HELP! cousin molested by X-fiance!

[shutterbug]

Dear Lord, words cannot express the emotions I'm having right now. My dear sweet cousin of 15 professed to me this evening that my ex-fiance, of 4 years, molested her and forced her to perform oral sex on him!

I am angry, hurt and scared for her!

Sick doesn't begin to say it all. I am physcially sick at my stomach. I've cried and I want to tell him what a sick b*stard he is!

I don't know what the statute of limitations are when it comes to a 27-year-old molesting a then 12-year-old, but I'm going to the police department before I go to work tomorrow and filing a report on him! I hope he goes to jail for long long long time!

She told me he called her a couple of weeks ago and she was so scared that she called the cops, but she hadn't told anyone about him molesting her 3 years ago until she told me today.

I never thought he would have been capable of such horrific and sickening things! I mean, I once loved this man and now I want to rip him apart with my bare hands!

What do I do? My cousin (who is more like a niece or younger sister to me) has been through SO much! Her mom died when she was 10 and her step-dad took away the only sister she had ever known. She's been living with my aunt who doesn't want the responsiblity and my cousin told me that the aunts oldest son also molested her from the time she was five until about age 7! (she said she had told her mom about this before she died, and she freaked out but nothing was ever done). My cousin said she doesn't want my aunt to know about any of this, or the rest of the family, because of 1. my aunt had to go through this once before when her husband molested me and went to prison and 2. because she is embarrased and just doesn't want people to know.

She agreed to go to counseling, which I have been working on getting her to agree to for a while now, but I am not her legal guardian and I don't know how to do it without my aunt having to know, since she is the guardian!

I quess I will just file the police report and let the police go from there and then I can call DHS and found out how to get her a counselor and just pray about everything.

My life is so hard already, I don't know if I can handle all this. It's just too much! I won't even get to see my counselor this week because she's out of town.

Please help me! And please help me know how best to help my 15-year-old cousin who has already been dealt a hard life! I am also going to post this in the PTSD forum, but you guys know me the best so I wanted to hear from you guys.

Feeling overwhelmed and lost,
Jenna

[Blessed]

You are very courageous, Report him to the police! You and your cousin should not have to go through this. Get him in jail and he cant hurt anyone else. i was molested by my stepbrother, I never told. Then i found out 20 years later , he molested my sister also. These sick, deranged, predators...I am so angry!!!!!!!!! I am not a counselor, but I think you should get counseling for you and your cousin. I wish i could give you a place where you could feel safe and loved. With God you will find the strength to see this through. Stay close to each other and if you need someone to talk to you can e-mail me at Lionessa222@peoplepc.com. Would like to help in anyway.

[shutterbug]

Thanks so much for your support.

I found out some things through a friend who is friends with a cop who used to handle all the sex crimes in the city.

He said that, in our state, the statute of limitations is two years FROM THE TIME OF THE FIRST CONFESSION. So we are in luck there. We can still prosecute these men.

God is on my side, and my cousins', and I know he will stay with us through it all. He will see us through.

Luckily i am already in counciling for my own PTSD, bipolar and a myriad of other things ---> this just adds one more thing to my immediate list of things to deal with. But I know it will be ok and that we can heal from this together...it's just going to take some time and perserverance (sp???).

I will keep you guys posted on what happens after I file the police report this week.

LOV N' HUGS,
jenna

[pedagogue]

Blessed is completely right. Please take her words to heart because there is alot of hurt that came from his abuse, and you and your niece should not suffer in silence.

It is very important for everyone involved to break the cycle of abuse. Perceived shame is very destructive in this instance, and you cannot let it cloud your judgment. You are couragous for telling the truth.

As an aside....I am really suprised they have statue of limitations on child abuse (as it pertains to first disclosure). I know more states do not have a statute of limitations on child abuse (as it pertains to instances of abuse), though now I feel like I should check up on any limitations once the abuse is documented.

Stay strong, stay connected, stay safe.

-pedagogue