living bliss, not survival mode

[utopia]

hi all

well ive had diagnosed chronic depression for years and been on meds since i was 16, im now 20 and coming off of them. ive been through a lot of psychotherapy, cognitive and this year ive been in alanon a 12 step program for rellies and friends of alcoholics. i have ot say im amazed that i could find happiness and i wonder sometimes think my depression was a side effect of being a child in an abusive alcoholic home.

i still feel sad sometimes but what gets e through is knowing that after sadness i can cherish happiness all the more, change is a constant journey for me with no end or destination.

the drugs were important to block pain while i slowly healed and now ion no drugs i feel so strange, realityis so surreal to me, happiness is so scary and discomforting, theres discomfort in the comforts of love and peace.

i guess with time i can grow comfortable with the new love and happiness in my life and stop seeing things as stressed and doomed when i can view things however i desire, 'mentally ill' i used to call that the result of when pain cuts too deep,
now i think its a societal name for people who cant deal with pain, and rightly so! we all need help and i had to start with me instead of those around me. its a blessing to know i can be complete withing myself without drugs or a relationship. in awe of reality, becos i do not know it

thanks
toby

[splendra]

Toby-

Welcome!! I too am acoa. It was strange for me too getting in touch with real love because what I thought was love really wasn't. Real love is grounding where I was a live wire....real love is peaceful where I was depressed and anxious.

Years ago I had my period of hibernation, drug and, alcohol abuse and, depression. I then moved into anxiety by trying to control the uncontrolable. What I always had going for me was faith in my HP. Without that faith I am sure I would be dead or worse than dead which for me would be living in the prison of my insanity.

Take it easy on yourself and don't try to move too fast with the steps. They will always be there for you to use. Knowing that I was powerless came real slow to my hard head but it took what it took.....