My husband.... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

sweeks · 11-01-2004, 12:47 PM

I think my husband is feeling suicidal....He told me a little about it last night but was having a hard time expressing himself....he seemed better this morning when we parted to go to work but he just called me for the number to our mental health insurance carrier because he couldn't get through to his therapist....I'm freaking out here can anyone help? I'm sitting here at work with tears rolling down my face and I don't know what to do....

DrFrier · 11-01-2004, 01:08 PM

Maybe you should go to where your husband is, and drive him to a mental health facility. They can do an assesment. If he needs to stay with them for a few days, that's fine. I have checked myself into three mental health facilites (in 1992) and today things are much better.

Good Luck,

Jim

sweeks · 11-01-2004, 01:24 PM

Thnaks Jim...I feel like that's what I ought to do but...I just found out that he's on his way home and I asked if he wanted me to come and he said no. Parrt of the problem latley is that he feels like I'm smothering him and I'm afraid that if I go home he'll be upset and then next time he just won't tell me.....Everything seems like the wrong thing to do.....

MootPoint · 11-01-2004, 02:33 PM

If he was trying to get in touch with his therapist, do you think he would be willing to talk to his psychiatrist (if he has one) or one of the mental health specialists at the ER? Like, on his own? It sounds like he is trying to help himself. All you can do is make gentle suggestions and be there for him.

And...

If he seems to be a danger to himself or others, you can call 911. Someone did that to me once and I wasn't mad after I'd gotten help at the hospital.

sweeks · 11-01-2004, 02:41 PM

Thanks moot. I'm actually home right now with him and he seems okay. I gave him a hotline number and told him that he can call 911 if it comes to that. I think things are okay for now.

MootPoint · 11-01-2004, 02:59 PM

Good! Phwew

sweeks · 11-05-2004, 11:05 AM

I started another thread over in friends and family. I would really appreciate any input you have to offer.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=42558

Thanks!

lindawr4000 · 11-08-2004, 11:28 AM

I saw your post on the net & immediately sought out this web site. I have been married to an intelligent bipolar man for 35 years. Our lives, despite our graduate educations & professional careers turned out to be classic - lost everything, hospitalizations, etc. To boot, I developed an alcohol problem to "cope." I need to help & save myself, & would like to help others in my position if I can. It is really a nightmare at times, because they just don't think logically & their grandiosity (my husband) tells them they are right & everyone else in the world is wrong. On top of it all, my husband's profession is clinical psychology - he will do nothing to work with me because he says he is the only person who knows anything. His meds (25 years on lithium) do stabilize him thank God, but they do not alter the thought frame in his case. He is also VERY manipulative & will threaten anything if he thinks it will work. I,ve had him call mefrom his speeding car & tell me that he was headed for a concrete wall at 90 miles an hour - I hung up - I have at least learned that I'm not responsible for his stuff. I was responsible for handling an IRS fiasco & 4 hospitalizations. He drove around the city naked & went to his office naked on one occasion. Would love to offer support as I said & get some myself. Hang in there & PLEASE think of yourself also. Sometimes there is little you can do. Linda

sweeks · 11-08-2004, 11:53 AM

Wow linda thanks for sharing. Sounds like a bad situation. I'm just starting out on this road but I'd be happy to walk it with you. Glad you found us. I've been feeling a little intrusive here though.... maybe I'll ask Jon (the administrator) for a forum just for friends and family of people that have mental illnesses. Anyone agree with that?

sweeks · 11-08-2004, 12:00 PM

Oh and by the way if my H really has Bipolar then grandiosity really is the right word for it. He wants to buy all kinds of things we don't need...he wants to magically pay of our credit cards right now.....I conceeded and let him tear apart our bathroom which he now wants to just hire someone to finish.....the list goes on and on. Then he starts to get unhappy and is so full of himself and the feelings that the mania gives him that he tries to change everything about his life except himself. I'm too fat I'm too lazy he hates our house he wants to move out near his parents he wants to live in the country......AARR Our life is fine. It's great most people our age would give their left arm for our life. But it's not good enough for him.

Sorry if this sounds really harsh but I'm just really frustrated and I can't really say it to anyone but you guys.

MootPoint · 11-08-2004, 01:12 PM

Linda said..

Quote:

I have at least learned that I'm not responsible for his stuff.

Good for you! You have enough to deal with without his successfully manipulating you.

Grrrrrrrrr re your husband, Sweeks.

sweeks · 11-08-2004, 01:22 PM

Very grrrr baby! lol

Really though he's not usually like that only during these infrequent bad times....but the good would not be so good without the bad right?

MootPoint · 11-08-2004, 01:41 PM

Read the rest of your thread in Family and Friends. I'm glad the staff is talking to you and that he is getting better

sweeks · 11-08-2004, 09:16 PM

Yeah I'm totaly relieved after finally getting someone to talk to me. Now I just need to work on how things are with James. Today he asked me how We are....I said the same. You're still the same person and I still love you. That's really all there is to it.

Maybe I'm asking too much but it doesn't seem like he wants to talk to me much about how things are going.....I just wish he could feel more open with me and I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

sweeks · 11-09-2004, 08:12 PM

Whew just got back from seeing H. He's a thousand million times better. I'm soooo releived. Looks like he'll get to come home tomorrow which is great cause I'm totally sick of listening to our dog sit by the door and whine and wonder where he is. Yay!

