"reality" a land without drugs

[utopia]

hi all.

ive been in therapy for years and have undergone cognitive psycho thearpy and in alanon a 12step program

ive been on various antidepressants for 4 years for chronic depression. now after a gradual reduction ive been living without any medication or drugs (by my psychiatrists gudiance etc)

its been aweek or 2 and i feel very blase and indifferent.
i dont feel suicidal but i feel indispensable and uneeded. this feeling doesnt really sadden me though.
i was just dating this guy for several weeks and fell in love but it just ended abruptly and friendly but i feel sort of numb. i feel as if i have been sleeping for 4 years and now i have awoken. it feels that this real world im waking up in is all like the 4 yr dream and if u can imagine your sleeping dream becoming real, its so surreal.

what are ppls experiences with life wihtout drugs? i feel very strange, there was a time they drowned out the immense pain and hate i felt but dint know why, now that ive mostly dealt with the bulk of childhood abuse and all that im coming off the drugs and tha pain isnt really there but my god i feel somewhat detached and loopy!
toby :S

[serenity777]

hi utopia, can't help but reply to this post too...can really relate!!! i too was on anti.dep. for about 5 yrs. been off of them for about 2 yrs....! i would suggest staying in close contact with your doctor. It wasnt easy weaning off my meds. and if i felt i needed them again i would go back on them. sleeping?...i feel as if im slowing waking from a dream...(i dont mean bc of the meds, though) i mean from being lost in relationships. wow, now for me that was a nightmare. but now i believe my life is starting anew. not sure where its going but its must be something wonderful....!!! i try to stay very aware of the moment and what im feeling. i would suggest that about your meds situation. when i was on the meds and getting sober it was tough, but with the help of mtg and friends i got through it....my thinking has changed...so now that i've been off meds....i can talk my way out of depression. i realize today that whenever i'm depressed its bc im beating myself up. i try and take a look at what i'm tellng myself. but thats just for me. i felt all kinds feelings when i first went off meds...from numbness to anger and all inbetween....still do though. keeping talking with your doc. and let him/her know your progress. hugs serenity777

[MootPoint]

I am on wellbutrin, so right now I don't have a life without drugs.

However, about a year and a half ago, I went off wellbutrin. I went suicidal for a week, then was put back on wellbutrin. Of course, it took another 3 weeks to work. So I spent a month in H*ll.

That was the last time I tried life without meds.

All I can say, utopia.. is be careful! Watch yourself like a hawk. And... it sounds like its going OK for now. Good luck to you!