Stammers - speaking phobias - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

equus · 12-17-2004, 08:50 AM

My husband is trying to stop drinking but has hit a real problem. To go out in a social setting has been incredibly hard without a drink.

He is trying, his actions speak loud enough for me to see that and this is a genuine problem not just an excuse for drink, he's told me a drink is just a break from fear.

I know throughout his life, from his earliest memories he's fought with different phobias. He deals with it mostly without comment and I think he's become very used to it but sometimes it's had the upper hand completely to the extent of being stuck inside his house for months (before we were together). Whether it's wasps, driving, children spitting out food, crowds, buses, or bees as soon as he beats one another pops up!!

He's got a slight stammer but it was very bad as a child and he struggles to speak in company because he's afraid he won't be able to, when he was at school he says he couldn't speak at all for a couple of years - I think he was very young then. His speech now is fine, I've never seen him do more than sometimes repeat words - it isn't noticable but he's terrified of 'having' to speak. On top of not really being that comfortable outside the house this is making any socialising while sober really hard. He said the alcohol takes it away - that's why he ended up hooked in the first place!

I think the other phobias do bother him but nowhere near as much as the social anxiety which isolates him and humiliates him.

Right now he won't go for help, I can't force him and after a bad experience on AD's he isn't going to go. After all you have to wait in a docs waiting room then you 'have to' speak to him. I hope for the future but at the moment that isn't going to happen.

Is there anyone else out there who's been through this? - especially with speech because I find that hard to understand and I know it's really hurting him. He just stops speaking all together and is so ashamed.

equus · 12-18-2004, 08:56 AM

I'd settle for help re any anxiety stuff in recovery....

I guess there's not many stammerers out there.

Time2Surrender · 12-18-2004, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by equus

I'd settle for help re any anxiety stuff in recovery....

I guess there's not many stammerers out there.

Im sure there are.Give this thread some time.I am sure you will get some good feedback on this sooner or later.Hang in there and good luck.

equus · 12-18-2004, 11:17 AM

Thanks Time 2!

It's his works do tonight, I hate watching this! Maybe if I could understand more it would be easier to accept. He's quiet at home but a chatterbox when he gets going!!

I hate seeing him say nothing, I hate how it seems to make him get visibly smaller, I hate people treating him like an idiot when his IQ is likely twice theirs, I hate that he never complains about it, I hate that he's so ashamed of it. More than anything I hate the teacher who thought a 7 yr old was arrogant so stood him up to answer question in front of the class till he couldn't even get the words out - what did the teacher do then? Carried on 'teaching him humility' for 4 yrs until he left the school!

Sorry - that ended up a bit of a rant....

Time2Surrender · 12-18-2004, 11:54 AM

Its Ok,no need to appologize.Rant all you want,thats part of what this site is about.

12-17-2004, 08:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
equus Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: uk Posts: 3,056	Stammers - speaking phobias My husband is trying to stop drinking but has hit a real problem. To go out in a social setting has been incredibly hard without a drink. He is trying, his actions speak loud enough for me to see that and this is a genuine problem not just an excuse for drink, he's told me a drink is just a break from fear. I know throughout his life, from his earliest memories he's fought with different phobias. He deals with it mostly without comment and I think he's become very used to it but sometimes it's had the upper hand completely to the extent of being stuck inside his house for months (before we were together). Whether it's wasps, driving, children spitting out food, crowds, buses, or bees as soon as he beats one another pops up!! He's got a slight stammer but it was very bad as a child and he struggles to speak in company because he's afraid he won't be able to, when he was at school he says he couldn't speak at all for a couple of years - I think he was very young then. His speech now is fine, I've never seen him do more than sometimes repeat words - it isn't noticable but he's terrified of 'having' to speak. On top of not really being that comfortable outside the house this is making any socialising while sober really hard. He said the alcohol takes it away - that's why he ended up hooked in the first place! I think the other phobias do bother him but nowhere near as much as the social anxiety which isolates him and humiliates him. Right now he won't go for help, I can't force him and after a bad experience on AD's he isn't going to go. After all you have to wait in a docs waiting room then you 'have to' speak to him. I hope for the future but at the moment that isn't going to happen. Is there anyone else out there who's been through this? - especially with speech because I find that hard to understand and I know it's really hurting him. He just stops speaking all together and is so ashamed.

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12-18-2004, 08:56 AM	#2 (permalink)
equus Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: uk Posts: 3,056	I'd settle for help re any anxiety stuff in recovery.... I guess there's not many stammerers out there.

12-18-2004, 11:17 AM	#4 (permalink)
equus Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: uk Posts: 3,056	Thanks Time 2! It's his works do tonight, I hate watching this! Maybe if I could understand more it would be easier to accept. He's quiet at home but a chatterbox when he gets going!! I hate seeing him say nothing, I hate how it seems to make him get visibly smaller, I hate people treating him like an idiot when his IQ is likely twice theirs, I hate that he never complains about it, I hate that he's so ashamed of it. More than anything I hate the teacher who thought a 7 yr old was arrogant so stood him up to answer question in front of the class till he couldn't even get the words out - what did the teacher do then? Carried on 'teaching him humility' for 4 yrs until he left the school! Sorry - that ended up a bit of a rant....

12-18-2004, 11:54 AM	#5 (permalink)
Time2Surrender Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 7,170 Blog Entries: 7	Its Ok,no need to appologize.Rant all you want,thats part of what this site is about.

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