11-01-2004, 12:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	My husband.... I think my husband is feeling suicidal....He told me a little about it last night but was having a hard time expressing himself....he seemed better this morning when we parted to go to work but he just called me for the number to our mental health insurance carrier because he couldn't get through to his therapist....I'm freaking out here can anyone help? I'm sitting here at work with tears rolling down my face and I don't know what to do....

11-01-2004, 01:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
DrFrier Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Modesto, CA Posts: 29	Maybe you should go to where your husband is, and drive him to a mental health facility. They can do an assesment. If he needs to stay with them for a few days, that's fine. I have checked myself into three mental health facilites (in 1992) and today things are much better. Good Luck, Jim __________________ "An unexamined life is not worth living" SOCRATES c.400 BC

11-01-2004, 02:33 PM	#4 (permalink)
MootPoint we're all mad here! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: a padded room with bars Posts: 1,686	If he was trying to get in touch with his therapist, do you think he would be willing to talk to his psychiatrist (if he has one) or one of the mental health specialists at the ER? Like, on his own? It sounds like he is trying to help himself. All you can do is make gentle suggestions and be there for him. And... If he seems to be a danger to himself or others, you can call 911. Someone did that to me once and I wasn't mad after I'd gotten help at the hospital. __________________ The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo. ---------Terry Pratchett

11-01-2004, 02:59 PM	#6 (permalink)
MootPoint we're all mad here! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: a padded room with bars Posts: 1,686	Good! Phwew __________________ The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo. ---------Terry Pratchett

11-08-2004, 01:41 PM	#13 (permalink)
MootPoint we're all mad here! Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: a padded room with bars Posts: 1,686	Read the rest of your thread in Family and Friends. I'm glad the staff is talking to you and that he is getting better __________________ The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo. ---------Terry Pratchett

11-01-2004, 01:24 PM	#3 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	Thnaks Jim...I feel like that's what I ought to do but...I just found out that he's on his way home and I asked if he wanted me to come and he said no. Parrt of the problem latley is that he feels like I'm smothering him and I'm afraid that if I go home he'll be upset and then next time he just won't tell me.....Everything seems like the wrong thing to do.....

11-01-2004, 02:41 PM	#5 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	Thanks moot. I'm actually home right now with him and he seems okay. I gave him a hotline number and told him that he can call 911 if it comes to that. I think things are okay for now.

11-05-2004, 11:05 AM	#7 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	I started another thread over in friends and family. I would really appreciate any input you have to offer. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=42558 Thanks!

11-08-2004, 11:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
lindawr4000 linda Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: houston tx Posts: 1	I saw your post on the net & immediately sought out this web site. I have been married to an intelligent bipolar man for 35 years. Our lives, despite our graduate educations & professional careers turned out to be classic - lost everything, hospitalizations, etc. To boot, I developed an alcohol problem to "cope." I need to help & save myself, & would like to help others in my position if I can. It is really a nightmare at times, because they just don't think logically & their grandiosity (my husband) tells them they are right & everyone else in the world is wrong. On top of it all, my husband's profession is clinical psychology - he will do nothing to work with me because he says he is the only person who knows anything. His meds (25 years on lithium) do stabilize him thank God, but they do not alter the thought frame in his case. He is also VERY manipulative & will threaten anything if he thinks it will work. I,ve had him call mefrom his speeding car & tell me that he was headed for a concrete wall at 90 miles an hour - I hung up - I have at least learned that I'm not responsible for his stuff. I was responsible for handling an IRS fiasco & 4 hospitalizations. He drove around the city naked & went to his office naked on one occasion. Would love to offer support as I said & get some myself. Hang in there & PLEASE think of yourself also. Sometimes there is little you can do. Linda

11-08-2004, 11:53 AM	#9 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	Wow linda thanks for sharing. Sounds like a bad situation. I'm just starting out on this road but I'd be happy to walk it with you. Glad you found us. I've been feeling a little intrusive here though.... maybe I'll ask Jon (the administrator) for a forum just for friends and family of people that have mental illnesses. Anyone agree with that?

11-08-2004, 12:00 PM	#10 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	Oh and by the way if my H really has Bipolar then grandiosity really is the right word for it. He wants to buy all kinds of things we don't need...he wants to magically pay of our credit cards right now.....I conceeded and let him tear apart our bathroom which he now wants to just hire someone to finish.....the list goes on and on. Then he starts to get unhappy and is so full of himself and the feelings that the mania gives him that he tries to change everything about his life except himself. I'm too fat I'm too lazy he hates our house he wants to move out near his parents he wants to live in the country......AARR Our life is fine. It's great most people our age would give their left arm for our life. But it's not good enough for him. Sorry if this sounds really harsh but I'm just really frustrated and I can't really say it to anyone but you guys.

11-08-2004, 01:22 PM	#12 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	Very grrrr baby! lol Really though he's not usually like that only during these infrequent bad times....but the good would not be so good without the bad right?

11-08-2004, 09:16 PM	#14 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	Yeah I'm totaly relieved after finally getting someone to talk to me. Now I just need to work on how things are with James. Today he asked me how We are....I said the same. You're still the same person and I still love you. That's really all there is to it. Maybe I'm asking too much but it doesn't seem like he wants to talk to me much about how things are going.....I just wish he could feel more open with me and I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

11-09-2004, 08:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
sweeks Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Des Moines, IA Posts: 186	Whew just got back from seeing H. He's a thousand million times better. I'm soooo releived. Looks like he'll get to come home tomorrow which is great cause I'm totally sick of listening to our dog sit by the door and whine and wonder where he is. Yay!

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