you with questions!

Bug away, pedagogue! Answering questions is how I'm getting my jollies until I can actually practice again. A post-doc in pharmacology? To be honest, I'm not sure I know what a post-doc is since I only have a weird 5-year B.S. degree. Perhaps you could enlighten me.

drugdown,
I was mentioning earlier how important light is in treating depression. That's especially true of the seasonal variety you described. Now I go to the tanning bed, but that does cause cancer, I know, so here's a link for a healthier source of light: Verilux lighting . Wishing you the best!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

[pedagogue]

Originally Posted by eddie z.

Bug away, pedagogue! Answering questions is how I'm getting my jollies until I can actually practice again. A post-doc in pharmacology? To be honest, I'm not sure I know what a post-doc is since I only have a weird 5-year B.S. degree. Perhaps you could enlighten me.

It is an intensive 2 year MS: Psychopharmacology that was designed for doctors who want to prescribe medication. The courses are meant to fullfill state requirements for licensure to prescribe, though it depends on the state you want to practice in. The average wait to see a psychiatrist is 3-5 weeks in urban and suburban areas, and 5-7 weeks in rural areas, so they are trying to address the need offering the post-doc to get more qualified professions to do meds management.

The irony is that I am a 'meds as necessary' not 'meds as a solution'. I want the flexibility to be able to see my patients and do their meds management without having to refer them out.

-pedagogue