Struggling to cope

[nucldragr]

Recently my wife and I have been having major problems in our relationship, and I need some help coping. My wife had an affair about three months ago and ended up becoming pregnant with his kids (yes, plural; twins). So, while all of this was going on I was diagnosed clinically depressed and have been taking Prozac for about two months. This is not, however my first bout with depression. So long story very short, my wife and I decided that termination of the pregnancy was the best course of action. Now we are both grieving horribly and, as for me, I am struggling to sort out the strong emotions that I feel. I could REALLY use some words of encouragement right now, so that is why I am posting. Please help anyone.

nucldragr

[lonlion]

Hmmm, don't know if I am the right one to respond to this as I have a set of twins myself, but I do feel compassion for you. I was cheated on by my husband, and can relate to that pain. I guess you decided to forgive her and that is why you are with her. Very hard lesson for your wife to learn about the consequences of her actions.
Funny how painful lessons can be, but definately necessary for personal growth.

Sounds like you are both in allot of pain. Be strong together, grieve together, and support each other and try not to forget to take care of yourself as well.

Your relationship could grow stronger because of this, its up to you and her. Obviously she feels bad about the affair, and man, what a price to pay. As a woman I can only imagine her pain and guilt. Try to be loving and strong for her, and decide if you can truly forgive her in your heart and work things out. As for terminating the twins, there is nothing you can do now about it, they are with God, and He will take good care of them. Trust in that.

[Wolfstarr]

I feel so for you and your wife. I can understand your grief. As a mother of an AD, we went through 1 abortion and 1 unborn infant death due to a car accident. We still grieve over them but we have carried on. It has been very hard for my daughter especially for the one she lost due to her careless driving.
She is doing well though, and laughing again, trying to get her life in order and to give a lot to the one child she does have, a beautiful 5 year old girl.
Along with me, my daughter has suffered from depression for a long time and has recently been diagnosed bi-polar. She is also on Prozac and Lithium and appears to be doing pretty good as of late. She also has addiction problems due to her self medicating and trying to do away with the symptoms of bi-polar disorder.

As stated above, try not to dwell on what is done. What is, is. Move forward, even though you have your grief, console and help each other through it. Acknowledge your feelings and accept them. It's ok to feel this way, it really is. You will start to feel better soon and things will fall into place.

A story I like is the one about a gardener. It goes...A gardener is never as close to the vine as when he is pruning it. That is the same with our Higher Power. Our Higher Power is never as close to us as when he is "pruning" us. That is, in order for us to grow, flourish and bloom, we first must feel the pruning, or the pain it takes to grow.

I sincerely hope and pray that you and your wife will find peace and acceptance. Know that you have support and love here, always.
Blessings and Love to you both,

~*Wolfstarr*~

[MootPoint]

Have you two talked about couples councelling? Are you in councelling? It is helping me, even if I'm in crisis mode most of the time I see my councellor.

As lonlion sez...

Sounds like you are both in allot of pain. Be strong together, grieve together, and support each other and try not to forget to take care of yourself as well.

hugs to you, nucldragr.

Ann

Here is a link that may help.

http://www.afterabortion.com/healing.html

A word of warning: Don't search the internet for help. There are sites that are graphic and of very poor taste.

[nucldragr]

Well I appreciate more than words can tell the words of encouragement from you guys. As for the reply to lonlion, I also have a set of twins and a single baby that is 15 mths younger. That is one of the primary reasons we decided to go the route that we did. Two sets of twins would have been overwhelming and as for adoption, the father (who happens to be addicted to cocaine, amongst other things) would have to sign for adoption as well.

[best]

What would I have done? Clinical depression?
Seems like life has delt you 20 pounds of crap and you only have a 5 pound bucket. That would be enough for just about anyone to feel depressed.
I see you as handling things better then most. Better then I would I think.

As far as what would I have done... not in your shoes and can only say what I would think I would do. None of that matters...

This I know... we can be forgiven for all our actions. As you have found the strength and will to forgive your wife and you are but human... how much more will God (who is perfect in love) reach out and forgive us all who ask?
As you grieve, may you feel His peace.