Feeling Frustrated

[mateo]

Hi

I'm feeling very frustrated right now. Had some sort of stress-related emotional breakdown a couple of months ago. Am now on Lamictal and Seraquel (occasionally on that one when i have trouble getting to sleep.)

I originally did not want to be on anything, but basically gave up arguing with my wife about it. Any little thing went wrong, and she'd drag out the "you should be taking those drugs" line. So i gave up and have been doing so for the last 5-6 weeks or so.

I can't say that i really feel any better. The only effects seem to be negative. Had lots of headaches when the lamictal dosage got increased. The seraquel does help me get to sleep when i take it, but the next morning i end up feeling physically rested but mentally scrambled--basically like a ditzy blond all day. (please dont take offense at that- none intended--i just dont know how to describe it better) I'm not sure what "normal" is supposed to feel like, but i don't think this is it. And each day i pop those pills, apart of me feels defeated or i-dont-know, less of myself i guess. Question: what would happen to a "normal" person if they started taking these kinda drugs? Im not denying a problem of some sort here i just question whether these are right for me.

And too top it off, things are still not good between me and my wife-- in fact they have been worse. So i guess im really questioning taking these darn things right now. I kinda feel like im damned if i do and damned if i dont.

[pedagogue]

First off.....there is no "normal" person. We are all 'unique snowflakes'.

I would call your doctor and talk to him/her about your medication concerns. The length of time you have been taking them consistantly (5-6 weeks) is about when they should normalize in your system. There are other options if Lamictal isn't working for you, but you'd need to consult your prescribing doctor about them.

To shift gears now....it is time for you to accept that medication is acceptable. Don't get caught up in the, "why do I have to take this? why can't I just 'gut it out'? what is wrong with me?". You have it because you need it. There is nothing to be embarassed/ashamed of. Millions (if not billions) of people are on medication for various problems. You are just one of them.

-pedagogue

[sarah13]

"I kinda feel like im damned if i do and damned if i dont."

I certainly relate to that comment........the frustration is rough and the acceptance, well, even harder...I was put on Lamictal last summer when I
guess I decided to see a dr about the feeling I experienced....based on that and family history I was diagnosed on the spot- I didnt really like that- I want blood tests...I want real hard facts to prove it- I dont think I am "bipolar"- and if I am, I think most everyone else I know is too then- We are all moody-and married to an addict- that creates lots of MOODS right??
Well- sorry to get off on the tangent-I guess relate to the defeated feeling you are also feeling....like taking something everyday definetly affects my idea of my wholeness, too-
Anyhoo- the Lamictal actually made me feel ALOT worse than I ever felt before- another person I know tried 6 different meds before one helped her-give that one a bit more time, but if it doesnt start improving your well being at all, call the dr and try something else...I heard Geodon is good-I also heard Seroquel is bad in the sense that the fatigue is excessive and weight gain too!! Keep trying, and just know there are lots of other people going thru the same..........

[mateo]

Hi again

Just wanted to stop back and say that i spoke with the doc last week -- and i think he was basically just irritated that things were not working well and that i had complaints. Although he wanted me to continue on despite the headache hell (he wasn't having them!) I have made the decision to discontinue the Seraqel use entirely and am slowly phasing out the Lamictal as well. And I am feeling much better.

I understand that many feel that meds are inevitable and a pre-requisite for recovery or relapse prevention, but i am not one of them--at least not without exploring some of the other alternative treatment options first. I have been doing a lot a reading on both my illness (bi-polar 1) and meds and treatment options--and although i am perhaps "noncompliant" in shrink terms; taking a more assertive role in my health and options and course of treatment has been empowering. Chemical labotamy may cure the symptoms but it does not correct imbalances nor heal the patient--and may do long-term damage. I am going to be having extensive bloodwork done later this week and plan to work with a holistic practicioner from this point out. There are a few possible things i want to rule out (lead & mercury exposure, lymes disease) for my peace of mind and to help me accept the label i now have and some things i am hoping they may identify (possible biological or hormonal imbalances). Will let you know how things go...

[mateo]

Got my test results back on Friday.

Lymes disease negative.
Elevated levels of mercury.
Very High levels of cadmium and tin.
Lead levels super high-- off the charts. (120 parts per whatever)
Large deficiency in selenium and phosphorus.
Overall heavy metal toxicity load in the 96th percentile.

[wonderboy75]

I have no idea what your blood tests mean but I wanted to say good stuff getting off the seroquel. It helps in the beginning but that's it. Lousy side effects(used to take it too but I stopped). If a normal person takes this drug they basically go right to sleep, after babbling like an idiot for about 45 minutes and there eyes looking as if there going crosseyed. Bad news.
Shouldn't be messing with the dopamine and serotonin in your brain. That's what it does. Supplies more and then builds a wall not letting any other out.

[mateo]

It basically means that i have lead poisoning for sure and heavy metal toxicity in general.

That kinda throws out a big question mark out on the psychiatrist's bipolar diagnosis. I'm 34, but have never had a manic "episode" until recently. Perhaps i am biologically suseptible to depression and bipolar, and the heavy metal toxicity triggered it off.

But its also possible that my recent breakdown had little or nothing to do with bipolar. The symptoms of lead, mercury, and tin poisoning are exactly the same as bipolar symptoms, including insomnia, deppression, fatigue, irritation, mood instability, anger, etc.... even pyschosis (tin).

[pedagogue]

Weird.

Have you pinpointed how you got lead poisoning?

-pedagogue

[mateo]

Occupational exposure on the lead.

I rehab houses for a living, and am also a small time land-lord. Kinda goes with the territory. I have completely gutted and rebuilt 3 homes in the last 5 years (not a small task). Spent most of last summer rebuilding the old windows (scraping, sanding, etc) in a historic house. Spent most all of last fall scraping/painting the exterior of another old one. I use a mask for the worst stuff, but obviously not enough.

Also--my former residence (where i lived 8 out of last 10 years) had an old lead water service pipe from the street--which may have been a factor as well. Am planning to have that tested soon.

The cadmium's pretty easy--i'm a heavy smoker. Another big reason for quitting i guess.

Tin and mercury--that would likely be my mouthful of amalgum (spelling?) dental fillings. Perhaps not coincidently, I had some major dental work done in Nov. and early Dec. (redoing 2 failed & infected root canals) and I think that that probably exacerbated by body's stress level as well.