schozofrenicdepressoidaddictwithissues

Hi, well I'll just talk about today. I'm poor and walking and public transit is tough, it's mostly the awful people who pick on me but i guess that says more about them than me, I'm sick of my cycle and I'm not getting better so I've realized that NA is where I'm going to have to heal and recover and I'm going to have to go to meetings and get to know people, I've been at this for too long keeping them away, I solved my problem about where I live so now the problems of isolation and sloth will have to be solved. I did good alone too but only for so long. No man is an island, people need people and I've met the nice people at na and now all I have to do is try. I have schizofrenia and it can be crippling, also my mind is a piece of junk when it's not working and it's not been working for long time, also, I need emotional and mental recovery. Anyways, maybe I should have a nap and then try and get over to the local meeting here in toronto, ontario. Hold on the fire in my igloo went out again and my snowshoe fell over. We actually do live in igloos here they are just made out of concrete and do wear snowshoes they're just called boots now. Well I've got to go ice fishing now or I'll have no breakfast. I like the winter, then I could wear scrfs over my face and hoods and hats so I can further evade and isolate society and their bullshit ways. Fight the power of darkness by helping others not harming them. I'll be back...I'm back...like it's just all this thinking and worrying and fearing...when I was younger I was strong but now I'm so dumb...My mind is a major problem and obstacle almost constantly and being so alone is hell and can get really out there sometimes, add on some delusion hallucinations and voices and you have a very tortued soul. I haven't had someone over to my place for years and I'm only 29. I get run the hell down so easy it's sad compared to the fitness buff I used to only sleep one hour a night and now I'm lucky if I do anything at all. I guess I have to go for my goal to get better and just cast aside what is happening now in hope that I'll get better, because I'm almost fully convinced I'll never get better. I guess I have to know my enemies especially avoid relapse. People at NA are friendly so it's just a matter of time before I begin to get what I need, real friends in recovery so I don't keep dying alone. Anyway's I've been around the rooms for almost ten years but I'm dummer than ever so if anybody has any tips for starting out id be thankful, how many meetings, slogans, tips for roughing it in the snow, on the bus, tips for dealing with people places things mind emotions, isolating emotions hiding avoidance sloth, tips for dealing with abuse, such as discrimination, verbal hostility, insults, persecutions, distress, poverty, etc,etc,etc,etc,etc,etc...well I have issues about issues about non-issues!!! Smoke and ponder time...thanks

[lar]

hi scarecrow, i am saddened by the pain that you have suffered from the unkindness of people. painful feelings can effect body chemistry. my mom became paranoid-schizophrenic at 40. take care of your feelings. its true-people can be very unloving and it deeply wounds. keep posting here. name feelings with the event, so it does'nt impact you negitively like it has been--barb

[pedagogue]

I am sure our members here can provide a wealth of knowledge for you. Just to get the ball rolling, are their any particular areas you'd like to get some advice about? I know it can be hard to pick just a couple things, and trust me...once you get these people giving you advice...they'll keep going! (in a good way!)

Anyow...check back in and let us know some of the first thing you'd like to talk about, and I'm sure you can get some great answers from the community.

Welcome, and I hope you stay awhile.

-pedagogue

[In memory of miracle]

I am sorry that you are struggling right now.That is a rough diagnosis you have.There is hope and please allow people in.We are not all ignorant and mean.I have a few good friends in the fellowship who are also dual diagnosed and they do very well .Take a leap of faith as you did with your posting.Looking foward to hearing more from you. Bless, Trish

Thanks for the replies. It's tough to know who to let close, it's not don't trust anyone it's trust certain people to a certain extent. I've had people who seemed really nice betray me but sometimes I've got to trust a bit. There's always going to be people against me but there's always going to be people for me also. tupac shakur was very creative, he said, "If you saw a rose growing out of the concrete would you say geez that rose has too many scuffs on it or would you say holy smokes, that rose grew out of the concrete" well, I don't have the exact words here. I'm trying to get out of my laziness and do more stuff to stay stronger now that I've found strength. I must go to meetings and appointments, and not to go by what I think because it can get me off track. I'm not having too much traumadrama right now so I'm lost for output but I'm glad I found this place. Thanks. I think right now I'm doing well and what I should do is keep going to meetings and don't worry about what worrying can't fix. I just had a couple major good things happen so that's a good start. Thanks.

[pedagogue]

Keep the meetings up.

Trust is something that should be earned.

btw...great tupac reference! (I can't believe he died almost 9 years ago! )

-pedagogue

[lar]

i'm glad to hear that you are into a groove that is working well for you. come to think of it--grooves really help my life go smoother. barb

thanks for replies. I'm going to post new thread.